I'm a Forestry Technician

I'm a Forestry Technician.

Ask me anything about trees.

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rob? is that you?

No it's dan

what is the technical term for drilling a hole in a tree, lubing it up, and fucking it?

do you think she'd like my wood?

dendrophilia

how thick must be a branch to support the weigth of a 12yo girl?

Not much. Especially if she's going to just slowly get onto it, instead of dropping from a high point and breaking her neck like she's supposed to do.

Have you ever seen anything that surprised you and remains unexplained?

I've seen some shit, but it was all explained.

Have you hugged a tree today?

Have you decimated a forest instead?

I have done neither.

But yes it's a two edged sword: trying to improve the ecosystem AND extract wood fiber from a stand.

Not OP, but I saw a documentary a few days ago about suspending items from a tree in Georgia because shes an attention whore....held pretty good

oh, well, shit.

name of the girl pls?

No idea. I've had that pic for at least 10 years.

Any good book recommendations for identifying North American trees? I don't even know what's in my yard.

You'd have to get more specific in what area you're talking about, but my go-to handbook is called "Forest Plants of Central Ontario"

Will you spit or swallow after you suck my dick?

Here in North Florida, I am mass-planting native/common/wild persimmon trees which grow in the area, which, once they are a couple inches thick, I will begin grafting Fuyu and Jiro cultivars onto the nematode-resistant native rootstocks.
Just wanted to tell ya.
Trees are friends.

Got any pictures? Maybe I can help.

Or just do a google search of "forest plants of x location"

Which one of these is a larch?

But why?
Assuming there is one in that picture, it's in the front and center.

I'm in Wisconsin. The trees in the midwest I guess.

Because non-astringent persimmons are my absolute favorite fruit from which syrups, sugars, wines, beers, preserves, and many other culinary derivatives of these products can be made. That and I bought a house on some acreage this year, and I would like to have an abundance of fruit on it.

You are a dedicated man.
Yeah, sorry. I wouldn't know where to find those books except with some googling. I got all mine at the school I attended.

how i get my bike back? treefag

thats the giving tree, you just ask.

You don't. Mother nature is greater than us all.

any interesting fungi?

Why can't I find that pic with any reverse image search?

...

is being a forestry technician as boring and gay as it sounds?

the fuck do you do? jizz on trees and cry out for mother earth all day?

wtf how fast can a tree grow

more pics of trees like this one

Thank you for that answer--it's appreciated!

i thinks sumthing going on in the world i missed... why all them bikes in trees?

Found a perfect red amanita muscaria one time in Algonquin. It was all nestled all alone, framed by moss. It was a pretty sight.
Because I saved it at least 10 years ago.
It's really quite stimulating. I won't go into it all, but I've done tree marking and timber cruising.

You gotta use your mind and body all day long.

What is the most effective parasitic creeper vine you have seen?

What kind of / how much education do you need?

Do you like your job?

not OP but that looks like that tree just wants to feel the wind in its branches

>parasitic creeper vine
I don't really know what that is, but here in Ontario there's a lot of "wild grape vine" It can get more thna 6" thick and is quite invasive.
Just a 1 year condensed diploma program.

The job has it's ups and downs, but like I said earlier, it's very stimulating and never boring.

take a picture of the tree in front of you rn Cananadian Forestry Technician (AKA tree humping liberal)

Well I found one more pic. Where did you saved it from? You probably have no idea right?

never mind got my bike back

>Found a perfect red amanita muscaria one time in Algonquin. It was all nestled all alone, framed by moss. It was a pretty sight.

awesome

help me ID this bad boy

Where did you saved yours from?

the romans thought that nymphs were living in trees
therefore any tree was feminine, which is the reason why they used feminine suffixes for trees only

my question is: is that true?
the part with the nymphs, obvs

>It can get more thna 6" thick and is quite invasive.

thats what she said

It's a not infront of me (my monitor is) but when I look out the window it's all manitoba maple. Nasty fucking tree but it does provide shelter.

I have no camera and am living in a city.
Probably saved it from here
I recognize it, but it's not in my book and I can't remember the name.

Never heard of that.

>faggotry technichian
>no latin

why even bother

I don't know m8, but here is a larger version.

Have you ever found a nymph in a tree?

Really?

We skipped latin in the condensed program I was in (it was offered almost every other year that I wasn't there for) and I regret it.

i have not
but i am not a technician, so fuck my opinion

i just gave you a stepping stone
start from there and learn it

srsly

That is the best looking tree I have ever seen.

Meh. Today is not the day for learning.

which tree is the best and why?

If a tree falls in the woods and nobody is around to hear it does it make a sound?

>im not outside
>i live in the city
>i have no phone
what the fuck kind of wasteful government spending is going on up there in the wasteland of Liberalstan?

You get a 1 year diploma and work in the city as a forest technician? the fuck lmao

I guess a vine more like dodder vines. I don't think that those grow in ON though. Basically any vine that feeds off of or kills the plant that it is growing on.

Anyone have any moar delicious forest nympfs

youtube.com/watch?v=aekiMlGQDLY

Right, love that tree!
But it looks underage.
@OP, what is an appropriate age to make love to a tree?

you, my friend, are your worst enemy
not only are you content with what you have, but you are wasting your potential as if you had a lot of it
fucking google "i wanna learn latin" and by next week you'll be churning out latin like a pro

but noooo, you are too busy sucking dicks to do so

Red oak (objective) or white pine (personal favorite)

Oak is obvious because of the grain. Looks sexy af. Also a pure oak stand is truely a sight to behold. Huge straight trees. Looks really nice when managed properly.

And white pine because it's the biggest tree in Ontario and is very recognizable. It also has some pretty cool wood to work with.

This is just Ontario, though. Red cedar is amazing to see, as well, in BC.

It's only considered a sound if there is someone there to translate vibrating air into a sound.
The government doesn't pay me
Yeah that would be the wild grape vine.
The more times you post that the less funny it gets.
I'll learn it eventually.

do you really believe that?

the worst kind of liar is the kind who lies to himself

What are you replying to? Quote it

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

None.

the one about learning latin and being a fag
and you didn't object to faggotry technician

so that'll be your new job description

who pays you then? if your a forest technician and canadastan doesnt federalize their forests/national parks who keeps them up?

what if he works on private properties?

wrong
news.cornell.edu/Chronicle/96/2.1.96/facts.html

You Sir are not an expert on anything

>the one about learning latin and being a fag
dominus?
Private forestry companies.

Like 80% of the land is owned by the crown, but it's divided up into "stewardships", which are managed by smaller companies.
I happened to work at the biggest private woodlot in Canada
Shit you found me out.

New Updated 2017 Tor/Deepweb Links! Enjoy!

do you think the trees cry and scream during and after you rape them?

I don't think screaming would be the word, but yes I think trees can think more than we know.

that'a actually bullshit

some guy once hooked up a polygraph to a plant
it produced gibberish, because it always does
but instead of concluding that polygraphs are unscientific pieces of shit he concluded that plants have emotions

wtf are u doing on this boiard you leftist hippy retard ?

Maybe I enjoy the idea that I'm torturing the woods.

must be the retard part of him that wants to come here

Hey op, how easy is it to get work after your schooling? Also I moved to a major metropolitan area for work, if I was to pursue being a technician would I be able to find easy work here or would I have to move back to the country?

every time i come here i am dumbfounded by the new levels of stupid on this board

rip human kind, we had a good run

It was pretty easy. I got my job with Toronto Conservation right away because of the diploma. I could still get the job otherwise, but they gave me the job right away and I ended up using my expertise more than I thought I would.

Right now it's a little bit difficult to find a propper forestry job, but there's a huge number of people retiring, so if you stay in it and get known (its a small community) you'll get a nice cushy job in a couple years.
I'm sorry, do you have a spicy pickle up your ass?

>I'm sorry, do you have a spicy pickle up your ass?
if only

Do surveyors still mark line trees and if so, does it hurt the tree?

Based fucking Op, I live in T.O. as well. Where would you suggest getting trained then?

How heavy is the average tree?

it depends on the region user

>mark line
What is this?
Algonquin College is where I went, but I think Flemming has a better program.
About 0.5 the mass of your mother

A forester that did not study any surveying. I am not impressed with your lack of credentials OP.

What the fuck does marking a line tree mean? Like do we mark lines? Obviously.

Hey I cut trees in a shithole. How do you decide where to go cut timber? Do you do the cutting?

What's an average tree?

No I don't do commercial cutting. Sometimes I'll have a job to cut dead trees along a trail, but that's about it.

It's up to the forester or steward where and when forestry needs to take place. I just go in and mark the boundaries and roads and what trees to be cut.

I also take inventories of various stands for the office to decide if it's time to harvest that area or not.

What kind of forests do you have over there? What's the terrain like?

Ontario is mostly second growth forests, very un managed with very few climax forests.

It has a history of hygrading, but it's a little better now.

Mostly a mix of deciduous and conifer trees, some plantations. The nice thing about them is the biodiversity. There's like 50 different tree species in Ontario, compared to like less than 10 in BC

more?