Just got laid off

>Just got laid off
>Landlord is charging me and roommate for bullshit that we haven't even done
>Car is 5 days away from getting repo
>Bank account is overdrawn like hell
>10 bucks to last me til god knows when
>Family has abandoned me, Friends aren't in a position to help/won't help
>Backed in a corner with 3 machete wielding psychos

I'm fucked if I can't make a lot of money in a short period of time to start pulling myself out of this hole. I don't care if anyone understands the predicament (tbh I don't want anyone to), I just need help/options. Pretty much all signs are pointing towards criminal activities and roommate is on board.

What're some easy ways to make money that don't carry a ridiculously high chance of getting caught, killed, or incacerated?

Donate sperm, go to a food bank for meals or try and get the least stale food super markets throw out

Say car was stolen smash the window leave broken glass about to make it convincing and pocket the insurance money

Sperm donation process takes too long, and I've been doing similar things for food lately.
How difficult is this process?

Fuck it all join the military?

No idea where you're from, user, but it sounds like the USA. Here in Germany it is literally impossible to not exist due to generous welfare jurisdictions. I don't know what you should fuckin do right now, but you could sell your ass until you have enough money to move to a less hostile country, disregarding all the sandniggers polluting our gene pool at this time

Or maybe just sell the car?
Dumbass

Prostitute yourself, you might get an std but you'll more than likely make good money. So I guess it evens itself out

I just got paid today. If you cut off your penis and take a time stamped photo with a horse drawn on the timestamp I'll pay you $1000 to your pay pal or however you wish. Gotta cut that dong for me, though.

Stop living beyond your means you fucking idiot.

I have given it serious consideration, but idk if I can sign away a significant part of my life away like that
This sounds like the move tbh
I live in an area where I know plenty of older males that would gladly hop in my ass, i just don't know if I can bring myself to do it man
Can't do it user, can't do it

Why not both for double the profit, desperate times and all that

>I'm fucked if I can't make a lot of money in a short period of time to start pulling myself out of this hole.

Well, buddy, you'll be
>pulling
And figure out many new ways to get things
>out of this hole

Enjoy your life on the streets and be fully aware of the fact that your family set you up to fail as your friends ARE laughing behind your back because you've failed to be a responsible adult and they needed a heartfelt chuckle.

I am I hope you have a passport, or else the debt you are currently in will fuck you over in getting one to begin with. If you have a current one, then all you need to do is get the finances for the flight, in addition to a 2-3 months of money to feed yourself, until the german government has the paperwork sorted out.

>a significant part of my life
You're living the significant part of your NOW in fuckin debt-laden poverty, man. I know a lot of people cry about how bad the military loosens their assholes, but everyone I have ever seen come out of noncombat positions is always a much more put together and responsible person in general.

Then what? Live off of the German government and hunt down Jews all day for a living? He needs a plan, bro.

"Drop it all and come to Germany with no skills or a job"

Sounds like an Adam Sandler film where the props and acting prevent him from the realistic outcome of dying in a foreign country.

>your family set you up to fail as your friends ARE laughing behind your back

You got that 50% wrong, pal.
Friends will indeed laugh at his sorry butt, but it was only OP action that put him where he’s standing right now.

Tbh user it sounds like you'll have to sign away a few years of your life for a roof over your head and a steady wage. Could try for a non combat role/branch (I don't know how it works in the US military )like logistics or something.

Nigga I am a German, and I noticed that if you have even a hint of ballsack in your crotch region you can land a job as a heavy labor peasant, but still make enough money to feed your mouth while the government pays for your rent

Fuckin go full savage mate

>key the cunt who fired you's fuckin car
>slap the fuckin lips off your landlord and change the locks, that buys you at least 2 months while he tries to evict you
>put your fuckin car in a locked garage and go kanga on the repo dings
>use 10 bucks to buy 10 stubbs of VB
>get fuckin leathered
>sell youf fuckin man mayonaise to dykes on the fuckin internet

To survive like the bogan, one must think like the bogan

just call dirk

>> sign away a significant part of my life
> You're living the significant part of your NOW in fuckin debt-laden poverty, man

So much this.

Look at it this way, you're already signing away so much of your life in the form of debt, it's just not to a large and traditional organization.

Aussie solution>everyone else's

I mean this guy's probably a fat worthless fuck so his cum would be worth nothing, but the rest is solid.

What state u in nigga? in my state it takes about a year to be evicted.

>Refinance your car and go through with sperm donation.
> Become a lyft driver, they have guaranteed pay for the first four weeks. Make sure too write it off on your taxes though.
>Save your car, Put in job applications all day, and just try your hardest to piece shit together man.

after things come together pay off your bank debt. Godspeed, user. Get off your ass and start applying for jobs.

Was in a similar spot. Not quite as bad, but rough.

>sold car
>bought cheaper car
>collected a bit of unemployment state help
>lived out of car
>worked from temp agency for a year

Op. Bruh. Here's what you do for living out of car. Get velcro curtains to cover windows. park in either park and go lots or Walmart's. But not high ways and such. find a temp agency and get a job. eat only cheap ass crackers and fruits and chef boy arde. However you spell it.

It sucks balls. it really does. but you'll be living. Do this till your savings account is looking right and get a cheap apartment.

Serious advice OP. Dumpster dive and then pawn off the stuff you find.

Also dumpster dive at grocery stores.

best idea so far actually

Probably the best because I've done it and made it back to where I was. Haven't moved up in life like we all want. but definitely hit the bottom and came back.

grats m8

>I hope you have a passport, or else the debt you are currently in will fuck you over in getting one
The fuck? This can't possibly be true, not letting someone leave the country would have to be a human rights violation, right?

I'll add a few things I learned.

>cops
If a cop harasses you just simply say I fell asleep while driving because long trip. they'll just tell you to go some where else. I mainly parked the car in Walmart's when I needed to fill my cooler up with supplies. But when I wanted to stay close to work I parked on some local hunting lands. avoid parks and other recreational places. people will bitch about you being there after dark. if you park in an area where towing is a risk, they can't tow your car with you in it. it's illegal on their part. but you can still get a ticket. Don't eat fast food. it's a waste of potential savings. Most of my food was crackers like I mentioned. don't leave car running for heat . Waste of gas. Bundle up. I used a ten dollar a month gym for showers and working out. fuck it, why not right? May as well. I got in shape. It was good because it kept me active and not depressed from sitting there for extended periods of time. So there's your hygiene, time killer, exercise. looking back it probably was easier to sleep too because exhausted. Oh yeah. your friends might not be able to finaically help you or whatever, but they will more then likely help you out with one HUGE issue you'll have if living in car route like I did. Laundry. buy cheap 99 cent detergent from a dollar store. Use a friends washer and dryer.

Hmm. I'm trying to think of more shit I did. I'll post more if things come to mind.

I read a lot. To not go crazy.