Is my girlfriend overreacting?
>convince her to eat my ass
>takes A LOT of convincing but she's drunk and agrees
>never expected it to work and not something I actually want
>I get on all fours and right as her face enters my asscrack I fart
>not sure what to do so I yell "GET OUT OF MY SWAMP" in my best shrek voice
She gagged and grabbed my dick and bent of backwards towards my ass and has locked herself in the bathroom. Idk what to do.
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Bump. I really need to get her out of the bathroom.
knock loudly on the door and then proceed to proceed in length that ogres are like onions
Fuck my phone, explain not proceed.
The fuck!!!
I knocked and said "DONKAY" and she screamed. No words or anything. Just a scream.
Also checked.
start singing somebody once told me on loop until she either kills herself or opens the door
Play allstar as loud as you can
and cut all the onions in the house with maybe a blender and squeeze the juices out and let them seep under the door
then cover yourself with garlic and onion juice
barge into the bathroom
rub your sweaty gross body on her and talk about how she needs to get her game on
tell her you are a delivary boy and stomp shit underneath the door and let it smell to her nose
My sides!!!
pink eye
YoU cOuLd GiVe HeR some 34 hard boiled eggs that you stow in your asshole untill she tries again then you just peg her in the face with a rapid fire ass egg machine gun
>knock down door
>scream "SHREK IS LOVE, SHREK IS LIFE"
>take a bottle of shower gel and throw it into the crapper with all your might
>proceed with pounding her ass raw repeating "I'LL FUCK YOU TIL YOU LOVE ME FAGGOT"
I didn't want her to do it at all. I thought she wouldn't. I have a bad habit of farting when I'm nervous and I was nervous because I didn't want it. I don't want it to happen again.
I can't believe that guy fucked himself to death.
post pics and time stamp of what the view is under the door so we can confirm this is happening you cuck
Lol thats terrible
I wasn't sure how to get a time stamp on this photo. She's in the shower now.
Forgot photo. Am dumb.
please start playing the opening song to Shreck
I asked my best friend what I should do and he said to tell her "only shooting stars break the mold"
tiny tiny piece of paper bromolilo try again or we quite thread
also yea mans start playing allstar
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Aight bruv as someone who does this kind of shit to my wife all the time, when she gets out of the shower and walks past you in towel, go up to her and face her and stop her from walking by gently putting your hands on her shoulders (she should be smaller than you she's a woman after all) tell her you love her and your sorry but we're trying to explore. She will yell and you will have to listen. The second you get her calm and in your arms slip the towel off of her and begin massaging her lower back. By now the fight should be subsiding and her head is on your shoulders. In this moment of calm, then say info here ear
"DANKAY YOU HAVE TO GO BACK TO RHE ASS FARM" and push her down, squat over her, and fart.
I litterally do stuff like this to my wife on the regular.
This seems like my best option. She might find the humor in it. I hope.
No man post nudes
OP is samefagging
Btw my wife owns a coupla hundred thou in jewelry. Better have that Blue Box ready if your tryn to do stuff like this on the reg.
You are litterally a faggot.
>[
SAme fagging an ruining a thread shitty timestamps looking ass faggot eat shit and piss out my ass
You are the one sam fagging you ass
You're my hero.
Why do you want to see me naked? I'm not a cute man really.
Totally. you are a retard.
...
Wanna here about when I shit on her by accident?
let me see faggot let me see your caterpillar dick
i wanna see waifu in nude
same fagging asshat
no same fagging sir kindly speak gibberish elsewhere
Bruv look hes a troll aight now look hes right lets see some nudes
Obviously.
Sned mooods
Here is pics of my wife. I'm not op. I'm the guy that this autist is tryn to convince I am op.
Story of how I shit on her incoming.
I don't want you to see me or her naked though.
Her shower is over and she told me she's going to bed and wants to forget tonight happened. I agreed and said I would be there soon to rub her back and stuff. Going to execute phase 2 as planned. Will be back.
record video
I reverse searched it you fucking suck
thats googled Mia Kahlifas ass you dumbass hur durr
>2017 new faggin g this hard
>be in bed, drunk and DEVILISH as usual.
>wife is in bed. Complaining as usual. She's really kind and sweet but when she's drunk she turns into a real bitch sometimes.
>have to fart. Have my back to her cause not tryn to here her.
I sleep naked btw with only long socks on.
>wife eventually quiets down. She has stopped complaining about the 3 socialite friends she has who she hates but she loves
>I has drank mad beers earlier and I have a penchant for fingering my ass so my whole is loose. (Not gay desu)
>have to far. I sleep in a position known as the Crack. I put my upper body in the crack between the wall and the bed and leave my ass in the air kinda.
>so I let loose a fart. Pretty loud.
Lmao.jpg
>wife is kinda asleep, I chuckle to myself because I farted
>suddenly relize I have sprayed liqued shit under the covers onto my wife.
Am safe in crack
>decide to pretend to be asleep and let her find out
>minutes pass
>hours pass
Shit smell is growing
Cont...
SAne fagugging
Cont...
Smell is growing. By now covers have been soaked in shit.
>it's been 3 or 4 hours. I have been lying motionless pretending to be asleep.
>suddenly, it's time.
>here my wife rouse.
>she makes these noises like marge Simpson does. Mad cute. But tonight, the quite lovely dove murmur turned into a grown.
>then a confused grunt
>then a glass shattering shriek
>I decide to pretend to be asleep.
She has lights on now and is standing covered in shit screaming.
>I, covered in shit, fake a groggy voice and ask her if she shit herself
>long fight ensues.
Id laugh uncontrollably at that. Its gross but funny enough to make up for it.
If this is real its sheer brilliance. Shes probably losing her mind. Thinks shes going crazy.
This please. Just tons of shrek. Paint yourself green for when she comes out and eat an onion whole.
lol