Be me

>be me
>heard first voices age 11
>insomnia since as long as I can remember
>paranoid delusions at 14
>gf at the time put cameras in my eyes
>break up with gf, don't say why because it's crazy
>government following me, recording my thoughts
>cameras everywhere
>tfw you live in the most surveillanced country
>be 17 new gf, qt3.14 I had a crush on for ages
>going pretty well
>turns out she got replaced by an exact copy of herself
>stop seeing her
>hearing knocks and footsteps when there are none
>lose interest in everything
>stop going to sixth form, maybe go in 2 out of 5 days a week
>spend my time browsing internet and playing vidya
>start doing drugs
>weed helps me sleep, no voices keeping me up when I'm blazed
>get my a-levels, leave sixth form and go to university
>became incredibly introverted, used to be really confident but no more
>when people talk in the street it's about me
>when people laugh, they laugh at me
>regularly check all nooks and crannies for hidden mics/cameras, proper truman show type shit
>start hearing voices/music/laughing again
>lose interest in degree course
>can barely leave the home because everyone is trying to kill me
>can't seek medical help because they'll medicate me to stop me from discovering the "truth"
>never told anyone about the shit that goes on in my mind because it's embarrassing
>feel isolated and trapped, voices laugh at me

I recently decided to seek medical help, I'm at the point where I'm now registered with a GP. I haven't made an appointment yet. Every step of the way I start questioning whether I'm just a pussy bitch or if there's something really wrong.

>not sure if crazy or no
>keep telling myself I need help
>voices tell me I'm fine and I don't need help
>mfw the fucking made up voices are telling me I'm not crazy

Gimme some advice Sup Forums, or don't. Just feels good to type this out.

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=WziA88-n02k
nimh.nih.gov/about/directors/thomas-insel/blog/2013/antipsychotics-taking-the-long-view.shtml
youtube.com/watch?v=4mr7BbXRbps
twitter.com/AnonBabble

Here ya go, Sup Forumsro

youtube.com/watch?v=WziA88-n02k

Yes, you're certifiably insane. Get some help before you hurt yourself or someone else.

You're not crazy.

They're listening and watching, they run these boards. They've filled your body with heavy metals do they can track your every movement if they need to reference it. They have brainwashed agents to brainwash vulnerables to brainwash targeTed individuals.

It's all a part of MK Ultra and going to the doctor is the worst thing you can do about this. You should put down the drugs, and become an activist.

Start by following truth cats on facebook.

I really don't see myself as a danger to others. Even if I believe they're trying to kill me, I wouldn't act on it. I like to think I'm logical enough to be able to shut the delusions down, but they just come back and it actually takes effort to push them back all the time.

As for hurting myself, that's definitely a possibility. I don't want to die, but I do want control over myself and hurting myself reminds me and the voices that I'm in control. If they wanna fuck with me I'll just take us both down, and I'm sure they wouldn't want that.

Look, I'd really like to help you but you really need to clean that mess up first. Clean your room before you come on here, everyone can see it.

My room is actually fairly clean at the moment. Landlord has the new tenants coming round every week so it needs to be somewhat tidy.

Also I get this really nice feeling sometimes where I feel like I can do anything and my body feels weightless. In these moments, I clean like a motherfucker.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WTF, WHO ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU TELLING HIM!!!!! REPORT TO SECTOR 4-B NOW!!!

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K7zuB2-8566734

Yes, I agree completely. We need to bring him in for reprogramming as soon as possible.

Get some help faggot

>f
I honestly hate it when snitches like this undo all our hard work. Now we will have to reboot the whole god damn algorithm on this board.

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I can't pick him up at 5:30, would 6:00 be acceptable?

You shouldn't be on Sup Forums, Mr Trump. Go back to Twitter.

Get help. The level of paranoia you're describing here is really unhealthy and seeing as it's affecting your life, I'd argue that you're not just a pussy bitch.

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As you wish.

I'll be by at 5:45. That's 3 hours from now, be dressed and prepared.

You have schizophrenia op. Get it under control before there is no controlling it. Get on meds. It can take a few years to get the meds right so quit fucking around.

Prep for DZ01

0000001

there are seven of them outside now

C-3301 copys.

elaborate on the voices

the doctors may try anti-psychotics-- my suggestion is to not do them if you don't want your brain fucked up

My diagnosis is you're an attention seeker.

> Even if I believe they're trying to kill me, I wouldn't act on it.
There are defense mechanisms which kick in when the physical form is in true danger, worry not.
I've sat in lotus and have had people come up and slit my throat, and yet still am able to fight for a cause larger than myself...

In order to have control you must first believe you can gain control. Everytime you believe you're crazy you become crazy.

>truth cats
They do want it don't fall for it!!!

Baker Street, Now

fake and gay

>my suggestion is to not do them
shit-tier advice

>Be me
>watching TV age 12 hearing voices
>Keep watching tv Voices go away
>Go to bed wake up have breakfast hear voices
>go to school hear voices, Get sick of hearing voices
>lunch time at school eat samwitch
>Drink Milked chocolates.

>Next week do the same for an entire year
>Get Diabeattus, Christmas time I didn't get the car
>from M.A.S.K transformers instead and a NES
>play NES on TV with friend from school Ninja Gaiden
>Nothing gay nothing lost nothing stolen rode my bike
>Suck shit op for being crazy evolution wants you gone.

hostile is becoming more paranoid prepare a 10 15

You sound like you have Schizophrenia

yeah, sure turn OP into a fucking zombie...

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>when 11, heard music from TV, TV was off
>kept me up all night, crying and listening to theme songs all fucking night

>most of the voices are coming from inside my head, it's like they hi-jack my inner monologue and just rush through loads of different ideas or hurl abuse at me
>sometimes I have conversations with them, usually discussing the near future, rehearsing possible outcomes and stuff
>my gf (the one that put the cameras in my eyes) did say she always saw me talking to myself, which is true

More recently, I've started hearing external voices again, like when I was 11

>hear music at night, as soon as I realise it goes away, as soon as I forget about it, it comes back
>hear what sounds like a bad radio connection with a woman speaking quickly and quietly, can't tell what she's saying
>hear old friend's voice laughing at me, makes noises like doorbells ringing or text alert, and when I check the sound stops and I hear the laughing ("lol u fell for it dumbass it was just ur mind lol")

Anti-psychotics are scary to me, I've heard they're basically a lobotomy in a pill. I'd like some anti-depressants and sleeping pills though.

>i am le edgy

I really don't think an XBD Order will be necessary, it should work this time.

What psychedelics have you done?
How old are you now?

Every deep psychotic break that a schizophrenic experiences acts like a progressive cancer - it makes quality of life more and more elusive. Meds offer quality of life. Are you a fucking Scientologist or just a poorly informed fag?

I've done shrooms one time, about 2 years ago. I'm 21 now.

There's no proof any of them work.

>meds offer quality of life
You know we're talking about antipsychotics, right?
How is being a fucking zombie any quality of life?

nimh.nih.gov/about/directors/thomas-insel/blog/2013/antipsychotics-taking-the-long-view.shtml

Can you remember how they affected you? Particularly in the few days/weeks afterwards?

we were all wondering how long it would take you to post this. we know you've been skirting around it, beating around the bush if you get my drift, for some time.

am i right guys?

The problem with anti-psychotics for me, is that it doesn't matter what the medical professionals say. The medical professionals are the ominous "they" that wants to "turn me into a zombie". I know it's dumb and that I should just get help, but it's a weighting of the risks and probabilities.

Let's say the chance that I'm right about everything is almost zero percent, it doesn't matter because if I am right, and I go and seek help, then I'll be killed or something. I'm playing around the outcome with the worst consequences, not the one with the highest likelihood.

I know exactly what I should do, but it's difficult to actually do it.

I did a graduate internship working ina group home for schizophrenics. Meds have very real negative side effects - for a schizophrenic no meds is a slow decent into hell. Not even debatable to people who understand the disease and know the research.

what sort of voice? mine are mostly complmentary or factual. though they're sometimes wrong.

just accept all this shit is happening, everyone IS watching you, and so what? fuck it. go with the flow and give em all a show.

You should listen to Cage, well, at least this song:

youtube.com/watch?v=4mr7BbXRbps

>done shrooms with a group of 8 or so people
>we go over to the lake
>coincidentally meet a group of people on acid
>we know some people from that group but no everyone
>get confused about who I know and who I don't
>hear voices of people I know aren't there, calling to me out of the darkness
>start talking to this girl
>after a while ask her name
>"er user, are you okay?"
>it's the girl I went there with

>get back to halls
>start hearing people talking outside
>"oh shit, I didn't think they would be able to make it"
>go over to door
>no one there
>spooky

>on the walk home, the floor is moving closer and further from me
>get home, get in bed, sleep really well

>no noticeable effects in the next few days/weeks

Scitzophrenia m8. U need doctor otherwise you wont be functional

I would honestly suggest some cactus.
Get with a group of Natives who practice the ceremony if you can-- if not, learn about San Pedro.
It'll help with what "is" there and what "isn't--" as well as why you perceive in the manner you do.

with my job i always have to assume there is cameras everywhere, assume theres always someone watching. no mistakes

S E R O Q U E L


XR pls.

Explain this post, idont geht it (not op)

OP here

Society defines what it means to be normal. If everyone were hearing voices and only a few weren't, then we'd be giving LSD to the people that weren't hallucinating.

Do I want to get medicated so I can conform to some psychiatrist definition of normal brain function? If all reality is subjective and the only thing you can ever know is your own experiences why would I want to change that?

I know this is a bad/dumb way of thinking, but can an user explain to me why this is dumb?

seroquel is an antipsychotic

i took those one time for recreational use. i think i fell asleep for a day and a half

while that true, it's also true for people who are just unable to function ins society at all. we should probably just let them die right? why should they conform to "our" idea of what's normal?

>we should probably just let them die right?
all that implying

Man Seroquel was nuts. My doc put me on it for severe depression and OCD. It sure as hell calmed me down but I was so tired I couldn't function. Just don't think it was right for me. I'm on lexapro now and things are going good. But seriously though Seroquel can do wonders for insomnia. I didn't have it but sleeping on this drug was the best sleep of my life.

some of them will die without care

tfw you are a lunatic and the government is watching.
>pills help the man, not the reality that made him

Likely fake and gay, but Schizophrenia. You really should seek help before you hurt yourself or someone else.

>not trusting the organisms instincts as it relates to the overall functioning of the genepool
d00d it's 2017 already

I heard voices while i was on acid. Am i schizo? It was a nightmare. I just came to a point (after a while cause i was afraid as you op) where i stopped believing this.

i find i trip out harder on MDA in terms of seeing/hearing something that isn't there..and actually believing it. with acid i can usually shake it off

sounds like my granddad, death helped him

OP, maybe you could try antipsychotics for a week or so and see how you feel, and let that guide your decision making process? Taking seroquel or another antipsychotic for a week will not completely 'turn you into a zombie'. But, it will give an indication into whether the drug will actually help cure your paranoid delusions or whether it is an agent of 'them'.

Man i hated it so much. I just regret it and cant understand why people would do this. Besides: i met this psychotic dude while dating a girl. He kept comin over and terrified US with his strange talking and his steer look and focus on the girl, he wouldnt stop even when she said that she doesnt want that. Met a psychstud who told me about this guy and how hopeless he is and that his doc (whom he knows) has no idea what to do with him. The strange guy even attacked one of the guys in the bar after getting rejected.so heavy that im still afraid of him. I just want to say this op, if you feel that your affects get unmatchable pls get help (at least talk) dont become linke him

>not sure if crazy
The symptoms you listed are textbook schizophrenia.

hi op, psychfag (psychiatrist) here.

if you're that worried about seeing a physician, my advice would be to stop smoking the weed. this can make your paranoia worse and in a small subset of people can actually produce profound, long-lasting psychosis. I understand that you find that it helps you sleep, but there are plenty of other things you can use to help you sleep.

if you do end up having having a psychotic disorder (e.g., schizophrenia), the good news is that there are many medications available to you for treatment. antipsychotics have many side effects. it blows. it may take time to find the right regimen. but I promise you that medications and stopping the weed can very likely help you - if not completely resolve - these issues.

I know it's frightening going to the doctor and talking about these things. I would encourage you to be honest. even if you talk to them, as long as you aren't doing anything that's a danger to yourself or others and you're able to take care of yourself (eating, bathing, etc), no one is going to make you anything. you can start a conversation about medications, getting treatment, etc that may last for a while, but you aren't inherently signing yourself up to take medications. this is something we deal with quite commonly. assuming you're in the us (and most other countries in the west as far as I know), you are allowed to be psychotic as long as you aren't threatening yourself or others.

if things get worse and you begin having thoughts of wanting to an hero or go for the win, present to an emergency room immediately.

good luck

>inb4 took the bait
>inb4 white knight

*Unmatchable=not able to control
Cant find the right word sry my eng sucks

dont listen to this idiot OP. theres no one on here with a real education or any honest know how on the human mind

at least I can form a coherent thought and write a sentence that makes sense

kek

Get the fuck over your self no one cares about you enough to do all that shit. Some people are probably laughing at you though. Take off the tinfoil. You aren't neo

>tells OP to go talk to a professional
>idiot
Don't you have school tomorrow morning?

Eh, I'm a shaman who just applied to transfer to a UC for Cog Sci.

I cut my finger with all that edge.

do you still have cameras in your eyes and does it turn you on that your ex watches you masturbate

see a doctor........doctors can really do a lot for you.

my cousin's son had a similar problem, and they really helped him.

>i am le no fun

Ill tell you the same thing i told my skitzo dad. You dont matter, noone is talking about you, noone is killing you, noone is spying on you. At least not intentionally. You're so unbeleivably unimportant and uninteresting when compared to all the rest of weed smoking college dropouts that its a waste of anyones time looking into you or caring. Sounds shitty and offensive i know but its true for 95 percent of the population and everyone is busy with that 5 percent to fuck around with you.

suits will call it schizophrenia and pump you full of shit that WILL make it worse. Stick to the weed and to numb the voices and transcend the paranoid stuff...my trick is to treat everyone like they are in a screenplay that way im in control of the outcome. stop trying to make it go away and move forward

I tell myself this all the time. But it doesn't matter what I think, because the delusions just take over.

Like I said earlier, I think I'm logical enough to be able to shut down the delusions, but it takes effort.

After reading through some schizo symptoms last half hour, I've realised I actually have some symptoms that I didn't even know were part of it. For example, I pace around a lot. Like all the time, I've done it for years. Seeing these less known symptoms is making me more confident that I have a problem.

At the same time, I wanna be sure that I'm not just anxious and making more of this than it is.

this is more than anxiety

see a professional, if only to get the opinion of a neutral third party that deals with this shit on a regular basis

If I ever had them then I still do. I don't think I ever had them, it was just a thought I had that made me stop trusting her.

I stopped masturbating for ages because I didn't want her watching me, then I sort of forgot about it. I don't dwell on those old delusions, but they have always been the worst when I'm in a relationship, so I avoid getting too close to people.

>wake up at night
>intense hunger fills my gullet
>yell at my mom to get me tendies
>mom yells back okay
>few minutes later she brings in tendies
>sets them in front of me and gently kisses me on the forehead before she leaves
>tendies smell so good, so delicious
>I pick them up, feeling the soft flakey crust on my skin
>just as I open my mouth to take a bite, it all snaps back in place
>there are no tendies
>there never were any tendies
>instinctually I call out to my mom
>but the words have barely escaped my mouth before reality shatters me again
>I am alone in the same room I have been in all my life
>I never even knew my mom
>where am I?
>a place of darkness, of solitude, of agony, or purposeless sorrow and sickness and demise
>but I can close my eyes again... if only for a moment
>because in the far away reaches of my dreams I can escape the hollowness that is my existence
>a place where my spirit can roam free
>a place where the tendies live on

>OP has autism and anti-social behaviour
no need to feel special, there are literally millions of faggots like you. OP always a faggot

Yeah, fuck actually medicating your mental illness!

>don't take drugs who have continually shown in countless scientific studies to have very positive results in reducing symptoms of paranoid schizophrenia
>take the one that has been clinically proven to increase risk of mental illness in those who are susceptible

I like weed as much as the next guy but you're a fucking retard

I'm fairly certain that I'm autistic or becoming autistic just because I'm becoming really shit at social interaction. I'm fine with 1 on 1, but in groups I'm really quiet and just get lost in my mind.

I've also been having weird tics and stuff lately that's making me think maybe autismo.

To be honest I've been searching loads of symptoms since I started this thread and now I'm not sure if schizo or autist or bipolar or still just pussy bitch. This is why I need a professional to diagnose me.

The fact you think you are important enough that people would pay tens of thousands of dollars in surveillance on you. kek

When the truth is 99.9% of the world doesn't know you exist or even care.

Get some help, mental faggot.

>That moment when OP realizes I'm one of them and is watching him right now as he browses Sup Forums.

9/10

yoga

Hey it's me again. And you are.
If your brain isn't strong enough to separate the reality from fantasy just make sure you don't breed. Don't pass that shit on.

I'm not saying ignore the problem....I'm saying the drugs do as much harm treating the problem as they do helping with the symptoms. the point of medicine should not be to make sure your on a new pill every other month. I sound ignorant yes....but take the meds and tell me im crazy

>pro tip
>listen to me