Retarded masturbation story thread

Retarded masturbation story thread
>be me, 14
>kinda horny, about 2 AM
>want something different this time
>go outside to the back yard
>make sure there are no lights on nearby
>there's a fence around the back yard, hide in a corner just to be safe
>take off pajamas
>kinda turned on by how cold it is and how it makes my nipples hard
>imagine fucking a qt 3.14 from school
>cum on the ground
>immediately put pajamas back on
>rush back inside and pray I wasn't being watched by a pedophile

How about you, anons?
Pic not related

Thanks.

>be me
>13
>at hotel with dad and stepmom
>go take shower, decide to jack it as I can't in bed
>fuckingparentsman.png
>no lotion so pick up a shampoo bottle
>start going at it
>start getting a burning sensation
>look at bottle
>realize it's fucking nair
>dick is on literal fire
>panicking I fling myself into shower, dick ablaze
>rub dick intensely to get off nair
>cum because of this

Bump

Thanks circumcision

i was actually thinking of using nair to get the hair off of my balls. will it work?
Also my retarded stories:
>jacked off on school bus once, just so I could know that i had.
>jerked it on top of a mountain and came of a cairn while waiting for others to catch up.
>when I started i didn't know what it even was, so i used to just cream the front of my undies.
thats all i can remember i guess.

>be me
>14
>neighbor has hot 20 something petsitting
>petsitter goes into to town
>find her luggage on floor
>thongs x10
>sniff one
>stick my dick in pantie
>beat till done
>leave
>wonder if she ever thought something was up

my friend tom did that and he was smooth as a child for a few weeks, his gf loved it apparently

>be me
>be multiple ages (multiple times)
>pull car over on semi-empty road
>search porn on phone
>spank the monkey super fast
>cum in cup or napkin or sock or food
>feels good man

ok so.. the way you typed that makes me suspicious.
I'm only asking because i totally saw it on a tv show.
Can you say that it works again but make it a promise?

I bet it'll burn like a mad cunt and this guy is just trying to get you to do it so he can go tell his friend tom

Oh yeah, i didn't finish, but I was stroking it in my car once while driving. If cum didn't come out i probably would have finished.
Oh i remembered another bad one:
>family car trip, 8+ hours, it's late at night and there are 4 of us in the car. jacked it under a blanket or something.

ok i just googled it. apparently it burns, but if you get the sensitive formula and only leave it on for i guess less than the regular time, it will work without burning

If you have really coarse hair, Nair won't work. It'll break down some of the hair, but you'll still be left with stubble. If you leave the Nair on for too long, the follicles will bleed a little. Speaking from experience.

but like, experience with it on your balls right?

>theatre class in the 10th grade
>teacher is total milf
>kinda old tho
>she asked me to go get her her bottle of coke from her classroom
>it's separate from the theater
>Imagine porn-like fantasy with my teacher
>sit at her desk and bust a nut in her coke
>mfw going back to class
>mfw I was watching her drink it

>used to hump Barbie dolls
>use to touch them
>once did it while my cousin and I were in our secret club at the time
>really dark so I don't know if he knew

I chemical burned my balls doing this. They bled and bled. Hurt so bad.

Nice

More
>playing San Andreas
>go to strip club
>jerk off to the lap dances
>had been stroking for about six months
>never jizzed before
>start jerking it in a really good spot
>keep going
>jizz
>leave it on floor

Fucking liar

bump