How did you learn to masturbate, Sup Forums? Share your cringe filled memories here

How did you learn to masturbate, Sup Forums? Share your cringe filled memories here.

>Be me at 10 or 11
>Playing some video game (mario kart?) with 13yo cousin
>"user, whoever loses the next game has to show his wiener. Okay?"
>Don't say anything because ???
>He pushes/hits me though out the game
>He wins and tells me its time to keep my promise
>Kind of shy but pull down shorts enough to reveal bits
>"No, you have to pull them down all the way!"
>He pulls them down and off and I just sit there
>Asks if I wanna see his
>Say no but he flashes me anyways
>He is chubby with a little bit of hair
>Fully stiff but still only 3.5 inches or so
>Try to look away because its dirty
>Asks if I know what jacking off is and I say no
>He demonstrates and squirts in like 15 seconds
>Tells me he will show me how to do it too
>Moves hand over and starts touching me
>Try to fight it but he says he will beat me up if I make noise
>Lasts for 10-15 minutes until dad walks in on us
>Cousin wasn't allowed to come over after that

I can't help but think that is related to how I ended up in this shithole.

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youtube.com/watch?v=CQXkvmPWNSI
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Saw a porn

Pretty exciting user.

...

...

I didn't say that I wasn't.

I learnt in scouts.

Good times.

Greentext?

My big sis masturbate me when I was 13 and she 17

Circle jerked with friends when we were like 11ish. I had no idea what we were actually doing or why. Nothing happened.
The following day I stole a porno from my dad and stated jerking it for like 1 minute and shot a single drop and didn't know what the fuck was going on...

I just sort of did it once when I was in middle school cuz I wanted to see what would happen if I touched my dick. Then I came and decided to do this again sometime. Now it's a hobby

>Be grill
>Mom died when I was little so I grew up with dad and older sister
>Took baths with older sister up until I was 7 and she was 9
>Money was rough so dad didn't want to waste water I guess
>At some point, find out that the shower head feels good if you put it down there
>Do this with sister for a while
>Did it in the shower together when dad wasn't home after we stopped talking baths together

Our dad caught me doing it once and grabbed the shower head. He thought I was washing myself and told me to use a wash cloth instead so I didn't hurt myself.

Saw a sex scene in a movie and my hand just magically started tuggin on my dick. Was probably 12.

Your story sounds like it belongs in some faggot wincest thread.

What logic is this?
How am I supposed to hold Jesus hand when with one hand I'm holding the mouse and with the other my dick.

Fuck this I don't have 3 hands.

So before I started masturbating, I fucked our vacuum cleaner. After about a month I decided that was way too much work, and my dad was asking what I was doing with the vacuum in my room without cleaning anything. So I just figured out that jerking it is a lot easier and doesn't rip the skin off your penis as easily. This was when I was 20 btw.

Bumping for more masturbation stories

Bump

jokes on you His hand is already on my dick

I don't know what you're talking about, but pics?

>17
>me horn
>like butt stuff
>need new dildo as the toothbrush is getting boring
>decide to use my braces cleaner lid
>insert into rectum
>feelsgood.jpg
>push to far so that it is lost in my ass
>no big deal
>attempt to retrive with fingers
>did not work
>fingers are all bloody now
>i am now panicing and freaking the fuck out
>try to muster enough courage to tell parents and go to hosptial
>decide to wait 24 hours
>already told girlfriend I would go to a super party with her
>anxious for life and pride the entire time
>can feel it moving in my rectum
>finally go home
>painfully shit it out
>lots of blood
>just happy that i dont have to go to hospital
>week later still have some discomfort
>investigate
>realize i have hemorrhoids for my entire life now

...

>His referring to God.

Oh

im gonna respond to OPs pic:

what kind of super special retard are you that you need both hands to masturbate?

>He doesn't have a 14 inch dick

>14
>docter asks me if I was sexually active.
>lie and say yes
>think I'll get in trouble so go home and discover jacking it
>*phew* dodged a bullet and it felt good 10/10

>hears about jerking off from friends at school
>curious if I can come
>looks up porn on computer
>goes to orgasm.com
>videos are of like 40ish hairy men and women
>jerk dick naturally
>cum so hard it lands on top of head while sitting down

How can you fucking hurt yourself with water? You have to be the most autistic person to live to hurt yourself with a showerhead on your genitals

Thanks I didn't want to feed the atheist troll

Wat? Elaborate please, why did it occur to you to fuck a vacuum cleaner before figuring out that rubbing it gets the job done just as well?

I imagine it might possibly be the same way as to how a cheese grater works

He took it and said he didn't want me to hurt myself. He probably didn't think I was trying to pleasure myself because I was 8 and not a boy. He might have responded differently if I was his son instead. Who knows.

youtube.com/watch?v=CQXkvmPWNSI

Epic win

refer to

We might not be able to hold hands with Him, but we can still give Him the finger.

I never actually did it until I was 17. I first tried it at 14 and it just seemed like it was taking to long to get off so I felt like something was wrong with me. so from 14-16 Id just watch porn and rub my boner in my pants without actually jerking off. I also thought it would hurt for some reason. I came buckets the first time I ever jacked off for real and it was amazing.

now I'm "addicted to it" and its awful. i still ahve sex too but it feels like this compulsion to jerk off.

>10yo
>at school
>classmate 1 shows me his penis
>draws with markers on it
>asks if I want to try
>why?
>he says it feels good
>goodenoughforme.jpg
>draw on upper part of penis with marker
>tickles
>go to bathroom
>classmate 2 sees my blue penis
>what's that user?
>oh me and classmate 1 drew on our penis's
>ohok
>I tell him his is tiny
>he is sad
>tells me classmate 3 is huge
>me and classmate 3 live next to each other
>go hangout with classmate 3 after school
>classmate 2 said your penis is huge
>yeah, how big is yours?
>idk bigger than classmate 2
>let me see it
>show him my penis
>classmate 3 is impressed and shows me his
>asks to touch it
>why?
>it feels good
>goodenoughformeagain.jpg
>touches it and gets it hard
>go into closet and lock door
>plastic playhouse in the closet
>little sister knocks on door
>GO AWAY WERE PLAYING IN THE PLAYHOUSE, we yell nervously
>he asks what it taste like
>idk
>he licks it
>ohfuckthatfeelsgood.gif
>he sticks it in his mouth and sucks it
>whatisthissorcery.mov
>he asks me if I want to touch his
>ok
>asks me if I want to suck it
>sure
>we both stop after 15 min

We both didn't even know what gay was or the concept. I'm not gay but if someone touches and sucks my dick its going to get hard and a nigger needs to cum.

dont do it too often take a break for a few days every once in a while

im sorry, but you're a faggot

Come tickle my pickle and we'll see who's the faggot. I bet you like vaginas.

>Be 13
>Thanksgiving, 2001-2002, can't remember
>Watching Alton Brown's Thanksgiving episode
>Decide to try jerking off
>Reach climax
>Think I'm dying
>Freak out until I fall asleep
>Later on after Thanksgiving dinner
>Laying back in reclining chair smiling and nodding at ceiling that I'd jerked it for the first time
>Continue doing it until present day
>Realize I'm such a master of it, actual sex doesn't compare

That's that.

I used to masturbate long before I knew what sex was. I discovered it on my own.

When I was working towards orgasm I imagine climbing a tall staircase and when I orgasmed I imagined I jumped off the top and was flying for a few seconds.

This was when I was like 6-9 years old. Then I learned what sex was. I masturbated for hears before it was even associated with sex in my mind.

I remember actually ejaculating for the first time. It was just a few drops but it took me by surprise because that had never happened before.

I was three and I started humping a pillow because it felt good.

>4 years old
>living room
>"but mom it feels good"

until I was like 12 I jerked it with my legs instead of my hands

maybe I will faggot, its not gay if you tickle a pickle but it is gay if you get your pickle tickled

This is interesting, are you a fap-wizard that can cum to everything now? Or do you just get a boner whenever you see a staircase?

also hit puberty when I was 8 so

staircase fetish?

Elaborate, or better yet, draw a picture of how that is supposed to work

lie on back. dick goes between thighs, you can move thighs back and forth.

No staircase fetish. But I do love flying and anything involving aircraft, birds etc.

You sound like you're still 13

>First greentext

>I'm not gay but if someone touches and sucks my dick its going to get hard and a nigger needs to cum.
~user 2017

>ƃɐɟʍǝu

You can't hold hands with god when you're driving either.

No, you just let Jesus take the wheel

jesus drives like shit though satan's a badass at driving

Bird and Airplane fetish?

They taught us how to in 5th grade sex ed.

I honestly didnt learn to masturbate from anyone, primal instinct took over.

>Be me
>12 years old
>In dads den in attic
>Keeps playboys and penthouses from 70 80 and 90s from when they were still good
>Penthouse had some pretty hardcore stuff for a nudey mag back then
>Stroke el penor
>Dont even cum, but have this weird tingling sensation
>Feels gud man
>Try again
>Feels like what it feels like to come regularly
>Fap daily since

Ha ha ha in Satan's clutc. Vile deamon heretical fool!! May ye burn in 'ell

what happened when he saw your cousin holdin' your dick, did all hell brea loose?

No idea when the first time I masturbated was, but I remember one of my earliest boners ever. I was watching MIB 2 in theaters,when the chick was about to get raped. Pretty fucked up but the whole thing was hot

TOP KEK

When I was in primary school we weren't allowed to play outside if it was raining and were left in our classrooms to amuse ourselves. In primary 5 (about 9-10 yo) 6 of us, 3 boys and 3 girls, went into the supply closet in the classroom and stripped naked, then turned the light on. The first few times we all just pointed and giggled. By primary 6 we were stroking each others cocks and pussies, boys and girls would all stroke cocks and pussies. By primary 7 we were sucking and licking each others cocks and pussies. The first time I came was in one of the girls mouths. The first time one of the other boys came was in my mouth. We were just kids experimenting and having fun, but we all wished for rain at lunchtime.