Ordered a fleshlight, after years of worrying about being caught while ordering it. I'm 24, but live with my parents since we have a family business.
In Canada, we have these retarded community mailboxes where everybody had their own dedicated slot for their mail. Except for when you get larger packages delivered...that's when things get super fucking dumb.
When you get a large package, depending on the size of the parcel, they'll either leave it in slot A1/B1 or A2/B2, which are the slots for parcels too big to fit in your personal slot.
I got my key (you're trusted to return the key that can be copied, and then used to steal an entire street's package) and when I opened up box 1A, there was nothing.
This means that the dumb cunt that delivered our mail today gave me the wrong key. She should have given me the key for the larger of the two parcel slots, so now I'm having to wait on a ticket that could potentially not be solved until wednesday.
My parents were gone all week, and they come back Saturday night.
This means that I need to fucking ensure that our employee doesn't get the mail for us, and my mom doesn't open up my packages like she usually does. TL;DR
Due to delivery errors, my parents are very likely to find a fleshlight with a wallmount. Give me some excuses Sup Forums
Wyatt Watson
With a wall mount user? Seriously?
Tyler Hall
Wireless disc metal cutter or whatever the fuck its called
Brody White
holy fuck
Carson Roberts
>with a wallmount Virgin for life
Justin Cruz
Wow a real canadian. That's where Michael Cera's from right?
Kevin Ramirez
as an usps letter carrier, i'm loling heartily. Not saying us mail is superior, because it really isn't.
Asher Williams
this is my nightmare friendo
Angel Anderson
take delivery info to local post office and sweet talk them into tracking package. they'll tell you where it physically is, go there and claim it.. (cdn here, had to do same thing recently with business cheques).
Luis Carter
check'd
Alexander Diaz
If she found out, just tell her its your new sex toy. You're 24 Yo, OP, act like a fucking grown man.
Camden Hernandez
tell your mother to stop opening your fucking mail for a start, then grow a pair and move your bum ass out of her house, get your own place, and start fucking bitches. or dudes, whatever. but shit dude. get a grip on yourself.
Carter Garcia
You got doxed on the internet and some people are gonna ruin your life.
You need some fake threats on your facebook so it looks legit.
Evan Wood
Uhh tell your mom not to open your fucking mail?
You're 24. Any mail with your name on it should be YOURS only. Your mom needs to learn a few things about privacy and respect.
Blake Campbell
In no way should you be living with you fucking parents at 24. Hell, I moved out at 17 and started in a shitty apartment and worked my way up to a rent to own house now at 27, it's not that fucking hard.
Grayson Gutierrez
Quit being a pussy and say I guess you shouldn't have opened it then take it into your basement dwelling.
I guess if you had any balls you'd have moved out anyways.
Jayden Morales
I don't believe you.
Christopher Sanchez
Tell your mom some friend ordered stuff for him to your house, since he went on holiday and may not be here when it arrives. Thus she should not open it. If she does nevertheless just act embarrassed and call the other (virtual) guy a weirdo.
Ethan Brown
I have enough money to move out, but since our warehouse is 10 minutes away, and our main business computers are at home, how fucking dumb would you have to be to drop thousands on a new place?
Anybody that thinks that that's a good idea is either financially retarded, or has an inferiority complex and needs to tell everybody how 'independent' they are despite living in a dorm, or renting out a shit apartment while spending all their money on bongs and car modifications.
It's convenient
re-read the fucking post, idiot.
Anyway, it's shitty that this thread consists of people on Sup Forums ironically acting alpha, and not of funny excuse ideas.
Luis Parker
He lives in Detroit, and was actually kicked out.
Joseph Morales
just open the mailbox with a sledgehammer during the night.
also, next time use a pickup point.
Landon Sanders
the keys can't be copied bro.
Lincoln Mitchell
What a scene. I hope it works out for you.
Reminds me of when I ordered my fleshlight. It was delivered to the correct house number, but on the WRONG street.
Fortunately, the person who got it called FedEx and they picked it up the next day and delivered it to me.
Was a little nerve-wracking, though, when I saw the tracking status as "DELIVERED", and yet I had no package!
Owen Perez
Wait at the community mailboxes tommorow for the postman and tell him/her to give you the correct key.
Caleb Ramirez
This is why you need a sex toy.
David White
bruh, just tell yo parent if they find it that its a prank gift for one of your friends. say like 2-3 guys is in on it make up names, dont get suspicious. If they dont trust you run