BEST of AUTIST stories greentext welcome

BEST of AUTIST stories greentext welcome

give it your autisticest Sup Forums

> Be 17
> Come back from party with friends on foot at about 2am
> No one in the streets
> Dude with a hoodie appears out of nowhere
> Tells me "Hey can I have your money"
> I answer "Sorry man I have no money"
> Dude says "I have a knife"
> Answer "It's cool man I don't need a knife, sorry again"
> Keep on walking home
> Get home
> Get in bed
> Realise the dude was actually trying to rob me

>>Funny, yet fake as fuck. No one writes this in 3 minutes. I've seen it before.

that nigger in the hoodie was more autistic than you

>wake up
>still being a faggot
>go to the bathroom
>breakfast
>go to my computer to forget what a piece of shit i'm
>see this post
>i cry
>this place it's my life
>and you make this shitty thread

Why OP!?

it's that or jumping in front of a moving train

There are no trains where i live, they don't sell guns either

>never heard of a rope

i was talking about myself btw

>be me 14
>at the mall with sister
>think it would be funny to go into the women's changing room
>go in
>nobody inside
>Boringandgay.jpg
>suddenly 4 women walk in
>can't leave because they will see me
>30 minutes pass
>they are still fucking talking and changing
>decide to become stealthy like snake
>lay down and crawl under the changing area
>as soon as I crawl out woman screams and calls security
Mfw it was my math teacher
Mfw it kinda turned me on

I don't know how to lace that shit

>be friend of mine, andrew
>15ish
>walking down road with other friend, jake, to his house
>big ol' snowstorm a few days ago, ice chunks laying around on road
>have an excellent idea
>oh man this is gonna be great
>drop to knee to tie shoe, 'I'll catch back up'
>actually pick up a 10 pound black ice brick
>huehuehue
>catch back up with jake
>fucking throw it into the back of his head
>he falls over unconscious into a snow drift
>ohgodwhatthefuckwhydididothat.flac
>drag him out of drift
>pace worryingly
>"is he dead? did I just fucking kill jake"
>cars driving by, nobody giving a fuck
>jake wakes up 15 minutes later, dazed as fuck
>"Uh, well.. I th-thought it'd be funny if I hit you with a snowball, b-but it wasn't a snowball it w-was actually just ice and you passed out and oh god I thought you died"
>jake decides not to hang out and goes home

Honest mistake

for an autist, yeah

>10 pound black ice brick
>thought it would be fun

being this autistic

Alpha as fuck

>be me, 11/12 years old
>have crush on girl because she kinda hot
>make master plan to be with her
>she has crush on other boy
>her best friend has crush on me
>wait for recess
>during recess, wait for her
>waits 5 min, ask myself where she is
>there she is.jpg
>run to her, luckily not like naruto
>tell her i gotta speak to her
>she agree
>walk a bit
>me: "There is someone who likes you"
>herfacelightsup.gif
>wait a sec and tell her it's me
>disapoint.mkv
>tells me she's gonna think
>me goes to play some volleyball
>10 mins later she comes back
>out of the corner of the eye I see best friend crying (don't know she has crush)
>she tells me her friend is crying
>I ask why, she says nothing
>I guess if its becuz sshe likes me
>she says yes

>nothing ever happened

>be me
>see such thread
>send link to friend
>make post
>tell friend I made post
>ask him not to read
>he does anyway
>faggot
>mfw i realise i deserved it

>be me 9-10
>in football bus going home from game
>horse play with the guy next to me
>thought it would be fun to hit him really hard in the balls
>do it
>he is quiet for 10-15 seconds
>my shot to his balls made him speechless
>finally he starts howling like a wolf
>crying too hard to explain to the coach what happened
>never managed to do so
>coach dropped the two of us off 10 min later
>we live close to eachother
>told him i was sorry
>he wanted to hit me back so we would be square
>ok
>dodge his punch
>kick him in the balls
>on the ground crying
>he never told anybody

not autist but felt like sharing

definately fun

>at work
>men's restroom is filthy dirty
>go to the women's
>taking my usual 2pm shit
>girl colleagues walk in, stay in and talk about girl things
>put my feet on the toilet paper holder so they cannot see there is someone locked inside the toilets
>holding my shit for 10 minutes now
>decide to shit in some toilet paper so there won't be any noise from splashing water
>clumsy af
>let the wrapped shit fall on the floor
>colleagues see it
>recognize my shoes from under the door
>"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING"

>manager found out about this later
>threatened to fire me if I'd do it again
>all my colleagues don't even speak or look at me anymore

Someone post fats. The threads gonna die.

Here you go!

Thanks man. The thread can keep on living.

Quads

>decide to shit in some toilet paper
holy shit user

this is autism. I would've just shat. fuck em

Yeah what in the hell was at risk lmfao?

sometimes shits happen I guess

yeah but usually not into your hand