Need some help from really fags not doctors. Im barricaded into a room dont wanna see my family. I have 2 little kids...

need some help from really fags not doctors. Im barricaded into a room dont wanna see my family. I have 2 little kids. there only reason i hasvent heroed yet i tried before they were born i was still in the army then cont

gunna keep the train rolling
Been out of army 6 yrs now taking fuck ton of meds.
stoped that smoked dope for 3-4 yrs hardcore to point i was addicted and would have serve with drawls now im clean but still on fuck ton of meds just make me a zombie its either that or i just hate my life

been on /b for like 3 -4 yrs my first thread show a fag some love

bump

You have a therapist OP?

Ive had like 3 councilors close to 5 maybe 6 psychiatrist and like 3 psychologist 1 of them done like 2hr sessions twice a week for a year but its like going around in circles the psychiatris just throws more pills at u

Have you tried committing yourself?

Sounds like you need some serious help.

>rock/OP/hardplace

should note that when i was in the army i deployed as infantry to afghan twice and iraq once was so deep into the military i couldnt see that all that hard work was based on lies. So feel like i have just lived a life of lies and i suppourted the people i now hate. Also now i have 2 little kids they are the reason i dont hero

Just got out like 2 weeks ago it was my third time before both stays were in wards for veterns and police not like the local nut house but in there theres people so proud of there life and still support the goverment. They wear unit shirts and fuck off were full shirts just dumb fucking shit that sets me offf. Triggers they call them

Well there's nothing wrong with feeling betrayed when you have been.
In your case it was a pretty deep level.

It's good that you keep going forward for your kids.

bump

Have you checked out any local support groups?

Maybe go to the VFW to get an idea of where to get some help.

Ive had friends get home and hero, best friend in goal lol cant see my mates ive gone off grid and now im just a zombie dad that cant cope being arund others. Trying my best just dont want rubbing of on my kids its hard i litterally have couch barricading the door and no one is here anyways

Where's your wife?


How's she handling this?

Honestly tried all the support groups. Im so lucky in scene i have a roof over our head and kids are fed should be cheering but ive opend pandoras box and now i cant just unlearn these things tried talking to people in local town there so narrow minded they have actually attacked me lol told a guy i joined with about whats been happening because he opened up to me about his problems . Now he dont talk to me. And my wife well Shes stuck by me becasue im a good dad and put the kids first but the last 6 yrs have taken there toll on her she cant comprhend that the meds render me usless

Then see watched me go from alcoholic to drug addict back to prescription pills. Ill die in this room

You're in the begining of a re-build with your life.

Fam is most important and it's good that you put your kids 1st.
It's also good you understand why your wife is frustrated.

That's not a posite atitude.

I know it's gotta be hard to see a future but some how you've got to.

You need some kind of anchor to reinforce that position.

I tried to do volunteer work but just kept letting people down. Which made me feel worse because i want to help/or do something im more than capable but with leaving army people just give me bullshit excuses like im over qualified lol or u need a bulshit piece of paper which would only be worth wiping my kids snotty noses with

Don't let this monster beat you OP.
Dig in and kick it's ass.

With what you've been through already you can beat it.

I was 21 and a single father with 2 toddlers to care for. It Worked Out alright. Wasn't easy though. I raised those boys into men. My youngest was a cherry picker. I counted 35 girls who he had took their virginities. I was not aware of all the girls he fucked. Now he makes $1500 a week. Has a nice care and motorbike. A sexy woman and a nice home.

My older boy graduated with a 4.5 average. He has 2 degrees now and a good job and a sexy Latina fiancé.

If you do the work you can raise men. It's not too difficult.

Reading this thread I think you should be fully qualified for lifetime disability which should pay for your kids. Work on getting that done above all else.

I can relate to this being disabled.
I've seen my life go from having a purpose to being useless.

So I do what I can like talking to you now.

Gotta take the same victory's sometimes.

i know what your saying focus on the now set some goals. I just wanna hangout with people again. But i want it to be like before. Normal not with people walking on eggshells around me trying to handle me like a crystal ball that if they drop ill just shatter but im in no way capable of anything requiring fine detail or precision. The meds im on im flat out driving it can be scary sometime like im the one driving and i know i shouldnt be on the road in the state im in but ive still got things in life i need to achieve to ie get kids to daycare doc appointment just life lol

*small not same

Your therapist won't ever tell you the hard truth, your depressed because you hate your life. The only solution is a radical change...

thanks man that why im here to hear about the good shit your there type of person i want to meet in the street

...

^ go on disability and find a hobby, something constructive like carpentry or metalworking

Im on incap payments which is 60% of my old wage. That how we eat. My partner works barwork has a really good job/position. Like i said i am blessed in such a profound way its like a movie or a book. Im looking for the happy ending lol in thailand id just paid the extra for the happy ending lol ahh when life was simple

Correct, also before killing yourself always consider bartending on the beach in mexico.

I just need to get out of here but my kids. I cant be away from them they need there dad. But the mother has been through so much that even if she dosent know it i can see it in her eyes

But you could go on disability as well, use that for everyday life and put other income towards luxuries like vacations :) honestly, since I've never been in your position its hard to help... But I'd suggest making your life 100 percent about family. I was a suicidal depressed fuck, and I found the only reason to live is to give others a reason to live. It sounds dumb, but it really helped me. Your purpose is to give purpose to others. Reconnect with your wife, take in the unrequited love and support from your children and really try to find yourself.

if it wasnt for the kids id already be gone like another counrty or even just the otherside of this one

Samefagging here, but you have no idea how easy it can truly be to just fucking bail and live whatever life you feel like living. If it's between that an suicide, don't think twice.

Mental illness is a disease, your kids will understand someday. It's shitty but killing yourself will fuck them up more than leaving.

agreed

Fasure man fuck heroing ive been there i was crying my eyes out thinking why do i have to be the one to die. LOL i didnt have to die just had to change the scenery

Are you happy living with your wife? Do you love her? I'm not implying anything, just trying to understand your situation.

You don't have to die, there would be literally no reason to. There are at least 100 other options.

If you got in an accident and your kids were hurt you may be pushed over the breaking point. Be careful, for your sake and theirs.

I love her in the scene id do anything for her but as for the word LOVE pffft what is love i think there so much more in me. Out there in the world im missing out im sitting in a fucked up room im lucky and its true first post and u fags have changed my whole attitude (i just removed couch from door and got a drink) ive traveled enough of the world to know that theres so much good shit out there fuck id love pouring strangers drinks in mexico. But this girl got me out of the dumps she saved my life im forever indebted to her i even thought about just fucking off and living on the streets but the kids man the kids they fucking love me they need me. Ive spent all the money we had to buy this house i built a house out the back which my parents live in so my kids can run over there every morning and see there grandparents im just real unlucky that this is where i was raised and its where my family and my partners family live we cant leave that there our support network. I could leave today but not my wife

i already have a plan. If my kids where hurt or died mannn im done id be inconsolable id have to be commited for not only someone elses saftey but also my own

It awesome that you love your wife, but I imagine you feelings on inequity in light of that love make thinks a million times worse. I have no suggestion to help with this. But in regards to medication, I'd be willing to bet this is 40% of your problem. Try working with a psychologist to reduce your reliance on substances and supplement with fun hobbies and exercise. These also increase serotonin and dopamine, but with no real side-effects.

It sounds like your doing your best, be honest with your wife and never be afraid to open up. Trying to be the "man" of the house isn't necessary. If you can function at any capacity then you have value. Don't try and be more than you are, it will overwhelm you and could actually make you less.

Good that you have a plan to commit yourself in an emergency.

i need to do the things i used to do lift weights,run go riding but i need a reason now before i did all that shit coz it helped with my job plus the ladies love it but now. iI have no job- not capable of being a firefighter or paramedic lol its hard enough to be a dad but also i have a wife and shes not putting in effort and everytime i do its like a kick in the teeth when we do go out and she gets shit idea in her head that im out trying to fuck other women lol if i was trying to do that i wouldnt take my wife with me lol and i dont drink so i dont go to bars or clubs thats for when i was young and trying to impress women

this little room i have is like a comfy prison cell i want out
Thanks for your time everyone.
im feeling alot better fucking no shit you should be able to clam that back off the oz goverment im sure they pay my psychiatrist a motza

Chin up chest out one foot in front of the other

Fag OUT

PTSD foundation of america
Camp Hope
Trust me brother

Riding motorcycles or horses? I picked up my first bike (ninja 300) a few months back and fucking love it.

Sounds like you have pretty high expectations for yourself. I'm a smart skilled dude but I don't think I could be a paramedic or a firefighter. What about being a janitor or working construction? This might sound lame, but you could meet some cool people and have something productive to do.

Sounds like your wife and you might need to talk things out a little more. She should be supportive of you trying, maybe she just doesn't understand what your struggling with.

Also, there are small projects you could do from home to make money and occupy your time. You could even get your kids involved, teaching them valuable skills and bonding.