What is the correct way to clean your ass?
I was seeing a movie the other day and in one scene one guy wiped his ass by sticking his hand under him while still sitting on the toilet!!!
It blew my mind, I have always done it standing up because it feels natural, I tried just now doing it while sitting and it feels fucking weird
Wipe what...?
What the fuck, why would you wipe your ass AFTER pooing??
Same man. I always used to stand up, then I saw a thread on Sup Forums about wiping whilst sitting and I've never looked back.
Wetwipes are best regardless.
Always piss in the sink. Any sink.
I never wipe my ass at all it feels too weird and quite gay to be honest
why would you wipe your ass while standing, if theres a big bit still on there what if you accidentally knock it off your asshole and onto the floor or inside your underwear, just lean forward a little to wipe.
There is no correct way. If you wipe your ass, you're doing it right
I have to use one hand to pry my giant ass cleavage apart or the paper will never reach
don't you mean incorrect way?
by saying no correct way you're saying every method is wrong.
Oh so that's what the toilet roll is for. I always thought people blew their nose in the toilet or something roflol. Took me a few years to figure out you're not supposed to poo while hanging upside down with all clothes on in the shower and let the poo drip through your clothes through your collar into the shower drain.
correct way is to have a toilet that cleans u with water
which would be sitting if that counts
That's why you wipe from bottom to top, so you can feel if there is something stuck, like a bit piece of shit on your asshole hairs, then you can grab it and throw it to the toilet or trash can
>the correct way to clean your ass
WATER. By means of an hygienic douche.
ANY OTHER WAY IS A MERE EXCUSE FOR YOU - AND YOU WHOLE FAMILY - BEING FILHTY DIRTY PIGS.
NO, WIPING WITH PAPER NOW AND WAITING TO WASH THE REST OF THAT FILTHY "CRUST" BY A LATER SHOWER ... IIIISSSSS NNNNOOOOTTTT OOOOOKKKKK
DIRTY PIGS.
CRUSTED ASSES.
Durka durka mohammad jihad
I AM NO FILTHY MUSLIM. I VOTE TO NUKE THEM AND I AM PROBABLY WHITER THAN YOU. I AM A PURE BLOOD SWISS. WHAT KIND OF MIXED RACE ARE YOU?
YOU BUNCH OF FAGGOTS! YOU ALL KEEP QUIET NOW, AREN'T YOU?
PIGS
Actually i'm pure blood white too and it's 1:13pm where i live right now
I push toilet paper as far into my ass as i can and scrape out all the left over fecal matter
>i wish i was joking
>mfw people dont thoroughly clean their rectums
DIE SCHWEIZ WIRD REIN GAR NICHTS GEGEN MUSLIME TUN, WEIL IHR EUCH AUS ALLEM RAUS HALTET
I DON'T SPEAK GERMAN.
You are a pure blooded retard.
Use caps wisely, douche.
it's nice isn't it the liberals are now telling people how to wipe there ass and no one stands up to do it Cos your shit might drop on your phants when wiping, also can't belive people are openly talking about shit like this it's is disgusting and society needs to reset
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
YES OK BUT FUCK YOU WISELY THANKS NO PUNCTUATION EITHER FUCCBOI CRUSTED ASS
Ladies and gentlemen : swiss "people"
DIABOLIC TRIPS
FUUUUUCCCCKKKK YYYYOOOOUUUU ALLLL
GO WASH YOUR ITCHY, GREASY, SMEARY, BROWNY ASSES. FAGGOTS
NOT DIMINISHING THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE A CRUSTED ASS IN ANY WAY.
Shove a bar of Toblerone up your ass, stupid Ricola.
You wipe while sitting because your ass cheeks are spread that way.
>the correct way to clean your ass
With water.
No soap
Nasty nigger smelly ass over here
Allahu ackbar brother
I live in france at the moment. Everyone makes jokes about the French being dirty. Not true. All French houses have a bidet - wash your ass. also, the kids around here are immaculate - well groomed, neat and clean clothes, the girls have light makeup or none at all and look stunning - the boys are clean and use light aftershave - they amke the grotty doped up smelly high school kids at home look unhygenic...
so TLDNR Do it like the French - wash it!
Standing master race reporting in.
Britbong reporting in. Can confirm cleaning bum with water is barbaric.
>be living in japan
> there is a new toilet that has a robot that licks your ass clean
>not even joking. It's one of the biggest kept secrets of modern times.
I've NEVER heard about standing up lol wtf. by standing up you automatically clinch your cheeks together so why the fck would your smear shit even more around. Stay seated, keep them cheeks nice and spread and wipe.
Use a wet-wipe afterwards for cleanliness. If you don't have wetwipes just spit on the paper and wipe your ass with your own spit.
Keep it clean, keep it healthy
>spit
You've got to be fucking kidding me.
Do you even wipe?
>your hand will be crushed
It's good that Trump is pres now because Obama really fucked up with this standing up to clean ass thing. What the fuck America.
Are you from derkaderkistan?
I stand up because I find if I sit I never know how close my hand is to the water or shit......and being In a sitting position my hole is wide open and it feels like the the paper is going in my ass.
When I stand I do squat slightly so my legs open a bit
how deep down the toilet are you sitting bro? you are supposed to lean forward when wiping.
Well, my toilet is in a seperate room from the sink so getting up requires me to walk 4 meters. Otherwise of course use sink-water. Spit works fine, I dont see the problem.
I used to lean forward and do a half stand. Nowadays I usually just tuck my balls in with my left hand and wipe from the front while sitting.
You never know? That's just retarded. After at least 18 years of your life you would think you would figuire out the depth of a fucking toilet bowl, something you use everyday, and also how to proper hold toliet paper in your hand so you dont get shit on it. Like wow. Do you stare at your asshole in the mirror too? just so you can make sure?
as a former stander and crumpler I can honestly say sitting and folding is superior.
I fucking hate crumplers. yeah go ahead and use half my toilet roll, and clog my toilet.
Both. Remain seated for first wipe to remove possible Klingons and danglers. Stand to finish with power wipe. Ideally, take shower next if it's a normal morning. If it's a work or road shit, do the best you can. French may have bidets at home, but they smell anyway as everyone who has ever been on the Metro knows
seriously on another note. People at most should only need 4 squares of paper, if not 2 and be able to wipe atleast twice by folding over your shit. and then repeat.
I don't even wipe my ass. The only places I shit are at my house or family members' houses, and when I need to clean up, I lean my ass over the sink and wash with soap.
Wet wipes are unnecessary and damaging to the environment.
lean forward? bro you lean to the side on one cheek to reach around
>keep cup full of pipe cleaners next to toilet
>label it "rectum scrapers "
>impress your guests with your rectal hygiene
For a nice solid shit, i agree. Sometimes more is needed if you have peanut butter butt and a hairy ass
wtf nigger, you can't even afford a paper roll?
Paper doesn't get you clean. All you're doing is smearing a thin layer of shit over the top of your anus. There will be residue left over and a permeating smell of shit that just intensifies over the course of a day.
Warm water and soap ensures the utmost cleanliness of one's asshole.
On another note, all those that wipe are fucking disgusting.
You do that at other family members' houses?
"...
- Honey, my brother Jamal is visiting us!
- Of fuck! Lock the bathrooms!
..."
Man, peanut butter butt seriously pisses me off. It depends on what I eat but sometimes I just wipe the skin away to blood and there's still shit on the paper.
Do you keep a butt hanky with you at all times, to wash with soap and water, or what?
>butt hanky
I'm a standing paper wiper until I die (or until I can no longer stand on my legs) but a butt hanky actually sounds good..
Holy shit m8
After I shit, I open the bathroom door and call my mom, she comes up stairs and wipes my butt, I love my mom.
>directly touch their shit with their fingers
>its clean because water sprinkles around while i do it
yeah, no. you´re fucking disgusting.
>butt hanky
brb going on Dragon's Den
from my experience swiss is like 90% east europe.
lold
This
>Wouldn't reach inside toilet water and pick up turd, obviously disgusting
>Would spray water on ass and THEN touch shit with fingers
Also, glad to know half of Sup Forums has fucking faggot shaved 12 year old assholes. When you hit puberty, turns out your asshole will be hairy. Shit gets stuck in it. Only way to actually clean it is to wipe 5 times with half a roll and then finish with wet wipes. The "omg just use like 1 sheet" is bullshit. There's no fucking way you can wipe a big dump away with just a couple sheets unless you're using fucking octuple ply
Paper? What is the brush for then?
this sounds like a good idea. ill try it
If you sit you have a better chance of accidentally swiping a piece of shit on your hand. Also you're putting your hand in the toilet itself.
nigger i'm sure the toxicity of your filthy asshole poses more of a threat to your local household, community, and economy in addition to the environment, than wetwipes.
And if you aren't some skinny little manlet you basically have to wedge your hand between the seat and your ass. That's just asking to smear shit germs halfway up your arm, accidentally stick your hand in shit, and then smear it everywhere when pulling it out again.
Well op when you stand your ass cheeks tend to clamp together making it harder to wipe off any shit.
I switched to doing it while sitting, because your ass cheeks are much more spread open that way and so any smudges around your asshole can be cleared off.
Normal shit should come off clean without a need for TP once you close your sphincter (when you use a square of TP it comes off clean). If your all gooey and smeary still, then you done fucked up and need to shower off after (or use a bidet if you're not an amerifag).
Obese people who use an entire roll of toilet paper -- how the fuck is that possible?
You're gonna wash your hands either way, right? Personally, I sit. I don't like the idea of a dingleberry being squashed between my ass cheeks, spreading all over as I walk around work.
not if the environment is your asshole
Never shake a muslims left hand. That's the one that they are taught to wipe their asses with. Kind of smart unless you live where there are a lot of lefties.
Washing your hands will help, but the more contaminated you hands become the more likely bacteria will not die
I'm not sure that's in any way accurate. The poop smell btw is not caused by bacteria.
I always use your mom's tongue.
... My mom's in a coma.
Or shave your nasty hairy ass
ITT: americans who think wiping is enough
I sit while spreading my asscheeks to minimize the shitstains. Then I wipe my ass while still sitting, throughfully.
A shit ass is very unconfortable.
why do i feel like this is a setup to a joke ive heard before
bidet/shower
i typically wipe my ass and then give it a quick wash in the shower.
I only shit once per day works well for me.
Who doesn't? Otherwise you'd be full of shit!
So you would rather smell like shit all day? How the fuck do you live with shit stains?
open is cleaner because your cheeks are apart. obviously
I'm an Amerifag, but I'll admit that the best way is to bidet. It's one of the few things Europoors do better than us.
That being said, sitting, because standing doesn't allow for proper leg spread without effort.
Breathing is damaging to the environment.
It isn't thats why you shower everyday too retard, I use paper to clean most I can, then in the shower I open my ass and let some water flow, I do not stick my fingers inside my tushie tho
Your mom's a faggot
After wiping while sitting, using a different finger, I also dab my penis with toilet paper a bunch after pushing from my taint to the tip and doing a couple shakes and even a squat or two to make sure there's absolutely no piss left.
Gooch to tailbone in a deep squat gets the most poop out of your ass.
Japanese people are not Muslim.
Eew. You're a fucking front-wiper?! That's horrifying. I worked with a guy that did that, and someone walked in on him wiping his ass. Everyone calls him FRONT-WIPE now.
This thread has made my sides orbit
>let some water flow
you need to wash your ass thoroughly after taking a shit, not the next time you shower
ITT filthy americans who think letting some water flow is enough
Get a fucking bidet, subhumans
Filthy french