Could we get a bad sex experience thread to cheer me up?

Could we get a bad sex experience thread to cheer me up?

>be with gf for 2 weeks
>spend a week together
>after 4 days she starts to get mad
>asks why i haven't had sex with her yet
>im a virgin, she thinks im a huge player thats been with a ton of girls
>fast forward to a couple minutes later
>literally begs me to fuck her, says she will dump me if i don't fuck her today
>dick wont get hard at all
>she literally thinks im gay because of it
>i have terrible anxiety problems and porn ed
>she says fuck i dont care just stick it in limp
>obviously it wont get in
>manage to get hard for a bit
>cant even find the hole
>finally i get inside her
>instantly become limp again

afterwards I told her I was a virgin and shes actually cool with it. she says she doesn't care and we will keep on trying it


which is weird because before i met her id jack off to her pictures and get hard as fuck. fuck

Actually sounds like you cleared up some relationship problems and helped her understand you better. Fag.

Answered your own question there bub. Anxiety. It happens. She really put you on the spot and thatg gets to you. Try again slow and if she's not rushing you it's possible it won't happen again. Just make sure you are comfortable,

use viagra?

I've got a bit too many:

1. On boarding school, Virgin, girls think im a huge player because I was working out and was funny.
This hot girl with a fantastic ass keeps texting me and winking at me when we pass each other. She asks me to sleep with her one of the days.

One night, can't sleep. Sneak over to her frat house, knock on window, she opens, surprised and sleepy. Maybe I should have though this through.

Starts fooling around in the dark, first time im naked with a girl. Can't find anything in the dark and can't get it up. Awkward as hell. Wondering why it's nok like in porn. She says we can try again tomorrow.

Turns out she was much more insecure than me. 10 years later, she's a fitness freak with huge boobs.

Best solution to this problem is to make an add on Craigslist to get a guy to come fuck her and you can watch

>literally cannot fit in my cute gf who is wifey material and who tripsits me and loves me indefinately and who I will marry

I tore my foreskin a bit around the frenulum trying to fit in her last night. I bled a lot and she freaked out.

Please Sup Forums how do I sexually please the light of my life. At least once I should be able to sex her okay - regardless of whether or not she thinks the world of me like I do of her ;_;

>>be 17 back in high school
>>go to scene kid party with a bunch of my fuck up pop punk friends, boys and girls
>>girl i have a big crush on is there
>>we hook up sometimes, nothing much just making out and stuff
>>after the party we go to her best friend's house alone
>>we start hooking up in her friend's dad's bed
>>she starts blowing me
>>both of our first blowjob experience
>>she was terrible at it
>>i'm too awkward to tell her i'm not gonna be able to cum
>>she sucks my mostly limp noodle dick for OVER AN HOUR
>>hated it
>>last time we ever hooked up
>>ruined everything lol

>break up after 2 year relationship
>go to bar with roommates, not very close to, they leave, end up talking,dancing,making out with 6 out of 10.
>doing this whole thing for attention and to make myself think I'm over ex
>bring her back to place, arrive to find roommate's friend brings over her best friend she wanted me to go on date with.
>girl I'm hooking up with in same sorority, basically gets the picture I'm a sleeze and we shouldn't go on a date after all(not sure why 3 in the fucking morning was a great time for us to meet but she was coming off shift).
>end up so anxious and upset with myself from the whole thing can barely stay hard, not into the sex, thinking about how much of a slimy fuck I just came off as.
>she gets all angry thinks I don't think she's attractive and that I'd rather be fucking her sorority sister, gets up and leaves
MFW when I had to bring her her phone and purse she left on my desk the next morning
>no good face pix

Fingers and mauth are a good option. Get yourself a shipment of lube, maybe it will help. Aparently 75% of women can't even cum with penetration only or some stupid shit like that.

>meet with girl from tinder
>really nervous, never met a tinder bitch
>drink a bunch with her while watching some shitty movie
>asks me if i'm tired, says lets go to bed
>go to her bedroom, really drunk
>puts my arms around her so we can cuddle
>puts my hand in her pants to finger her
>didn't want me to eat her out, just finger her
>wants to have sex but i can't get hard, too drunk
>finger her for like 10 minutes
>finally give up on fucking until it gets half hard, throw on a condom, fuck her until I cum, but i was trying to hard to get hard i push in really deep
>literally hurt her to "fuck" her
>she's pissed and tells me to head home
>sit in my car drunk as fuck for like 30 minutes

yeah i don't use tinder any more

I was sort of in the same situation

>be virgin
>be chatting with this girl for years
>we get close
>start going out and doing stuff together
>it's time to have her sleep over
>we're watching stuff in my bed, snuggling up together
>start groping each other, i'm hard as fuck, she's super wet
>she really wants to fuck
>now is the time, pressure and anxiety trickles in
>we get naked, I roll over to put a condom on
>struggle with it, my dick starts getting soft
>no no no no
>get it on, trying to stay hard as possible
>since young and dumb and virgin, don't use any lube, or don't finger her or anything to make it easier to penetrate
>so pretty much just blindly trying to put my dick in
>it's not working
>we try a couple different positions but it's not working, i'm getting softer
>she's laughing
>I roll over and say we'll try later or something
>we go back to watching stuff, she starts fondling me again later, obviously wants to try again
>I just keep brushing it off until we fall asleep
>few weeks later out of self shame and pity I distance myself from her and we stop talking

This has forever stuck with me, that was at least 6-7 years ago and i've never gotten that close with another girl again. And I probably never will.

one i kick myself the most for
>be 19
>7/10 asian girl in our group of friends decides to come over randomly (F cup. slightly chubby body)
>weird because we didnt talk all that much unless we were in the group
>was already tired as fuck from work and shit
>she literally came over just for sex
>was too tired to finish
>never came over again
>kick myself for not being able to keep a fwb thing going with her
>still think about her massive tits to this day. 15 years later kek

Is there a pic of her now?

Dude prostibulums. Do it. Get your confidence back. Stop being a sap.

use lube you troglodyte. hell even spit if you have to

missed a few steps kind of drug
>New hot potential girl leaves, thinking I'm a shit head and basically catching me about to fuck her sorority sister
>no fucks given, drunk, go back to making out ---> fucking
>can't stay hard, can't get into it. Shocked at how i just made a complete ass out of myself and don't even want to reap the rewards of my douchery
>bitch leaves all upset, not sure what I said but I think I was being a bit of dick due to the anger
>leaves her purse + phone on my desk and contacts me via Facebook the next day asking to have me deliver them to her
>pretty awks convo, sorority girls on couch peaking at door giving me the stare down: i'm sure she shared the story

>be me
>never thought of daughter in sexual way
>then when daughter is 14 wife goes out of town
>wife is regional manager for hotel chain
>it is a week day
>daughter and me watching tv
>I notice it is 1030pm
>tell daughter time for bed
>she say good night and comes over
>I say what
>she says hugs
>I stand up hug her
>she tip toes up and kiss on the lips
>I push her back by shoulders
>what are you doing?
>she says uh nothing good night
>later I go to bed
>daughter comes in and climbs in bed with me
>I get a boner so turn on my stomach
>boner goes away so I turn on my back
>daughter rests head on my chest
>I get a boner again
>I climb out of bed and pace a bit
>daughter sits up in my bed
>I say I have to tell you something
>she says what
>you cant tell your mom I told you this
>she say I promise I wont
>I say you were adopted
>she says wha?!
>she gets up and starts to leave
>I say where are you going?
>she says I...I need some time to think
>She gets to the door I say dont go
>she says I need time alon
>of course I was in the delivery room
>I am her real dad
>I just wanted to make it ok for her to say yes to sex

> be me
> 15 y/o virgin
> hanging out with friend
> he asks if I met Sally yet
> I ask who's Sally
> friend calls her in to the room
> beautiful. just beautiful. long brown hair, blue eyes, cute smile
> she hangs out with us for a while, just watching us play halo
> she sits on my lap out of nowhere
> she keeps looking at me weird, sideways glances and smirks every 10 seconds
> friend gets text from his dad
> he had to go pick him up from work, apparently his car broke down
> he says he'd be back in about an hour, just play with Sally for a while
> as soon as he leaves, Sally starts coming onto me
> fuck it, I'm horny
> go to the master bedroom
> we start having sex
> feelssogoodman.gif
> she wants to do doggy style
> oblige, turn her over and start ramming her as hard as I can
> she loves it, howling at the top of her lungs at this point
> must have lost track of time, because friend and his dad walk in without us even hearing them
> friend's dad opens the door to the bedroom and catches me with my pants down banging the fuck out of his son's dog
> mfw

I chuckled

ok will get lube. She gets really gloopy wet though and gets heavy spit on my applehead when she is sucking me.

I suggested lube after and I got the vibe that she was insulted that I was implying she wasn't wet enough. She hates being called frigid even though she's kind of a prude irl. Lady on the streets - freak in the sheets :3

Oh not to mention I now have pretty bad death grip now and there was one time I fapped so much I cut a bit of skin on the top of my dick and now i've had a great big scar that won't go away.

>prostibulums
I don't know what that is and google is showing me stuff in spanish

...

one time I watched a kevin smith movie

jesus christ Op are you me?
the same thing happened to me years ago with a crazy girl i met. except she still thinks i'm a player who has fucked a lot

nice

>met a 5-6/10
>she's awkward and embraces her social anxiety
>good person and we get along quite well, so go out
>after a while it becomes obvious she has some hygiene problems
>she rarely showers and when she bathes, it's a bath
>been having sex for a long time
>she's a terrible lay and I'm not that interested in her
>I have difficulty being rude to people and am way too polite to dump her or tell her she's dirty
>one day we're hanging out at my place and she takes a shit
>smells up the place
>we're watching a movie
>can still smell it
>smells like old, dry shit
>movie finishes and we start fucking
>doggy style
>spread her ass for a better view
>looks like she didn't even wipe
>try to deal with it
>NOPE the fuck out
>pull out
>she asks if I came
>say no
>we don't say anything after that
>never fuck her again
>got the hell out of that relationship

I learned to not lower my standards so much. Things have been MUCH better since but still have one more.

>she loves it, howling at the top of her lungs at this point

post the f cup tits!

the hell are you on about?

>start dating an 8/10
>she does beauty pageants, so things were pretty good.
>she calls me over to have dinner with her at a friend's
>she asks me to meet her at the subway
>she's terrible with directions and can't find me for a while
>meet up
>she has some chinese food with her
>meet up with her friend who has two little kids
>go back to friend's place with kids
>probably 6 and under
>have dinner
>friend takes off and leaves us with the kids
>kids in their own room watching tv
>we're in some bedroom cuddling and watching a movie
>making out
>she's moaning loudly
>kids in the next room
>little girl comes in and says something in ching chong language
>we go to the kids room for a bit and talk
>girl I'm dating asks me to read the kids a story to put them to bed
>I get through about 2 pages of a picture book before she rips it from my hand
>she speed reads it like she's in a rap battle with Tech n9ne
>tucks in the kids, turn off the lights and rush back to our room
>making out again
>she's loud
>kids must be able to hear
>feeling her up and playing with her pussy for a few minutes
>she gets on top of me and starts fucking
>no more than a minute goes by before she cums
>she's a screamer
>that's it?
>she's lying on top of me out of breath
>amazing ass
>she rolls over and is asking me if I came
>I say no
>she starts bitching at me, saying I'm having sex with other girls because I can last more than a minute........
>asks if I want to finish
>obviously
>get her on all fours
>getting behind her
>starts nagging again about how I'm lying and fucking other girls
>nags until my dick is soft and then bitches about that
>wtf
>fuck this shit
>we just end up sleeping

>Friend's birthday party at his place
>Girl that recently moved back to town is staying at his place
>I had talked to her a little bit online before, but never face to face
>Everyone's drunk, especially me as it was my first time drinking
>She's flirting with me the whole night
>First time getting this much attention from a relatively attractive girl, so I failed to notice my friend acting standoffish all night
>Me and her go on a walk around the apartment complex
>Start making out
>She pulls me to some bushes
>She undoes my belt and tries to give me head
>Whiskey dick says no
>She tries for a few minutes, then gives up
>Head back to the party, friend's in his room "not feeling well"

>Some little while after
>She comes over to my place
>Attempt sex again
>Dicks working now
>only my 2nd time having sex, and lost my virginity several years before, so anxious as a motherfucker
>too anxious
>came after a couple of pumps
>after a little bit, I got hard again
>attempt number 2, went soft after a few pumps

>next day
>we hangout at my place again
>suddenly she's on her period and won't fuck
>she'll suck my dick though
>stay hard the whole time
>blowjob was toothy af
>still felt good, but wouldn't cum
>her jaw got sore and she was getting frustrated, so she finished by hand

Then I found out she was fucking my friend, another guy I knew, and some random dude I didn't know. She moved in with the random dude and I heard she was preggers not long after.

I didn't wear a rubber (because I never carry one because that shit just didn't happen to me) so I still have some worry that the kid is mine. My parents would probably be slightly happy though since it'd be their first granddaughter.

Years later, I still feel like a piece of shit for putting my friend through that shit.

And?

You should rape her.

this

Use condoms?

>be on vacation
>been out drinking but got no girls
>goes to a whorehouse
>whore giggles at my tiny penis
>couldn't get hard because I got made fun of
>didn't even cum, wasted my cash

My worst experience was not that bad to be honest looking back on it, was eating out my girlfriend and decided to eat her ass so as I started, she jumped cause I'd never done it before, and farted directly in my mouth and nose. Now that wouldn't have been too bad except her diet was horrible as she'd been on holidays for a week prior. Was the worst thing I ever smelt, and tasted. Ran to the toilet dry heaving and ended up vomiting for a good 10 minutes. Came back and finished though.

That's a hilarious story and you should cherish the fact that you get to tell it

also,
>Virgins Have A Hard Time Communicating With Their Partners: The Thread
It's endearing. Young mistakes to look back on fondly. But for fuck's sake, learn to just communicate with your partner, the only way out is through.

>Work as security guard at a Hyundai plant
>Sundays are dead so only two of us are on
>The guy calls in and says he has to work his other job
>Girl who works later shift gets called into the other booth for a double
>Black girl, decent looking as black girls go
>I get bored of walking around stealing shit
>Go up to shoot the shit
>She goes in bathroom in the back of the booth and leaves the door open a little
>Says "Come here for a minute"
>I go in, she's rubbing her pussy
>I get an instant erection, which she grabs through my pants
>I end up fucking her raw bent over the sink
>Worried for days that I'm going to get fired from the easiest job I've ever had
>Worried even worse for a month that I got a nigger pregnant

farkkkk yeah sex all yesterday and last night with a girl that lives in same flats as me her name is Holly and she is addicted to sex with me haha :) farkkkk yes we can't stop only stop to get a drink and have a smoke and that's all so farrrkkkk I'm doing well with having an erection all day and night and even when I hard orgasm I kept erection Lmfaohc it's good to still have energy and skill to keep going after orgasm cracking myself up with Holly she finds this post amusing and funny but that's how I am Fucking cheeky and naughty 100% hardcore and oldskool and u guys love it :) sorry but she thought I wouldn't post what we doing so on that fought fuck the mother farrrkkking haters..:) those vodka n raspberry soft drink with Viagra was full on we love it :)

Oh plus we bounced to my music that I dj produce called Melbourne Bounce

Was with a 10/10 hot married latina trophy wife that belonged to some rich German. She was also very small and petite (she was 21, but easily looked 16). Stuck it in without a condom (she was on pill), and lasted 3 strokes before blowing my load. Freaked out because I NEVER came that fast before and told her so. Guess what. Doesn't matter if it's true, you'll still feel like a fucking loser.

Her husband must've had the smallest dick in FL. I've fucked virgins that weren't as tight as her.

As a Member of the "Club of Chads" i declare that you all should kill yourselfs.

Like FUCK serioursly, some pathetic shit i see here

GF wanted to fuck yesterday. Ate some cheese, my stomach was bloated and I wasn't feeling it. Got pressured into sex. couldn't stay hard after 10 minutes. she pulled up the whole is it me thing blah blah. went and took a huge diarrhea shit in bathroom. went to bed.

feels bad man. but whatever.

Answer Craigslist ad for couple looking for guy for threesome
Get over to the apt and meet the dude, he tells me to pick his girl up at the bar and make her wanna come home with me
It's their fantasy
Shows me a picture and tells me what bar
I show up...see the girl, but have no game or experience, so I lie and say I can't find her
A bit sketched since it's my first craigslist experience, and I'm not sure if this dude is fucking with me.
Get back to their apt when she is home and meet the girl.
8/10 but just had a kid.
Awkward start but we get to it...I forget she had a kid and what that means so I start sucking titties and get a mouthful of milk.
I'm disgusted but she thinks it's freaky and it turns her on.
She keeps talking about how when the kid grows up, she wonders if they will have any idea what a freak their mom is.
Talking about the baby constantly, kills my boner.
She wants it in the ass, but I'm too soft for that.
I start noticing the dude, while pretending to rub or caress her, always seems to graze across my dick or ass......I'm not gay, so dick gets even softer.
End up finishing on her face and hair, she has to breastfeed the baby, and keeps the cum in her hair and keeps calling herself suck a freak and dirty mom.
I get the fuck out.
They text the next day. Say I can come back again, but I gotta get hard. And shave my taint better.
I never respond

Dick size doesn't alter the size of a woman's vag you fucking moron. Only having kids does.

too predictable

that was pretty good :) well joke'd

she sounds like a terrible person and you sound like your should kys

>Coworkers want to get drinks after work, 5-6 of us
>everyone cancels last minute except my work crush
>ask her if she wants to go with just us
>she's down
>we get drunk and play pool for a while, a friend of hers from the neighborhood shows up with a new boob job
>they spend the next hour playing with each others tits and getting hammered
>last call, shes ready to go, says shes too drunk to drive. i tell her im ok to drive, ill get her home
>i am absolutely smashed, i remember none of the drive to her place
>she tells me to stay the night
>we go up to ehr room, shes awkwardly trying making conversation about how she only has 1 bed so we'll have to share, while she picks up scattered clothes on the floor
>decide to be alpha and just go for it, pick her up like a bride and carry her to bed, shes laughing her ass off at suddenly being swept up, i put her down on the bed as shes saying "waitwaitwait~ i want to smoke first!"
>gets her pipe out and packs a bowl, i just watch her smoke and make small talk but she starts getting more and more serious >fuck. shes sobering up, telling me about her mom and other misc family problems.
>she finishes smoking and puts her pipe away and looks back at me and goes "ready for bed?"
>hell yes, finally
>"you uh, wanna watch a movie?"
>half drunk i assumed she meant porn, i said something to the effect of "sure, if thats what you want"
>"i know what i want~" playful smile
> she messes with her cd case and dvd player for a min
>as it boots up it slowly dawns on me that this is not porn at all
>this is Liar Liar with Jim Carrey
>we're watching a fucking jim carrey movie
>im shitfaced and have no fuckign clue how to transition from this movie into banging her, so we lay there and do nothing.
>she rolls over facing away from me and scoots back so her ass presses up to me
>fast forward to morning, my dick hurts from being hard for 5 hours of awkward spooning.
>never did fuck her, we got weird after that
>also cant watch jim carrey movies

You fucked up...that's a dream scenario. It's not gay if a guy is guiding your cock into his wife's pussy

The first few times I tried to fuck bitches I was so limp. Didn't have a clue what I was doing. Both times the girls were horny as fuck too.

>The one was a French chick couldn't get my dick hard so I stuck my finger in her ass. Lol
>she stuck hers in mine
>start licking her pussy (maybe I'll get hard from locking her)
>I'm going at it and there is juice everywhere
Ifeelitallovermyface.jpeg
>she says "what the fuck?"
>she turns the lights on
>blood all over her pussy
Holy shit her period
No
>my nosebleed

How do you not know what blood tastes like? You call yourself a warrior?

lol warrior?
It was my first ever nosebleed and second time licking pussy.

Dated a girl for 2 years 8/10 petite blond didn't want to have sexual because of religion and underage I was as well plenty of oral Yada da respected her. Broke up. 4 years later hang out at a car show take her home and fucked her. Fucked her pinky tight puss until she was dry. No lube. use conditioner, minty type. The fucking burn. Couldn't cm she fave up and suckered me off still couldn't cumia 45 minutes later she is depressed and won't talk. Talk over Facebook once a year or so now.

Tldr no green text don't use minty hair conditioner as lube with a tight girl.

Damn what a fast and clever reply