>be me
>be 26
>be NEET
>wake up at 7pm
>mummy has made dinner
>it's vegetables
>i hate vegetables
>refuse to eat it
>"well, you're going to go without dinner tonight, user"
>she thinks she's won
>go back to my room
>hold myself over for a few hours on mountain dew
>wait till mummy is asleep
>start screaming "I WANT FOOD I WANT FOOD" as loud as I can
>mummy wakes up and stumbles to my door
>"user what are you doing?!? It's midnight!"
>walk up real close to my door and stop screaming
>"user, are you ok?"
>mummy opens the door
>me standing right there
>scream "I WANT FOOD!" two inches from her face
>she falls backwards into the hall
>keep screaming "I WANT FOOD" as I head to the kitchen
>start taking food items from the fridge and throw them all over floor
>throw gallon of milk onto the ground and it explodes
>mummy is pleading with me to stop
>"ONLY IF YOU GET ME TENDIES AND TACOS!"
>"GET ME TACOS AND TENDIES NOW. I WANT THEM NOW!"
>mummy crying
>"Why do you do this, user?!? WHY?!"
>mfw I see her getting her car keys
>mfw she comes home with hot, greasy tacos and a double serving of Jack in the Box tendies
>mfw she'll never get rid of her little boy!
Be me
Other urls found in this thread:
2 guesses who you voted for the last 8 years
God damn it, im only 23, but i think this will be my life someday.... i am not far from it. Wait this is my life, just without the screaming part...and its about anything i dont like, and she nevere dares to defy me... so this dosent happen often, get a grip user.
This is just fucking pathetic. Thank god your not my kid I would've cut your tongue out, and there ain't shit you would've done. Your clearly far too dependent or your family to even consider leaving, so if I beat you senseless on a daily basis, you could either sit there and take it, or call the cops. I'd go to jail but then you'd sit in that fucking house and rot to death because we both know you don't have the first fucking clue of how do shit for yourslef. But hey I've seen a bunchance of people live out their lives as parasites, one of them even made it to thirty two before killing himself, in the end they all kill themselves.
Thank you for this story OP. My night was pretty shitty but this made me laugh.
OP you should kill yourself as soon as possible
more of these stories please
these are always god tier
>34 years old
>in Mcdonalds for their My Little Pony toy promotion
>get mom to order me 10 Happy Meals all with girl toys
>she looks at the ground and sheepishly says "But user, you're getting a little heavy. Maybe you should only have 6 Happy Meals."
>stand on her feet and refuse to move until she complies with my order
>she cannot move and almost falls as she tries to pull her feet out from under mine
>the bitch begins to cry as she realizes I have trapped her, checkmate whore
>she quietly agrees that big boys need ten Happy Meals and she goes to pay for the food
>while she is ordering I get on my hands and knees, she hands the packages of food to me
>I grab the bags with my mouth and begin walking on all fours to the play area
>I slowly crawl up the slide, barely fitting whilst letting out enormous amounts of gas
>once I'm inside the main play area my flatulence has become to over powering that it even brought a tear to my eye
>the children playing inside begin to run out, complaining of the putrid smell
>I yell "get out normie scum! I claim this as the beta uprising headquarters!"
>I sit in the center of the play gym and begin to have a picnic with my happy meals
>I give each pony a bit of cheeseburger
>I'm setting up an awesome play story with my ponies when my bitch mom and the mcdonalds manager come into the play area
>"Sir we have been getting complaints about an adult in the play area. You must be under 8 years old to use it."
>tell him to fuck off
>mcdonalds employees begin entering the play structure
>my mom is yelling that she can reason with me but I don't negotiate with normalfags
>push my back against the wall and start kicking them as they come towards me
>all of the weight of the normie invasion plus my 300lb-self breaks the play structure
>I fall through to the ball pit, the entire structure collapses
>as the normies try to save a girl trapped under the structure, we escape
>mom begins crying in the van
>make her stop at Dairy Queen for dessert
Ohmysides these are my favorite things to come from Sup Forums!
I assume you had the requisite GBP and mommy was stiffing you. If so, you did the right thing.
>Wake up at 8 PM after my nappy-wappy
>Remembered I've been a really good boy today
>Go to check my Good Boy Point (GBP) whiteboard
>30 GBP
>Enough to go in the playroom AND get a tendie meal with ranch dipping sauce
>Wade through my piss bottles and shit jugs to get to my door
>Waddle over to mummy's room
>"Mummy! Mummy! I've been a good boy and I want to go to the pwaywoom!"
>Mummy checks my chart and leads me to the playroom
>As she unlocks the playroom, she tells me that she'll get my tendies ready
>I quickly remind her, "Don't fowget the wanch!!"
>rush into the playroom and fall over headfirst onto the racecar mat.
>begin playing with my blocks
>One hour later
>Door opens and she has my tendies, except...
>No ranch dip
>"BITCH! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT MY TENDIES. I NEED RANCH DIPPING SAUCE TO FULLY ENJOY MY TENDIES."
>"y-you never asks for ranch, sweetums..."
>"WHY DO YOU HATE YOUR NUMBER ONE BOY!?!?"
>"WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE SUCH AN UNGRATEFUL MOM!?"
>"d-don't worry user, I'll go right back down to get your ranch..."
>Throw one of my blocks at her and it hits her straight in the eye
>That's gonna leave a bruise.
>"SERVES YOU RIGHT, NORMIE BITCH! NOW GO BACK DOWN AND MAKE ME SOME MORE TENDIES!"
>Lean in close to her ear
>Shout "AND DON'T FORGET THE RANCH."
>She leaves crying
>Notice I made some wawa in my nappy.
>Mum comes back and changes me while I enjoy my ranch-dipped tendies
>She's still crying
>mfw
holy shit user, get a life you fat fuck. or kill yourself either way, 99.99%won't do any of those.
Where do you guys get these from they're great!
tl:dr the thread that sorts out the normies who think this is real to the actual Sup Forums users
keep em coming OP
tendies and tacos
fuckin lost
DELETE REEEEEE
>sitting in room
>finish plate of tendies mummy made just for me
>hmm, I want some more!
>decide to play a prank on mummy (might cost some gbp, but fun is fun)
>rig one of my pee pee bottles to pour on whoever opens my door
>position my wittle bottom towards the door as well and pull down my diaper
>bang my steel drum to get her attention (at 30 gbp I simply had to!)
>MUMMY MUMMY, I WAS HUNGRY, NOW I'M FULL SO RUB MY TUMMY!
>Hear mummy coming
>A grin grows across my face as she draws near, my eyes crinkle and a "teehee!" slips out
>Mummy enters the room
>my pee pee pours in a steady stream on her head
>At the same time I begin blasting her with my nasty poo poo, coating her in a thick baby waby green layer!
>heehee! messy mummy messy mummy I say rhymically as she is covered in my nasty
>She doesn't say a word as my prank plays out
>finish my poo, turn and sit bare bottomed on the floor, leaving a wittle poopy stain
>mummy, did you wike my joke? ga ga goo goo!
>I begin giggling and drooling while slapping my wittle feetsies together as applause
>She does say anything
>Mummy, waugh at my wittle joke!
>I can see tears running through my pee pee and poo poo on her face
>Mummy, you don't want to upset your perfect wittle boy do you?
>She is still fighting
>My eyes sharpen and I drop my voice do a gravely, gutteral tone
>Listen you normie cunt, laugh at your sons prank or I'll kill you and kill myself, I'll drag you into the bath and slit your wrists while I fuck your fat whore ass
>Punch her in the face for good measure, hard enough to leave a black eye
>Mummy sees reason and lets out a chuckle
>heehee! I think that deserves 20 gbp for being such a funny and creative prank, don't you mummy!?
>She does a sort of weird nod and walks out of my playpen
Good Boy Points is too easy to get, even when being a naughty boy! She even took me out for more tendies that day, at no cost!
> be me
> be 28
> joined military at 19 got out at 28
> live with parents
> mom is nice like OP's mom in a way i suppose the way he put it
> I don't treat my mom like shit .. dam OP
> I have a Dad that is polar opposite of nice mom and he's also conservative religious fanatic. and goes shit cakes on my mom sometimes with long conversations about jesus and morality. sometimes this is a good thing and i can take a power nap 4 hours sleep while hes talking shit during the day.
> 9 months NEET so far.. still got 19K saved up and all the stuff in my room, (bed, electronics, TV, PC, Car all the stuff is MINE and i worked for It)
> Life is good but Dad is asshole and yells at me every day about not liking me doing nothing and using my computer.
>have to use PC at night now cause dad is around too much.
> basically on a good day I'm free to game around and watch anime, play nintendo or do my PC.
> If my dad is having a shit fit it'll last about 2 hours and i can't really have fun the rest of the day so i take a nap until he calms down and shit.
>got 36 months of free college when i feel like it, only been 9 months and i have like 14 years to use it.
> Feels good to be a Top tier NEET. OP is like on the lowest of the low but i'm 2 years older than him..
That bitch had better have gotten you the monster-sized tacos.
>Wake up this tuesday morning feeling good
>Pull the special edition Battlestar Galactica blanket off my bed
>Tie it around my neck like cape
>Step over my piss bottles and old food containers
>It's an autistic ballet as I tip toe to the spots on my floor that aren't covered in garbage
>Finally make it out into hallway
>Rush to look at Good Boy chart on the wall
>MFW only 10 more points needed for a Double Tendie Dinner!
>Run downstairs so fast my cape floats behind me
>Do a running slide onto kitchen floor to tell Mummy the good news
>Mummy just looks at me sternly
>Says to bend over so she can check my diaper first
>"You know I have to check every morning, user."
>"Nooooo! I don't wanna!" I yell defiantly
>Tears start to well in her eyes
>She starts walking away from me
>"Wait...Ok..." I say as I lean over the table for her inspection
>Pull down my pants
>The smell of partially digested tendy shit and cheese diarrhea wafts to her nose
>She instantly vomits into the sink
>"That's minus 50 GBP!" she screams with her chin covered in puke
>I screech and rip off my diaper
>Throw it onto the dining room table as hard as I can
>Orange and brown chunks splatter everywhere
>Some gets on the ceiling
>Some gets on mummy
>She curls into a ball sobbing uncontrollably next to the sink
>Reaches up for a towel but accidentally cuts herself on a kitchen knife I left out
>She's bleeding and covered in vomit and poo while screaming how I'm a bad boy
>Quickly put on my shoes and stuff my pockets with frozen tendies
>Run to my car crying because now I'm late for class at community college
Me again, 28 years old guy that got out of military at 28.. So i weight around 150 pounds and i'm not fat. about 5 ft. 6in. tall. I don't have any abs though i lost my abs since i don't run and exercise anymore but yet i'm not fat.. Eat healthy and don't eat as much as when i was in the service. drink lots a fluids and tea , no soda. life is good boyyyy. hate to see depressed neets up in here when there is great things you can do with your time.. as in time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time
Adopt me please, I can be your little neet Sup Forumsro!
I have no education, no job, no PC. I have a phone, a truck but no license. I'm 19, and my life is going nowhere. What do I do? I can't join the military because no diploma, and I'm 280lbs 6'3" white dude.
You sound like you've mastered the neet ways, teach me please!
Some of these people are fility. Desk and floor covered in piss bottles and wrappers. bed sheets haven't been washed for 8 months. floor hasn't been vacummed in 9 months. I keep only 1 Gigantic piss can and i clean it every other day using straight diswashing liquid and scalding hot water. that's so i can pull all nighters and not have to get up to pee like freaking 9 times. and it makes too much noise in my house if i move around at night. so piss cans are conveient when used properly
>be a 27 year old NEET
>wake up at 6PM and roll out of my racecar bed
>piss jugs are all full, have to use the toilet like some subhuman normie
>waddle downstairs to find mummy for my wakey-wakey tendies and bakey
>lights off, nobody there
>there is a note on the refrigerator
>"Pumpkin, your new daddy Leroy and I have gone to the movies for the afternoon I made some of your favorite chicken tenders, just heat them up in the microwave if you get hungry for num-nums. Love you, Mom"
>fucking cunt has let my tendies get cold and mushy
>and she expects me to heat them up myself like a slave
>she will fucking learn today
>change out of my cloth diaper into a disposable one and hit the road
>spend the entire walk to the cinema filling my diapey with poo poo
>arrive at the theater parking lot and coat myself in a thin layer of pee pee and poo
>brace myself and enter the lobby
>let losse my battle cry
>RRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>"MY PRECIOUS TENDIES HAVE GONE TO WASTE, NOW MY POOPY YOU SHALL TASTE"
>pull handfuls of poop out of my diaper and fling them at random
>staff tries to stop me but I am too quick and too slippery
>entire venue is being evacuated
>navigate my way to La La Land
>mummy and new daddy are in the front row
>covered in poo and pee, two steaming loads in each hand
>mummy's face is a mixture of shock and indescribable terror
>walk slowly towards her while chanting "...tendies...tendies...tendies..."
>our eyes are locked
>as if from far away I hear new daddy say "ayo wut tha fuck this nigga-"
>cease my low chanting with a final "TENDIEEEEES" and smash the handfuls of rancid diarrhea onto either side of her head
>bring my piss-soaked face right up to hers
>her ears are filled with my poo, eardrums are ruptured, and eyes are nearly blinded by a mixture of tears and more poo
>say very slowly and clearly
>"Don't you ever fuck with my chicky tendies again"
And the best part is the dumb whore was too scared to even take away any of my good boy points
NO TITS, SWAT HER!!!
Wut? i'm the only NEET here with a queen size memory foam bed form SERTA? all you people and your lightning mcqueen sheets make me giggle.
>Wake up at 4PM from napsy time
>Glance over at my Good Boy Points scoreboard
>Fuck yes, 25 pointsies!
>Time to play some video gameys
>Waddle downstairs to living room in my jammy wammies
>Mom has her book club over, occupying valuable living room space
>"user, we're having our weekly book meeting here, can't you go play in the playroom for a little while?"
>No bitch, I saved up my Good Boy Points to play my Weegee game
>"O-okay, user, but please try to keep it down."
>Of course mommy, I'm your good boy!
>Load up New Super Luigi U
>Hear mom in the background: "A-as I was saying, I think Jane Eyre..."
>The game starts
>Start chanting Luigi catchphrases
>WEEGEE TIME! WAHOO! MARIOOOOO!
>Absorbed in the game
>World 1 boss, so toughy tough!
>Start farting from the concentration
>Smells like rotten meat
>WEEGEE NUMBER ONE
>Sniff fartsy farts and giggle
>Made it to world 2!
>Fart out a hot burning one
>Hear one of the bookwomen gag
>"I'm sorry user's Mom, I think I've left the lights on at home. I really have to go!"
>Hear her run out while gagging
>Look over at mom and her friendsies
>They're all looking at me disgusted
>Smirk
>"Come on, user, why don't you go to the playroom for a little bit. I think you've had enough tv timey."
>NO BITCH I WANNA PLAY WEEGEE
>I HAVE PAID THE GBP, NO REFUNDS
>"Please, user, we can talk about this later."
>Bitch has got to know when to stop.
>Now it's WEEGEE TIME
>Rub Wii U Gamepad over my wee wee, get a semi
>Start violently farting and shitting in my diapies
>The smell is horrific
>Women start throwing up while scrambling for the door
>Mom starts crying, completely broken down
>It's just the two of us now
>I laugh and roll around
>Mom just sits there, staring blankly at me
>Tummy tums starts growling
>Mommy, now make me tendies please?
>No response
>MOMMY, TENDIES NOW FOR TUMTUM HUNGRY
>No wonder dad left us, you useless whore
>Throw gamepad at her face, shatter her cheekbone
>She nods silently and makes my tendies
>Dine like a king
What do you want,a freaking medal for pissing in a bottle? Jesus christ some of these faggots
I also have one of those, idk if its from serta but I know its a queen (both are). I have 2 queen mattresses stacked on each other, I can't use a bedframe or else my head and feet hit it.
>Wake up at 9pm after a particularly exhausting Minecraft session
>tummy is making hungry noises
>navigate my way out of my room through the piles of weewee jugs and trash
>make my way downstairs, peek into the living room
>mummy and new daddy are doing a special backwards hug on the sofa like uncle phil showed me once
>new daddy is making funny sounds like a steam train
>don't care, hungry
>"MUMMY MAKE ME BREKKIE BREK"
>mummy screams, new daddy swears and nearly falls off the sofa like a silly
>says to mummy "why is that retard still living here, isn't he like 30"
>I don't like being called a retard
>not since the incident with the toddler in mcdonalds
>feel my inner wolf break loose
>let out a mighty howl and try to rip off my creeper hoodie
>not strong enough in my hunger-weakened state
>new daddy is laughing, I'll fucking show him
>pull down my crusty cargo shorts and grab my tingly tummy tendie
>"GOLDEN WHIRLWIND, GO GO GO"
>start spinning like a beyblade and weeing as hard as I can
>mummy is screaming and crying, new daddy swears even louder and tries to grab me
>dodge him with my veteran CS reflexes but fall because I'm dizzy from malnourishment
>new daddy gets me in a headlock and starts punching me in the tummy
>he doesn't know I've been saving a satisfying tendie-and-dew-fuelled doodie for later
>bum explodes like a fat man in fallout 3 (I don't play 4 because it doesn't have my waifu Moira)
>new daddy is covered in doodie, he looks like a swamp monster
>he lets go and starts vomiting
>mummy is on the phone, I think she's calling 911, new daddy is trying to make her put the phone down and shouting something about "the meth you dumb bitch"
>crawl to the kitchen, everything is spinning and I feel faint
>"MUMMY MAKE TENDIES" I manage to shout before blacking out
>wake up locked inside the basement bad-boy cage next to a plate of hot tendies
>new daddy is gone
great success
samefag here posting about chicken tenties and shit... fuck off. i wanna hear real neet stories.
>wake up at 2pm
>30 year old NEET
>had accident in sleep which I rolled around in
>grab cum-towel off nightstand and do my best wipe mess from my folds of fat
>tummy gurgles loudly, so hungry
>plop out of bed, navigate through shit jugs and piss bottles in my room
>waddle downstairs to check GBP board
>wait a minute to catch my breath before I look
>just enough Good Boy Points for some tendies and sauce!
>legs buckle under own weight
>roll myself into the living room where mummy is watching her favorite soap opera
>"mummy mummy I have enough Good Boy Points for some tendies!"
>she turns to me with the most disgusting look on her face while I lay flat on the ground stuggling to get up
>"s-sure honey, le-let me just get some tendies for you"
>she struggles to go to the kitchen without vomitting from the smell and sight of my obese, putrid, feces and semen covered body
>she pulls the tendies out of the freezer after letting the oven heat up as she begins to cry into the sink
>I roll over and pull myself up to my high chair that starts to creak as I sit down
>have my crayons and Power Rangers coloring book to occupy me while I wait
>the tendies are finally done and she puts them on my plate
>she can't hold back the vomit as I open my mouth to eat some tendies and vomits all over my plate
>I can't let these tendies go to waste, so I eat them along with the vomit
>"yummy wummy tendies in my tummy, thanks mummy"
>do my best to muster a smile but the rows of decaying teeth only disgust mummy further
>high-chair finally breaks from my heft
>causes me to have another accident
>mum runs away to her room, sobbing uncontrollably, so ashamed of her baby boy
>I just sit there on floor, in my own filth, thinking about what a disappointment I am
>mfw
being this new
The following is completely true. Unlike the rest of you idiots I actually live the dream!
>29 years old
>In my play room
>Need to make poo
>Lean over my inflatable ottoman
>Put my toy dump truck between my legs and make a shipment.
>Poo-poo is a little runnier than usual, but it doesn't matter.
>*vroom-vroom*
>Now I'm hauling a fresh load across the country
>Mummy brings in my lunch (nachos. I like to change it up)
>"user, I told you not to play with your poo poo!"
>I'm getting real fucking tired of hearing this.
>Flip the plate of nachos into the wall
>Start punching my own head
>"user stop PLEASE STOP!" she screams
>You made me do this I say.
>She runs out of the room to get the tethers to tie my arms back and stop me hitting myself
>Stand behind the door and wait for her to come back.
>As soon as she runs back in I punch her directly in the face as hard as I can, making a weird, wet cracking sound.
>She falls over and hits her head on my dinosaur table.
>I go back to playing with my toy trucks and stuffed animals
>She wakes up a bit later
>I don't say anything, I just stare at her
>She quietly leaves the room, rubbing her fresh bruise
>I can hear her crying from her room.
>Am I worried? No. Regretful? Certainly not.
>I'll wait it out and things will go back to normal.
>It's easy for me to be a good boy.
>If Mummy does what I say I'll be a good little boy.
If she doesn't like it she should have had an abortion. She chose this life.
> The following is completely true.
Post proof, upload pic of shit covered truck.
>have my crayons and Power Rangers coloring book to occupy me
Why is this the saddest part?
>Mom gets off work early without calling first
>Finds me in the pantry emptying my poop jug into the cat's litter box
>Starts yelling at me, saying that I'm fucking disgusting
>Tell her that it's all her fault for breaking up with my dad when I was six
>She tells me that I need to be an adult
>Cry and scream and even throw my shit jug at her
>She says that from now on I have to go to bed before midnight
>Tell her to fuck off and go to my room
>Don't go to bed because it's fucking bullshit and I'm not a god damn wage slave
>She opens the door flat out at like one AM and is really pissed
>Tries to push me away from the computer, but I'm too heavy
>I start yelling at the top of my lungs
>She rips my computer tower out of the wall and takes it up to her room
>Knows I'm too fat to climb the stairs and thinks shes won
>Lay down at the bottom of the stairs and scream until my throat hurts
>Still no computer
>She goes to work the next day
>Wake up at like 3 PM and no computer
>Bitch has fucking overstepped her boundaries now
>Go into the bathroom and lift top off toilet tank so I can shit in it
>Sitting on tank and begin to turtle-head when I get an idea
>Pucker up my ass and waddle into the kitchen
>Take huge shit in the microwave and set the timer for three hours
>Mom comes home an hour later and the whole house fucking reeks
>She's screaming about a fire in the kitchen
>Can hear her crying for hours and even hear firemen stamping around
>Later that evening she comes in sobbing
>Sets up my computer tower for me
Flawless victory
>newfag
>Be me
>Be 25
>NEET
>Wakey from king sized pony bed
>Check GBP board
>10 points
>I get angry
>"Mommy mommy I need points for yummy yummy tendy treats"
>She starts sobbing
"No user you need to earn them"
>No im really angry
>I had been saving a pee pee poo poo jar
>Go into play room closet and grab the jar
>Dump it all over mommy
>Shes now messy mommy
>"user what the fuck" mommy yells
>She starts puking and crying
>Its a mixture of rancid shit and puke
>"Mommy messy all because my points are low" I chant
>"Give me good boy points for my yummy treats"
>My mother added 200 fucking points
>I have a full tendie and ice cream dinner
>Eat it in my play room
>If she doesn't like it she should have had an abortion. She chose this life.
Agreed! All our mothers used to be slutty normalfags bitches. We wouldn't have pity with them normally. Ironically the only reason we do pity them is because they forced us into existence, which is the same reason we should hate them even more
Real neet story:
>Be me
>Wake up
>Go into my bathroom
>Look at myself in the mirror
>I'm fucking disgusting, I'm a waste of space.
>I'll never amount to anything
>Go online
>Job hunt for the majority of the day
>Go on Sup Forums every once in a while
>Mom and dad tell me they're proud of me regardless of being a neet
>I know they're not
>It's getting late
>Go to bed
>Repeat
>it is 11pm, can hear mummys slippers timidly shuffling up the stairs to tell me its time for beddy-bie
>i am dressed in mummys bra and panties that I stole from her drawer while she was out getting tendies for din din
>am peacefully writing love letter to my imaginary waifu
>hear timid knock on my door
>"h-honey, its lights out time. open your door so i can give you your night-light"
>dumb fucking bitch doesn't understand that i go to bed whenever i want. i dont need whores like mummy telling me what to do
>yell from other side of door, "TENDIES FIRST"
>"n-no baby boy, you don't want to upset your stomach and make poo-poo again do you?"
>feel rage seething throughout my plump, pink body
>roll out of bed and start pounding floor
>TENDIES TENDIES TENDIES
>o-okay honey, but then you have to g-go night night. your mummy has to be up bright and early tomorrow for work
>i win, she goes back down to heat up my leftover tendies. listen to her cry while starting microwave
>pee-pee starts to get stiff
>she comes back upstairs and i open door, she has FUCKING 3 tendies on a plate and FORGOT MY FUCKING SIPPY CUP WITH APPLE JUICE
>"h-honey, why are you in mummys undies? i t-told you not to go in my room while i'm done"
>i began to shake violently
>hit plate of tendies out of her hand
>she begins sobbing
>pick tendie up off the floor
>point it at her, tell her to lay down and open her mouth, and teary eyed, she obeys
>violently face fuck her with tendie, jamming it down her throat until spit bubbles out of her mouth and she begins vomiting
>stomp on her meany face
>"next time, you make me 50 fresh tendies when i ask, bitch"
>she gets up, picks up tendies, and goes downstairs to cry
>that'll teach her
>i continue to write my letter.
Made me sick (zero keks), as I'm sure "people" like this exist in real life. Such subhumans would never have made it to 26 in earlier times.
I wouldn't have made it to 6yrs old, my parents being who they were.
Raged and successfully baited.
>in my room browsing /e/ and deviantart
>mom comes in
>"user, we're having company round later, could you please shower"
>remind her to call me shadow killer and tell her that water burns my skin (the only liquid I can touch is mountain dew)
>"o..okay shadow killer"
>throw a piss bottle at her to frighten her into never forgetting again
>5pm now
>ask my whore mom where my chicky tendies are
>there are people here
>"everyone this is user" says my stupid dad
>scream at him that my name is fucking shadow killer
>everyone looks tense
>"hey user, what are you into?"
>tell them that I like hentai, mlp and Sup Forums
>"what's Sup Forums user?"
>that's it
>attack him with my blazing shadow technique while shouting that my name's shadow killer
>he dodges and I fall into the wall,smashing through because of my weight
>use my spell attack "mortem omnibus normies"
>"what's a normie?"
>grab the shitjug I was concealing under my trench coat
>smash it over the stupid cunts head
>shit's everywhere
>remember about my chicky tendies
>hurl myself at my bitch mom
>screaming CHICKY TENDIES!!!
>she's crying
>grab her by the hair and drag her into the kitchen
>say get to work bitch
>"user, you're 28, can't you make your own chicken tenders?"
>smash her head against the oven while screaming DARKNESS PILEDRIVE
>there's a loud snap
>go back upstairs
>check deviantart messages
>can hear ambulance sirens outside
Fucking normies.
This is my life lately, except instead of my guardians telling me they're proud they yell at me all day.
I'm a special NEET. my mom didn't get pregnant from sperm. there was no daddy. Logically speaking, this means i'm the 2nd coming of christ!!! I was a baby jesus! I'm the beloved of God! I will come take all you slaves of society to my NEET kingdom and we will worship there. In jesus name.
that's more like it, thank you man.
>Some of these people are filthy
>has a piss can
Just piss in the toilet you lazy fuck.
>Tonight Chad took me out for "bro's night" cause i overheard mommy telling him to
>Mommy said I needed male bonding and that she wanted Chad to take more of a father figure role
>It wasn't until we were in the car that Chad dropped the bomb that we weren't going to Wendies but to a new restaurant, Chad's favorite restaurant
>I reeee'd and stamped my feet and punched the dash. Chad told me to shut the fuck up or he would kick me out of his car and leave me in the snow
>I didn't bring any shoes, and I was really hungry from all my reee, so I decided to humor Chad until tendies were delivered
>I slide the back of my sweatpants down and made a little poo smear on Chad's cloth seat
>It was dark, so Chad had no idea my 300lbs+ was permanently grinding the runny poo deep into his car upholstery
>Chad rolled down the window and told me to stop farting in his car
>As we pulled into the restaurant parking lot i saw it was called Hooters
>Not a good sign. Tendies come from chickens, not owls
>"Order me my tendies", I told Chad
>Chad said he would also order me a beer too since I was over 30 but I said "no, choccy milk".
>He told me the don't have choccy milk so i reee'd a weak little reeee cause I was extremely famished and anyway they had Mountain Dew. Maybe this place wasn't too bad.
>WRONG.
>The tendies promised weren't tendies at all. THEY HAD BONES!
>I flung the nasty bonies and began to reeee and reeee harder than I had ever ree'd that night
>"I WANT TENDIES! I WANT TENDIES! I WANT TENDIES!"
>"TAKE ME TO WENDY'S NOW OR I'LL TELL MOMMY YOU TOOK ME TO A STRIP CLUB!"
>Someone said "Get him out of here. He stinks like shit and he's not wearing any shoes"
>They were talking about Chad, but Chad was wearing shoes. Even the people at this restaurant were stupid
>Chad put me in the back seat and took me home, but not after going through the Wendy's drive through
>Checkmate. eating my tendies right now as I type this and I can hear mommy and Chad yelling at each other upstairs
...
Piss can is huge.
saves toilet flushes.
flushing toilet uses water.
less toilet flushes means less water bill.
>am now filthy NEET, its almost normie tier
>filthy whore mother informed me NEETBUX can be exchanged for GBP
>I do like GBP
>have her leave work to pick me up
>roll me to car to take me to NEETBUX vendor
>disgusting nazi at bum office asks if ive looked for a job yet
>fucking normie shmuck dares speak to me?
>start breathing in through my teeth and blowing out my nose
>snot starts running down
>starts getting sucked into my mouth
>wait till mouth is filled
>grab wagecuck social benefit bureaucrat by his ugly tie and and scream PUSSY spitting my snot all over his face
>stand up flipping the desk with my belly
>guess mother dearest was tired as 5 security guards carried me to the car
>mfw I dont have to go to bum office anymore
>NEETBUX4LIFE
>One day I wakey and mommy isnt home
>I text her on my emergency phone
>She says that shes at her job
>This fucking bitch
>She says I have to make my own tendies
>Im fucking outraged
>I go over to her worky work
>I grab a set of her special plates before I go
>Go to her office
>Throw plates at her
>"user WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
>I chant "I dont make the tendies!"
>I grab my weewee
>Start pissing all over her desk
>She starts screaming and crying
>When we get home she makes me 50 tendies
>Free of charge
>wake up at 3pm
>fill piss bottle
>waddle out to check GBP board
>finally reached 100 for not shitting in the car yesterday
>REEEEEEEEE in excited delight so loud and high the window cracks
>too out of breath to walk
>roll into kitchen where mummy is doing the budget
"MUMMY MUMMY NOW IS FUN DAY TIME FOR TENDIE SPECIAL SUNDAE"
>mummy slowly looks up, her eyes wide and quivering
"b-but I-I have to work today and that takes four hours to make..."
>heave myself upright, all 450 pounds
>face is bright red and sweating bullets from exertion and fury
"NOW I SPEND MY GBP, SO MAKE TENDIES TO PLEASE ME"
"I c-can't... we don't have any..."
>what the fuck did you just fucking say to me you little bitch
>begin quaking with apoplectic rage, jiggling like a triple decker jello mold
>throw mummy to the ground and start tearing off her only dress
"YOU FORGET TO BUY THE MEAT, SO NOW IT'S YOU WHO MUST EAT! I AM NO LONGER BENDY, SO NOW YOU SUCK MY TENDIE!"
>shove my cock in mummy's mouth
>haven't washed in months of course
"TOASTIE ROASTIE! DUMMY MUMMY!"
>mummy pulls away gagging and sobbing
>it's ok, five seconds was long enough
"SPRAYO MAYYYOOOOOOOO"
>blast all over mummy, grunting and moaning like a semi passing on the highway
>inexplicably have huge volume despite jacking it eight times a day
>make sure to get it everywhere
>point and laugh
"CUMMY TUMMY! CUMMY TUMMY!"
>laboriously turn around and shift backwards
"STUPID BITCH COLD LIKE ICE! NOW MIXED WITH CREAM THAT'S NICE! REMEMBER I'M THE BOSS! NOW ADD THE CHOCOLATE SAUCE!"
>spray diarrhea all over mummy for solid minute
"ROASTIES MAKE ME WARY, CUZ THEY LACK A CHERRY! NOW SUNDAE IS COMPLETE! ONE IN CHARGE IS THE NEET!"
>wheeze and collapse from exhaustion, falling on top of mummy and trapping her underneath layers of fat
>takes three hours until strong enough to roll back to couch
>piss myself five times
>grind trail of filth into carpet while rolling
>mummy gets hose and mop, starts cleaning me up
"w-who's my b-big boy..."
WHY just WHY
What's wrong with vegetables?
...
>be me
>playing club penguin trying to hook up with bitches
>my mum comes in and says that after I lost her her job I should get a part time job
>I tell her to fuck off
>she sighs
>"I-i-t's okay, user. It's not your fault you're special."
>Stupid bitch. Why does everyone need to tell me that?
>Ffwd 1 month later
>now she just wears really red lipstick, fishnets and short skirt and goes upstairs every night with a male friend to play 'games' with a locked door.
>lying bitch, how can we still be poor and she can still play around?
>sometimes I hear beating and her crying.
>note to self: buy noise-cancellation headphones with GBP.
>my tummy is hungry
>I go upstairs and knock on the door
>"MUMMY YOUR BEST BOY IS HUNGRY. I WANT TENDIES."
>no answer
>I put my ear against the door
>hear them exercising
>faggots must have put in earpiece and listening to music
>no one fucks with my tendies
>go to backyard
>climb up tree outside mummy's window
>am big-boned but tendies motivate me
>see their silhouette behind curtain
>he's helping her do sit ups
>I am Enzio Auditore
>swing like pendulum and crash through window
>I roll gracefully and crash into mummy's drawer
>don't know why they're not wearing clothes, it's not that hot
>her friend is spilling mayonnaise on her face
>her male friend goes wtf
>he storms out and says he'll never "spend money on a stupid whore again"
>mummy just sits there and cries
>I bang on my chest and scream "I WANT TENDIES"
Tfw when she left cooked tendies on the dining table before all that.
I'm not short like you so my fat doesn't make me look like jabba the hutt.
>Be hanging out with my daki (Mikiru is best waifu)
>Mommy comes in and asks me if I want to go to Friendlies for a platter of tendies and some icy creamy
>Clap excitedly and rush to the car with Mikiru
>Sit in backseat with her, mommy gets to car and starts driving us to Friendlies
>Mikiru gets frisky and starts eyeing up my crotch
>Decide to give her a show
>Pull out my cock and start tugging it around
>Mikiru looks at it hungrily, cum on her face in a matter of seconds and scream
>Hear mommy sigh from front seat and mutter that she made a mistake
>Tell her it's okay,I love mommy and I can get her her OWN Daki
>She sighs, obviously with relief
>We get to friendlies, get out with mikiru and we order three plates of tendies and frenchies, thinking about what kind of Icy Creamy I'll get
>Mommy orders a glass water and some toast
>Asks for three slices instead of two
>Warn her not to go over board or new Chad Daddy might not like her flab flab
>Shes so grateful for my advice that her eyes start to water
>Me and Mikiru finish our tendies and mommy makes a comment about me not throwing stones
>She KNOWS I'm sensitive about my beautiful curves
>I control myself, but Mikiru is in love with me
>She lunges forward and attacks mommy for disrespecting her hubby
>Waitress comes over and grabs me
>Why grab me? Mikiru is the one hurting mommy!
>Realize... the waitress is in love with me too
>Lunge forward and start making out with her, Mikiru stops attacking mommy for some reason
>Waitress pushes me away, I knew I should have stuck with Mikiru
>Shit pants and start crying
>everyone in restaurant staring at us
>Manager man comes and says we have to leave
>Never got my icy creamy
>REEEEEEEEEEEE
>Go home with mommy, she's apologizing for ruining my night out
>Tell her that after TONIGHT, only a threeway with mikiru will make up for what she did
>Mommy starts sobbing tears of joy knowing that she can do something to make me forgive her
>mfw
alright user, i've met people like you, people who share stories of a similar ilk to yours and play mindgames with their mummies and i gotta tell you its just not on, user, its just not on. 【°〜°】
what you're doing is abusing your mother and it is a foul thing to be doing user, a very foul thing indeed.
god put man on earth to work and be moral. you are doing neither and should be ashamed. very ashamed. all you of you 【°〜°】
>sisters birthday friday
>her and her friends are having a party downstairs
>she begged my mom to let her do it somewhere else, but my mom said that she would make sure I wouldnt bother her and her friends
>she is 15 and her friends are around the same age
>all her friends are vapid cunts and I dont want to risk losing my virginity to anyone but my 10/10 virgin dream girl so I decide to stay in my room
>just finished watching a couple episodes of mlp
>those qt ponies always make me parched
>sneak past mother and go downstairs into the kitchen to grab another two liter mountain dew
>I crawl on the floor like a snake so I can slither by them without them see me
>their slut senses must have picked up on the fact that Im only wearing my semen stained undies
>they start to leave the kitchen revolted
>out of the corner of my eye I see the most beautiful semen demon you an imagine
>pig tails
>short shorts
>no make up
>she couldnt have been older than 12
>literally perfect
>I run over to her and grab her to take her into my room
>she starts screaming when i put my hands on that soft pale skin
>all the girls seem really scared
>lol. like I would be tainted by their gaping cunts
>i hiss at them and drag this beute up the stairs by the root of her hair
>dad must have heard the screaming and came to see what was happening
>right before I get into my room he hits me in the back of my head with a closed fist
>"user bad!" he screams
>i drop the girl, turn and hiss at him.
>barely make it into my room with my life
Didnt get any sweet loli puss, but mom and dad got a visit from the police with the girls parents. kek. those sluts wont be coming back anytime soon
This, except I have a job, so I guess I'm not NEET technically.
...
>Be Mummy's 24 year old bouncy happy healthy 350lb baby boy
>In the middle of my 5pm post-breakfast MLPforums and /trash/ browsing session on my 2011 Lenovo Thinkpad T420 running FreeBSD (fuck those Linux plebs)
>hear a knock on my door
>it's Mummy
>"God fucking damn me and slutty Princess Luna don't have time for your normie shenanigans you ungrateful sow!!!"
>She interrupts me mid-REEEE! and says my normie sister has come home from college for Christmas and she brought me a present
>"Fine! I shall take her gift as compensation for your heinous act of interrupting my browsing session!"
>Pull my healthy, 350 pound /fit/ as fuck body out of my racecar bed and waddle down the stairs
>Fucking normalshit basic bitch roastie sister is in the living room holding a wrapped present with my name on it
>"Hey user! I can't believe it's been 3 years since..."
>"MY NAME IS SHADOWCLOUD! My ponysona is me and I am my pony OC!!"
>"S-sorry, Shadowcloud. I thought you might like this. I earned a little extra cash from my job at Starbucks and I thought I's use it to help you out a little bit"
>typicalroastie.jpeg
>Snatch the present out of her probably cum-drenched whore hands
>Tear into it with the force of a thousand Narutos
>areyoukiddingme.webm
>It's a MacBook
>A FUCKING MACBOOK
>"W-well I thought you could use a new laptop s-since yours is kinda old..."
>THIS. BITCH. HAS. CROSSED. THE. LINE.
>"How dare you insult Shadowcloud's presence by offering him this pleb-tier technological trash!"
>Mummy tries in vain to contain my unstoppable rage
>"user! How dare you treat your sister like this! She cares about you and this is how you repay her!?"
>Bitch, you just poured gasoline on a raging, eternal fire
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE with the force of a thousand Thuu'ms (not that I'd ever play a normieshit game like Skyrim)
>Throw the MacBook onto the floor and bodyslam it with 100% pure muscled buttocks
>"APPLE IS SHIT SO THIS IS A FITTING PUNISHMENT FOR YOUR GRAVE MISDEEDS, ROASTIE!"
End pt 1
pt2
>Clench my gut and let out a triumphant fart followed by a stream of poopoo so hard it rips through the buttflap on my Barney onesie
>Continue REEEEEEEing the entire time while I'm emptying my cavernous bowels
>Mummy tries to pull me off the box
>Throw a fistful of poopoo at her
>Sister screams and runs to her car
>fuckingnormiesandtheircarfaggotry.webm
>Fling poo at her but miss and hit the Christmas tree instead
>Get up and let out a triumphant roar as I jump one the PlebBook with all my might one last time to finish off the Apple-made abomination.
>Retreat back to my lair and drink a 2 liter of Mr.Pibb in a victory toast with my beloved equine waifu Luna
>Mummy comes up sobbing 2 hours later and changes me out of my poopy clothes and serves me a megatray of Tyson tendies (5lbs worth) and another 2 liter of Pibb to wash it down
>spend three hours on the shitter while mummy cleans my room for me
And to think that fucking bitch had the gall to say that I was the one who ruined Christmas.
At least I'm never going to see my roastie whore of a sister again because Mummy told me she got something called a restraining order. Fuck that bitch. I hope she dies choking on Chad's cock while my peepee remains purely for Ponies.
>5PM
>Mommy and girl are talking about me
>Mommy comes upstairs and says I'll be going on a date
>I tell her thats for normies but I do it anyway
>Get in girl's car
>She stops at local tendie shop
>I eat good tendies
>But she...
>She ate salad....
>I get fucking outraged
>"WHAT ARE YOU EATING YOU FUCKING BITCH"
>She jumps back in fear
>I fucking flip over her shitty salad fake food bowl
>"YOU ARE WHORE" I chant
>Whip out erect 4 inch weewee
>Grab tendie
>Start shoving tendie in her ass while face fucking her
>I cum in 5 minutes
>Rest of restaurant staring in horror
>Take off all of my clothes
>Proceed to poo poo pee pee all over tables
>Clerk calls 911
> I throw myself at the clerk lady
>Start fucking clerk
>I go into kitchen
>Throw clumps of shit into tendie frier
>"GIVE ME TENDIE FREE OF CHARGE "
>They make me 25 tendie
>Mom drives me back home
>I purchase ice cream and mtn dew sundaw will new earned GBP
stop with the mom abuse. I love my mommy.
>wake up to my room of piss jugs and shit bottles
>first thing I do in the morning is check my gbp
>saved up enough good boy points to buy a steam card
>crawl out of my Teen Titans Go blanket (I got it from Santa instead of coal for being a good boy)
>rip off page of my gbp chart and hobble downstairs
>mummy cooking me a breakfast of tendies
>"mummy mummy! I saved up enough good boy points to get a steam card!"
>"let me see that my special little boy. You've been so good these past few weeks! Here are your chicken tenders."
>fucking normie cunt, who calls them chicken tenders
>eat my mountain of tendies then get into the car
>mummy starts to drive
>suddenly get motion sick
>"mummy I don't feel very good"
>puke all over the back of her car, tendie flakes everywhere
>oh my god! -10 gbp. We are going back to the house now
>what the fuck you stupid bitch I was good all month for that steam card
>was going to buy Sakura Angels with it
>get back to the house
>enact plan of revenge
>mummy goes to sleep
>pick up shit jugs with caution, pull out mummy's space heater and place the shit jugs with it next to her bed
>20 min later
>shit bottles explode
>hot poop splatters everywhere
>mummy gets plastic shard and poop-juice in her eye
>has to go to the hospital
>doctor said its infected and has to be removed
>mummy now looks like nick fury
fucking normie bitch that's what you get for taking away my gbp
...
Thanks, this is the first thing to make me genuinely laugh out loud for ages.
Did you go to college too?
>Be 29
>Puppa kicked me out of the house
>Says he will help me find a place once I have a job
>All because I threw one fit when my tendies were still cold
>It's freezing outside and I pooped my pants
>In the library right now
How can I get tendies in the adult world? My puppa gave me my GBP receipts when he kicked me out, can I use them at McDonald's?
>be me
>wake up in a cold sweat wheezing
>hungry.wav
>waddle over to kitchen
>exhausted from the walk and lay on kitchen floor like an overturned giant slug
>open the freezer
>no tendies
>almost suffer cardiac arrest
>feel a festering "REEEE" in the back of my throat
>this_ends_now.jpg
>waddle as fast as I can towards the slut bitch cunt's room
>watch over her
>she looks exhausted from working her two jobs
>"Mommy?"
>no response
>oh_no_boy-o.png
>"MOOOOM!"
>Mommy wakes up with a gasp
>looks at me and starts crying
>"Oh, user, no... I- I forg--"
>get unto the bed on top of her
>hear her groan under weight and hear something pop
>"No nuggies so I make Mommy into huggies"
>"Sweetie, I--"
>"NO NUGGIES SO I MAKE MOMMY INTO HUGGIES!!!"
>with speeds that are unfathomable I pull down my pants and put her face right into my butt
>haven't taken a poopie in weeks
>let_it_go.gif
>as horrible juicy farts are released from my cave, an explosion of chunky diarrhea explodes into my Mom's face
>as thunderous farts and blobs of poopie explode, I roar and tremble in orgasmic pleasure, my saggy tits jiggling in unison to my quicering jowls
>"GOD HAS LEFT US MOMMY!!!!"
>hear my Mommy gagging and sobbing
>sleep on top of mommy because ordeal made me sleepy
>wake up next morning
>Mommy gone
>waddle over to fridge
>Tyson nuggies on shelf
Give me one good reason NEET life isn't worth it
Wait, you actually carried the semen stained hugpillow into the restaurant with you?
> be me
> 28 years old NEET
> raised as an only child
> I caused mummy and daddys divorce
> nothing matters except the scrumptious taste of tendies
> mfw its 03:00am
> mummy I'm hungries
> yell into intercom for snackitysnacks
> CLAIM THE MEAL OF THE CHICKEN GODS!! ITS TENDY TIME!!
> her tired voice reponds with "NOT NOW SWEETY MOMMY IS WORKING!!"
> challenging me at this hour?
> insolent woman I know there are tendies in the freezer bring me my tendies
> keep chanting for the tendies that are rightfully mine
> GOLDEN BROWN TENDY TOWN TURN THAT FROWN UPSIDE DOWN
> evil jew landlord tells mummy to shut me up
> eww mummy is sleeping with nasty landlord
> naughty man. Making mummy's ladylettuce smell like sardines
> The war has begun.ctn
> enter sunrise. All Preparations are complete.
> nullifying any chance of escape I reeeee into mummies "office" on my valiant reinforced electric wheelchair.
> douse jew in two jugs of poopyjuice before he can activate his spells
> evil jew is unable to battle!
> ram him into the corner and then leap off of my valiant steed and mount mummy's face
> NO NO NO NO NO NO MUMMY! YOUR PUNISHMENT MUST BE MORE SEVERE!!
> "URGH! YOU'RE CRUSHING ME SWEET-- OH GOD HELP ME PLEASE NO!!"
> Groan as I release a big boy turd so nasty her fingernails begin to peel backwards
> gaze into her eyes as the impact sends mummy into panic attack
> expel the last of my poopies on the sheet. How many times must I break you?
> tidy up my toys and waddle into kitchen to await my spoils
> slithery jew slithers out of my castle and says we don't need to worry about rent ever again
> victory.ogg
> mummy finally arrives visibly shaken and broken inside
> opens the freezer to make my tendies
> puts hot plate of tendies in front of me and blows them until they are cool
> "mummy you have to chew them for me"
> mummy breaks down in tears and screams for death
> yawn, give myself 5 extra gbp and fall asleep without eating them.
I haven't laughed this hard in weeks
>Birthday last week
>Mama got me the Littlest Pet Shop cake I wanted
>Get a card from grammy
>"Enjoy your birthday, sorry I couldn't be there sweety, I hope you can use this"
>A lot of weird green paper in there
>Mamas eyes get big
>Ask her what these are
>"It's money, I use it to buy your chicken and videogames"
>"Can I trade it for good boy points?"
>"Yes you can, of course you can"
>then new daddy walks into the room
>smells like smoke and adult apple juice
>slaps mamas butt
>sees the money
>"I need this for the poker game tonight"
>Mama says no, I traded it with her
>He slaps her faces butt now
>Mama screams
>I'm sitting there eating my cake
>Ask her when dinner is ready
>She says I gotta help her
>This FUCKING NORMIE
>ASKS ME
>TO HELP HER
>ON MY OWN BIRTHDAY
>take off all my clothes and jump on the table
>Press my willy in the cake and run to mama screaming at the top of my lungs flailing my arms
>hit mama in the belly
>hear a loud oomf
>new daddy looks at me
>I look at him
>I get down on my knees and grab his crotch
>he goes back and asks me what I'm doing
>I just wanted to show him I can be mama too
>Run at him and bite him in his crotch
>even though he wore pants he dropped to the ground crying
>now everyone was crying
>my diaper has been full the whole time
>put some cake in diaper since mama isnt changing it and feed it to new daddy
>new daddy never came back after the poker game
>mama made me fresh chicken tendies with a side of pizza that night
>she didn't even charge my good boy points
>best 40th birthday ever
I think he wants some GBP's
>Mommy takes me on tendie picnic
>I drink my mounty dew and eat my tendie treat
>I chew and chew but my chewing stop
>When mommy says its time to go
>I Shreek i scream I moan I growl
>RREE REE MOMMY I NEED TENDIE
>She packs up the bags and she thinks she won
>She says she ate and now is done
>I grab her quickly by the wrist
>I throw her down and throw a fist
>Mommy mommy see what you did
>I didnt finish my tendie meal
>at new daddy's country cabin for the weekend while the house is fumigated
>him and mummy go out for the day, leave me in my race car bed that mummy carried all the way here on the bus because she can't afford gas any more
>noon rolls around, get hungry
>get out of bed, unlock the baby gate they set up (she doesn't know I know how, dumb bitch) and go into the kitchen/hall area in search of din dins
>NO FUCKING TENDIES
>just spam and jerky and soup in the cupboards and frozen deer in the freezer
>pile all the spam cans up and go pee pee on them to show what I think of this
>fucking normies don't have the first clue about nutrition, this is a fucking outrage
>go into new daddy's bedroom, maybe he keeps an emergency stash of tendies hidden like I do
>look under his bed
>nothing there but a load of magazines with pictures of ladies wearing no clothes and some men too
>there fucking MUST be tendies nearby because the magazines are covered in ranch
>notice a shoebox a little further back
>grab it and bring it out, it's heavy. These must be his tendies, quite a few of them too
>open it
>it's a gun
>looks like a Glock 17, I can tell from extensive experience in Counter-Strike
>take it out and pretend I'm in Wanted, making the bullet curve around the doorway and hitting Chad on the other side
>"HAHA FUCK YOU CHAD YOU SHIT I BET YOU REGRET THOSE WEDGIES NOW-"
>suddenly there's a loud crash in the hall and a man's voice shouting
>fill my diaper and start shaking
>the gun goes off, I go deaf and drop it
>crawl under the bed and squeeze my eyes shut
>work up the courage to check things out after a few minutes
>peak around kitchen corner
>new daddy is lying in a pile of spam cans, ouchie-juice leaking from his tummy
>mummy is crying over him and on the phone to the police
this is going to cost some hefty GBP
This automatically proves you're a normal/newfag GTFO
>Be me, working on my minecraft peaceful world
>mummy comes in, hands up in submission
>"a-user... It's time for your doctors appointment..."
>look her dead in the face
>"if you make me go to that jew Doctor I'm going to shit in your fucking bed."
>"now user, if you behave... I'll give you a triple Tendie meal from anywhere you want."
>sold, but resolve to give her as hard a time as possible to punish her for not just GIVING me the triple tendies for being her perfect little baby boy
>get in the car
>"oh boy mommy, I really do need to go to the docy docs! I am feeling so... Sick!"
>shit my big boy pants
>she screams at me to get out of the car so she can clean it, say no, docy docs now!
>she reluctantly drives me over, go inside office and wipe my shit on the Windows
>she apologizes, pays for damages and we wait for the doctor
>mommys shoe starts to dangle off her heel
>start jerking off
>mommy sees me and desperately whispers at me to stop before someone notices
>moan as loud as I can
>she's in tears now
>look her in the eye
>"Touch my cock, whore." I say loud enough for the whole room to hear
>she sobs loudly and shakes her head no
>pinch her nipple and twist until she agrees and gives me cummies
>Doctor calls me in, immediately call him a kike
>spend whole checkup farting, pissing, and belching strategically to ruin the doctors day
>checkup finally ends, mom is still sobbing
>"triple Tendie time now mummy!"
>lets out a louder sob and rushes to the car, me in pursuit
>"wh-where do you want tendies from, user?"
>tell her I want wendies tendies
>she takes me to wendies, and we discover, to her horror, that they only have nuggets now.
>REEEEE at her while shitting and pissing myself
>she rushes me home and leaves me there, saying she'll be back soon with as many tendies as I can eat
>comes home 20 minutes later with 7 orders of Popeyes tendies
>smile and thank her
>she sighs with relief and decides to take a nap after her ordeal
>Left a surprise in her bed
>be me
>mummy's chunky 550 pounder
>wake up at 5pm
>roll over in my play pen
>something is missing
>my waifu pillow is gone
>that bitch has kidnapped her
REEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>no reply
>roll out of the pen but too fat to stand
>crawl along the floor
>poopoo and peepee bottles fall in my wake
>my soiled mlp onesie becoming a jackson pollock canvas of poo and pee
>roll down the stairs and see mummy in the kitchen
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HER, WHORE?!
I-I don't know what you're talking about sweetie
MY WAIFU! WHERE IS SHE!
Your pillow... thing. I took it to the laundrette it was all gross and crusty
MY WAIFU PILLOW I SHALL FIND, THEN YOU SHALL EAT TENDIES FROM MY BEHIND
>pull myself onto my legs for the first time in years
>can feel my knees buckling under the weight of my ample frame
>i strap on my naruto headband, grab my minecraft sword and waddle out the door on my chivalrous quest
>people gag as i pass them on the street
>others flee in terror at the sight of me lumbering down the street trailing poopoo behind me
>get to the laundrette
RELEASE HER FROM HER SOAPY PRISON!
>the laundrette worker looks shocked
e-excuse me
MY WAIFU YOU ODOROUS CRONE! I AM TO BELIEVE THAT SHE IS HOUSED WITHIN ONE OF THESE SPINNING DEATHTRAPS!
oh, y-you're mrs user's ch-child... your mother's washing is over here
>i see my love being drowned in a vortex of water and suds
REEEEEEEEEEE! SHE'S DYING YOU MALODOROUS FIEND! HOW CAN YOU LET AN INNOCENT FLOWER WILT AND DIE THIS WAY!
>i use all my tard strength to rip the machine door from it's hinges
>water floods the room as i stand triumphant sword held high and waifu in hand
>make my way home expecting tendies for the returning hero
>instead see the blue and red flashing lights of the law
>they tackle me to the ground, the stench causing them to vomit all over me
IS THIS HOW AMERICA TREATS IT'S HEROES?!
>they separate me from my love and throw me in the back of a car
>i can see them dragging her away as my eyes fill with tears
>never see her again
man, these are great.
I don't often actually laugh when I'm on my own
>>I yell "get out normie scum!
I fukd died lmao.
Normi cunt
>I have 30 good boy points
>Enough for play room and tendies
>I go to my mom with my gbp chart
>She says shes adding a new rule
>She calls it good boy tax
>Its aparently some bullcrud to make me learn about money
>She says i need 10 more gbp
>Im fucking outraged
>I throw the chart and shit on it
>Mommy starts crying
>She says if I eat the dindin she makes I'll have enough for 2 tendie dinners in the playroom
>Shes trying to fuck with me
>I am not dumb
>I say "YOUR DINDINS ARE SOUR AND SHIT GIVE ME TENDIES OR ILL BITE YOUR TIT"
>She gets visibly scared
>She says no
>Still trying to test me
>Rip off her shirt
>Bite her nipple hard
>She starts yelling to stop
>Says I'll lose gbp if I dont stop
>She is lying
>Continue
>I see hurtie juice coming from titty
>I stop
>She starts bawling
>She makes me free tendies for a week
>And lifts the tendie tax
fucking quads and nobody points it out
>Up in the wee hours of Thursday morning
>been masturbating to Sailor Moon Crystal
>finish up and get the munchies
>Wake up mom at 3am
>Tell her i'm hungry for chicken mcnuggets and to go buy some now
>Says she has wake up early for work tomorrow (dumbass that's today) and she'll pick some up on the way home
>Fuck that
>Place subwoofer speakers against the wall facing parents room and blast youtube.com
>She knocks my room door for 5 minutes meekly asking me to turn it off but I kick back and scream CHICKEN MCNUGGETS every time
>Finally she stops and gets in her car and comes back 40 minutes later with my mcnuggets
>Double 50 piece with extra dipping sauce plus an M&M McFlurry to wash it down with
>Furiously gobble the entire thing in four minutes
>Crash for 12-hours
>Wake up just intime to see mum home from work
>She's exhausted as hell but brought me the same order without asking just to make sure I don't wake her again
>I do anyway
Kek fucking normalfags
That sounds like a pretty lenient doctor's office.
>playing some call of dooties tree
>my belly starts to rumble
>"Mommy I need some Tendieeeeeessss."
>"user, for the last time, you're on a diet and can't have fried food!"
>"But momeeeeeee! I have enough GBPeeeee!!"
>no response
>wait a few minutes
>Hear the "bump bump" of mommy walking down the stairs
>a tray slides through my flap-flap on my basement door
>mommy had it installed because "she couldn't bear seeing me"
>remove the neck of my poop jug from my anus
>been sitting on my poop jug as a chair all day
>it makes my peepee feel tingly
>wobble over my bedroom door
>look at the tray
>so taken aback by the horror on my tray that I fall over
>THE BITCH MADE ME BAKED CHICKEN
>clench fists hulk-style and start yelling "IM.... ANGRY"
>"user SMASH!"
>just like my hero, saitama, knock the basement door off of it's hinges in one punch
>start hobbling up the stairs
>have to stop on the 5th step because exhausted
>take a nap on the stairs for about 30 minutes
>continue making my journey up the last 3 steps
>get to the top, reminds me of rocky
>roll up to mommy, poopy butt leaving trails on the carpet
>"hello user how was your dinn-"
>roll straight into her legs, knocking her to the ground
>"MOMMY FAILED TO COMPLY, NOW SHE ten-DIES"
>Start rolling on her like a steamroller
>hear her bones cracking from my beautiful curves
>"user NO PLEASE STOP!"
>activate "Muddy Lemonade" protocol
>start pissing and shitting as i roll over her
>"user ILL MAKE YOU TENDIES JUST PLEASE STOP!"
>I halt
>she crawls to the kitchen her broken legs dragging behind her
>see her pull a handful of what i think are tic-tacs from an orange bottle and put them into the milk for the breading
>I hate mint flavor!
>slither up behind her like a snake that has just eaten a elephant whole
>"PUT MINTS IN MY TENDIES, YOUR SPINE GOES BENDY"
>get mommy's head and bend it backwards so the back touches her butt
>she's limp
>have peepee fun friction time with her mouth
>roll back to basement and start playing CS:GO
>IS THIS HOW AMERICA TREATS IT'S HEROES?!
i lost
>>mummy gets hose and mop, starts cleaning me up
A mop to get the bulk of it out, yes, but she's still going to have to reach between those folds and scrub hard to get the residual filth. Give it some real elbow grease.
Sounds like it was a NEETBUX checkup office, they're used to dealing with 'tards.
>be me
>38 years old, still unemployed
>4am
>horny after watching 10 episodes of Pokemon: Johto Journey
>clomp my way across the landing to mummy's room
>clamber onto her bed
>MUMMY WUMMY ITS TIME FOR MY TUMMY TO GIVE YOU THE TENDIES THAT COME FROM MY ENDIES
>she wakes groggy and confused
>"Oh no, no user, please. We said-"
>she bursts into tears
>"We said I would only do it once. You got your 50,000 GBP to promise to never do it again."
>stupid bitch is crying hysterically now
>"I need to get up for work in an hour. The office told me if I'm late again I'll be f-f-fired."
>grab her hair and yank her head up
>NO MUMMY ITS TIME FOR YOU TO RECYCLE THE CHICKEN TENDIES BECAUSE TENDIES FROM MY ENDIES ARE YUMMY FOR MUMMYS TUMMY
>tries to wriggle away, gasping hysterically, but I grab her slender wrists with my Charizard strength
>MUMMY YOU ARE SO PRETTY I tell her as the tears stream down her red, puffy face
>MUMMYEEEEEEEERRRGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!! YOU HAVE TO EAT THE SECOND HAND TENDIES
>she nods slowly, lower lip quivering
>squat myself over mummy's accepting face and pull down my black shorts with the flames up the sides
>mummy opens her mouth, trembling with horror and racked with sobs as she tries to keep still, I can feel her hot breath on my hairy, shit-encrusted anus
>(tendies tendies from my endies, from my tummy into mummy) I whisper into the night air
>within seconds I feel something
>a gushing of release and relief from my guts expels explosive and gaseous from my itchy bumhole, spraying and splopping chunks and jets and gooey ropes of every colour all over mummy's face and into her pink, waiting mouth
>hear her gagging and crying even harder underneath me
>relief is so intense I fall face-first onto her bed, booty naked in the air
>EAT MY TENDIES MUMMY, THEYRE SO GOOD AND YUMMY I say into the bedding, muffled
>hear her trying to swallow
>just keeps gagging and crying
>I fall asleep there and when I wake up at 3pm she's gone
fucking normie bitch
>Be me, 342 lbs of proud, big boned badass
>In my room playing Sonic Free Riders
>Tumbly gives out a rumbly
>Reach for another handful of Bugles but the bag is empty
>"It seems my food has been depleted. I guess that means some more is needed!"
>Engage my mommy pager device aka pounding on the wall with my strong thick big boy arm
>Let out a scrart (screech fart) to convey the urgency of the situation
>Mommy comes into the room, dark circles under her eyes
>"user it's 3:45 I have work at 5:00 and I only just got to-"
>"Cease your whining, vile whore. I'm out of snacks and I need more! Fix me tendies now, posthaste, or my vengeance you shall taste!"
>Brandish my katana and threaten to slice open a poo sack
>"That's not a katana user that's a wiffle ball bat"
>Whack!
>Mommy sighs and turns to leave when her nightgown snags on the dresser, jostling it and causing my Ayanami Rei figurine to tip over
>"o-oh user, your doll I'm sorry"
>"She's not a doll, and now you're through! I'll drown you til you rest in poo!"
>Get off the bed with a mighty roll
>Clutch my sword
>Take a deep breath and begin my charge to defend my lady's name
>I'm not closing the distance fast enough, mommy's getting up!
>Another scrart startles her enough to freeze her
>Grab the nearest poo bag and drop it on her back
>It doesn't break
>Time to show my full power
>"Attack my woman, you craven trollop?! Beware, your baby packs a wallop!"
>Bring my katana down on top of the bag, bursting it and covering mommy in my chocolate
>Mommy's cries and slips in the poo
>See Rei on the floor
>Combined with this alpha display, I'm pretty horny
>Start rubbing my willy now that mommy can't stop me
>She looks up in horror as I let a milky load rip all over her pathetic existence
>Lean on dresser for support
>It can't stand my high-test figure and breaks
>Splinters fly everywhere.
>My hide protects me but they cut mommy
>She stops moving
>Still hungry
I'm THIS close to calling child services
>I wake up from my nappy nap
>But mommy hasnt brought me my post-nap tendies
>Play roblox for an hour
>Still no tendies
>Play roblox for a little longer
>But no tendies
>I get angry and rush downstairs
>I start to shout and pull my hairs
>"MY TENDIES I AWAIT IM HUNGRY FOR THE TENDIES THAT ARE VERY GREAT"
>Start throwing the hair I pulled out at mommy
>"A-user you ran out of GBP so I cant give you them"
>Now im fucking mad
>Slam open freezer
>Grab the tendie box
>"Im sorry tendies I must do this"
>I throw the box of tendies onto the floor
>"MOMMY DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE"
>She starts crying
>Daddy Chad comes home
>I start shitting
>Hes staring at the horror going on
>Mommy crying in a ball while I shit on a tendie box
>He calls me a retard
>I frisbee the shit covered tendie box at him
>It hits him right on the face like the clowns do it with pies
>The tendie box slides off onto his shirt
>He gets so mad he starts giving mommy hurties
>I start running back to my playroom and hide so he doesnt give me hurties
>Mommy comes in the room
>Grabs my Lightning McQueen toy
>I dont see what happens but I hear a thid and mommy screaming
>I get scared and drink some of my hidden mounty dew
>Chad calls mommy a whore
>Now im mad
>I grab my 9 inch horse dildo
>I charge at daddy
>He is knocked over onto table
>I carry mommy back to my room
>Daddy never came back home
>Mommy gives me free tendies and weird game where she lick my weewee
>Mommy gives me $20 and tells me to go walk to the movies so she and New New Daddy can have some alone time
>"For tickets alone, this sum shall suffice. But I must eat too, and that begs a higher price!"
>Jesus user, when are you going to stop talking like that? It's really getting on my nerves
>bitch still gives me another $20
>"Mummy, upon leaving the theatre, the hour will be late. A ride I demand, and I don't like to wait!"
>user, the theater is a 5 minute walk away. Get home yourself
>"Neglect of your child is the worst of my triggers. Do you wish to see me set upon by unruly niggers?"
>user, don't use that language! We live in a safe neighborhood, now go
>"The march to the theatre looms long and unfriendly. To maintain my stamina, I require Tendies!"
>mummy is visibly mad at this point
>user, I'm not making you more tendies, you had two cases earlier. Your body doesn't need any more!
>"Ah, i see it's a matter of my digestive capacity. The solution, I assure you, is not beyond my sagacity!"
>stick thumb down throat
>puke all over mummy's special Just For Daddy dress
>"My stomach is emptied, it demands to be refilled! Now cook up more tendies, the only task in which you're skilled!"
>mummy starts crying
>walks toward bathroom
>I pull her back into the kitchen
>she cooks me tendies while sobbing silently
>I wolf them all down, smiling brightly
>Be me
>Living with mommy and asshole stepdada
>Usually keep to myself down in the basement with my animes, and vidya while they screw around upstairs
>That fucking chimp thinks I cant hear him bang my mom in this house of paperthin walls
>One day he's doing laundry
>Motherfucker thinks he can put his undies in the same basket as mine and wash them together
>ThisFuckingNigger.avi
>Tell him that's a big nono and tell mommy on him
>She has to listen to me, I've earned many GBP last week for calling a truce and not chucking my doodoo in the Tyrones aquarium
>That fucking junglebunny had the audacity to tell me to grow up and stop making my moms life a living hell and move out and get a job
>A job
>A FUCKING JOB
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>run to my batcave and take out my glorious 3rd Reich armband
>Eat this subby
>Parade around the house screaming Sieg Heil and Heil Hitler
>Notice my neighbours watching
>My middle schools bff dad, I heard he moved out and married a fitnessjock in SF
>Anyway
>Tyrone chimps out
>OOO OOO AAA AAA
>Comes at me full speed
>OHSHIT.gif
>Start spinning my arms in a forward direction
>Actually sock him in big fat apenose
>"MUTHAFUCKA WHITEBOI" "That's it Martha! I'm out!"
>Notice moms in the corridor crying like a little bitch and smoking ciggs
>Tyrone runs upstairs and starts packing his suitcase
>Run to mom and put my face a few inches from hers
>"Start vaping bitch"
>Run to Tyrones aquarium and lays the big poopie that was laying in my underino all this time
>That'll teach that slave
>Tyrone comes downstairs and goes out the front door
>Mom runs after him
>Tyrone pls dont! He's just a boy!
>"HE'S 32, FFS MARTHA!"
>kek, like age has anything to do with that
>Moms still screaming behind him and he stops, he looks like he's coming around
>NotOnMyWatchCoon.jpg
>run out and stand between him an mommy
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>"NO! FUCK THIS"
>Steals neighbours car and drives off
>Mommy realizes I'm the only man for her
>Mommy's good boy wins again