Share yours. Post some original shit

Share yours. Post some original shit.

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imdb.com/title/tt1001508/
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When I was 15 I persuaded my 10 year old brother to jerk me off.

I haven't been feeling as dandy the past few months, as well as years.
I haven't been sleeping well the past few weeks, as well as months.
I redesigned a new piece of equipment, and started working on making it.
I also spent some time with a new musical composition.
I slept late, less than an hour late, but that was enough, and upon awakening, I didn't feel that bad. I was awakened earlier than usual, but despite that, still felt not too bad.
I canceled my responsibilities for the day, and thought that I may require some more sleep, but did not feel very tired.

Correlation is not causation; so, perhaps, I should study into this a bit more, in order to help myself.

9 year old cousin rode my dick a few nights ago. We were clothed though, no naked sex involved. She asked if I liked how it felt, and I said yea it's amazing. So I then told her to touch my hard dick (albeit clothed) and she smiled and giggled. Goddamn irl lolis be so sexually curious, so tempting...

Details?

My gf is shy.
All I can think about is sharing her and cover her face of cum.

TFW it'll never happen

My wife fucked my car

It would be nice if for once I wasn't the one who was more interested. If I was the one being pursued. If I wasn't the one making all the moves. Really makes a girl feel bad.

My station wagon floingered me me in the back of my mom's uncle

god dammit, I woke you up sunday morning, I'm just not a night person

I have had full sex with my 23 year old daughter about a year ago

I got kind of forced by a guy to give him a blowjob and ended loving it when he pushed on my head and told me how to do it

I skimmed $3,000 working at a food stand one summer

I'm the retarded social phobia wizard in harry potter that Rowling forgot to mention.

I rode the short train to Hogwarts.

I have exactly the reverse problem

I just pissed in my mouth while wearing my daughters panties. I have never cum so hard. First time I've ever done this

g e t g o t

I insulted my already depressed girlfriend to make her cut herself. I watched it and jerked off to that. Best climax ever.

>be me
>24
>living at paid apartment
>from rich parents
>they think I'm poor and just some dumb college dropout failure and all I do is make websites every now and then for people
>they don't realize I make around $30k a month
>haven't told anyone
>only my lawyer and my cpa know, both of which signed strict NDA's.
>just collecting money at this point

About two years ago
>Went into a Family Dollar to buy some dog food.
>Walked up to the checkout, which had a display for candy and shit below.
>Happen to notice something
>A big wad of rolled up cash in the M&M's.
>I grabbed it, clerk didn't notice.
>I was about to tell her, but figured she'd just take it for herself.
>Go out to car and count it.
>$466.
>Can't decide what to do with it. Take it to the police department? Advertise online in a lost and found section?
>Two days later a friend reposts on Facebook that some woman lost a shitload of cash at Family Dollar, all she had in the world, desperate to find it.
>Click on it. Woman is a fucking bitch who used to work in the same place as me. Always shit talking about other people to make herself look good.
>She finally got fired for stirring up shit at work.
>Unemployed now.
>Went back to Family Dollar. No cameras in the place that would have seen me.
>Went to the bank the next day, deposited 400 of it, put the rest in my wallet.
>Fuck her.

I like to post nudes of my wife on Sup Forums. I've even made pictures where I've changed the filename to look like a Sup Forums image number so I can post her in "Pics you've saved and want more of" threads to see if anyone else has saved her

???

Fucking sucks doesn't it. At 1st he was all hot and heavy with how much hed reply and saying sweet things. Now it's way less but every time I start to back off they say something to get me hooked again.

post a closeup of her pussy to prove your story is true

it'll be my secret

There is a guy at my work who is stealing parts and i am the only person who knows

>Fucking sucks doesn't it.
I wouldn't go that far. She's nearly always up for it when I make a move, we've done all sorts of kinky shit and have fantasised abot some pretty dark stuff.

It'd just be nice if she made a move on me a little more often and tried to persuade me - not that I take much persuasion.

...

Tricked last gf into taking an abortion, then dumped her.
Wife doesnt know. She also doesnt know about that time a weekend after we started going stedy when i tumbled drunk into my x's room for some fucking.
In my defence x was a hag (but good at sex) and this was the first time i was supposed to be in a monogamous relationship. I simply lacked training in not fucking.

I'm addicted to sex
I'm married and I love my wife, we have sex everyday at least once unless she's on her period (after 3 years of marriage and after being parents of a beautiful girl)
And I also cheat my wife once or twice a week with different women, to avoid trouble I started hiring escorts (they will never call me, or stalk her on facebook or whatever)

I have a fucking addiction

i broke into my friend's sandwich trailer and took a huge liquid dump in the middle of the floor - On visiting him the next day i watched as he and another lad tried to clean the mess up - all retching. I don't know why i did it.

Only in "pics you've saved" threads. You'll have to guess which one I am - I'm not having you out me when I'm having fun and collecting (You)s

Inside or outside?

So, last year?

The car was outside, she was inside the car

We have fooled around as well. Not as much as I'd like and always initiated by me. Once I make the move he seems really interested.

I somehow barely react to recreational drugs

When I was 13 y/o I cyberbullied my ex into slitting her wrists while at a party and framed this guy who was at the party. She died from blood loss. I'm 20 now and still have not been caught or heard of that guy since.

I feel you. I just fucked my wife this morning and I've been online looking for a hookup while I'm out of town later this week. I fuck a random girl and often couples on almost every business trip. I love my wife, but I can't stop

She was my flatmate years ago. I found a rabbit vibrator in her bedroom and I fucked my ass with it

Try talking to him - perhaps he's concerned that you might not be interested when he is - he clearly knows you are when you make the moves. Or he could have a lower libido than you. Or it could be it turns him on to be pursued, but doesn't realise you'd like to be pursued too.

Communication is king

>be me
>was 27 at the time, was living in MD
>now 31, live elsewhere now
>was fishing in chesapeake bay
>was alone
>am foreveralone
>whatever
>fishing most of the day since morning
>mid afternoon, hook something heavy af
>not fighting, can pull it in, but wtf is it?
>finally big plastic bag with rope around it comes to edge of boat
>wtf?
>bag partially torn open
>horysheetbatman, mucho cash inside
>start looking around like a manaic
>closest boat has to be at least 1/4 mile away
>pull bag full of money into boat
>cut bag open
>holy shit it really is full of cash
>loads of it
>heart racing
>break down cash and stuff into my two coolers
>take boat back to marina
>load boat
>drive home
>sweating like a 15 yr old virgin in a whorehouse
>get home
>count money
>holy shit, i just found $500K
>quit job next day
>living large ever since
>still have more than $300K left
>still sweating bullets
>rarely leave house anymore
>but still all dat cash

You don't love your wife; you love subjugating women

nobody believes you

I honestly think he's just not that interested. He'd fuck me if convenient but I'd have to put in all the leg work. The planing and figuring out when we could. but I want sex and cuddles.

when i am feeling down or need a good laugh, i watch the election night coverage again and laugh at the liberal left melting down.

Shared my secret with Sup Forums today, been called a faggot.
Finally got this off my chest

imdb.com/title/tt1001508/

Fuck you, Trump cuck

lol go burn a Starbucks faget

Yeah I know. Going to fuck him at least once though. I better at least

Then don't.

aaawwww poor little baby still crying.....

One time I went on a walk with a girl and she lied down in the grass and said 'cover me in grass' so I obliged by ripping up grass and setting it aside while I jerked off to her perky little butt

dont you have someone to spit on or sucker punch that doesnt agree with you

could fuck me

>I was 16 (three years ago)
>there was some weird guy at my school, very shy and into anime. I'm sure he lurked Sup Forums
>I hated him, dunno why
>he was in love with a pretty average girl of our class. That kind of dumb, shy love some weeabo shitlords can develop
>so I asked out the girl. I'm not handsome, but above average
>we started dating and I really enjoyed kissing her and being really affectionate everytime the otaku retard was close and could see us
>he was really sad, everyday he looked worse and worse
>one day I was really bored, so I started talking with the retard and told him in detail how I fucked the girl he loved
>I told him how I took her virginity, my cock was diamonds, the retard's suffering make me hard
>he was crying and I'm sure he didn't tell anyone
>then he tried to commit suicide, he failed because he was fucking useless and I had to hide my smile when a friend told me
>he used to be my friend when we were kids. But I can't remember why I started hating him

Except he is what's got me sexually frustrated right now.

I'm currently living in exile with my aunt and uncle because my parents disowned me after catching me and my sister messing around.

I'm sexually frustrated

I'm a Latino from NY who secretly loves country music and votes republican

I was at a friends house watching football a few years back. He drank way to much and passed out cold on his couch. I fucked his wife on the living room rug literally right in front of his face. It was very quiet, very intense and fucking AWESOME!

He's the itch I need to scratch though

I wish the Nazis had won WWII, but I can't say it in front of anyone really, since my fellow Americans are all thoroughly brainwashed into controllable sheep for the Jewish banks that rule us. I don't think the Holocaust is real. I have to bite my tongue when people say shit like I heard yesterday: "Germans are genocidal maniacs."
>Germans allowed the British army to escape at Dunkirk when they could have massacred them
>Germans had Jews in internment camps because Jews had risen up and tried to overthrow Germany in a Communist uprising between WWI and WWII
>Germans could have killed all the Jews they captured if they had wanted to, but didn't
>Germans could have slaughtered countless Soviet soldiers in the initial offensive against the USSR, but they tried to take them prisoner without sufficient means to do so which ended up allowing many Russians to escape
>We are all enslaved under an immoral and anti-Christ Jewish banking cartel and under Zionism, because of the outcome of the war and the failure of Hitler

>subjugating
why?

I mean, I can understand the part of "you don't love your wife", but subjugating?

I try to be a good husband a good father and I think love is not as easy as the movies show. Emotionally my marriage is perfect, she is happy and I'm also happy, but there is that dark worm eroding my mind, it's a perverse idea of making me desire other women, more women, diversity

I enjoy making love to my wife, with the other women I enjoy sex but I prefer the thrill of a new, private encounter, casual sex

About 5 years ago i went through a breakup, and whilst going through it i had to move somewhere and settled on a room in a house, owned by a grumpy old cunt. Evry morning when i took a shower, i did a massive horrible shit whilst showering and poked it down the plughole with my big toe. I don't know why i did it.

No. It appears Trump is the one crying. Stupid little bitch sits in the White House alone at night while someone else fucks his wife. Just sitting around in his robe watching TV. What a fucking cuck, just like his voters.

I have thought the same while watching Man in the High Castle. How glorious would it be to live in a world of German domination

Do your aunt and uncle know what's up?

They do and also frown upon me. My uncle isn't too hard in me but my aunt treats me like some guest now. BS I say, plenty of sibling mess around and don't deal with what Im dealing with

...

Damn that sucks man. I got caught fingering my sister and my mom just lectured us a little and that was it. Is your family super religious?

...

Who doesnt? ;)

...

>at work
>about a month ago spot a laptop
>no cameras
>leave, decide to hide it in a close by area, so if someone finds it it was just misplaced
>week and a half goes by
>check on it
>still hidden, lets check it out
>guy sitting in corner, farting around on his phone
>make small talk and leave
>happened fucking twice, i'm slipping, my face has been seen
>turns out hes a project manager
>obviously his laptop, but he seemed fine with not being able to find it
>prob can buy another
>go back later in the week at closing hours
>hes gone
>pack it up and take it out
>don't touch it for a month
>wipe and reinstalled os

>nice laptop mate

No they're not. And you're lucky user. My mom walker in on my sister giving me a bj. My dad came home early that day just to beat me. Got the silent treatment for a week now then told to pack up and that I'm dead to them

what about your sister is she dead to them also?

But you got caught dipshit. That was your mistake, right there.

I hide and sleep 80% of every day at work for the last year and a half.

Goddamn I love my job.

i have CRIPPLING DEPRESSION

Idk, I haven't heard from them since November
That's my biggest regret in life, not locking my door that day

>be me
>be like 29 and sicker than fuck and recovering from major surgery
>have dickhead neighbor who has xmas lights that beam directly into my window
>politely ask him to adjust light so i can sleep
>he tells me tough shit/fuck off/etc
>week goes by
>feeling moderately better, well enough to prank
>steal babby jesus from nativity scene
>lay down a massive, horrible dump in its place
>wait another week
>place the ceramic or porcelain baby jesus in paper sack
>you know where this is going.jpg
>place bag on asshole neighbor's porch
>set it on fire
>ring doorbell & run like hell
>mfw neighbor stomps on flaming jesus bag
>mfw i hear him cursing at the top of his lungs
>ring at my doorbell
>it's asshole neighbor
>he's yelling at my dad about all the stuff i supposedly did
>mfw he has no proof and is an asshole anyway
>mfw my dad says "user has been indoors for almost a month
>mfw got away with the whole thing
>feelsgoodman.jpg

Go see a doctor tomorrow.
Tomorrow is the day user. I mean, what the fuck were you going to spend the day on anyway?

just went on my first panty raid last weekend at my sister-in-law's. found a yellow lace thong and a pill/bullet vibrator. wore the thong, switched the vibe and wrapped it around my dick. hard ejaculation.

19* not 29.

Can I borrow some money??

Remember to not get caught.

Man, that blows. Were you and your sister really close? Do you have a way to keep in touch?

My sister and I were always really close so I don't think it was a huge shock to our mom, but we told her that our fooling around was limited to just touching, which was true. We never went beyond fingering/handjobs.

Not yet anyway.

"borrow"

This was 18 years ago.

Been trying to contact her. Yeah we were clone. I'm older so I've always been protective of her and we bonded a lot. Just seemed natural and ok with what we were doing

fuck you

:(

Post your Paypal and hope.

Doing God's work user against those weebo faggot. You earned this

I take Tramadol for my depression.

Yeah, it was always pretty natural to us. We were worried about pregnancy risk, so sex want an option and we worried if we did oral, we'd cross that line to sex more easily.

But a hand job feels way better than jerking off yourself and it was even hotter that it was my sister, so I wasn't about to me up a good thing by pushing it. We did it basically every day.

I hope you can contact her soon. How old are you two?

I love tramadol. I can fuck forever on that stuff.

I love how its speedy at first then mellows out to a nice opiate buzz on even 100mg

I'm married and have kids, but for the last year me and my best friend have gotten steadily closer to the point where I want things to go further but don't know how to approach it, they definitely feel the same way