So I'm at a crossroads Sup Forums, first story I've written

So I'm at a crossroads Sup Forums, first story I've written.
>be me, senior in highschool
>worked my fucking ass off until three years ago, 2014 when my favorite, most relatable teacher quits due to shitty faculty
>same year, brother, veteran, attempts suicide
>he survives
>attempts again 2 months later
>causing major trauma on my mind
>mother trying to help brother get life together while he's addicted to drugs after 2nd attempt
>essentially left to take care of myself while living in the same house
>no one to talk to, father is a deadbeat abuser, out of picture
>no other family
>start doing shitty in school
>good grades go away, secluded myself from people
>all the while been dealing with major spine deformity and degenerative arthritis causing daily pain
>majorly depressed, low grades, staying away from friends, always in constant physical pain getting worse as I age
>slipstream continues up to today
>still no one to talk to
>mom half crazy, brother psychotic druggie that wants to be dead
>officially diagnose with depression at 18, prescribed antidepressant
>refuse due to researching side effects
>recently missed going on 3 weeks of school, at the breaking point

This short, poorly put together story is what I've dealt with for 3 years, it is like a weight on your shoulders getting heavier each day, and right now it's so heavy I don't want to get up.

I'm not suicidal, but should I give up on what I've worked for the last 13 years and miss on a highschool graduation.

Or should I get a G.E.D. and take a break, simply try to reconnect with myself somehow and just learn how to deal with all of this stress.

I'm sorry if I'm sounding like a sobbing faggot, but honestly, I just thought fuck it, I'll tell my story anyway.

Just feels good to type it out.

>inb4 highschool faggot
Ya got me.

Post mentions
>faculty despises me
>students despise me
>school even tried to get me for truancy when missing school due to the chronic back issues

Also, tits for your time.

Smoke weed for all your shit trust me, go to community college and see if you can get your mom to help pay, and get a part job with flexible hours possibly at the college and use that to become more self sufficient.

You lost me at "diagnosed with depression, prescribed antidepressant".
Antidepressants are designed to help people with a physical problem with their brains. It seems that your brain was working exactly how it's designed. Get off that fucking shit ASAP, you will probably have to taper down over a few months, but you'll be better off.
Second, the problem is the people in your life, not you. You have to write some shit down and look at it, and really make some big changes.
Stranger's advice on the internet: get off antidepressants and do everything you can to put some distance between you and your family. I promise this is the only way forward...you'll see that one day.

To be real with you, I smoked weed alot, it helped with the stress and even stopped the spine pain.

Problem is, being a young buck in my teens at that time and my brother being a heroin addict, one day my mother found out and basically had a breakdown.

She thinks everything is awful if it's off the street, pot rots your brain, but Xanax and narcotics are ok cause a doctor said so.

Tried educating her but it's like convincing Putin that it's ok to be gay. Won't listen to reason.

Jesus Christ dude, smoke weed? Weed attacks motivation. He needs motivation more than anything else right now.
>inb4 but it cures cancer too

My mother couldn't live without me and she's all I so I don't know what I can do there.

Also down under that I said I refused the drugs.
Dr said that it'd "help with the pain after a few weeks"

It is Cymbalta, I'm not taking that shit because I'll prolly end up killing myself

I just wish I could openly smoke or have some narcotics on standby to help me when the pain is so bad I can't get out of bed.

Back when I smoked I had motivation to simply get the job done which was pass in school just to get to college.

That motivation has left some time after I stopped smoking.

I just feel like I'll be less of a person if I back out and get a GED
Then take up classes next spring and take a year to stabilize my life, maybe get a good job in the meantime.

You should consider antidepressants, they exist for a reason. It's not all a big lie OP, they do work.

Well I'm fucking buff as hell and smoke a shit ton of weed and dont do any steroids so thats good. I dont think my testimonial helps for that but I will tell you I fixed a lot of my back issues with pot. The problem with weed is it's tricky. You dont need to smoke a whole lot to get the medical benefits but lets face it, youll start to like it. Being functional high is possible but not something you ever want to get used to. Enjoy in moderation and as as much as you have to for your condition at an appropriate time. When you enjoy being high you like to do or watch dumb shit and once you get used to that as regular entertainment you become a smoked out idiot even if you're still a smart person.

I've almost completely separated myself from my dad and brother,
Keeping my mom in check

The biggest thing is the fucking highschool I go to.
Never have I seen teachers want to put people down so bad rather than lift them up.
Never have I seen such a student body just out to get you because they know your history.

I feel like the town fool walking in there and it'd suit me fine to never walk in there again.

I just want to know is it worth it and will giving up 3 months before graduation really stop me from doing what I want in life.

I maybe wanted to go into criminal justice somehow, but what if a GED stops me yknow.

I'm just so stuck

Does it seem like there's a problem with OP's brain you fucking sheeple? That's what they're designed for. OP obviously needs help with his life. Magic beans make things worse long term, every time.

Started anti-depressants 2 months ago(zoloft), along with some therapy. Best decision in my life.

I know exactly how you feel.
At first it was a game but I got things under control and could function.

Just coming home with a paranoid mother staring at the whites of your eyes cause she waited up till 2 am for you doesn't make it possible for me.

I could since I'm legally an adult or whatever but I simply don't want to disappoint her more than she already is due to my brothers drug use.

Theres a time and a place for weed man. You shouldnt smoke when you got shit to do.

How did you find that out by reading this post? Are you his doctor? He says he is majorly depressed but won't take medicine he is prescribed.
Lmao "thats what they're designed for"

I'm just worried about the cutoff

Heard that's when shit hits the fan. Exactly, I'm depressed sure I'll admit, worse than most, but 2/3 of it comes from a horrible fucking school system I'm avoiding all I can before GED is the only option,
And then the chronic pains which can be solved with simple pain meds

Any medication I've ever had I only take as needed, never on a schedule. Except antibiotics.

Exactly, weed will only bury your true feelings for so long and make it much worse if your brain isnt working like it should.

Don't be such a huge pussy
People will look back on your life and think
>Well, he's done alright but he's certainly not leadership material.
Get it right, OP.

Most of it is by school and pain.

I can solve one if my doctor would prescribe the shit to take care of the pain which is a source of how shit I feel.

The next is the fucking shitty school system and being on the border of dropping out.


The family issue is the last intrusive of the three.

I don't want to take anti depressants to cover it all up.
Atleast with pain meds it would solve a problem when I decide to use them.


As for school idk what the dick to do

Once I graduate, if I graduate, I only intend to see maybe one or two classmates ever again on occasions.

Who the fuck am I really trying to impress.

I'm in this world for me, but I don't want to make the wrong decision to hinder myself in the future.

The paranoia of myself being seen by my mother completely nullifies the effect anymore.
If I smoke now I just waste my time and start feeling deep regret.

...

Sounds like you're projecting. Weed doesn't have to be an escape just because it is that for some.

He says he'd rather deal with shit rather than escaping shit using psychotropic medications. I don't understand why this should be a problem. Is this a taboo idea in America or something? His life is clearly shit, and his reaction to it is clearly justified. We've made it to this point over two and a half million years without antidepressants. Why is it that depression rates keep going up at the same rates as antidepressant prescriptions are written? Because they don't cure depression, and the pharmaceutical industry doesn't even claim they do.

Alright, well for me atleast I got better grades when I used antidep... but I struggled with anxiety too.
I did eventually drop out of college at 17 though after using them for awhile, so who knows if they "worked" for me... I'm doing good now though, atleast consider them.
Your back seems pretty fucked, it's gonna hold you back a lot so please dont feel bad.

No but most likely

Its ok, I do what I can but I'm in my bed tossing and turning in pain rn. Just gonna be with me till I drop lol, just the pain is unbearable sometimes and having no way to stop it sucks, to say the least.

I'm sorry about your situation.
I wish I was in college, I tried classes a couple years ago

Felt so much more open and I could breathe, even while going to highschool at the same time.

Just don't know if I should finish hs because does it matter that much?


24 on ACT, my college will be paid for locally, I just can't stand high school anymore with my situation and no buffer.

Xanax and anti depressants I see as a way to just make your eyes shut and forget about life for a day.
But when it wears off, it all hits you again on top of your procrastination and you revert back to the cycle until you never stop.

My brother did that, and I don't want to end up like that

As someone who has first hand seen a heroin addiction, I can handle narcotics and would never allow myself to get mentally dependent, but the lack of having them is pathetic.

To be fair the only thing this world needs to the general public is antibiotics and pain medicine for those deemed necessary

People are getting more and more depressed, and no it's not because of antidepressants lol. Things are different now than 2 million whatever years ago, I dont know why you mentioned America either. Antidepressants don't cure anything, but they help you out with your depression even if it's "justified" or not...
Sometimes people need a little push to get out of their depression, it's how the medicine works.

Just the reviews and side effects sketch me out a bit too much.
I'm cautious when it comes to pills, just how I am, overall I just have a general disapproval with depressants etc

I mixed up college and high school I think. I quit mid high school.
I dont know what you should do with your school situation but I would consider therapy and possibly medicine, it might make things easier at school. Antidepressants are not really drugs like xanax and pain relievers, You can't abuse them if you start on efexor or something. Tapering can be a bitch if you taper too fast or have anxiety, but it's not that bad... just don't use them for a long time.

Yeah I hear ya, a lot of psychiatrists don't like using them in therapy either. People just have different opinions.

You're right, depression rates are rising because your society and way of living is increasingly fucked. My point is, if antidepressants really worked, depression would be going down with increased amount prescriptions. Do you disagree with that somehow?
I mention America because it seems to be one of the only places where it is expected to be on psychotropic medication the second you feel sad about something. In my country depression rates are almost nil, and I don't know anyone who takes antidepressants. Sure we have problems, but we work together as a community in conjunction with national health care to help that individual back on their feet. Americans have forgotten how to live. I'm sorry OP, regardless of what happens, you need to find a healthy environment.

How have you faired.
Did you continue to college?

Also are you in the US

I live in Norway, and I stayed at home for 4 months and then I started searching for jobs, then I discovered baking so that's what I do now. Have not gone back to school yet. I got a nice apartment too, and a few job offers. I'm 19 now and its all good but my anxiety is bad again after too much weed/cig and alcohol last year. Im in therapy again. That is true.
Things are different where I live, they don't throw out antidepressants left and right here, most people are depressed because they are obese as fuck and don't excercise. Doctors should always use medicine as a last resort. Antidepressants is a tricky one to discuss though.

I have a feeling I have the exact same spinal problems as you man. Difference is I'm 32.
Point being, I am depressed because of it. I won't lie. But antidepressants and such actually made my life worse. I know the source of my depression and it's something I cannot change without surgery. So that is what I am currently working toward. Don't let others get you down my bro. Get into a gym and start working on mobility. The resistance machines help a shitload. Plus the fitness and strength will help when you do need surgery and dude you will at some point. My back problems just keep getting worse with age.

If it's any consolation, my mother is dead and I don't see the rest of my family. I have a decent job but dealing with the pain everyday really wears me down

Point being focus on yourself bro and forget about trying to fix other people's problems because you cant. Be there for them but don't own thier problems.

This one got hit home, sounds like future me.

Thanks man, we can relate hardcore.
I've gotta be in it for me, you're right.

Take care.