Times you've acted like the joker

Times you've acted like the joker.

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that time i had angular cheilitis and got cranky

One time I starred in an action blockbuster to great acclaim and then accidentally killed myself with a drug overdose.

My lips were dry once so I picked them.

I completely trashed this dude's bathroom at a party last night after he just kept running his mouth during beer pong. Like completely destroyed.
>ripped out every drawer and caninet door.
>put dark colored towels in toilet and flushed while ripping out the toilet water knob so he can't turn it off
>took a dump in the shower and used white towels to wipe and left them on the floor
>smashed the mirror
>took all of his toiletries and put them in the shower with my shit
>wrote on the unsmashed part of the mirror in permanent marker "YOU DID THIS"
Lol haven't seen him since but I showed my bro and we couldn't stop laughing. Had to leave like right after fucking lmao.

>be me
>mom asks me to take out the garbage
>she comes back in twenty minutes later
>garbage is stuffed into one of her dresses as I carefully put lipstick on the trash bag that serves as a "head"
>she loses it, asks what the hell I'm doing
>"You told me to take the trash out. We're going to dinner and a movie!"

She completely and totally freaked.

Had gay sex on a mountain in a tent

youtube.com/watch?v=GsbIdSGwoEs

This is suppose to be the new joker?
What happened to:"why so serious?"history?

It ain't gay if it's on a mountain, son.

>Mom got me the wrong toppings on my pizza
>go into the fridge and loosen the cap on her Pepsi so it goes flat quicker

>mom tells me to take the chicken out of the freezer before she gets home
>don't

hehehehe im bananas

>going to my grandma's funeral
>whisper to my mom "what if the plane crashes?"
>she says it's not going to crash
>"But isnt that the next step in your master plan? Crashing this plane with no survivors?"
>TSA agents swarm from every direction
>mom is blackbagged and swept away
>Agents come to question me
>assume the CIA powerstance (naturally I am wearing a dark jacket, khaki pants, and a blue shirt, as it is my day to day outfit)
>"I'm CIA. You don't get to bring friends."
>they apologize and disperse
>72 hours later mom is released from custody after intensive interrogation
>she's now on the no fly list

One time I sniffed the toilet seat right after my mom was done pooping.

None of these are funny

Why so serious?

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>receive package
>says "tear here" on the side
>tear
I cried some tears on it

>got paycheck
>Was going to put 40℅ of it into 401k
>Instead invested into high risk stock without diversifying my bonds

>'user you need to stop using the computer now i need to check some work stuff'
>ok mom just give me 5 minutes
>use the computer for 6 minutes and 43 seconds

>user posts "reply to this post or your mom will die tonight"
>read the post
>don't reply and keep scrolling down

Haha, mom's gonna die.

>be in bed, watching a decent series
>Mom comes into my room and tells me I should go to sleep soon since I have to get up early the next day
>Tell her I'll only finish the episode and then go to sleep
>actually watch the next episode as well
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I AM COMPLETELY BONKERS

You went full on sperg mode dude. What happened, did he take the girl you've been crushing on for years but never had the balls to make a move on?

MELVIN MELVIN

>be me
>leave work five minutes early

This thread is fr*kcin NUTS

This fucking thread. This madness must stop.
I've reported all of you to the FBI.

i got fired from a logistics company because i smeared my blood on my cheeks, as a joke. y'know? "look guys make-up!".

That one time I stole a french fry off my sister's plate when she wasn't looking.

i said "you mad, bro" a lot in my earlier years
the thing is, i knew they were mad already...

>get on bus to go to work
>tell driver that i'm getting off two stops before my actual stop
>ticket price is determined by distance traveled
>saved 20p on ticket by lying

>See a guy fall and break his leg so that it bent the wrong way
>immediately become erect
>go home, place my penis over the railing of the staircase
>snap it
>penis instantly becomes swollen and purple and won't stop swelling
>best masturbation session of my life

Nah we just went into overtime in beerpong and he sunk the last cup and just kept celebrating and wouldn't shut the hell up. Nice projecting though summerfriend.

Sure sounds like you went full on chicken tendies autist mode to me.

>Dad thew away my poop scissors after I left them outside to dry
>don't do any intermittent flushes like I usually do, to teach him a lesson
>clog is so bad that he has to call a plumber

This didn't happen

>late night
>laying on the bed in my room
>scream "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM"
>close eyes and act as if I'm sleping
>she comes
>then leaves
>massive grin appears on my face

This picture gets more artefacts every time I see it

Yikes.

Hello summer.

hi

kek

Absolute madman

> intermittent flushes
Never do this, i usually stuff my toilet with paper till it ascend up to my ass. You have to do something with your pipes dude.

You'll be okay.
Take a deep breath and embrace your sissy Reddit self.
Inhale.

in school i did this with every bully

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Raw-dogged two different girls in an hour, mixing up vaginal stank in the 2nd. A hee, a ha, a ho ho.

Aw.

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Friend did something similar a cunts house. Smeared his shit all over the bathroom walls and ran away. Told me to look in the bathroom and then leave the house.

Pretty funny desu

Did he also despise the batman?

disgusting, you should be ashamed of yourself.

don't think he cared desu

>go to the pipe shop
>told the teller it was for tobacco
>it was for weed

Need a kiss?

I did a study abroad in europe and the last day I was catching an early flight back to the U.S. and I went to take a shower and there were walls covered in shit and even hand marks like the sick fuck had smeared it all over. And he left his shoes and pants so I'm sure he got in trouble for vandalism at the very least.

...

I didn't flush the toilet when I used my parents bathroom yesterday.

>Be in math class
>teacher gives up homework for the next day
>get home
>don't do homework but sit on the couch instead watching my favorite cartoons

Jesus christ dude, you don't do that shit against family

Grades measure obedience not intelligence anyways.

Never told anyone this but here goes

>mom sends me down to local shop to get skim milk (disgusting, but it's for her so w/e)
>we live in a sketchy neighbourhood, not the worst part of town, but just adjacent to it
>on the way to store notice two old ladies on the way to the store aswell, one of them has small dog
>jamal and his friends are scoping them out
>decide to follow them (just in case, never fucking know)
>old ladies enter store
>Jamal and friends follow like clockwork
>Cashier looks unsettled by obvious sketchy gang entering store (but it's the current year!)
>old ladies have not seen that they're being followed
>now even dog looks worried, dogs with that sixth sense, obviously knows shit's bout to go down
>Enter: dairy lane
>Ladies, pacing
>Jamal and Co, speeding up
>Dog, looking unsettled as shit
>I need to act fast
>I walk up right behind Jamal's smallest friend
>Grab the fridge right next to him, open it first so that the door is angled with the corner to the side of his forehead
>Take first pack of milk I see
>It's normal 1.5 %, not skim

Mom fr*ckin freaked

M A D M A N

Noice

Nice thumbnail summerfriend.

>he fell for the jesters second trick and was freaked to the point of posting a reply.

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you got baited, reddit. stop being an autistic retard and deal with it

>falling for triple joker trick
Get fucked 9gag dyel bitch.

>I was only pretending to be retarded.
Cringe.

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I once told women beautiful

even though she wasn't

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