I know better than to ask for real advice here, yet, here I am posting requesting real advice.
I am a mid-30's male with a job in the tech industry. I have been married for 10+ years and have several children with my wife.
Earlier this year I made a new "best friend" at work whose of the opposite gender. She, too, is married. Over time we got closer until we started having an affair several months ago.
Since then (maybe before the sexual piece) we started to fall in love. I love every aspect about her. We stimulate each other emotionally, physically, sexually, etc. We have tried to break it off a few times with terrible success. Everytime we try not speaking, touching, or even having contact at all we collide ten times harder when we do come back around.
Long story short, we're conflicted on what to do. I'm not sure how to break it up, and we're not so sure we want to.
I've tried considering all the things I'd lose if we come out, but none of it seems to help persuade us.
Should we just bite the bullet and suffer the consequences of officially becoming what we want, or suffer the day-to-day of not being with the one we love?
I feel terrible for my wife who has been great, loving, caring, and she, too, is quite sexy and smart. She just doesn't have a chance against my work wife, regrettably.
You only go around this life once. Dont spend it in a loveless marriage!
Anthony Jackson
Murder-suicide?
Ian Scott
lose the bra.
Dylan Barnes
I'm concerned because I DO love my wife, I just can't seem to get this other girl out of my head, my heart and routine. Also, The kids... Ugh
Nathan Campbell
...
Justin Harris
Do what feels good man
Nolan Baker
See if your wife is down for an open relationship.
Seems like you're not going to change... might as well accept it and try to mediate it before it ruins your life.
Blake Gutierrez
Child support and alimony is a mf...you'll be paying that until the kids are 18 and she is remarried. Oh btw, if it has been 10 years she gets half of your 401k / retirement!
Leo Wright
You'll get married and the cycle will continue.
Oliver Lewis
get a divorce, prepare for years of pain
or break it off and try to make it day by day until it stops hurting so much (should take about 6 months)
you can go see a shrink to help
Jeremiah Morales
It's not that bad. This is the first time I've struggled with depression in my life though. When I'm with her I feel great, when I'm alone I feel terribly depressed until I'm with her again. Half of the time I'm depressed because I'm not with her. The other half is because I am/was with her (what Im doing to my wife/myself).
Ryan Walker
which wife has the better tits?
Cameron Torres
>I'm concerned because I DO love my wife
No, you don't. If you did, you wouldn't be fucking the slut at work.
Easton Evans
Married engineer here.
You've got an obligation to your wife and kids. This trumps you. What you want isn't more important than what's best for your children. Your wife wife also doesn't deserve to be cheated on if she's done her part in life.
On the flip side - you can't control your emotions which is also part of being human. This isn't about rationalization. Can you manage both relationships? If so - continue it and acknowledge each one for what it is. It's likely after a year or so one of you will grow tired of the other and you can let it run its course.
Landon Morgan
You mean to the new girl? I've wondered what happens in 10 more years.
That sounds splendid...
The second option is what we've been trying to do for the better part of three months now. With us working together its seemingly impossible.
Daniel King
>With us working together its seemingly impossible. Get her fired then. It's for her own good.
Camden Harris
You're infatuated. You are in a state of NRE (New Relationship Energy). Your body is flooded with oxytocin you are not thinking clearly. Do not sacrifice your family and a stable, healthy relationship just because you've picked up a new love interest. You have absolutely no telling of whether it will work out in the long run and unless there is something wrong with your current relationship, then you are taking a huge risk by compromising it like this. Romantic love doesn't exist past the first couple of years of any relationship. I think the question you have to be asking yourself is is not whether you want to be with this other girl, but whether you want to be in a family at all, which is a different story altogether.
Asher Rivera
more
Adam Butler
Here's the wife's. Her's are smaller, but both are nice.
I really do which is why we've tried to stop a few times. The girl at work is not a slut, this is her first time, too.
Gabriel Murphy
OP how did you meet/fall on love with your wife?
Dominic King
this nigga gets it
Nolan Morris
wife asian? she'll treat you better in the long run than any white girl.
Matthew Ward
moar of work wife?
Honestly sounds like something is missing in your marriage, and you are looking to work wife to fill the gap. The Happiness you feel with her, is her filling that gap., Unfortunately, if you were to look hard enough, she probably doesn't fulfill the other areas of your life that your wife and family does. Think of it like a food craving, or a craving for beer. She is satisfying that, and it feels good.
Andrew Johnson
Continuing, if you love and respect your wife you will come to her and confess what you did as soon as possible. And you better beg for forgivness, because what you're doing is very wrong. For what it's worth if you make it clear to her that you want to continue the relationship, make things better and never have a repeat of this again then there's a good chance she'll accept it and you two will come out stronger on top. Infidelity has a roundabout way of making relationships stronger if both people approach it in a healthy manner.
Carter Lopez
That is an interesting view point I hadn't considered. The irony is my wife is a psychologist. In general unrelated conversation she said, "You can't control your emotions, you can only control your thoughts".
She of course has no idea. Overall she is a great woman, I don't want to lose either. I suppose I;m struggling with the uncontrollable emotional aspect.
Liam Baker
>mid thirties >married 10 years
See, what you did wrong here is get married so young.
Captain Hindsight-AWAY!
Seriously, I think anyone that gets married before their 30's is an idiot. Relationships are hard because of this exact reason. You chose to marry and now this shit is on you bro. If your wife is faithful to you, you are a sack of shit. Marriage means you've decided to grow up and stick it out with one person no matter what.
Best case scenario now: try to befriend your work slut's husband, become friends and get a swinger thing going on between the 4 of you. Let your wife fool around with that dude and everyone wins. That's really the only good option, everything else ends with you being the bad guy because you GOT FUCKING MARRIED DIPSHIT.
Cooper Miller
man i miss diving in asian bush.
but the white chick looks better
John Martinez
I can't and wouldn't. As much of an douche I am for this I try not to generally hurt people for no reason. I've considered quitting myself.
Chase Young
THIS.
Study after study shows that if you were to leave your current marriage for the affair, the affair would crumble under the light of real life.
With your wife you have responsibilities, bills, kids, dirty laundry.
With the slut you have suckey fucky fun time with none of a real relationship's responsibilities. You're essentially living a fantasy that could never survive the trials of a real relationship.
inb4 "But we really do love each other. We're different from every other set of worthless fucks bumping uglies at work"
No, you're not.
Cameron Nelson
This is like setting fire to your house, then going online to find out how to put out a fire.
My advice is don't fucking do it in the first place.
Brandon Sanchez
That makes sense. I would agree with that. True love versus "in love", which is just a phase. Some days I don't want a family, but most of the time I do. Even if I don't want it all the time, it doesn't chance the fact that I do.
I'm being selfish indeed.
Ian Walker
Well, you'll probably regret it if you divorce your wife. Affairs never really work out. Karma has a way of making sure of that.
Unfortunately, you won't be able to learn that lesson unless you fuck your whole life up, which it sounds like you're about to do.
My advice? Cut ties and reinvest in your marriage but if you just can't, then you need to file for a divorce. No, I don't recommend coming clean to your wife because that will help nobody except maybe you. Not to mention, your kids will likely find out and they WILL think you're a piece of shit because you kinda are.
Brayden Lee
Sounds like you're having a mid-life crisis OP. Is your work fling younger?
My advice is to be very careful and expect it to come to an end eventually. Don't get careless, don't get complacent. Every time you do a wrong thing, a hundred guilt fairies twist a hundred circumstances to get you caught.
Nevertheless, this won't go on forever.
Oliver Wright
I met her a long time ago, I would see her when I was at work. I have to be a bit vague here, sorry.
Kayden Foster
once the taboo is gone one of you will quickly tire of your work relationship. Also one, or both of you may get terminated as soon as HR learns of your relationship.
Wyatt Ortiz
Mexican, but yes, overall she's great.
Ethan Morgan
>I really do which is why we've tried to stop a few times. The girl at work is not a slut, this is her first time, too.
Okay, I'm going to assume this is not b8 and throw you a bone.
You love your wife huh? Okay. Imma show you what your love is gonna do to her.
You seem to know what you're doing. I hope everything works out well for you.
Read my other comment as well: You have a great thing going, much better than nearly half of the public can hope for but you are this > < close to fucking it up. Fix it now before you spend the rest of your life bitter. Everyone fucks up and you're no different, the difference is you still have the chance to save yourself a world of pain.
Liam James
this guy knows
Austin Reyes
I've already told her about pieces of it. I haven't told her about how I feel about this other woman, and how Im still struggling with it so much.
Adrian Morales
Your asian wife is correct. You can't control emotions only what you do with them.
Life is a mother fucker
Ethan Cox
...
Justin Gray
You have a good thing going with your wife and you reckon you still love her. Ten years of groundwork and a stable relationship should trump any affair. The only thing keeping you and this new bird interested in each other is a mutual forbidden-fruit angle which may make things exciting and electric for now, but take it away and you'll become just another boring couple. Think about it- if you both left your spouses, would everything feel as intense? Three years on, you think you would be living with her and spawning new children together? No, this is just a fling and without the rings on your fingers you would never be as into each other. Drop it all now before you destroy two perfectly good families and many more lives you selfish prick.
Tyler Parker
...
Connor Diaz
not gunna lie, work wife has some nice tits.
Samuel Moore
i want to see her ass
Jace Rivera
You're the fucking idiot here mate if you think that shit. Go spew your bitter shit somewhere else.
Why anybody would choose to continue a relationship after being cheated on is beyond me. The trust is broken, it cannot be repaired, the gates have been opened for more affairs by either or even both of them, which will only lead to disaster.
Bentley Stewart
vagina pls
Asher Davis
what have u talked to her about already?
Adam King
Because when people have affairs and come clean, they tend to be honest about why they had them and what is missing in the relationship. Thats the fundamental here. Alot of relationships fail due to breakdowns in communications, honesty after an affair leads to communication.
Carson Morris
Thats sort of how we got into this scenario. We were all going to consider it. We had dinner plans setup and my wife got cold feet. By that time the work-wife and I had already committed to the idea in our heads.
When I mentioned to my wife that I was struggling she bascically told me that she doesn't feel good about herself, and that my friend is "very beautiful". She said that if she feels better about herself in the future she would re-consider it. In the meantime she's asked me to stop hanging out with her, etc.
Xavier Reed
It's beyond you but not necessarily beyond other people. Especially if the person who is cheating makes the first step and confesses before anything is even obvious. This to many can be an affirmation of trust rather a breach of it, it shows you have the integrity to at least own up to your mistakes and the willpower to work on not making them again in the future. In OP's case he needs to tell her either way, he's just hoping his wife is the forgiving type.
Carter Carter
I won't disagree with you. So the question is, how do I stop? She and I have both mutually, in discussion, agreed that we want to be with our spouses. We will stop hanging out, doing lunch, talking, touching, etc. for a few days, our longest was two weeks. Eventually one or both of us fall again.
Evan Walker
lol I hope your wife catches you, your kids will hate you, you will be paying child support and half your shit, then you will realise this new girl isn't as great as you think when you have to move in together, pay bills, try to make your kids not hate her
Xavier Hernandez
Umm, wrong. He got married too young. He needs to man the fuck up and break off the affair.
Or, what the fuck do I care, abandon the wife and kids and go have a fling. But when that shit gets tired and becomes same old, don't fucking cry to Sup Forums
Kevin Gray
Maybe I am. Shes mid-twenties, but so is my wife.
Asher White
dude... i understand your situation lol... thats a hot piece of ass you got there.
more pics man of both of them-
Oliver Green
you both need to get out of the current place you're working.
1) quit and find somewhere else to work
2) agree with her to 90 days of no contact- it will help you both clear your heads
Leo Watson
+1
Nathan Lewis
Well I think the answer here is simple: stop being such a pussy and take some fucking control of your life before you blow its brains out all over the wall. Have some god damn willpower and respect for yourself and your family and do what we men have been taught to do since we were raised and emotionally ostracise yourself from the cute distraction at work.
Alexander Campbell
>my wife is a psychologist >She of course has no idea If she's worth her salt, she suspects something. It's hard enough to hide your feelings for another woman from an ordinary woman. Your wife will see your evasive behavior before you are even concious of it--and she's trained to know what it means.
Ethan Carter
OP you need to grow up
You've got an attractive Hispanic wife. If she's a proper Hispanic girl she's a bit possessive and will keep you fed, fucked and gives you children. This is what a good long term relationship is all about. There are plenty of men married to sexless hogs. Count yourself lucky.
The fact that you're too stupid to see what you've got because of some novelty shows how young you are. I'm married and I've been close to your situation a few times. My wife has always taken care of all my needs and I have a responsibility as a father. What more could I ask for in life? I would be a fool to throw it away because some young thing wants to play fantasy. Be thankful for what you have. Go play with your kids and molest your wife, latin girls love it.
Odds are - you don't want to be in a committed relationship. You want to play the young man game. Go ahead - leave your wife and kids. You'll see how much you fucked up after its too late. Once you open that door - there is no going back.
Wow, that's rough. I do want to fix it. This sucks to read, but seems necessary.
Thanks, kind of.
Ayden Perry
Keep enjoying your work wife but don't let it ruin your actual marriage, you will not see your kids as much and will pay child support until they graduate. If you do get divorces to be together, you are going to end up finding a new woman and end up dying lonely.
Mason Adams
...
Gavin Foster
You just talked about a "no win / no win" situation.
Seems like damage is already done and you're just asking too late for some advice on how to undamage the damage.
also, damage will grow increasingly faster.
>The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Well, then, seems like you took inspiration from some girlish movie. Congrats, dude, you ain't a faggot who can only make stories like those shitty hentai porn ones.
Ian Ward
>Why anybody would choose to continue a relationship after being cheated on is beyond me.
Because, despite what you might think now, it really is hard to throw away 10+ years of marriage just because one of you FUCKED UP.
Being married is a lot more than having a regular bed-mate. There are children to be considered, years of financial entanglements, mortgages, car loans, friends and family to consider. And 10+ years of wedded bliss just doesn't fall away so easily.
Rebuilding trust is not easy, far from it, but it can be done if both the betrayer and the betrayed will do the work required.
Finding out a spouse has betrayed you is like having a death in the family. I've heard Betrayed Spouses say it would have been easier to lose their spouse in a tragic accident.
And really, a death DID occur, the death of the marriage and spouse they -thought- they had.
Pic related
Grayson Smith
>public can hope for but you are this > < close to fucking it up. Fix it now before you spend the rest of your life bitter. Everyone fucks up and you're no different, the difference is you still have the chance to save yourself a world of pain.
Thanks, I hope so. I really don't want to fuck it all up.
Ian Walker
...
Landon Morales
Thanks, good points of view.
Thanks, she does.
Jayden Ortiz
10/10 pic Beautiful underwear
Samuel Morales
post more current wife you fucking asshat.
Julian Hughes
oh god that ass is great, dump everything user
Connor Taylor
How old are your children? Also
Nathaniel Perez
I told her that I was struggling with being just friends with the other girl. I told her that she and I had become close friends, and they I as struggling with temptation.
She doesn't know we went all the way, and continue to do so. She asked us to stop hanging out, talking, etc. A few days later she brought it back up and said she would consider "hanging out with them" (she and her husband) again in the future, but she doesn't feel great about herself. She basically alluded to feeling intimidated by her.
Daniel Thomas
This is reality giving you a bitch-slap. Suck it in, Maggot. Suck it in DEEP. This is what you are gonna put your wife and kids through WHEN, not if, she finds out. Because if she's got half a brain, she knows what's going on. But like so many Betrayed Spouses, she's lying to herself about your fidelity. She's telling herself, over and over again, that HER Husband LOVES HER, and would never, ever do something like this, despite the feelings coming from her gut.
God help you when she finds out that her knight in shining armor was a twat-chaser wrapped in tin-foil.
Nolan Robinson
I love that you are equal opportunity and are open to having the sex with the fatties.
Matthew Johnson
too late.
vows mean nothing.
consumer society trumps all.
Andrew Green
It's crazy to think that we may have to find new places to work (at least me), but it really may come to that...
Brody Rodriguez
Yea, I'm guessing that's why its come up. You're probably right. I'm likely the only one that thinks she doesn't know. :/
Tyler Perez
Don't leave your wife and kids. Tell your wife you're cheating on her.
Evan Rogers
So you've actually been close though? It helps to know Im not the only one whose considered it.
Nicholas Gray
I like you
John Cox
Why is no one encouraging this man to leave? Him being away from the lives of his wife and children sounds like the best thing to ever happen to them.
In all seriousness though, it'd be the worst idea of your life.
>I'm guessing that's why its come up. Yeah. That would be why. And then you go and tell her you're tempted. Dumbass.
Does your wife have low self-confidence? Is she highly dependent on you emotionally?
Christopher Torres
Six and under.
Lucas Gutierrez
Just like a junkie, you need to quit cold turkey.
No Contact is the only thing that works. That means you or she finds a new place to work and you NEVER SPEAK AGAIN.
Telling you this from LONG experience. There is no other way. There will be no "Closure" or being "Just Friends". Those feed the addiction.
Some books you need to read
"How to help your spouse heal from your affair" - Linda MacDonald available free online
"Not just Friends" - Dr Shirley Glass
John Perry
wow shes very fuckable
Gavin Hall
Don't be a dipshit. Leave your job, go cold-turkey on the other woman. If you can't trust your self-control, change your situation. Jobs come and go, other pretty women may flit past your attentions every now and then, but man this is your -family-. Protect what you have. Don't ruin it all for the idea of a woman you will never truly have.
James Watson
>aumery Nice watermark fucking dipshit
Joshua Cook
Thanks for the sources. I'll check them out. Also, you've been here?
Easton Nelson
what you're doing is unfair to your wife, your mistress and your self. make decisions based on honesty and if you're supposed to be together you will. also. not living with this work wife is probably the thing that makes her more desirable. have you considered that?
Christian Bell
I consider it, then try to forget previous considerations in the heat of the moment.
Sebastian Davis
Explain OP.
John Hernandez
Unfortunately, yes.
The pain you can cause in this situation is but a shadow of the pain you will receive the moment your wife and children see you for who you really are.
Luke Flores
I have. They've sent me nude photo's asking me to get together. We'd flirt in the office and the sexual tension is thick. At the end of the day it's fun to play but I've never acted on it. I know whats down that road - I've made dumb mistakes before I got married. I'm good with women so this has happened, in the office, 3 times in the past 5 years. After the first one - you see the rest for what they are - novelty and mental masturbation. It's good to feel wanted by multiple women. At the end of the day, when I come home - there is food on the table and my wife routinely asks me when I want my dick sucked. We've been together 13 years and I've only fucked her.
In full disclosure I send the pics to my wife and I think it gets her off that other women want to fuck me.