OH SHIT, THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE HAS FINALLY HAPPENED! WHAT DO YOU DO?

OH SHIT, THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE HAS FINALLY HAPPENED! WHAT DO YOU DO?

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Make my way to the nearest theme park.

I live on an island so I'd probably crucify my neighbour's, steal all their shit and just wait it out.

Go crazey and bite random people and see what happens,not as a zobie tho

Nothing... It's fucking cold ass winter where i live, zombies are dead thus not making any body warmth, and freezing so hard they could not move anymore, so i'm safe here...

Same thing I do every day, I guess. Set my thermostat to 95, rub myself down with coconut oil, sit in a bean bag chair and fap to trap threads.

find as many willing participants as i can to do the can-can with me

1. go to store and get tons of non-perishable foods, first aid supplies, candles, steel wool, batteries, lamps, etc. (basically everything you find in survival life hacks on youtube like crayons and shit)
2. go to home depot and stock up on powertools i need
3. go to highest floor of building in my area with my supplies and lock myself away

What's the chance that these things can actually open doors and use elevators? Any other survivors trying to get into where I am I kill (they're bait) and I live a happy life until the zombies starve to death and then I just look for supplies and try and stay away from other survivors as much as possible until society rebuilds itself.

Use my /k/ommando skills to start my own army, become a warlord, and acquire a harem.

zombies have no idea what to do when faced with an extensive line of can-can dancers

> Loot
> Pillage
> Profit?

keep on using the interwebs like nothing happened
start caring once the lights go out
>ehh
seriously consider if i should go an hero after that point

already covered
first thing is kill the wife, she's useless in a firefight and obese enough to be a liability if it comes down to a running evasion scenario.
>got out of paying a divorce lawyer
bring it on.

...

i did not care before and i still don't care, imout

I kek'd.

I just helped a guy install solar panels at his bug out location up in the hills, so I'm going to head up there, kill that fucker, and live at his place.

Kill myself

> Don't need a zombies for that

Are you sure you could beat them in a fight?

Rape is the new money though which all things are bought and sold.

Stay in my room and jerk off to interracial porn

Why fight him when you can use an established friendship to simply kill him in his sleep?

w-what? I'm really confused...so you rape someone to buy something from them? or they accept you raping them so they'll get something from you? because that's not rape, it's prostitution. do you pay money for people to bring you other people to rape?

It's one old kind guy, and he's not all there. Plus, I'm not going to fight him, I'm going to sit in the trees in front of his house at night with my rifle, and shoot him when he comes out in the morning.

This. Also they decompose...so between them being frozen all winter and the humid summer? They'd be all gone in 2 years tops.

Let's be real, he's just saying he wants to rape some people

Panic.

Because I'm not his friend, I was just his contractor.

Likely die

So what stops the same thing from happening to you?

Start a rape gang

You're... You're going to rape zombies?

I can't imagine there's going to be a lot of chicks running around after the apocalypse.

I'm female with very little upper body strength, so I assume that I will become some sort of sex slave or something. I may be a fatty now but that will change

My wife and I just bought one of these little bad boys and I like it so much I'm going to get another. Mossberg 500 shockwave. Firearm not a long gun

Hey, no need to be so pessimistic about it. Realistically speaking we're all getting eaten before anything like that ever happens.

>stock up on tendies
>more tendies
>bb gun and fave blanket
>climb a tree and thats it really

As a male with a particularly feminine penis, I'm pretty sure my future will either involve death, or a lot of anal.

Bad plan.

Obese wife can be used as bait for a swift getaway in case you get cornered. Don't kill her off, just wait for the right time to use her.

If you can't beat em, join em.

Run from my house to the docks, stopping off at a pharmacy for medical supplies while people are looting for food.

The boats are like 5 minutes from me, so hopefully I'll be able to nick a nice yacht before the zombies over run my little town.

Head offshore, fish and raid from the sea for food. Stay in deep water if there's too many zombies about.

Sail to the Winchester, have a nice pint and wait for all this to blow over

Do you know how to drive a boat? How about gasoline? What happens when you're spotted? What if you run out of clean water?

I know how to get a boat too and from deep water. I wouldn't say I can competently sail, but I could for sure get far enough from the mainland and safely anchored/visa versa.

Gasoline isn't important for the above plan, sails and oars would do for the short distances I'm imagining.

When I'm spotted isn't really relevant as that's gonna be an issue with any plan. I guess I'll hope people are chill and zombies can't swim, which I think are both reasonable hopes.

The estuary that the dock is built on is a clean water river. I'd only have to go upstream to find some that can be purified for drinking.

Law enforcement so I already have the necessary skills and gear thankfully. No need to loot or risk any of that.

I guess I would gather my family and friends within the immediate area and head toward somewhere super cold like parts of Canada. Take over some kinda shelter and then ride it out.

I'd super glue my waifu figurines to my vehicle so people know not to fuck with me.

Well.

Odds are I'm going to die, what with this being the apocalypse and everything, but I'm certainly going to try.

First off, a list of relevant resources and skills: not many. I'm an EMT so I have basic medical training, and I've been camping a few times so I have *basic* wilderness skills. On top of that I have a fair amount of experience with gardening and hunting, so food will be a bit easier for me to get, but that's about it. As far as resources go, with just what I could get out of my apartment and car, I can get a backpack with a few days worth of food, some water, matches, a lighter, and my work kit (a thoroughly stocked EMT kit). As far as weapons go, I've got my Beretta (9 mil) and a knife, but that's about it.

Priority one: get moving. I'm in the middle of North Dakota's largest city, which isn't admittedly THAT large, but is still not a great place to be in an apocalypse. Throw my bike in the back of my car, drive as far as I can, use the bike if the roads are impassable.

Priority two: get to a decent bug out location. I'll probably try for my grandparent's farm first, then my parent's lake cabin up in the hills second. Both are at least 20 miles from the nearest town, reasonably isolated, and not clearly visible from the nearest road. Best I think I can do.

Priority three: continue not dying. Stockpile any easy food and water I can get, depending on the time of year I can grow shit. If I meet people that seem reasonably trustworthy, try to work with them, because one person can not reasonably expect to survive in that kind of situation.

Priority four: find some hardy midwest hotty, have many children, retake the country for Jesus and the USA!

Hopefully I live. Probably not.

Thats a nice plan, and the waifu serial killer camo scares away the looters, thats until you encounter an actual psychoed sect of unstable fuckers

I live in a large house in the middle of the woods with my parents. We live on a spring-fed lake, so we could purify water relatively easily. We have a small garden, but it wouldn't be enough to sustain us. My neighbor is a farmer of cows, chickens, and non edible trees, but they have more guns and more people than us. I'd want to garner some kind of trade deal. Not sure what they would want. We have money, but that probably wouldn't hold its value.

I think I'd end up risking robbing the pharmacy. I'd just be going for antibiotics, opiates, amphetamines, and benzos. Whatever I could get my hands on and as much as I could carry in the bed of a truck. All the booze too. If I'm successful then I'll have to enough to trade/stay high/OD in peace. If I fail it'll be because someone beat me there first. I don't think the population here is high enough to get overwhelmed in a F450 dualie with a number of handguns, shotguns, and rifles with ammo.

In any case, power will fail. Society will collapse. Winter will be hell. Murder and rape will be standard. At any moment a nuclear power plant could explode and kill you anyway. I think I'd be better off taking a few handfuls of oxycodone with top shelf booze and passing out while my laptop is still charged.

>At any moment a nuclear power plant could explode
No, it literally could not. That's not how nuclear powerplants work. Melt down? Sure. Start fires? Sure. But it will never cause a nuclear explosion, it's not built like that.

>throw some non-perishable food in a backpack
>grab my 26 inch tee ball bat. seems like a solid weapon, and can be used one-handed if necessary
>stick to train tracks, not roads
>raid existing (most likely abandoned) hobo encampments for supplies
>ride it out

youtube.com/watch?v=-CEyAzu1duU

pharmacies are usually the first things hit, not grocery stores.

Yeah, I figured when I typing that I was pretty off base. I don't know anything about nuclear power. My point is the lack of foresight to catastrophe. No warning for hurricanes (Florida), tornadoes, whatever else.

I didn't even consider wildfires. Every major city on earth would be up in flames in a couple months. It's not a world I'd want to live in.

pussy

*leans back*

>raid existing (most likely abandoned) hobo encampments for supplies
Nigger no.

Real, hardcore hobos have been living by scrounging for years. They'll fuck you up mate. They know all the tricks you're still trying to learn.

Try going to a horse farm and dazzling them into giving you food with your massive cock, it'll be easier and more effective.

you might still have 12h worth of internet left on your mobile at that point.

I walk the train tracks near me pretty regularly. I see what you're saying but most hobos would be hammered or passed out when SHTF and would therefore probably not be able to put up much of a fight.

I figure they'd be gone quick.

samefag here

besides that, they'd be useless for about a week once they couldn't buy heroin. good luck fighting zombies OR me in that state, ya know?

Pull my pants up cause Ive my dick out jacking off. Living outside a smaller town so not worried about hordes yet. Try to contact loved ones and friends to meet at our summer house that is isolated. Start gathering weapons and supplies before driving away in our tractor.

survive.

>Make my way to the nearest meme park.
fixed

Okay, maybe this is just a local slang thing, but hobo =/= any random homeless person. At least around here when someone talks about a hobo they mean one of those fucking veteran homeless people who literally lives by moving between cities, usually hitching rides on trains. Those people aren't typically high or drunk, because that's not the way you want to be when you're trying to jump onto a moving train.

I live in the stick my nearest neighbour is 2km away. Chill on my land keep quite. I got a shit ton of preseratives in the cellar (Veggies and fruit). Freezer full of meat. When the power goes I'll start smoking my meat. Wait 2 years then boom all the zombies are gone.

I mean the same thing by "hobo" you do. My point is, I find abandoned hobo encampments all the time, even now. I don't take anything because there's nothing I need, and because it's not worth the risk.

But if you think they're sober, you're either wrong or misguided. I have known, hung out with, drank with, done heroin with, many of them. I'm 33 and sober now, but I know the rails and I know hobos.

>My wife
Bullshit, anyone that uses Sup Forums is single

Would throw things to the zombies on the street
> I live in a flat

you had me til the "2 years" thing.

I mean.. how do you figure?

We take Pete's car, we drive over to mum's, we go in, take care of Phillip - then we grab mum, we go over to Liz's place, hole up, have a cup of tea and wait for this whole thing to blow over.

Shaun of the dead
Good film

>usually

yah, dipshit. as in, when human beings are looting places for any reason. not just a zombie scenario.

And you know this because of your vast experience with zombie apocalypses?

youtube.com/watch?v=Q9aM9Ch97U8

>Load up all my guns, ammo, rations, and water onto my bike.
>ride 25min with my wife to the marina and steal a boat, preferably a yatch
>find all my dredge bros in the middle of the bay, where I trade my supply store and we start a safe floating city where we wait it out.

rioting and looting happen independent of zombies you fuckin idiots.

in those situations, pharmacies are often the first hit. this is a fact.

and riots go for the pharmacies? bullshit. how many lootings have you participated in?

Go to the whinchester and wait for all of it to blow over. Easy.

Everybody goes for the drugs, retard .

Looting during a riot and looting during a societal collapse are two very different things. At a riot in detroit people are often grabbing TV's and shit, which you don't want if infrastructure is going down.

If you're in a situation where society is breaking down, yeah, people often go for antibiotics and painkillers just as much as they do food.

In the chaos I would try to kidnap a few girls to make them my sex slaves, then I don't know, try to get food to keep them alive.

Yes, because as if the situation weren't dangerous enough, you're going to be actively seeking out combat scenarios, then keeping a group of hostiles INSIDE YOUR OWN HOUSE who will spend every second of every day trying to figure out how to escape and/or cut your penis off.

If you want to keep slaves, you don't work alone.

exactly, thank you.

smart thing is to avoid pharmacies altogether at first. if you need things like that, a veterinary hospital is a safer bet.

I'd also like to point out how criminally overlooked things like beef jerky dog treats would be. pet stores, my nigga. pet stores.

...

Grab my dubs

chek'd