So I am 18 and gay. I have been fucking guys since I was 8. As of right now I can get laid almost any night...

So I am 18 and gay. I have been fucking guys since I was 8. As of right now I can get laid almost any night, getting someone that wants to have sex with me is easy. I have had sex with more than 10 different people. I have kissed maybe 3 people in total. I am a complete people pleaser when it comes to being with someone, no matter who it is. I always pay for dinner and I always do whatever I can to make them happy, but I never get anywhere. I have been single for 4 years now. I dont even care about sex, I just want someone to be with.

Cool

you sound gay, dude.

8?
Greentxt plz sir

hey thats pretty good

Rip STDs.

If you wanted to post gay pics you could have done that without your autistic fantasies

You're playing the role of the opposite lifestyle you want. Sorry user.

post a pic of yourself boi.

hahahaha "you sound gay dude" great troll user

Enjoy your AIDS.

...

Who fucked you at age 8?

noods

thank you

wojtek?

someone at age 6

Jesus christ dude , you look like your dead on the inside .Brighten up .grow long hair and do drugs maybe.

Sauce?

Post your sex stories OP.

dmn u get laid? i need to finish my grindr

If i grow my hair out it just turns into a large jew fro. And I already do drugs

I have a deep ass life story I can begin to post if you want

It's wojak.

SUDDENTLY DICK BUTTON

Please do OP

i mean he looks like a guy i know named wojtek

Or are you guys just interested in the sex parts.

Hope you have aids fag

Can't say I remember much of my childhood, I started life with my mother and father who divorced when I was about 2 or 3. My mother had custody to start. Lived with her at my grandmother's house and started school there in a small town called ************ in **. It was a small school, only 1 building and Pre-12. I did not have many friends and I had no siblings so I grew up alone with myself, my mom, and some old vhs tapes. Around 2004 my grandfather passed, sadly I do not really remember him. Anyway my dad managed to claim primary custody over me, came here to Dover, made some friends and my dad had hooked up with some person named Donna. We had moved in with Donna alongside her Daughter and Her 2 grandchildren. Being so long ago I do not remember much of them either. Fast forwarding to when I was about 8 years old because that's as far back as I can clear-ish-ly remember.


Had a house, was me, my dad, and Donna. There were 2 kids I played with that lived next door and one down the street. I am going to change the names of these particular friends because of certain things that had happened. Next door was a girl my age named Kate, with a younger brother named Geoff. The boy down the street was my age and named Brandon with an older brother named Kole. One day in my bed room playing with my toys with Geoff we discovered the fun in 'Experimentation'. In theory I had lost my virginity at the age of 8 to a boy the age of 6. The following year I would always spend the night with Brandon. We had built a fort in the living room and stayed up till about 1 in the morning. For the sake of experimentation we decided to "have some fun". Once again having sex with another boy and we were only 9. This was not a one time deal either, this recurred multiple times. No one but me and whoever I did things with knew I did anything with guys. I myself was a gay in denial. Because of my friends I always thought it was wrong.

Anyway, when I was about 10 Donna had let some of her family move in due to some financial troubles. Their names where Kathy, and her 2 daughters named Tasha and Faith, as well as her son Michael who was my age. Because of lack of space Michael had to sleep in my bed with me because I had a big bed. A month or so after we started to "fool around" from time to time. Started small with just touching each other but after a while he told me to do him, I did not really want to but I did. He was quite the asshole as well, this guy would hit me for no reason and would be a little bitch about everything. Finally they all had moved out.


Soon after we had also moved out, still in ***** though. We ended up moving out because of our neighbors. The kids dad that was next door was a drunk and not a good one. He has been in and out of jail many times and has gotten many DUIs. He had backed up into several bushes, Broke into our home running from cops, and while driving drunk has hit many mailboxes. We wanted to move to a nicer side of town.

I was now 11 and the summer we moved I had found a person who is now my best friend, his name is Adrian. Things were quite basic and boring, life was good, had friend, and I was happy. We would hang out, play video games, make very failed youtube videos and whatever we could think to do. I always loved going over to Adrians house, he was Bosnian and his parents were very Bosnian. I enjoyed trying new foods, even though I found myself not liking most of them, however I have a love of Ćevapi. This is a kind of Bosnian sausage that is very hard to find in America and it tastes beyond delicious.


When I was about 13 Adrian started to hang out with Michael. Adrian would still want to hang with me so us 3 would hang out a lot. So me and Michael spent the night at Adrian's one night and Adrian and his little brother slept in Adrians room and me and Michael had to sleep in Adrian's little brothers room. Michael wanted to have some fun, so we did some feeling around but then he started pushing my head down low and told me to suck him. I had hesitated but I did, then shortly after he asked me to fuck him in the ass. I told him I did not want to but he then told me if I didn't he would tell Adrian that I was gay. I knew I was gay at this point, but I feared anyone ever knowing. So I did it. I started trying to avoid hanging out with Michael but I did not have an excusable reason to tell Adrian so I just kept spending the night, and things only got worse and more forceful. I had told Adrian then that I was bi-sexual and then came clean about Michael. Adrian from there on came up with excuses to not hang out with Michael and supported me.

Just to be sure of myself I had gotten a girlfriend when I was 14 we lasted 6 months and I fucked her about 9 times then she went into a mental hospital after being violent with her mother and I cut things off from their. I did not really enjoy the sex and pussy smelled and tasted horrible. I am not saying I could not have sex with a woman and would not feel pleasure, just as if any man got a blowjob from a man compared to a woman the pleasure is still the same. I just do not have a mental connection with woman and I am not attracted or aroused by females.


Later that summer I contacted someone I knew like guys and I had a actual relationship with him, his name was Griffin. He seemed to have some mental issues, he was quite weird, talked to himself, was a brony and the deeper I go the weirder it gets. Anyway he was still sweet and when I kissed him I felt a connection, something unlike what I had felt with any woman ever. To be honest just being around him knowing both of us had similar interests brought me to a deeper connection that with any woman I had been with. This only lasted a few weeks then he actually dumped me. He was a very confusing person and it was probably for the best.


However from that I had learned even having had probably the most pathetic relationship with him I gained more feeling and connection with him than I did with any girl. Freshman year of highschool at ******** ********* I had met DeAnna, who I dated for a week, decided women are gross I want men. However she to this day is one of my best friends. I finally had accepted the fact that I was gay.

>fucked since 8
>gets laid almost every night
>kisses only 3 people
>is a complete people pleaser
>ONLY HAVE HAD SEX WITH 10 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.

Something besides the dick on your breath smells funny.

Now i'm not one of those gays who think "you are born gay", now i'm not saying it's a choice, but it is a preference, kinda like food. So I had met some guy online who was quite attractive and we started messaging. He wanted to hang out so me and him had gone over to his lesbian friends house, it was me and him, and the lezbo and the lezbos girlfriend. Not even an hour later me and him were making out on a futon right next to the lesbian couple who were also making out.


Things got more intense and we had gone to the next room, began loosing articles of clothing while making out until we were both fully unclothed and he threw me on the bed and started fucking me, he blew me, I blew him and he shot his load all over my face. As much as I want to regret fucking him not even an hour after meeting him, I don't. We had declared to keep things as just "fuck buddies". I came home that night with a hicky, however my dad knew there were girls over at the house so he assumed that and I went with it, he was proud. Don't know if he would have been as proud if he would have known it was a guy.

A Week later he came over to my house and stayed the night. We had fucked as soon as he got there, again in a few hours, then again right before bed. Then once more as we woke up. Was an exhausting night but well worth it. The following week I told him the sex was great but i'm looking for a relationship and I know your not so we will just keep as normal friends.


At this point my stepmother Donna wanted a divorce with my dad. This did not sadden me at all, she was a cunt. She was 50, thought she knew everything despite the fact she dropped out with a 6th grade education. She is the kind of cunt that smiles when she has an argument or gets an attitude. Anyway started as a clean leave, we even helped her move out. Because she was a cunt though I stole a lot of shit from her.


First she was gonna take the TV, old projection TV that needed the bulb replaced. I explained to her she would have to pay $300 for a new bulb and find a way to move this huge TV so she should give it to me so I can save up and buy a bulb. She agreed and after she left I bought the *$30* bulb for the TV. As she packed things away like movies, games or small stuff she would not notice I would remove it from the boxes little by little until I was satisfied. To this day she has no clue. Right after she fully moved out she got a lawyer and claimed he was cheating on her and tried to get every dime she could find. We decided we would rather spend all the money she wanted on a good lawyer and not let her see a dime of it.

Shortly after my dad had custody he had me on ADHD medication. I was taking concerta daily for 5 years and this shit made me a zombie. I was depressed and began self harm for a long time. One night I tried killing myself. I had taken a belt, wrapped one end around my neck as tight as I could and the other around a sturdy pipe on the wall. I was ready and I dropped my legs almost as if I was going to sit on the floor, but I had made the belt so it would hold be at the neck high enough so I would not actually touch the ground. As dumb as this idea was, it worked. I had stopped breathing and passed out. Woke up sometime later sitting on the ground with the belt around my neck, but it had untied from the pipe from my weight. At this point I realized I almost died for absolutely no reason, it was the damn pills depressing me and I don't need to kill myself. So I stopped cold turkey after 5 straight years of taking concerta. Probably did that in the worst way possible because withdraw was some shit. My body was so dependant on those pills I could not focus for most that year, I had major muscle pain, and headaches like you couldn't imagine. Once I discovered who I was behind the pills I became much happier and outgoing. Kicking those pills was the best thing I ever did.

On the other hand dad had found himself a girlfriend named Kim. She had moved in, then shortly after her 18 year old daughter named Taylor with extreme bipolar moved in, and shortly after that her junky son Gavin moved in (we did not know he was a junky then). And then after that the daughters boyfriend moved in. It was quite a mess to be honest. On the other hand I finally decided to fully come out of the closet. I had started with my closest friends, then my mother, and my father last. I was unsure how he would react and I had no idea how to bring it up.


I waited until I was in the car with him so I wouldn't pussy out of the conversation or make it to awkward. Waited until we were close to home before bringing it up incase things went south. I brought up the fact that I have a number of female friends yet I am in no relationship and how I have new guys come over from time to time. Then I came out and just told him I was gay. First words out of his mouth where "Are you serious?" sounding very stern and almost mad. I reassured him that I was not joking around and I was sure about my sexuality. He was shocked and said he would need some time to process how he felt about everything. Took him a few days to adjust but he became very supportive and had no problems.

Anyway, later that year I had found myself a boyfriend. Sadly he is not one i'm that proud of. Met him online, he was a year younger, very flamboyant and persistent. After a month of him trying I finally agreed to go on a date with him. He was far to flamboyant for me but had already become very attached and I could she that him being happy made his mom happy. So I agreed to a second date. Found he was quite spoiled and his mother did not know how to deal with it, so she got him what he wanted. I had found myself in hours of conversation with his mom and became good friends with her and had a lot of respect for her and what she dealt with.


Few months into the relationship it turned into me going over to his house, he would go to his room, and I would talk and have a drink with his mother for a few hours until she passed out, then I would go into his room and if he was still awake we would smash, if not I just got in bed and slept. He would never let me blow him though, was kinda disappointing. We lasted a total of 6 months until I decided we should break up. He was upset but he got over it.

Now being 15 I started hanging with someone who is also now one of my best friends. Her name is Roobie. I would hang with her on the weekends and we would have a bottle of something and have a good weekend. Some time later there was some problems at home. Taylor, her boyfriend, and Gavin all have anger issues so being at home, hearing yelling, things breaking, and police was pretty normal. Things were getting pretty bad, Gavin was snorting pills, doing crack, and eventually heroin. I got fed up and could not do it any more, so I packed a bag and told dad I was going to spend the night at Roobies that night.


We had picked up a handle of vodka and started our night pretty good. This was a saturday night, and I stayed until the following sunday even though it was a school week. Drinking every night I had finished the entire handle be the end of the week. To be honest most of that time was a blur, mostly because I drank every weekend if not during the week as well.

After having lived a month of alcoholism and 3 day hangovers on school weeks I kicked the booze and tried to get my shit together. I had placed a lock on my door and just ignored the rest of the house. typically I just tried to keep busy enough to not have to deal with anyone and keep away from alcohol. For a while it worked. Started having sex anytime I could, for life got boring. Had someone who I hooked up with every now and then just to fuck then to have him leave in the morning and not really talk until the next time we hook up. Kinda shitty but just how it worked out, we are friends and all but we don't have feelings for each other but both totally down to fuck every now and then knowing there will never be strings attached.

Around 11th grade I realized how amazing caffeine really is, and sadly took advantage of that. Because of my beyond busy schedule I would always lack sleep, and with working at Rutters and going to school I always needed energy. Started just having lots of coffee with lots of espresso. The average cup of coffee for me had about 200 - 300 mg of caffeine. I began taking energy drinks and adding 5 hour energys to them to give them the extra boost. That is about 400 mg of caffeine. Before too long I found caffeine gum, little 5 piece pack with 100mg per piece, and I was going through a pack a day with coffee, and energy drinks as well. Now in class I can’t just bring coffee in and energy drinks, so I had to find an alternative.
For a while it was gum, but it was too expensive and I used too much too quick. Found caffeine mints, little mints with 7mg caffeine each. I went on Amazon and bought a pound bag of them, it was about 1,000 mints. On an average day I used about 30-50 mints plus maybe gum or an energy drink. When I ran out I did not buy more, I found an even cheaper route, caffeine pills. Pack of 50 100mg pills and only cost $5. Took the pills in the morning before school and after school before work. Started to realize how bad caffeine can be. I was on average using between 500mg - 1,000mg a day. I believe it has severely damaged my kidney. I never really feel like I have too pee or anything, I will just get a striking pain like I was just kicked in the kidney and I then very urgently need to use the bathroom. I have stopped the excessive use of caffeine because of this, I still use caffeine, just not typically more than 500mg in a day.

Shit got real around the age of 17. I apologize for who ever reads this for my grammar will be bad, this memory destroys me and after typing it I do not plan to ever read it. This memory is probably the worst one I have, yet the most clear. I had gotten home from school and noticed I had 5 missed calls from my mother's boyfriend and a voice mail. I open the voicemail to hear him tell my "Randy, you need to call me as soon as you get this". I call him and he tells me my grandmother was in the hospital. She had been sick all morning and was not even able to stand on her own. He tell me he will have my mom call me as soon as she can. Once he hangs up I go to my basement and began to pace around and arrange to go up to the hospital 5 hours away that night. My mother called shortly after I had hung up. Shes crying and I can tell she has been for a while. She tells me she's not looking good and had actually died once, but they brought her back. I had trouble speaking as did she. We agreed to hang up for now and call soon.

Not 10 minutes later my phone rang. It was dave, I started explaining how I plan to be up there in a few hours and was going to call off work, he had interrupted and told me she had just died. Hearing those words hurt more than I ever thought, a pain I still feel every day and even more as I write this. He told me he's sorry and that he would hang up and I could call as soon as I could handle it. I remember dropping the phone full of anger and sadness. Not angry at anyone really, just the situation. I don't remember much of that after, just a lot of crying and realization. I then got a phonecall from my dad, I answered and he said, "Hey, did you talk to your mom yet?", told him I did, and he asked how my grandmother was doing. I told him that she died 15 minutes ago.. There was not a lot more to that conversation, I had a lot of trouble speaking. After hanging up I tried to collect myself, I had to call my mom and make sure she was okay. She has a history of depression and I knew after losing the only parent she had left she would not be that good.


I called her and she was okay, very broken of course but was okay. She told me no matter what I do don't spend the night alone, she knew me well enough to know I couldn't handle this. Not but 30 minutes later I was with 2 of my closest friends Roobie and Cooney. They kept me intact and help me through it. Found myself 6 hours later at 4 in the morning driving to my moms. Got there and she looked like she hadn't slept in days. The second I walked in we were both already in tears. We talked for about an hour remembering and mourning. We had cleaned up and disposed of her pills and any other unneeded reminders. Over the week I was there I don't think i actually got sleep. Starting with a phone call my mental state collapsed and there was the start of unthinkable stress and depression.

For 4 months I had not gone a day without crying and remembering. A year prior my uncle had given me a copy of some old video of me as a child, half of which had my grandmother in it as well as my grandfather. Hearing the happiness in her voice and seeing her for one last time.. I had watched the video many times but after her death I only watched it once more. Now it remains in a file i do not dare touch. There was another video I had made a month before her death. She always wondered what my basement and house looked like so I had made a direct video for her talking to her.. That video still sits on my desktop in the same location 1 year later. I don't dare to watch, delete or move. I don't know why but I can't..


Kim, my dads girlfriend had pissed me off to no end, I still have no respect for her for what she said to this day. I was there maybe 2 days. My dad had messaged asking if I could come back early because he worked, and I told him my mom needs me and I have to be here for her a few more days. I told him if he could leave a little bit of gas money mom would drive me the entire way. I then got a text from kim... I will type this in word for word. "I am so disgusted with your text to your father, you should be ashamed. Trying to make him feel bad and getting money out of him because your mom is poor. Please... they are in this financial position because they chose to be. And you want your father who works his ass off to support you to give them money to drive you? wow.. you should all be ashamed of yourselves. The only reason you have a life is because of your dad." This had me so pissed. I sent my dad a text and told him that Kim is out of line and he needs to say something before I do because I will use her junky ass kids on her and hit the fucking cunt in the nose. I had shown my mom the text and she said, Good, Now your dad can come all the way up here if he wants you back, because of what that cunt said I will not drive you. It is now her fault.

Dad had talked to her and then talked to my mom and we worked things out. I have no respect for her, and I never will. I have been nothing but kind to her and the one time in my life where im vulnerable, she fuckes me over and pulls this shit. Again i am sorry for bad grammer and anything else. This paragraph I will never read. Writing it once was hard enough, reading it would kill me inside.
So anyway, Writing this I don't really remember what all I said in the last part for I kinda blacked out writing it. Due to what all has happened I now take care of my mother, while still living 200 miles away. I try to visit every couple months and make sure things are not too bad and she has food on the table. She does not have a vehicle either so I try and make sure she can get to doctor appointments as well. At this point in time I have had a job at a gas station and left Little Ceasers a long time ago. I had been picked to work at the school on co op for my senior year as I.T. staff for the school. I decided because of my mom I should keep both jobs and use the extra money. The gas station had started going to shit, we had gotten a new manager and staff and I was the last of the original crew left. I was not like by the managers and I did not like them either. They started giving me dirt for house so I quit and had a job at Staples not even 3 days later.

At the same time while working Staples, I.T. for school, and school itself I had become President of the after school club called Cyber Patriot. Cyberpatriot has been the biggest part of my entire highschool. My freshmen year was the first year the club was in the school and I was the only freshmen to make a spot in the teams and we only had 2 teams of 6. It became student run after that year and a guy named Jared had started running it. He took power to seriously and it had pissed a lot of us off so we overthrow him and I started running things by his side to limit his authority. Eventually he had stopped caring and I had taken over entirely. I had set an entire base line on how to run Cyber Patriot and I worked hard to expand the club. We had gone from 12 students to almost 80. Currently Cyberpatriot is my life and I would give anything up for it. I would quit my jobs before letting go. It is the best feeling in the world to look and realize you are the reason for this much success and you kept something alive. It almost entirely died out but I refused to let it. The one happiness in my life and for a long time this was all I had to hold on too.


As I probably said before I was hired by the school for the I.T. department and I work with a few of my friends, DeAnna, Warren, and Chris. Anyway it was an average work day and it was just me and Chris. Being about 3:30 it was time for us to go home so we both walked out, got in our cars and started our way home. We both live in the same general area so driving home I would be right behind him most the time. We leave the school and both go on the highway to home.

As I am driving behind him in the fastlane I see his car swerve really hard to the right, he straightens out again for a brief second then it pulls to the right really hard again, making him spin out. His car spun out off the highway and rides up the side of a very large narrow hill, his car ramps up the hill, flips, lands on its side sliding back down the hill, then lands normally on the right lane. Seeing this I instantly pulled over and ran to the car. Running up to the car I see that most of the back seat had been completely crushed as well as the passenger side with the entire door several feet away. The wheel on the driver side was nearly off the car with the car's suspension sticking out of the car through the metal.


Running to this car the only thing I can think is there is no way in hell anyone could survive that. In my mind I was almost sure I would find him dead in their. A bystander had also pulled over seeing the crash and we both approach the driver side and open the door. Chris was alive, he gets out of his car seeming in shock. I helped him over to the side and got him to sit down, me and the few bystanders phoned the police and made sure he was not too injured. He seemed fine but we did have an ambulance take him to be sure. He is by far the luckiest person I have seen, he had minor bruising from the seatbelt and that was it. No broken bones, no cuts, no head trauma, nothing. I asked him later what happened in the car and he said his check engine light randomly started flashing on and off and right as it happened his car pulled right really hard, he tried to take control and pull over but it pulled really hard again and he lost all control. Seeing all that, knowing he would have most likely died if he had not had his seatbelt on, I now always keep mine on.

I have learned that the only way to really learn something is to witness or experience something first hand. I grew up always being told “wear your seatbelt” I have sat in classes where they show real photos of dead teens from even minor crashes. I know never to think “ It will never happen to me” or even think of it as a small chance, yet I never wear my belt. Seeing something like this happen only a car length away from me showed me the importance.


So, every year for my birthday I tell my dad I mainly just want a huge party. These were not family birthday parties, hell, half the time we did not even have cake. I would invite around 10-20 people and everyone would stay the night. The first several parties were innocent and legal. For my 18th, it was a little bit different. I had invited around 25 people and about 20 showed up, and to be honest, I don't even remember who all was their. My one friend decided to buy me an entire handle of jack daniels for my birthday. The bottle was empty by the end of the night, most drank by me (Adrian: most was drank by me). I started drinking around 5:00 and did not stop until I went to sleep at 1:00am.

Roobie has this friend Gena that we always drink with and its fun because no matter how much me wake her drink we never gotten her actually drunk. We decided to change that this night, so I first mixed her a 50/50 drink, so a little bit of tea and like 3 shots of jack. She said the drink was weak and did nothing, so I told her il mix something stronger. I gave her one shot of tea and filled the rest of the cup with straight jack. She had to take her time drinking this one, but after a few hours she did finish it, and wow was she gone. She found out a few days later somehow she got a concussion at my party. No one really remembered how though. Around 10:00 somehow we started a fight club in my basement. We all fought each other and videotaped most of the fights.


Around 11:00 I saw Adrian passed out in the corner face down, so I walked over with a full new cup with a penis straw and told him to wake up and party with me. He woke up with the straw in his mouth already drinking. Cooney looked over at me and said “ Randy, what the fuck you're giving him more?!” Adrian had no problem with having another drink. I remember passing out on a couch, but I woke up because I was cold. Walked into my room and about 5+ people on the floor and more on my futon. Saw Roobie so I just cuddled up and kept warm. Woke up somehow cuddling with my other friend Joey who was right next to me. It was an amazing night and there are no regrets.

My highschool life was quite all over the place. One saturday in particular was quite horrible. Started off amazing though. It was me, Roobie and Cooney and we decided to go to *********** for a hookah bar. We got there and walked a few blocks to the place. On our way in we saw this cute little mineral store. Had polished rocks, crystals, and everything naturally pretty. Our eyes were caught by some Bismuth. We had agreed to all get one as a friendship reminder. Cooney and Roobie had been together months before but broke up. I kind of lost touch with Cooney and it had upset him. I told them we all 3 have this and no matter what happens between them, us 3 are still always bound.


We then made our way to the hookah bar and got a huge hookah with some fruity flavors and we ordered turkish coffee and some kind of arabic food that was surprisingly good. It was a cooked sweet grape leaf wrapped around some rice and it tasted amazing. Stayed for about 2 or 3 hours until we had so much nicotine in our system it felt like we had a few good hits of weed. We decided to stop at some diner where we had the most amazing burger imaginable. Half pound burger, bacon, pulled pork, stake, some meat I don't remember, and 3 different cheeses on a sourdough bun. Being 11pm in *********** we decided it was time to go home.

Midnight we were finally home and ready to keep the party going. Cooney had picked up some very good cocaine for us and that was the start of our night. I have tried a bump or 2 nights prior and had no issue, I was ready to party. Cooney and Roobie both did a nice bump and I decided to do a full line. After the full line I decided I could handle a little more so I did another line. I felt good, very awake. Roobie was packing a bowl of weed for us, this one was called "Mr. NiceGuy". We were using the bowl I had bought called the twirly bird, it was a long tripple blown amber glass pipe that looked like a funky swirly straw. The had a bowl on it and the other end of the pipe was the kill hole. I had greens on this one. So I light up and start a huge hit.


Half way through the hit my vision turned sideways and black, I instantly closed my eyes unable to see and instantly overheated. I was having lots of trouble breathing and felt everything, yet nothing. I had taken my shirt off and had roobie help me over to the bed. They had gotten me some water and I started to calm down. I was still high out of my mind however. I began going into mini twitch fits or little seizures. My body calmed down a little more but Then found myself vomiting all over Roobies floor. Amazing burger gone to waste...
They had gotten me a bucket that I then vomited several more times into. They had taken me to the bathroom and gotten me to calm down. Things eased up from there and I began to sober up. I started to sleep and for a few hours Roobie and Cooney woke up up and made sure I was okay. Woke up in the morning and felt fine. On the bright side I have learned my lesson on drugs. Maybe weed every now and then but nothing more.

Don't get me wrong now, I still drink and smoke, probably more than I should, but not as much as I used to. Had a friend over one night, we hang out a lot. I'm going to leave the name out of this one. I have been in some way attracted to this friend but he was not gay and showed no interest, for I have tried in the past and accepted no as an answer. Would still always try to cuddle him but he never let it happen. So, I had a few drinks, as did he, and then I packed him a small bowl of weed. Only he did it because I can not mix the two, he can. We sat in my futon and watched netflix for a while. I started giving him a massage and he enjoyed it. I have a weird talent for giving massages and lots of people love mine.


We layed down and I was still rubbing his shoulders and back. Eventually I began rubbing his lower back and his sides. He was very sensitive but seemed to enjoy it. Every now and then I let a finger or two make its way to his front waist and he seemed to have no issue with this. I then started massaging just his waist and inched my way lower and lower. He did not stop me, in fact he seemed to enjoy it. I in no way wanted to force him into something he did not want to do so I told him that if at any time he wants me to relocate my hands he can tell me and I will. He nodded and My hands kept moving. I soon found he was hard as a rock, hard, and smooth. Felt as if he shaved that day and was ready for something like this. I began to lower his pants and stroke him. Eventually I started to blow him, and he seemed to like it. I blew him for 2 straight hours until he came and he remained hard the entire time. He clothed himself and I jokingly told him No Homo. He laughed and I cuddled him and we went to sleep. I kinda figured, okay, we were both a little drunk and he will probably regret this in the morning.

We both kinda woke up at the same time, still cuddling, however we did not get up or say anything. I felt him begin to press back into me, so I played along and pushed up against him. I had reached down a little and found he was hard as could be. I realized that he actually wanted this, this was not a drunk act of being a little horny. Soon both our pants had come down, I had inserted myself into him and he seemed to enjoy it quite a lot. I began to stroke him as I fucked him and he had came in under a minute. I was shocked because before it took him 2 hours. We had then both reclothed, and drove to denny's for a grand slam. I had no regrets, and I don't think he did either, not sure though. Worst part about all of this, is this is not just some friend from school. This is my co-worker's son, his mom works at the school and I see her daily.


I now am stuck in a huge mental confusion. He keeps coming over to my house every week, we end up cuddling and doing stuff, sober or not. I know i'm stupid for this and I should know better, but I think i'm falling for him. I try to force myself to not fall for him because like many other times in the past, I will fall for someone and before they even knew I liked them I get my heart broken. For some reason I can't help but to want him more and more. Not even the sex, or anything like that, I enjoy talking to him, cuddling him, spending any time with him. I know more than likely he will not like me back the same way, and that's why I have yet to tell him. He is an amazing friend and I would not want to ruin that or make things weird between us. I can only hope he may have the same feelings, sadly I doubt it. I think i'm just an experience for him, so he can figure himself out. Either way I have no issue with it, i'm just happy to be as close as I am to him. Maybe i'm insane for this, but he is so suck in my head I wanted to put it somewhere.

TOO
LONG
DIDN'T
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So, I ended up telling this guy how I actually feel, and just as I expected he did not have the same feelings. We talked about it and he already knew I had interest and just did not say anything. He told me that it is fine and has no issue. He said it won't make things weird and we can still be the same friends we are now. After talking to him it seems that he may even still be down for cuddling or other stuff, just not a relationship, and that's okay with me. The it felt good to have it off my mind and now I know not to let myself develop any further feelings for him.


So, I have came to the realization that I have deeper feelings for him than I thought I did. I love his personality, talking to him, texting him, being with him, cuddling him, and even his cute little snore when he sleeps. I love him. I don’t even care about the sex or anything else, I love him for him. Only thing is I hate the fact that I love him, it hurts and I don’t want too, he has already told me he is straight and has no intention on anything else. Sadly, I can’t control my feelings for him, I have tried very hard but my feelings have only gotten deeper. This is a feeling I have never felt with anyone before in my life, this is not the butterflies in my stomach when I meet a cute guy, this is not giggling like a little school girl because i'm nervous around him. Around him I feel comfortable, I feel confident, I feel safe inside myself, I feel as if no matter what happens, if i'm around him I will be okay.

There is something small I had put in here a while ago but had removed it because it seemed way too pathetic, but I this point I don’t think I could get more pathetic. Not long ago I had gone down to Maryland with Roobie and we wanted to go see the remains of this abandon school. We walked for hours and all of it was beautiful, and there I saw this tree and it had been entirely covered in carvings, not even graffiti, all of it was couples who had carved their names in with hearts. So I decided to find a blank spot on the tree and I carved me and his names into the tree with a heart around it. It’s stupid and pathetic, I don’t know why I did it, maybe it was hope, maybe just a way to have some release and put my true feelings somewhere, I don’t know.


The other night I had what was probably one of the best nights of my life. Started of pretty typical, had the guy that I have been talking about over. We chilled out, smoked a little, watched weeds and ate pizza. Got to be around 1:00am and we figured we should probably sleep. As normal we had cuddled up on my futon and we were nice and warm. After about 30 minutes or so I ended up giving him a small massage, and like times before we ended up with our pants down. This time it turned out much different, I didn’t just blow him, I didn’t just have sex with him. He was on his back and I leaned toward him and he turned his head to me, I took my chance and I kissed him. He did not retreat or turn his head, in fact he rolled over facing me and we began to make out. This was first kiss I have had in about 4 years, and really this was the first kiss I have ever had that had actual meaning, and I felt something out of this kiss. The kissing and fun lasted for a long time, we did not end until around 3:00am. He also had reciprocated a handjob in the end.

When we were done we cuddled for a minute or two, cleaned up, took a hit, then cuddled back up and slept. We both kind of woke up again around 7:00am and it ended up being a repeat of what we did prior, including all the kissing. He seemed to be very much into the kissing and every thing and that made me very happy, to know that I am more than just sex to him. Only thing I feel kind of bad about is I accidently left a rather dark hickey on his neck, it was lower and easy to hide, but obvious if you saw it.

Things are beginning to hit the fan. Few nights ago I had gotten home from working all day and Taylor was home with around 5 other guys I have never seen before. As I walked in I smelled weed, saw some alcohol, then seen one of the guys with a bag of weed. I'm not one to really care about this kind of thing, if I did I would be quite the hypocrite. However Gavin, Audria and the baby were upstairs sleeping, that's 2 recovering heroin addicts and a month old baby.


This crossed my line, so I decided to rat her to my father. I told him that if he plans to do anything using my name I need to know ahead of time so I can leave, because of her extreme background of violence it was only logical. Also, this was not because I did not want her to hit me or anything, this was because I always carry a knife on me and if she hits me, not only would I hit back, but I would probably stab her, and i'm not sure i’d stop their either. So in other words I was saving myself from committing a possible felony.


So I talked with my dad and told him i'm at the point where I am out of options. I told him i'm going to leave and I will come back in a few days hoping things cool off. Then I told him if something else happens and puts me in a position where I can not feel safe in my own home I will leave and I will not come back until he is the only person living in that house. He did not like what he heard but he understood every word of it and did not blame me for my decision. I can not live like this anymore, I know that there are people who live in worse situations, but the fact is I can live in a better one, I have the ability to leave and be treated better, to live somewhere I can actually feel safe and call home.

The other night was quite normal to start, layed down to sleep and all was good. Woke up at midnight to screaming from upstairs. I throw clothes on and grab my knife, knowing how unpredictable these people are. My dad was on the phone with 911, Gavin had collapsed and was not responding. What I was told was Audria, his girlfriend, had gone to the bathroom and when she came back Gavin was on the floor and unconscious. I walked up stairs to see him on the floor, not breathing and no pulse, eyes open but no light. Minutes later ambulance and police flooded the streets and poured into the house. He was given a few shots of narcan and almost instantly responded. It was a scarring night, seeing someone I have lived with for a long time, someone who I have sat and ate dinner with, practically dead not 2 feet away from me.

The following day we found a bag filled with 20 of my Zoloft pills in his room. Following that I later noticed I was missing 2 tablets and an iPhone. I requested to look in his room and I found one of the tablets and the iPhone. These were both things I was fixing for a friend. The other tablet was one I had actually bought from him and it was not found in his room, it's likely he sold it. Sadly this is not the first time. Before he was in jail about a year ago he had stolen two laptops from me, more pills, and a $300 bike. This is only what I noticed. He had stolen many other things from the house, found he had broke into many other homes and stolen things, and he even told me once he was really cracked out and robbed a gas station at gunpoint. For some reason I had hope for him, he had a child and a girlfriend. But at core, he was still just a no good worthless junky thief.

Thats all of it. I know its long and probably no one actually read it but if you did tell me what you think.

Holy shit OP. I feel bad for you.

It is what it is. Im always there for other people and I do what I can, I just wish someone could be
there for me.

Sauce?

>Adrian from there on came up with excuses to not hang out with Michael and supported me.

What a good friend

whoa fuck being gay. find your inner female and get on some hrt fam. youd be a pretty girl.