What's wrong with me?

What's wrong with me?
>be me
>18, above average wealthy family
>never did drugs, disgust alcohol
>lovely trustful gf
>planned out future as computer engineer
>good grades, small circle of friends
>literally no problems in my life besides insignificant stuff that's easy to resolve

>depressed and don't really have much will to live
>frequently have existential crisises that puts me on suicidal thoughts

If I could, I would give my life and its benefits to someone who needs or wants it. Why can't I just accept existing?

Do you feel like you don't deserve it? Or like someone else needs it more than you in this world?

Just see a fucking therapist already, you sound like you have the money for it anyway

Any particular idea that comes to mind when you're depressed?

Based on your last line; do you feel bad that you have it so good while other people aren't as fortunate?

Throwin stones in darkness here.

It's not that I don't deserve it, I just don't want it. Someone else would benefit far more from my life than I do, free of worries and problems.

this, fgt

If you really have these problems go see an actual doctor. Average wealth can afford one.

have you tried SSRIs?

Ask yourself this, "Why don't i want this?", "Why would someone else be happier in your position?"

probably your piss poor diet, your facade is complete. GF money etc. But inside your piss poor nutritionally deficent body is in agonizing torture as a series of distractions keep your mind focused on other things while you avoid whole foods and variety in your diet

DYEL?

I know I'm not giving you much to work with. Main problem is that I don't feel like I belong to this life I guess, that I can't find a good reason to enjoy life. Nothing appeals to the joy of life in me.

You are nerd

How do we know his diet sucks? You'd think he wouldn't have a girlfriend if he looked unhealthy. HOWEVER diet could be a thing; I wouldn't rule it out.

zoloft

Really? I'll admit I do indulge in tragic food choices, but my main meals are usually varied and nutritional. Replace snacking with some actual food?

In addition to diet, maybe (lack of) exercise could be a factor.

What are your hobbies OP?

go get a job...find out what life is really about...before going to college.....pay your own way.........

drugs motherfucker. cheatcodes to life if you do your research and be responsible. don't like your current perception of life? drugs will fucking change it. take some MDMA or strong opiates and tell me you aren't happy.

Been there
Mate
Best advice I give you, fck everything and do whatever you want with out thinking about it too much
Shit gets way better that way

Putting myself on a jogging schedule when weather clears up, perhaps it will help
Tragic list of hobbies: gaming, sleeping, swimming, cooking

Now we're getting somewhere. You named a few reasons to live already; your girlfriend; your plans for a future; and a family that supports you.

I've thought about suicide a lot too, but it always boils down to "I have only one life I'm guaranteed to live; and it ends at any time, any place, for any reason."

We could be dead in the next few seconds although not likely; we just don't know.

We have no purpose for existing; or a force that drives us to a pre-determined destiny. I honestly believe life is what we make of it; it's up to us to find ways to enjoy life; enjoyment usually won't come to you.

I live, because I only have one, and I don't like getting ripped off. It's like going to to the movies and stopping halfway through it. It's like fucking without cumming.

Well OP, these other anons are making good suggestions mostly, better diet and exercise really will make you feel better. Endorphins are more powerful than you think.

Also, don't go on SSRI's. Been there, and they're not a good idea unless you have some serious depressive shit going on.

If this is a philosophical issue, I'd just go and read as much history as you can. Ideally stuff by and about people in worse off situations, like the gulags in the Soviet Union or the battle of Stalingrad. I'm not saying "think of how much worse it could be", i'm saying that those people had a perspective on life that might change yours.

I mean, you wouldn't be better off without those nice things you have. I'm in a similar situation atm, but without any of those nice things, and while I know that being given such things wouldn't fix my outlook, not having them hasn't fixed it either.

It's not your responsibility to ponder existence, and much of that pondering can only be done through suffering, and hypothetically if you were to abandon your comforts and loved ones and become an ascetic, and undergo some horrific, soul-forging experience that gave you some sage outlook on life, you'd end up realizing that the best anyone can do is to enjoy what comforts life has seen fit to give them, work towards the betterment of yourself and others, and just try not to take things *too* seriously.

It helps to believe in an afterlife as well, but I can't expect you to just take me on credit when I say I think there is one, and worrying about existence in this life is a fruitless exercise.

Good luck OP. Remember not to do anything rash. It's better to have those comforts and relationships and not realize their value than to deprive yourself of them irreversibly and then to realize you'd have been content with them, only after a life of hardship.

Very well written, and I completely agree; life should be lived to match your goals and desires. If not for yourself, then for someone or something else, you have a potential in life that only you can bring out. All you need is to find the motivation to reach that goal, to find your potential and reach it.

Which is where I'm stuck. I know that since I'm not living for myself, I should find motivation in those closest to me. I should keep living for my family, my girlfriend, my future.
But I feel that I'm rather forced to live for my closest. Rather than making them happy, I resort to atleast not making them sad by offing myself. My desire to release myself from my life is greater than my desire to live for my closest. Unfortunately.

I wish to fall asleep in eternal rest.

Try to walk at least an hour a day, and look into HIIT.