Alright Sup Forums, I have the house to myself for the next 24 hours...

Alright Sup Forums, I have the house to myself for the next 24 hours. I want to experience one of the most satisfying ejaculations of my life.

I'm bi, so I can try anything.
I don't have a rubber glove, so I can't make a flashlight.
I've dabbled a bit into anal masturbation, but I don't own any dildos or plugs.
I've tried sucking my own dick, but I just can't do it.
I've also tried fucking my own ass, but my dick won't reach (It's 6", fuck off, that's average)
I bought an electric toothbrush a while ago, but I have no clue how to get the vibrating part out.

What sort of weird shit have you done that really makes you spray your load? What household objects can make great sex toys? Seriously, just give me any suggestions. I need this.

Other urls found in this thread:

fabulouslyfeminist.com/getting-to-know-yourself-masturbation-is-sex-positive/
twitter.com/NSFWRedditVideo

Got a pool noodle? Carve it up and put a condom on it - instant dildo

Warm up a chicken

Auto-erotic asphyxiation?

make a hamburger

YOU ARE A FUCKING GENOISUS

Choking yourself sounds like the worst fetish ever. I wouldn't want to pass out and have that be my final message to the world

Not OP but id like to know the best way o achieve orgasm with a bullet vibrator

>stileproject.com
Damn, I feel very old now.

Jack off with your feet

post uncropped photo

checkem

OP here. I also bought a Google Cardboard, but then discovered my shitty phone doesn't have a gyroscope or whateverthefuck to use it correctly.

I do have a high end PC though, any free porn games that aren't complete dogshit?

its not irrelevant, are you retarded? It opens him up to an array of things that would be opened had he said "im straight."

bigot detected, if he said im straight you probably wouldnt even have commented.

don't bother
i even own a vive and none of the VR porn is anywhere near worth it

Go into the bath arch your legs above you and pee directly in your mouth.

Need full source on that pic.

Fap while watching yourself in a mirror

Found it through Google Images.
fabulouslyfeminist.com/getting-to-know-yourself-masturbation-is-sex-positive/

Anyone have any ideas for me?

Got a Toys R' Us near you?

if you have candles they make for great anal toys, especially if you can heat them up and bend a bit to fit better

Oh well that's underwhelming.

just dont use candles and vegetables (carrots, cucumbers) if they break inside, only a doctor can get it out.

If you take 3 of those airbag packaging things and Make the 2 end bags meet and hold it real fucking tight its great to fuck

look up sex shops by your area, get a tenga or some shit its like 10 bucks.

Just... go buy sex toys.

You can still use a google cardboard to view 3D porn, just install VLC and watch the porn through the cardboard. It just won't track your head movements is all.

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