I can't think about her without feeling sorry for myself, what do i do?

I can't think about her without feeling sorry for myself, what do i do?

also feels thread, post them greentexts

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Story OP

Me neither and I still think about her every day. Started with going from wanting to forgive her to hating her, one extreme to the other. Now it's more just steady what a stupid bitch and a whore in the back of my mind. It's been six months.

kinda boring but ok
>first day of highschool
>mfw I see her
>black long hair, curves, happy face with dimples, deep deep eyes
>instantly fall in love
>get really close, texted all night long, know everything about each other
>ask her out one day
>says yes
>ohniggershitfuck
cont?

I've run out of things to say in these threads. I'm just so emotionally jaded and empty. I've hit that point where you've felt so many feels that you can't feel any new ones. Both good and bad at the same time.

So heres the story my guy.
>Be me
>Love this girl for years upon years and be there as a shoulder and her rock, yada yada
>See her go through 4 of my friends and use them like fools. Adam, youre still a cunt
>Going into year 5 with her on my heartstrings
>Tell her how i feel and we begin to try.
>"Mutual feeling"
>Valentines day this year
>She tells me she's sexually attracted to women but still wants to be with me
>"I like girls but theres always been you. I love you"
>Depression of wasting 6 years hits hard and in panic
>Slash myself and carv into my arm.
>Blocked
>She said she loves me and i guess she just forgot...
Pic related

know that feeling, it's amazing what them feelers con do to a man

I'm becoming that way too. Hard to decide which is worse, feeling too much or feeling nothing. Maybe eventually it just balances out again.

kinda sounds good user... you got a threesome?

at first you feel like shit every single second of the day, and when you have had too much you simply become empty

Sorry user, to busy wallowing in depress, trynna die. No threesome

but why are you so sad? she just told you she liked pussy but wants to be with you, it's not like she's breaking up or something

>dimples
Yes please

im going to sound like a cunt/bitch for this but if there is no sexual attraction to my cock then there is no sexual attraction to her. I want her like a mlfo my guy, but its not the same being lied to for so many years. Kinda just feels bad. Want to die from it.

Yep. Been going through that this winter. Dumped at the end of last summer. Hurt like a motherfucker for about 5 months and now in the 6th month I'm finally going numb. Again I'm not sure which is worse really.

oh, so she likes you but she doesn't want to fuck you?

quite a pickle dude

Well my guy, she has told me stories of how she would A-Fuck me at our next camp retreat (We are both in marching band so we spend quite a bit of time together) and B-Want to try the relationship thing again. Then i get the 'Im gay' message and it feels bad to be lied to.

So yes, it is quite the pickle dude.

Will proast
>be me
>homeschooled till 10
>first few years integrating into public life left me socially crippled
>make some alliances with the losers
>for four years I scrap my way through the social ladder
>I'm ruthless but after enough petty shit I attain the lovable nerd status
>feelsgoodman.jpeg
>still not totally integrated and strange
>can't find love or longterm friends
>fast forward
>14
>had a rocky four year battle upwards
>constant disciplinary problems and fights
>at odd ends with my family who are considering excommunicating me
>real story starts
(Cont.) 1/?

>go out with her a couple of time
>fall real bad for her, she makes me happy even if my life is shit
>my mom is kind of crazy and sometimes (once or twice a week) would go completely psycho
>she screamed and broke things around the house, once she threw a pair of scissors at me
>dad left right after I was born so no role model there
>we where in a not so good economic situation and my mother had three jobs so I would have to cook food for myself and was alone most of the time
>never really talked about it with anyone but I opened up with her and even cried
>she told me everything was gonna be alright and that she always was gonna be by my side
>fuckingloveher
>that's when it all started to go to shit
cont?

so what are you gonna do user?

this sounds like me, cont

>have "grill"
>lovable nerd like me
>been friends since my integration year
>always been closer than friends
>scewed values and disinterest fuck with me tying shit down with her
>leave the both of us hanging because of the constant shitstorm of my life and I don't want her involved
>protective of her nonetheless
>freshy year comes
>decide it's time, four years of holding back and I want to have something/someone to show I did it well
>ask her to fucking homecoming
>day comes along
>we plan an elaborate oriental dinner
>she's into anime and shiggy shit
>inlove.webm
>kind of shy like me on the outside but a raving mess of processes beneath
>dinner gets along fine till I ask her about who she's hoping to see at the dance
2/?

>nihilistic, depressed most of high school
>things got better senior year and i had a really good year overall, felt great
>work up nerve to ask out girl i had been in love with throughout highschool one year into college because i was confident and didnt feel nervous talking to her anymore
>i think things are looking up, she says yes, we have a good time but i wanted to take things light and not look desperate or forceful
>she says she had a good time and wants to do it again
>decide to make sure she realizes I don't want to just be friends next time we go out
>there is no next time ("sorry user I can't today! super busy" "sorry user i have to work that day" etc)
>tomorrow will be one year since the date
>i still cant stop thinking about her and how bad i fucked that up
>she posted a picture of getting a bouqet of flowers on valentines day and blacked the name out
>back in the same place mentally that I was before all this

i feel like i went in a 3 year circle. life is absolutely meaningless. I sometimes think about selling most of my possessions and dropping out of college and moving away somewhere so I can start new. i am very aware of how highschool and edgy this sounds.

Well i cant maintain eye contact with her and we basically stopped talking, hence the "'I love you' and i guess she forgot"part of my story, so in reality i have no clue. Most likely take my lige within the next week or so, maybe just deppen scars, not sure friend.

don't hurt yourself user, you have 2 options, either you face her and tell her that you don't want that type of relationship or you walk out

Jesus fuck i cant spell today, Life* deepen*

>I swear I could feel the change in the fabric of my fate right there
>her always eversweet and endlessly forgiving grace froze
>we'd been through fights together
>we'd dealt with death threats from her abusive ex's
>suddenly it didn't matter anymore, and I didn't know why or what I'd done
>get to the dance
>itspumpin
>trying not to let her know I know something's up
>we get in the floor
>no dinosaur
>she just stands there and I show her some basic jive shit
>my family can actually dance like we're not white
>she almost gets into it
>almost
3/?

it's amazing what a woman can do to the mind of a guy in just a brief moment, kinda makes me wonder why are we made like this, why do we fall so quickly

Well friend, its a little late to bot hurt myself, but i cant bring myself to even speak to her, i get sick to my stomach and want to tear up, scream at the top of my lungs, and go home to wallow and die. This has gotta be the worst pain ive felt in a good 6 years.

and has she told you anything about you being like that or are you just don't talking to each other?

I've been losing my friends one by one this year to the point I don't have any left. I'm feeling lonely and my gf who knows it decided she needs some her time and hasn't really spoken to me in the past couple weeks. She didn't even wanna hang out on Valentine's Day. Then today it was getting a bit much and I tried to talk to her and she told me to stop, and that I was whoring for attention. I have tried to help her and talk to her every time she gets sad, and then the one time I try she tells me to stop. I just feel like I don't have anyone anymore

Your story reminds me of mine, so might as well pour out my own feels.

>be me
>also homeschooled until 10
>start school and had no idea how to interact with other kids
>live far from school out in country, have overprotective mother
>no friends 4 me
>be 12
>2 years of school and still no friends
>move to dad's, different school district
>now even harder to make friends
>give up
>too awkward
>don't even know where to start
>no one lives around me
>change to near-ish school at 14
>not local district because poorfag and live in nigger area
>never really had any romantic interest in girls... none
>want to bang a few, but sex drive wasn't that strong either
>think love and romance are BS made to get pussy
>notice this girl in one of my classes sitting like L from Death Note (anime fag reporting)
>comment on it, start to talk with her
>for the first time in 8 years I'm having regular, fairly normal conversation with someone... anyone... and it's a cute girl
>wasn't the best looking, kinda weird hips and square jaw, but cute enough for 14 virgin me
>start to talk with her more and more, get her FB
>ask her to hang out one day and play tennis
>she says yes
>courts full
>spend the whole time walking around the neighborhood around the school, she knows the place
>no schedule, nothing specific to do
>never understood what "hanging out" was, always thought there had to be a specific purpose
>just relaxing (as much as I could in public and around another person) and talking, having a good time
>no real romantic interest at this point
>she's kinda cute, likes anime, medieval stuff, dark twisted things, cool drawings, she's not afraid to get dirty, isn't like a normal prissy bitch
>has lots of good qualities, but just a friend.. for now
cont?

Well tuesday we had a light conversation about how "I just couldnt sleep at night knowing you were alone, user." And thats basically all we have said besides a small conversation we had today about how my father is on crack/heroin, and the entire relationship bullshit shes putting on my plate. And i quote, "Oh. Okay." But hey, my life doesnt matter huh?

why did you loose your friendos?

my first guess would go to the society we're brought up in, but then again, this happens in nearly every society across the span of thousands of years so it's probably something much deeper than that. at it's most basic instinct, men are brought up to surpass their fathers, find a woman and procreate to pass on their genes. Women don't really have to worry about any of this for the most part, they can select whatever the best option looks like to them, and not being that seems like a big blow to the psyche. especially when you can clearly see you're more successful and a better overall person than the one who beat you. it feels like you're being cheated. like you're just not good enough, and no matter how hard you try, you are still going to be destined to fail due to something you aren't in control of (ie beauty, income, height, mental health, physical health, etc)

just my thoughts.

>other friend (let's call her Pam) taps me on the shoulder
>we chat for a second and I leave grill unattended
>catch up on some small shit but then she looks back to grill and points to some proto-chad standing with her
>he grabs grills arms and encourages her to dance with him
>she ain't having it
>he struggles to secure her arms and then motions for the two of them to leave
>Pam and I watching "is that mister steal your girl?"
>"not sure, I'm gonna make sure she's ok"
>follow the two of them out but stop at the doorframe of the gym to keep some distance
>they talk and exchange some heated words
>she fights off the grabby shit
>he goes in for a kiss
>here I am thinking she's gonna nail the fucker in the jaw
>shefuckinggoesalongwithit.wrrrrr
>I'm shocked, a little hurt, but I've been hurt before
>just not this surprised
>I kind of let my legs walk my noodle-brain back to the music and people
>as I walk away she notices I saw it all and dashes to comfort me
>literally shaking
>she's in tears
4/?

that's selfish of her, how's your dad? I know how it is to have family like that, my uncle was an addict too
have a song youtube.com/watch?v=zSzluF9itcw

Just life, pulling them away to different places, moving away for school or work

yeah i hear you... women are the one's who say yes, most of them will never know what it is to fight for someone or to struggle everyday with the guilt of not being good enough for someone,
media paints the man as a heartless asshole and a woman ad a romantic feeler but really it is the other way around, that's why men feel and suffer more

do you see a future with you gf or is it lost?

I don't know

Oh its not too good, he OD'd last week, but hes living. Not sorry for him, he was abusive growing up. Im sorry about your uncle, but as for mal, im still going to chase her, deepen some slits and hurt myself. Life.

>Porto-chad storms off
>grill is stuck to my arm
>Pam is running out to find us so I pick a spot outside to recollect and think
>grill claims that he's some creep who thinks she owed him something in return for a ride he gave her
>guy comes back some time later and exclaims "I want to know why I see my fucking grillfriend dancing with some fuck I don't know without permission"
>huh?
>tries to start a fight but the security is good here
>bye photo-chode
>don't know who to believe, we were always loyal to eachother four years running
>know what I saw too
>I decide its for the best
>I make a disciplinary pact of removing myself from her life entirely to avoid more trouble than she needs
>after all I was going to tie us down tonight but that plan backfired

Fast forward a bit now (sophomore)
>the details are fucked but she was about 50% of my concentrated efforts in what I was doing in life
>the rest was school/family
>without her I fill the gap with le fedoric introspection
>I begin to rigorously study philosophy and religion
5/?

it's a weird feeling i know, my uncle stole my grandmother's inheritance from me and he spend it all on drugs, i hate him deeply but sometimes i find myself thinking about him and how he is, are you paying for his hospital bills?

friends are always more important than a grill, anywhere you can get new ones?

Funny story, my grandmother passed away about two months ago, she leftm my family her car and most of her stuff. He stole, pawned, and jacked all of it. Rip my shit, but with the leftover cash he had in his house (And some of my own money, along with my mothers) we are trying to help pay but dude...its fucking expensive.

I fucking miss my grandma

Literally me
Started dating in '10, broke up in '14. Can't stop simultaneously hating/loving/missing/loathing her.

Me too friend...me too...

>the philosophy shit gets more and more detached from my day to day reality and falls apart on me
>my family situation practically has me in "accommodated exile"
>I'm fed, clothed, rarely spoken to, nor treated with any agency/dignity when I am
>end up devoting to the only thing I've ever had and the only thing I have left now
>grill is gone
>family is gone
>my values and religion are gone
>I've always had a knack for scholarly activities
>always had good grades
>something breaks in me part ways through sophomore year
>the classes I selected were basically academic suicide
>undoable amounts of paperwork stacked unironically 4-5 inches on my desk nightly, books-worth of material to analyze
>somehow my usual jive didn't cut it
>began to loose school too
>see the signs, it's all downhill with no hope
>my health begins to go slightly afterwards. I begin to forget to cook for myself (as I always have) so I can get homework done.
>I pull 2-3 consecutive day long "Study-charges"
>I begin to drink
(Cont.) 6/?

I'm so afraid of losing my grandparents

they do, and one thing society has taught men is that they need to suppress these feelings and continue to look tough and forget about it and keep working or no women will ever love them for being weak, which is a major factor in the 3.5x suicide rate for men over women. it's very unfortunate, and as much as i think women should be treated equally, the feminist movement to de-legitimize men's rights is sad. you should feel bad to be a man, if a woman lies to you and cheats on you, you fucked up, you deserved it, you should suppress these feelings because you're a tough man and you need to go do work.

You should kill yourself. Right now. Just do it. Grab a belt, loop it around neck, and hang yourself.

just keep posting and stop asking

>one particular day stands out:
>(-9F) but I'm wrapped up save an eye hole
>midjanuary since I lost track of the days
>hadn't slept for roughly 3 1/2 days
>hadn't eaten anything other than an apple for 4 some days
>I'm walking to school (we live in the north) through the snow around 4ish to make it to my preclass study
>still kind of drunk from the "night" before
>I feel my nose start to bleed really bad and everything goes dark
>wake up buried in a few inches of snow
>face stings a bit from the regurgitated gin which came out when I fell
>also blud
>its fifth period, and I'm surprised I'm not dead
>make the rest of the trek to the building and decide the best remedy for my nearly fatal consequence of alcoholism is more booze
>pass out in chemistry with a water bottle of vodka in my clutch


>fast forward to now
>19
>the grill called me out of the yonder yesterday
>needed a ride
>friend stranded her and work was cancelled or something
>I'm a fuck and decide to pick her up
>in the car just like when we were 11, silent just like when we were eleven
>she inches her hand close to mine, just like we did back in the car-rides those years back
>I have a terrifying sudden impulse to crash the car into an oncoming semi-truck
>I get her home
>she asks if I have plans once we're there
>I remember the impulse, the day I woke up in the snow, the day I sent myself off with my baggage so she wouldn't have to endure me
>I turn down an invitation for dinner
>oriental

6/(not sure how long it'll be)

Kye? Goes to Kingston?
-talking about you btw

this better not be the end motherfucker ;-;

I'll elaborate on the present
>family situation improved, I manipulated my brother into becoming the fuckup of the household
>school improved, bypassed public life and worked at my own pace, graduated two years early
>philosophy/religion, found a monastic tradition that suited my values and beliefs- Alae'szen are bros
>found another grill, we've been together on and off for a few years now
>we both drank a lot together and I taught her how to smoke but we both kicked the habits
>grill went on to do some genderkin shit but then realized she was being an idiot and returned to "normal life"
>having decimated her social infrastructure, and my happiness for the time I began letting her go.

>I'm now having to make plans for the future quick because at the rate I was drinking I didn't honestly expect to survive past 18 years but somehow I pulled it off

>be me
>meet this girl
>solid 9.3/10
>is flirty as fuck with me
>get close
>meet her bf
*year later*
>get close agian
-lives hr and half away now
>mutual past love interest kicks in
>she leaves her bf
>be me and never kissed girl at all
>she visits me by running away for weekend
>pay for her train ride
>she is her
>we start to get shit going
>is making out, progresses to fucking
>ohfuckwasntready.jpg
>goes through pack of condoms
>is in totally love and given up everything for this girl.
>she leaves because has to go back to school
>is heart broken and lonely
>she totally ignores me now
>leaves with my money, Viginity and first kiss and all that shit.
>ruined my life and gets pot addiction
>get bullied by her friends for caring and new people because too much caring.
>doesn't give a shit except for this girl
>labeled sensitive
tieperfectnoose.exe
-pic related-

How long did she stay with you?

Not long enough

After sex or?