Any of you bros have schizophrenia? What's it like? Do you wish you weren't schizophrenic?

Any of you bros have schizophrenia? What's it like? Do you wish you weren't schizophrenic?

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Do you ever think that everybody you love hates your guts?

Could the possibility of me getting high and sometimes hearing the word "meow" being said by a cartoon-ish voice in my head be related to schizophrenia? It's an odd feeling when it happens

Is there history of mental illness in your family?

Depression I believe, don't know much about the family

Yes. Loud, intense, paranoid. Only way to stop it is by devoting my soul to Lucifer. Nah it's okay.

I've heard of weed triggering psychotic thoughts before. I can speak from my experience that everytime I'd smoke weed I would get magical thoughts and it would put me an almost hypomanic state. I would advise you abstain from drugs that affect the psyche. Then again I'm no expert.

I am a high functioning schizophrenic. Hold a job, but I'm really disorganized and a bit bizarre (I have good social skills and am good at it though so people like me). I was remitted until last summer for about a year, since then I've been back in it. What do your want to know?

I don't have it but Pazuzu tells me that my friend Gerald does.

What were you experiencing in your day to day life at the height of your worst episode?

My experience with it is primarily lots of paranoia and breakdowns, in the breakdowns I have psychosis and often think demons are coming for me. The breakdowns only happen because my life has some pretty shitty things going on that I can't handle, normally I am paranoid, anhedonic, and don't sleep. I don't wish I wasn't schizophrenic, I've come to think that reality is really boring for nonschizophrenics so they just fill their time with meaningless garbage. At least my stuff is interesting.

I don't think you have friends. Enjoy your mental illness.

youtu.be/ETHbZRFP0F4

So stay doing psychedelics and poke smot gotcha
We'll just see what happens in the later days

Even in an episode it's not quite like I'm always out of it. Dissociation is kind of like a calming effect, it's like all that exists is what the little focus there is is on. Right now I don't exist in my perception, just my phone. Thinking about that makes me upset because it shatters the illusion... When I get faced with something upsetting (common in my life right now) I get worked up, and if I get too worked up and can't calm down I start hearing voices, generally either directly persecutory or commanding, but sometimes just conversational. The conversations get processed weirdly though, after a few minutes I think they really happened. The same thing happens with my dreams if I'm not careful, and that's bad because they're often persecutory nightmares. I don't remember much of my childhood because of this, it's been rewritten full of demons. I was raped and abused repeatedly from a young age, that plus genetics probably caused me to have it early, possibly from 4 but definitely by 7... I am pretty self aware, not sure how most schizophrenics are since I don't talk to many, but as you can see have a problem with rambling. Lol.

We'll on Fourth of July I had one break down where I thought the people I was around actually had contact with aliens or were people from another planet pretending to live here. Pretty fuckin crazy, also won't say who but one family member heard voices and doesn't hear them anymore, said it was some technology, and also have a neighbor who literally thinks he's eleven, but I think he's doing it to get mental disability money, could come in handy an you can maybe get better, if he's faking it ? Beats me, too much sci fi and know that soldiers that came back from Vietnam got the same type of shit

can't you discern reality from pseudo-reality?

In my freak outs peaks though I have attempted suicide numerous times and been committed for over a month cumulatively. I don't remember all those periods but there was a while when I created myself a religion. It was very dark and I remember drawing the symbols on the wall of the hospital in my blood, and for a year before, or maybe after, on my hands.

I mostly can, and it's kind of like a muscle where you can exercise it, but I don't know if that's common. The more stressed/deeper into it I get though, that ability starts to go away.

do you experience more positive or negative symptoms? which ones are the easiest to deal with ?

Definitely both. Reduced social drive is the easiest to deal with lol, because I'm fucking paranoid of my friends anyways