Useless super powers thread

Useless super powers thread
>You have x-ray vision only when you hiccup

You can grow really fat really fast, but to lose weight you have to do all the work (excercise, diet etc)

Both of these are still useful

I actually hiccup alot so it'd be kinda useful

You're gonna have to elaborate on that statement, user.

You can run as fast a cheetah, but only when wearing skinny jeans.

Isn't that how it works anyway?

That's the kind of thing that fat people say
> Fatty Mc Fatterson confirmed.
> inb4 "healthism"

I eat tons of food every day, fatty food, bad food etc. I'm still 145 pounds.

You have mind-control powers over babies under the age of one.

You can't make them do anything they're not cognitively or physically able to do on their own (talk, lift things, etc)

You can become invisible or fly but you are rendered blind and deaf during that time

You know the ending of every movie without watching.
But that's it. You don't know anything else about it.

...

Useful for winning bets about highly-anticipated movies with twist endings. Some rich people will bet on the stupidest shit and pay up, too; you could conceivably make some money from this

See. I didn't know that.
That would be rad then.

The power to make your elbows greasy

unrelated, but a friend of mine won a bet with a guy at her university about whether or not their professor would show up on a specific day. She jokingly bet him £500, won, and he straight up paid her in cash that afternoon. Probably trying to get laid, but you see my point.

ITT:
>But that's useful...

ok niggers.
The ability to see behind you but you are blinded whenever you activate it.

once per day for 60 seconds you can summon a fly

The power to remove your depression

So the super power is the ability to go blind?
You cabbage cunt.

The powEr to turn ketchup into catsup

10/10

but then I don't have to look at any of my problems any more :^)

but you get to see behind you, you're just normally blind.

useful superpower/10

The power to make insects cum.

you shit solid gold but the proceeds from it must go to homeless shelters

Reading your own mind.

...

it's something normal humans can't do so it's still a super power you cumrag, that's the point of this thread

nice!

the power to have sex with people but they can't feel it and neither can you

get a job as an insect mating specialist

>it's something normal humans can't do

kek'd

>it's something normal humans can't do

close your eyes and tell me what you see, faggot

being able to use left handed scissors with your right hand perfectly

do you not have eyelids user?

The power to feel immense pain at will without anything influencing or touching you.

Useful for training pain tolerance

>something normal humans can't do

is this bait?

I can still fap to the thought fucking AND seeing a celeb. Also i could take pics while doing the sex to her and sell them to paparazzis

Mr hindsight
you have the ability to see what should have been done but never able to prevent what happens

The power to lower your own IQ at will

>ability to go blind
>it's something normal humans can't do

we're on Sup Forums, we already have that power

being able to melt ice cubes with your brain, your enemies will never be able to enjoy a drink. they'll always be watered down bwahahahahahaha

the ability to open a jar of mayonnaise, but as you open the jar the mayo spoils.

the ability to blow up like a puffer fish whenever you feel sexually aroused

turn purple when i fart

other people turn purple when I fart

That's literally my dick

thats called the fart of death. you die from an intense fart. it happens.

can go to north/south pole and flood the world

useful villain power

>it's something normal humans can't do
>normal humans have no eyelids

10/10

useful for depression. you can become dumb - therefore ignorant and happy

being able to eat celery and never be full

the ability to make someone fall in love with you, but as soon as they fall in love, they die.

>it's something normal humans can't do

no only ice cubes in peoples drink

also great for infiltration. get dumb, and dont pose a threat.

man fuck that's not useless you're basically babybender

best nanny in the world gor babies under 1 year

being able to grow 3 times your size as a (let's assume) 6 foot tall human you would be able to grow to 18 feet tall

useful superpower

being able to be in one place at a time

the ability to post on message boards without adding anything useful to the conversation

useful for celery eating contests

the ability to spawn herpes on your face

make your enemies fall in love with you and kill them

useful superpower

you're smart enough to solve the world's problem but you're physically unable to communicate except through Sup Forums

touche, i didnt think of that. thankyou user

you could weaponize that shit. seduce and give em to someone

You can learn from your mistakes

...

would post for the keks

useful superpower

the ability to smell your old farts

...

Thats not useless. When i drink alcohol, i cant stop hiccuping. They would call me the drunken see-man.

if you're smart enough to solve the worlds problems you would be able to convey secret messages to certain people.

useful superpower

the ability to vomit on command

>Ability to go blind at will
>It's something a normal person can't do.

Close your eyes and tell us what you see in detail what you see.

Time travel.

you could smell the farts you like and the ones you don't like and learn the useful skill of fart farming

useful superpower

that is not useful at fucking all XD fart farming? bs

could get out of anything you didn't want to do

useful superpower

can fuck hellen keller

useful superpower

an ability like quantum leap
only you jump into the body of someone from the past the moment before they get assassinated with no power to change it

the ability to abilitize the abilities ability.

you could fuck your own mother and become your own dad. the fuck? how is that useless??

the ability to see through wooden walls once every 93 years

You can seduce snakes on thursdays.

>farming delicious farts that smell like gunsmoke and rotting meat by the dozens
>not useful
user pls

this is now a ylyl thread

Dude stop posting those pics when it isn't a get you fucking faggot

you can seduce the snake, and have the snake kill your enemies in return for sexual favors. not useless

can become worlds best detective

useful superpower

You can fly with most of your body

ability becomes 3 times stronger

useful superpower

If your black

kys

you can seduce snakes, not mind control them

and how many fucking enemies must you have that that power becomes useful

I also just want to point out "snakexual favors"

You are invisible but only when your eyes are closed.

The ability to turn invisible, but it doesn't affect your clothes so you have to be naked, and it can turn off randomly at any time.

you are seducing, that is a form of mind control.