Mommy has left the house to get groceries

>mommy has left the house to get groceries
>run to her room
>smear lipstick on my face
>use baby powder to make it as white as I can
>go in the kitchen
>take all seven knives out of the rack and set them up in a circle
>lay down and wait
>several hours later mommy is home
>"What are you doing on the floor? Why are those knives out? Did you get into my makeup?"
>lying on the floor I just stare at her
>raise my head
>"all that chit chats gonna get you hurt! AHHHHAHAHAHAHAHA"

Tell me about times you acted like the Joker.

How are you writing this from the asylum?

>stranger asks me the way to the kinoplex
>say I don't know
>I did know

YOU CAN'T STOP ME MOM

>mom tells me to vacuum the basement
>I only vacuum the stairs
>leave the vacuum running for 15 minutes
>she thinks I vacuumed the whole room

Good god man! How do you sleep at night?

>"user, can you please pass me the sauce?"
>"I don't know, can I?"

s0mEb0dy L0cK mE uP!!!

That isn't psychotic at all though, whoever asked that question needs to learn some fucking English.

>mum doesn't let me get the new GTA game because she hears its too violent and its R18+
>I play it anyway when I'm at my older cousin's house
>"user, did you have fun at the sleepover last night?"
>"yeah we just played some video games, that's all"
>don't even mention gta

tWiStEd FuCkInG pSyChOpAtH

ABSOLUTE INSANITY

>go get some fast food for lunch to bring back to the office
>order
>troll living in the speaker box asks what I want to drink
>say "Coke"
>troll asks if Pepsi is okay
>say it is
>I actually don't like pepsi

SOMEBODY CALL THE POLICE I NEED TO BE THROWN INTO THE LOONY BIN

>don't want to go to school in the morning
>"user, its school, you have to go"
>"but muuum, i'm sick!"
>"no you're not!"
>she gets a thermometer to check my temperature
>when she's not looking, I put the thermometer in hot water
>"see I told you i'm sick!"

i'M l0sInG cOnTrOl sOmEbOdY sToP mE

I tried that once, but instead of hot water i used a light bulb
Well the bulb was a bit too hot for the thermometer and it burst, spilling mercury all over the place

This one time

lol

I TOOK BOTH JOKER CARDS FROM MY MUM'S CARD DECK AND I PUT THM IN MY POCKET

and get this

I KEPT THEM IN MY POCKET ALL DAY LONG AT SCHOOL

no one had any idea how crazy I was that day

Yoou could even say that I was twice as craxy as I normally was.

>classmates filing back into the classroom after lunch
>all my mates go and sit in the seats at the back of the classroom
>i purposefully go and sit at the very front row right in front of the teachers desk, making eye contact with him

INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE

...

That one time I cut out throwing stars from a steel sheet, jerked and came on them and threw them at squirrels in my backyard.

>Playing vidya with little brother
>He says he's hungry
>Feel the insanity boiling inside me
>Turn to him and say
>Hi Hungry, I'm user

And the best part is, I'm not even a dad and I still made that joke, my randomness cannot be contained.

>"user, your room smells awful, can you please clean it up?"
>"I don't give a fuck, do it yourself."
>"okay fine, user, but can you please take out the trash?"
>"dad was right to hit you, you stupid bitch"
>mom starts crying

were you trying to convince her you were on fire?

>go to toilet
>don't wash hands
>"don't worry, it's just water"
>it's not water

SOMEBODY STOP ME

>go to the brothel
>give the whore some money
>run away

DANGER FOR THE COMMUNITY

ur supposed to use powder before using lipstick

HE's JUST TAHT CRAZY!

OUT OfCONTROL!!

He's just this twisted.

Oh god, you are such a rebellious sociopath!

Walk down street at night.
Come across a red light.
Still cross the street.

SAVE ME FROM THIS MADNESS

This is not nice. Apologize to your mother right now!

Gtfo this board ur pure evil

Considering where we are, I'm not certain this is a lie...

>go to the gym
>not to work out like some Chad though, I use my intellect and wit to defeat my enemies instead
>go to the treadmill
>turn it on
>walk away from it and leave the gym

LiTtLe surPRIse fOR the ELecTRIcal BiLL tHIS MoNtH