Ruined Highschool feels greentext? here goes

Ruined Highschool feels greentext? here goes
>be me
>Moved into district 8th grade, expected to only be there that year so I was just weird and fucked with people for fun since I figured any friendships would be temporary
>OhShitGuessNot.jpg
>School ends and I'm told I'm gonna be staying for nect year too
>over the summer I end up dating one of the few people I actually id like enough to seriously talk to
>Tfw hot ass thicc black bitch, let's call her A
>Freshie in hs
>still have that weird kid rep
>I decide I should change that. I start talking to people normally, and people start to actually like me, but that weirdo rep still hangs in the air a bit.
>Fast forward to picture day, it's on a Friday.
>Accidentally brought a Peruvian Llama toy (google image it) and being an annoying freshman, I wear it on my shoulder all day.
>Attempt to take yearbook pic with it but fail
>A thinks it's funny but we don't talk much on it
>Later that day I see a meme somewhere of a kid making pancakes in class
>BrightIdea.jpg
>Flash forward to next Friday
>I bring a toaster to school, smuggle it in with my bag
>It's too big, I have to carry my books
>Btw we have a period called advisory inbetween 3rd and 4th period which is essentially a homeroom.
>I sneak the toaster out during Advisory and begin toasting
>No one suspects a thing or knows
>Teacher questions the burning smell
>*Ding*
>WotTheFook.jpg
>Girl points it out, everyone laughs including the teacher
>Thus begins "Fucked up Fridays"
>This continues throughout most of the year until they threaten expulsion, then I stop
>A gets tired of it real fast
>My dad ended up getting a prescription of Oxycodone for intense pains
>I take some every once in a while
>Every once in a while becomes 15 every friday (they were only 5mg)
>Don't tell anyone
>I finish the year with poop grades, but I didn't care because I knew that was by choice, the few classes I tried in I had great grades

...cont?

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=jK1EqqHIOqw
youtube.com/watch?v=4oVrMpvtU8c
twitter.com/AnonBabble

Continue

I'm retarted and can't read so help me
>Whats the story supposed to be about?

continue.

Cont

>Over the summer take even more Oxy
>It's legit addiction at this point, but edgy teen don't care
>Start treating everyone like shit
>Treat A like shit
>She leaves me
>Tfw first heart break
>Get super depressed and go off deep end
>Sophmore year start
>Still not over her
>I stop taking the pills and tell her what happened
>We start talking again
>I decide not to do the Friday thing anymore, due to not wanting any stress from administration
>get put with 2 teachers who are the hugest dicks ever
>Whatever I deal with it
>Talk to A more and more every day, We fuck and everything all the time
>practically back together
>or not
>Next thing I know I'm on Ig and see she's going with some other guy to homecoming
>What the fuck
>she says its over between us and to stop messaging her
>she continues messaging me for the next few months
>Depression super kicks in, Stop going to school almost alltogether
>Develop insomnia
>Two dick head teachers yell at me for always falling asleep in class
>I just kind of take it and never yell back, just kinda sit there blankly until they're done
>All my lates and getting written up get me suspended
>I continue to get suspended a lot
>Office decides to put me in a program full of delinquents who steal cars, fight, and sell drugs
>all I do is smoke pot, and I've never been in a real fight
>All of my friends stop talking to me bc I'm in a class like that, so they group me with them
>Depression at an all time low.
>In delinquent class, there are rules where you're basically in kindergarten again
>breaking any rule gets you suspended for at least 3 days
>being late more than 3 times a marking period gets you 3 days suspension
>I end up suspended a lot
>Miss over 60 days of school altogether
> The 2 teachers who run the program tell me about a school where you can graduate early
> Tell them I'm not interested, I just want back in normal classes so I can have friends again
>Don't ever get put back

Part 3?

Yes continue

>Throughout the year the teachers continue telling me I should consider that school
>Gets to the point where they basically tell me they can't kick me out but they'd really prefer if I leave, and that life will be hell otherwise.
>They say I'll be stuck in delinquent class next year as well
>Fuck that noise
>I tell them fine, and get my entrance exam scheduled
>Pass with flying colors, was literally 6th grade level content.
> I continue the rest of the year, and somehow barely make it through
>All my grades are either D's or C's, missing 60 days of school makes it hard to know what's happening
>Get a summer job
> Start selling pot
> Go through at least 2 ounces a week
> Still no friends
> I get bored after work every day, and where i was I couldn't smoke
> Move in with dad fully
>Get a 2nd job to fill the time, since I had no friends to hangout with
> Throughout the summer I had a gun pulled on me 4 times
> Didn't even flinch at the sight of the gun, I wanted the trigger pulled
> Make at least 2,000 a month
> after getting robbed several times, I start carrying less and cherry picking my clientele more
> End the summer with 2 ounces an $800
>Smoke it all and buy an Xbone
> spend all free time on xbone
> School starts back up, so I quit the one job
> Only have to go for 3 hours a day
> Work on one subject at a time, all bookwork
> all classes are just as easy as yhe entrance exam if not easier
> No social interaction of any sort between any of the other students
> Everyone is either a delinquent or a hick, and I have no interest in talking to either.
> Wake up go to work come home go to sleep rinse repeat
> every day until December
> Reconnect with an old friend, who's in college then
> He sells me acid
> Best time ever
> I see my stash and grinders sitting on a table while tripping
> It looks like the most junkie shit ever
>Made me re evaluate where I was and what I was doing
>stopped selling drugs

I think part 4 will wrap it up

camon op we waitin'

>Start going to college parties with friend
>Drink a lot
> still smoke and do drugs, but much less frequently.
>Mid December my boss starts scheduling me more and more
>Almost never have a day off
>Get super stressed, start drinking more than I should at parties
>One night I woke up in the hospital with a BAC twice the legal limit
>Oh shit
>Dad's in the room, never says a word
> Even after being a complete high school fuck up and going to delinquent school i still had never seen so much disappointment on his face
> Life eventually goes back to how it was
> go to March
>Almost graduated the school, despite having been only a Junior in the fall
> Start thinking about future and what to do
> realize I've fucked everything up
> Stress texts A, because she was still the only gf I'd ever had.
> She just pisses me off
> Decide on finance in college so maybe I can not be a brokefag my whole life
> Tfw I actually liked going to school before I was put in the delinquent program
> I missed out on 2 1/2 years worth of highschool because I was a depressed edgy teen who experimented with too many drugs
>Still wish I had gotten to go to a normal high school and graduate with friends
> Completely regret the fucked up Fridays and all the drugs
> Realize I could've just stayed a computer nerd
>Feelsbadman
I don;t do greentexts often so this was probably bad but I'm up on aderall at almost 4 AM and this was on my mind, figured why not here

thanks for your story, I've gone through similar things, but mostly just addiction with opiates; similar situation of my mom having plenty on her and they were 15mg oxycodones... Only now do I realize why drugs can be so dangerous, they sap away your base-happiness and motivational system with prolonged usage. Pretty soon you start feeling inadequate without them and fall into the trap of wasting your money on them and stealing, or whatever other situation you put yourself in.

hope you're doing better op

Dude u literally just did an exact copy of my life

only thing to do now is accept what is as it is. You can't change anything, so you must let everything be as it is.
if you can do that, you can master life and embrace the unknown.

I guess I might as well just say this is the point I actually am at rn. I'm 18 years old and this is still an ongoing thing. I feel like all of this has actually helped mature and nurture me into who I am. I feel much better than before, and for the first time in a while, I don't feel depressed. I'm not sure what exactly it was that made the difference, but I finally feel normal again, despite still being in the situation where I'm still at delinquent high for another week yet.

Well, exactly. That's life, it can't be any other way than the way it currently is... so fretting over things left unsaid/done or your fabricated past stitched together by various memories won't help you... How can you expect to become a positive influence on the world if you can't forgive yourself, accept yourself?

check this video out, if you're interested in developing more consciousness.

youtube.com/watch?v=jK1EqqHIOqw

The feels, OP. I had an epiphany moment myself this past summer during an acid trip that caused me to quit smoking weed because it made me depressed. Life's been on the up & up since.

tbh op, I'm still on the curb myself, but I'm not depressed anymore, I'm just moving forward doing the best I can and savoring the little things, like the wind rustling through the wilting leaves on bare trees.

Fuck I feel you super hard dude, mine wasn't nearly as dark but still shit.
>Freshman year
>Enter high school super excited
>Best friend starts becoming really popular
>Becomes a gigantic asshole
>He becomes best friends with dude everyone would later realize is a legit sociopath
>Gets other friends to stop inviting me to shit
>TBH I was super cringey and vain so I kinda get it
>Stand up to former friend for being a cunt and treating everyone like shit
>Get completely ostracized
>He spreads shit tons of rumors about me
>Fall in love with a girl
>We date
>Viscious as fuck depression ED disorders self harm etc
>Begin developing mental illness
>Genuine psychosis at times
>After two months of sleepless nights trying desperately to get her to stop self harming she leaves me for someone else
>Ostracized and heart broken
>Go fucking insane
>Begin drinking emotionally
>Get into constant fights with everyone around me
>Fantasize about suicide constantly
>Hallucinating voices and going into psychotic states from anxiety
>Start worshipping the fucking Aesir
>Former GF and I have huge fight
>She tears into me and posts it publicly on Tumblr over me just being insane
>She has nightmares of being fucking struck by lightning for a week
>Makes amends because holy goddamn she thinks my Pagan shit is legit
>Start a cult
>Recruit all of our mentally ill friends
>tbh it was actually really positive we just had picnics
>Summer
>Start talking to attractive edgy chick because we both like metal a lot
>We were both weird af and super edgy
>Get her into my pagan fuckery
>We both went through awful breakups and are desperate to be in love again
>Trick ourselves into thinking we love each other
>Date for a few weeks and realize it was bullshit
>She and I somehow develop an intensely close friendship
>Become best friends
>Never had this level of platonic emotion for someone she's always my go to if I don't have anyone else
(Part 1.)

Cont?

P.2
>Holy shit her house burns down
>Lived in super affordable apartment complex that was pretty safe
>She's move to a unit down the street
>Hang out pretty much every day
>Shophemore year
>Begin smoking shit tons of weed with other friends
>Every weekend go to stoner friend's 420 friendly place and toke like a motherfucker
>Still drinking emotionally on the weekends but don't realize it's emotional
>Nah I'm not depressed just suicidal and unhappy
>After smoking for a while we want to try shrooms
>Can't get shrooms
>2nd hookup flakes 3rd ends up in jail for murder
>Lets skip to acid
>Two tabs each
>Hotbox
>Drink water
>It wasn't LSD it was NBOMe
>Fifteen minutes in and vision is a calleidiscope
>Have mind blown wing ego death trip
>Become god see universe
>Live separate life where everyone is slightly different
>Seperate life ends in words "Why did you take acid, you did this too soon."
>Stoner friend has a seizure
>EMPS rush the place but still tripping balls
>Comes to in hospital
>Next day NBOMe is no longer pending now prohibited
>Stoner friend is fine
>Come out of trip way less narcissistic but still narcissistic
>Dissassociate through first semester and fail two classes
>Always had sleeping problems but they're worse than ever so I'm passing out in class daily
>Constantly wishing for another romance but never find it
>New Best Friend from before is in and out of weird relationships
>Second semester is actually dope
>Get more interested in music
>Hang out with best friend all the time
>Managable classes and now find out that I'm apparently kinda hot
>Best part of highschool by far
>Summer

Forgot to mention after trip
>Have intense psychedelic panic attacks every time I smoke afterwards

+ another important deet
>One day best friend tells me she loves me

Part 3.
>Summer
>Best friends leaves BF we all gave her shit for because she completely out of his league and their PDA was legendary
>At this point she's a 10/10
>Starts dating a dude online from NYC
>He's ugly as shit but seems really cool + also likes metal and plays guitar super well
>Super happy for her
>Summer is boring I get drunk etc
>Junior Year
>Become friend's with sophomore kid
>Finally a new friend who I across the board fuck with
>He best friend I become a crew
>He gets absorbed into former friend's popular group as soon as he nabs the chance and turns on me
>At the same time best friend's boyfriend turns out to be a possessive fucking cunt
>She cuts everyone off
>Won't talk to anyone me included
>Every now and then hear another story about something jealous as shit that he did
>One night I realize I've been fantasizing about suicide every night for my entire life
>Realize older brother beat me and a bunch of other fucked up shit
>Get super depressed
>Listen to Nevermind
>Holy shit
>Holy shit what the fuck where have I been
>Become obsessed with music
>I have no friends and no one to turn to except for music and alcohol
>Spend spring break drunk
>Pick up guitar
>Best friend and I continuing to float apart
>Start getting drunk and ranting to friend's about how abusive her relationship is
>Pour self loathing, jealousy of her having found something, depression, and feelings of her neglecting me into this
>Not alone though others agree

>Rants snowball into widespread rumor
>Manage to finally hang out with her after three months
>Go to her place
>She's erratic and weird almost twitching
>It's like there's a wall between us now
>Leave feeling disturbed
>Three days later high on couch
>She messages me on Facebook about rumor
>Asshole fills her in on a bunch of halfassed info he got
>It just looks like I made shit up to tear her down
>Get into huge fight over messages
>Act like a cunt
>I was just so mad and felt so abandoned by her
>Senior year
>A week after school starts she moves to NYC
>Think it's because she's so fucked by asshole boyfriend
>Find out it's because her father was beating her and possibly raped her
>Get way more depressed
>Throw self into music but she's always in my head
>Two years later she still there
>oh god I miss her so much
>Haunted by her memory
>Start a shitty jam project with friends
>Starts becoming what I do
>We're just hanging out because we didn't have anyone else
>Meet freshman who's cool as fuck
>He's a pill addict and an alcoholic who moves in with his sister down the street to get away from addict mom and crazy abusive dad
>First time we hang out I get the most fucked up I've been in years and have a fucking great night
>We chill after school all the time
>Granted he pretty much didn't attend
>Apartment complex gets gentrified
>His sister gets hooked on Coke so he has to move back in with dad on other side of state
>The last time we smoke we realize its purple kush
>Start falling in love with friend
>She's literally Ramona Flowers
>Dyes hair constantly does her own clothes is super passionate about similar music and is in general just cool as fuck
>Continue to develop feelings
>She's into another dude
>The night I get smashed and tell her how I feel is the night when she starts dating other dude
>Have to cut her off because I can't interact with her and not experience rekindled feelings or anxiety

Oh shit forgot to say Part 4. for the above.
Part 5.
>Second semester
>Actually not awful
>Actually get acquainted with social scenes
>Easy as fuck semester
>Finally going places with guitar
>Depression is still killing me worse than ever
>And always haunted by friend
>She has me completely demonized
>Either I romanticized it all or I did love her back but was too scared to allow myself to love again
>Writing suicide notes like a machine
>Almost kill self on prom night because I realized high school was just alcohol and ostracization while the people around me partied and had huge social lives
>Don't finish economics final project because I was comatose due to depression the night before it's due
>Graduate
>Starve self for first three days of having graduated
>Get to current weight of 120 lbs at 5'9
>Fin
I'm doing alright now but yeah high school was fucking ass.

agreed, it was ass lol
too many things left unsaid.
Ah well, can only look toward the future now : )

You are all faggots. Gky.

>7 Years old, first grade
>make a typical "best friend"
>She moves away next year
>all my friends over the next 5 years disappear shortly, either because they move or change school. One's family was hiding from police.
>get to middle school
>finally get some friends to stay
>we cool
>years pass
>after 3 years i stard feeling way more distant from them than ever before
>stop talking to them
>stop going out
>we go to the same high school
>change school after the first year
>get fucking annoyed when my classmates attempt to get my attention
>alien myself as much as possible
>got few partners over the years
>it was always a short period of time and then i started getting annoyed by them, breaking up instantly
>always warning men who advance on me about it
>they think they know better
>then it was my fault for breaking up
>years pass
>i didnt talk to my classmates for more than 5 minutes over those years
>i don't want to talk to them or anyone
>i move out as soon as i can afford it then break all contact with my family
>i have the kind of job i can do at home
>i can't fucking stand people
>haven't talked to other person outside of shopping in two years
>have no desire to
I am a husk of a person.

High schools feels...
>me
>fat freshie no self esteem and hardly any drive
>play games all day have no strive for schools because I've never pictured myself ending successfully
>exist in high schools and make a few new friends for a bit
>sophomore year, meet a girl on a game
>she is great, slowly and steadily find a lot of common ground
>talks eventually lead to sexual kinks, also common, start camming eachother
>love her and it
>bodybuilding class in hs getting me a bit of muscle
>get gym pass and start killing it
>by the end of school im pushing nearly 300
>grades slipping, hard
>semi-revitalized self esteem helps build thoughts of importance of educational future and need to get grades up
>stop playing games for a while, her only form of communication
>come back she misses me lots and such we continue on
>she waited so long to tell me it the first time and i forgot her fucking name
>it didn't cause any real problem between us but after is downhill
>high school is ending and need to compensate for all the slacking to graduate
>stop playing again
>the time i came back she was with another dude online and im such a beta peice of shit i just flow with it
>i think a full year passes, she now has a phone
>college happens and my grades depress me, no time to play with her
>switch systems so i rarely play with her
>still talk at least a few times a week
>one day i cant anymore
>i tell her everything, she cries and tells me she wishes it could have been like it was
>she has very strong views on relationships and loyalty which is why i waited so long
>a day passes and we're talking much more friendly and even flirting a bit at times
>she reminds me when we flirt that she doesn't like how she feels when she does so i ease off
>cold turkey, stops replying to me on everything
>completely depressed before and this
>keep getting fucking Cs in classes and have yet to talk to a therapist who i do and don't want to see

Haven't heard from her since September. Everyone notices i act a bit more unironically depressed and keep this charade of happiness going. I feel like making a new account on kik and messaging her pretending i lost my old one but i don't fucking know. I can't get over her and anytime i listen to coheed and Cambria (she showed me and after i listened to them a while we would call eachother on her housephone and sing) i just get super fucking depressed

you will.... even though the love you had for her will probably never be actualized, love is just a form of energy that swirls all around us... it is reborn in the form of new love. Lay out all of your grief, and let it flow away. Detach yourself from it (no, this doesn't mean get more depressed, quite the opposite). Don't give up.

I just don't have the closure. We've shared so much and I have talked many hours away with strangers and none of them got as deep as her. I think I will pursue it now and I won't do it under a guise.

Do whatever is authentic, but don't become neurotic if it doesn't work out. At least you tried. Build yourself up, you can do it... but you're your own greatest enemy.
I think you'd like actualized.org if you give it a chance, keep developing yourself. You can even lose all of the weight you have and become healthier than you've ever been before if you believe you can do it.
youtube.com/watch?v=4oVrMpvtU8c

Thanks for replying Sup Forumsro. I'm gonna message her tomorrow and go back to the gym soon. Have a good life

np, u2 hope it all goes well