>Be DM
>Had group for a few years, but starting new campaign with new characters
>Introduce "Inception" style mechanic where then can invade people's minds to find information
>Enter criminal's mind to find location of city's crimelord, at request of town guard
>Go to capture him, have no plan.
>Crimelord has office at the back of the fanciest tavern in town
>Approach bartender, who needs to give them a token
>Acting suspicious as fuck
>Bartender gives them token though, so everyone's happy
>Intelligence rolled: "This token look different than the one you saw while you were incepting."
>"This is probably a trap!"
>Continue as per normal, ignoring this information
>whydoievenbother.mp4
>Go back through the kitchen
>Massive, greatsword dual-wielding door guard looks at token and immediately attacks them
>Party is getting their arses handed to them
>Party tank dies and is pinned to the roof with a sword.
>ohshit.wmv
>TPK is imminent
>Other fighter user power attack, put all possible points in; only a nat-20 will hit
>Nat 20
>Table cheers
>"Alright, roll to see if it you get a critical strike
>NAT
>FUCKING
>20
>Our group uses custom tables to make criticals more fun
>Gets +1 to damage multiplier
>116 damage as a level 5
>The giblets of the guard's corpse blow down the crimelord's door
>Party charges in, triumphant
>"I'll pay you double to work for me instead."
>"Ok."
Be DM
Posting some of my other favourite DnD stories to get the thread going. Will share more of my dumb-ass group's hijinks.
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Old as time, but a timeless classic
This story made me want to play DnD for the first time.
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Last one from my folder.
>Party is tasked with travelling to each of the major cities on the continent to unify the armies, in the interests of repelling a dragon attack
>Arrives in enormous city-state, so large it stretches beyond the horizon
>Quickly learn that the city is gripped by theocracy, and magic users are severely persecuted
>Burned alive to fuel furnaces, publicly executed, all the good stuff
>One of the guys is playing a Paladin
>RPing it super hard, other member of party had to get an alignment concealing amulet to avoid being murdered
>After mandatory tavern-stop, the party heads to the office of the first government official they lay eyes on, which turns out to be a minor noble in charge of the district.
>"WE NEED YOUR ENTIRE ARMY"
>"Well, I don't really have the authority to do that, but the king will be holding court on Wednes..."
>Paladin uses detect alignment
>Lawful Evil
>mfw
>Flips nobleman's desk, has to be restrained by other players to prevent hikm from killing him
>Storms out of office
>Joins uprising with the mages
>Enters into civial war which takes 6 months of game time and 3 months worth of sessions to complete
>Mages eventually splinter off into egalitarians and supremacists
>Party sticks with egalitarians.
>Until the meet the leader of the supremacists, and he uses a small amount of diplomacy
>Switch sides
>Get undead/demon army to join them
>"That went well."
bumping for lullz
>Later on in same campaign
>Have reached 3rd city on their journey, dominated by a hivemind of sentient automatons
>Some automatons outside the city limits seem to have minds of their own though
>Party not sure what to make of this
>After wandering about in teh city for a while, make their way into the central tower
>Upon reaching the top, find that the city is ruled, and all the automatons are controlled by, a network of psionic brains in jars
>Brains task them with finding the hideout of the free-thinkers, as they wish them to be returned to the hive-mind.
>Track them down
>Realise the free-thinkers are chill dudes, just want to leave in peace
>Decide to side with the automatons instead of the brains
>Brains don't know how many are there
>Automatons give party some parts of those who died since becoming free as proof
>Go back to brains
>"We brought you thes..."
>One guy speaks up
>"We found the ones you were looking for! There's like, 1,000 of them!"
>Table is silent, everyone staring at him.
>Brains are pleased
>"Direct us to them"
>Same guy speaks again before anyone can stop him
>"Nah, we decided to take their side on this one. Thanks anyway."
>Forehead, meet table
>Return to automaton base
>Party trying to figure out how to break the news, and maybe still leave with an army
>Same guy AGAIN
>"Hi, we told the brains about how many of you there are, but we also said we're on your side. How about joining our army now."
>Everyone's face when
>Automatons get super mad and throw party out
>Brains refuse to see party again
>Leave city
This is a good thread.
More please
Bump
this is possibly the most classic D&D Sup Forums story
Here's one where I'm a PC, A level 11 Gnomish Bard, in this case
>Party has been tasked with rescuing a prisoner from a goblin camp
>Seems easy enough
>We all haul arse out there, the journey taking several days
>Arrive at "camp," and it turns out to be the closest goblin approximation to a whole goddamn city.
>"It's alright guys, I've got a plan."
>Cast Alter Self to look like a fancy goblin, wearing only the finest rags
>Cast Tongues to allow myself to speak goblin
>Cast Glibness. Dat +30 to bluff.
>Finally tear page out of book, cast Secret Page so it appears to be an official document.
>Imready.jpg
>Approach gate guard
"Greetings, underling. I am Gribnash. I have been sent by the Royal Goblin Board of Agriculture and Livestock. I wish to inspect your prisoners to ensure they meet the standards required by his majesty, King Krax."
>57 on my bluff
"Right away sir! I didn't know we had a king, but I certainly don't want to upset him!"
>Am led all the way through a huge prison, conditions are awful
>Prisoners starving, diseased, and showing signs of torture
>Guard shows me torture in progress, and I pretend to smile and nod in approval
>Finally, in deepest depths of the prison, find the man we're looking for
"Guard, I'd like to take this prisoner back with me."
"Sorry, I can't let you do that."
"But, I'm from the board of..."
"You said you were here to inspect."
>Looks at the document
"Yeah, nothing on here about taking samples."
>mfw
>Continue tour of camp while party laughs themselves silly
>They proceed with original plan of attacking camp
m o a r
o
a
r
Bump
>Homebrew a shitload
>Friend is playing a custom class with ridiculous regeneration abilities
>Essentially immortal, but plays it for laughs rather than ruining the game
>Is in prison with minotaur character, two characters are friendly rivals
>Minotaur tries to bull-charge through bars
>nope.gif
>Suddenly he has an idea
>Grabs immortal dude, presses his face into the bars
>Rolls obscene strength
>Starts slowly forcing friend's head through the bars
>Head is healing as he goes, plan is actually working
>Head is about halfway through when the door at the end of the hallway opens
"Oh fuck the warden"
>Not thinking, yanks friend back
>Front of skull and face comes off, falls to ground
"Fuuuuuuuuuuuck"
>Picks up face
>Presses it back onto the skull
>Is kinda wonky
>Warden approaches cell
>Blood everywhere, both occupants smiling innocently, one of them with a wonky face
>tfw
>Playing as a monk
>Friend falls into spike-pit
>Pull him out, but he's unconscious and bleeding out
>He's the only healer
>DM warns that he'll soon exsanguinate unless we can stop the bleeding
>Realise the teachings of my wise old sifu
"All problems can be solved with kung fu."
>For you, master
"I stick my arm through the hole"
>Rest of table groans
>Dude playing the dying character is mad
>DM smiles
>I look DM in the eye
"I flex"
>My bicep stems the bleeding
>Carry him back to town like this
>He survives
>mfw
Sup Forumsest thread on Sup Forums
This
Agreed
Anyone have any opinions on Critical Roll? I just started watching.
>Playing as ranger
>Join campaign a few friends had from forever ago
>All shipmates on the SS Virgin Blood
>Dock in an island in the Bahamas
>One guy leaves
>Just me and Trogdor, pic related
>Loot a coastal hut
>murder a guy who's just chilling, use the guys rum to make a poison
>Poison the captain, he falls out of the boat
>mfw crew about to lynch me, roll persuasion
>Nat 20
>Tell them Triton did it and I must be the new captain to be their best chance at finding him for revenge
>SeemsGood
>Burn down and loot town and kill the orphans
>over 400gp and 600xp all around
>Find women in children in cellar
"Trogdor, burninate"
>Turns out orphanage was run by a mad witch and the orphans were demons going to enslave the world
"Congrats, user, you're level 3!"
Bump
screencapped this from a thread on /tg two days ago, pretty long but fun to read
Hero
Any more?
yeah sure i'll dump a few, you want more long reads?
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this should be enough to satisfy you guys for a while
Cheers brother
Needed these
Thanks again