Greentext thread

Greentext thread

>be me
>10
>bored with 15yo friend
>let's call him Bailey
>19yo pulls up in car, let's call him Oliver
>Oliver starts talking to Bailey
>wtf.jpg
>Bailey looks at me
>"user, get in the car"
>I get in and Oliver pulls out a jar of pennies
>gives me a handfull
>"user throw one at a time"
>what the hell is going on
>we speed through local homeless camp
>Oliver rolls down my window
>ohshit.png
>"NOW user!"
>throw pennies at homeless
>the chase us
>Bailey throws jar out window
>it shatters, pennies fly everywhere
>hobos flip us off and gather around the pennies on the ground
>Oliver drives to Walmart to meet up with his gf

Part 2 coming

im gonna try this

finish faggot

I'm disappointed in you user

>test

where you at op?

Part 2

>Oliver pulls into Walmart lot
>another guy, let's call him James, gets out of his car
>his gf gets out and shouts at Oliver for cheating
>Bailey and Oliver tell me to stay in the car
>hear yelling
>look out windshield
>Oliver's gf picks up James' gf
>holyfuck.gif
>she throws her into windshield
>it shatters
>she falls into front seat
>i scream
>she looks at me and blows me a kiss
>she gets out through giant hole in glass
>Oliver and Bailey take me home
>never see Oliver again

sorry guys i had to go do something

I don't know what the fuck is happening.

Got some more

>be me
>in high school
>at lunch
>taking my tray to the window thing
>see the edgiest looking motherfucker I've ever seen
>wearing all black, pierced everything, gauges, the works
>talking to janitor
>overhear them talking
>edgelord is talking about Soviet Russia
>says something about Stalin being a genius
>janitor is trying not to cringe
>I could see it in his eyes
>walk away and kek with my friends

>be 12 year old me
>in random texas texas for school shit bored asf
>find random box of condoms on elevator
>idea.png
>fill condom with water and put soap so it looks like cum
>go to 15th story of hotel waiting for a chance to strike
>sees super fat bald dude walking minding his business
>this is my chance
>chucks condom at dude
>by some chance hits him square in the fucking head
>doesn't break instead bounces the fuck off
>wtf.jpg
>condom flies like a cum rocket and hits girl at hotel counter
>I proceed to die of laughter
>next thing I know bald dude coming out of elevator looking pissed
>FUCKING BOOK IT
>chases me
>finds random staircase literally flight by flight
>lost fat dude
>success

Who uses Bailey as a boy's name?

>be me at summer camp
>eating lunch with friends
>talking about our favorite TV shows
>this one kid, literal autist, says:
>"I love watching Pretty Little Liars and The Vampire Diaries"
>everyone looks at him
>silence
>"What? I go both ways!"
>everyone starts laughing
>autist doesn't know what he said
>mfw

>Bailey Jay

>be me
>4 years ago
>in math class
>new seating chart
>endme.gif
>teacher put me next to the local tard
>let's call him Brandon
>Brandon loves to play yugioh by himself
>not today however, today he plays with scissors
>keeps opening them and closing them
>somehow gets distracted by another kid
>cuts open the flesh between his thumb and forefinger
>blood everywhere
>it's like he doesn't even notice
>i call the teacher over to help
>he gets sent to nurse

That teacher let me sit elsewhere the rest of the year

>be me
>in study hall
>kid playing minecraft on his phone
>tard sits next to him
>keeps telling him how to play and what to do
>kid doesn't do what the tard wants
>tardrage.png
>picks up chair
>holds it over his head and screams
>he throws it down and drops to the floor in an autistic fit of rage
>minecraft kid moves to the next table
>tard gets wrangled and sent with the wranglers

>be me
>sitting in homeroom
>teacher is eating breakfast
>the kid that sits behind me is turned around and stares at the teacher
>teacher tells him to stop
>he just keeps staring
>this goes on the whole class period
>bell rings, kid stops staring and walks out
>teacher yells after him:
>"One day, when you're eating, I'll sit down across from you and stare at you for 45 minutes, how about that?!"
>maximum kek

>be me
>in class
>super edgy kid sits next to me
>keeps talking about his various antics
>tells me he cut a mouse's head off
>I tell him I don't believe him
>he pulls out his phone and shows me a picture in his camera roll
>it's a decapitated mouse
>wtf.jpg
>he then swipes right and shows me a picture of two squirrels fucking
>"oh what the fuck dude?"
>he asks "What? don't you like it?"
>never sit by him again

(pic related)
>be me
>be super gay but not flamboyant gay
>at party of friends
>sees hairy Iranian dude
>hot.jpg
>ask if he wants to fuck
>says hell yeah
>go to private room
>I take off all my clothes
>he takes off his weird sash
>islam is weird
>dude has the hairiest dick ive ever seen
>dick is dick
>he starts fucking me
>something doesnt feel right
>dude groans and makes weird noises
>he cums
>I cum
>I notice what doesn't feel right
>I reach for his neck
>fuckers wearing a mask
>dudes chewbacca
>I just got fucked by chewbacca

>be me
>in science class
>my friend walks in
>takes his backpack off and starts spinning with it
>he reaches very high speed
>solonggaybowser.gif
>lets go of backpack
>it flies into a desk and the desk breaks
>he falls over from dizziness
>mfw

My friend told me this story long ago

>man and woman out on African safari
>they see a herd of elephants
>man wants to see them up close but woman is scared of them getting mad
>man walks up to elephants
>they charge him and the woman in the jeep
>the elephants are about to hit it when they stop
>another elephant got in their way to stop them
>holds out trunk and touches man's hand
>it saved their lives
>10 years later
>same man and woman are at the zoo
>walking past elephants
>the man yells and points at one
>"That's the elephant that saved us!"
>he jumps the fence to go see it
>elephant turns toward him
>man reaches out to touch elephant
>elephant rears up and stomps on the man, killing him instantly

>be me
>in high school at lunch
>there's a microwave next to my table
>3.14 standing there waiting for tard to finish his hot pocket
>tard is trying to talk to her
>keeps asking if she likes hot pockets
>she doesn't answer
>he gets visibly upset
>his hot pocket is done
>takes it out of microwave and walks off
>i think he was crying