Im a loser who can't cook for shit and I have to take care if myself from now on. Where the fuck do I start...

Im a loser who can't cook for shit and I have to take care if myself from now on. Where the fuck do I start? What do I make that's not just fried eggs or canned chili or something like that?

Buy something already cooked you stupid mongoloid

>Fried eggs or canned chili
Buy bread meat and cheese for easy sandwiches, spaghetti is an extremely easy meal to make, soup is easy, burgers are very simple to grill up, anything beyond that just look up recipes on the internet, pretty simple

start using veggies, they can be easy to make without screwing up and having stomach issues like with meat.

do a simple rizotto, bake some veggies on oil, try making brocholi soup, stuff like that. frying veggies and half-boiling them by pouring water onto the frying pan as they begin to release water themselves can get you nice sauces. its easy and you cant really fuck it up that badly.

experiment with cooking and keep it simple. try simplified kung pao or rice on kari.

Cooking is easy. Do some reading or watching videos. It becomes second nature when you see how everything is relatively the same.

oh yeah spaghetti also, really easy to make and fun to adjust.

i cant recommend meat to beginner cooks as they tend to overcook or undercook it and that fucks with your stomach bad.

just try stuff out, once you get a feel for how different stuff tastes it becomes easier, just takes practice

Start with pic related. Branch out from there. Look for simple recipes. Watch videos. It gets easier pretty quickly, and it can actually be quite enjoyable.

Stew.. home made chili, soup.., STIR FRY. Any noodle dish besides lasagna is relatively simple. Sandwiches, meatloaf, Chicken, a lot of times I'll make veggie stir fry and i'll make enough of it to last for lunch-dinner-lunch the next day. when you make soups/chili/stews/stir fries your goal is to make enough to where you don't need to cook for a couple days.

Cajunfag here. Start with learning how to cook down veggies and don't forget to use olive oil. Meats can come later. I can tell you how to make a simple gumbo if you like.

And learn to make a roux if you don't have access to store bought jars of it.

Steak. You just fucking fry it ez pz.

Stirfrys are your friend, they have whatever combo of meat/veges/carbs you need and you can do them a load of different ways.

The easiest is probably to buy some cheap noodles (ramen is fine), a meat you like, some veges you like and then a jar/bottle of sauce (just pick something from the asian section that looks ok. Sweet chilli or something).

Chop up the meat and chuck it in a hot pan for five mins, remove.
Chuck the veges in the pan for five mins, add sauce.
Chuck the meat back in with the veges, add the noodles and add some more sauce. Cook another five mins.

You can do this with pretty much any meat/vege combo you like. Mushrooms, broccoli, green beans, carrots, etc are all good or if you're really stuck start with a bag of frozen veg.

From there, you can change up the noodles or replace them with rice, spaghetti or even pasta in a pinch. Just think meat, vege, carb, flavouring and throw em all together in a pan. You'll work it out.

Get a slow cooker and use it to make dinner while you're at work or asleep. If money is an issue you can make dried beans and eat them with rice for a complete protein. If you aren't worried about that you can use it to make all kinds of good stuff, pot roast, stews, basically anything with a lot of liquid. They're like 20 bucks for a small one and 30 for a huge one.

Get a rice cooker it's dead easy

Dude. Brownfag here with an easy as fuck kebab/burger patty recipe.

Buy packet of ground chicken
Mix these spices
1/2 tbsp of paprika
1/2 tbsp chili powder
1/2 tbsp salt
Add whatever herbs you think would compliment those ingredients. Mix the ingredients around and you can use this for whatever you want. Burger patty, meatballs for spaghetti, chop it up and serve it with a fried egg, it's extremely versatile and easy to prepare.

Try something simple first steak is easy all you need to do is grill it on like medium heat depending on thickness about 5 to 8 minutes a side should do it set on timer can do it on PC FFS take it off grill make a cut about half way in to look and see if it's cooked

If it looks like it did inside before you put it on the grill throw it back on for 5 minutes.

If it looks red but not that dark red this is Rare

If it looks pink this is running the lines of medium rare to medium

If you have what looks to be a piece of charcoal in steak for congrats this is well done and you fucked you're shit up.

i honestly dont understand people who cant cook, it's the easiest shit in the world but i also know someone who can't even fry and egg and wasted 50k inheritance ordering out everyday

make a stir fry
I'll help you out a bit
you will need:
beef(or chicken)
1 red pepper
garlic
egg noodles(cooked)
cabbage(if possible get bak choi cabbage)
soy sauce (try to get dark and light then mix the two go heavy on dark soy)
sunflower oil
1 large onion
recipe:
slice meat thinly (if chicken dice it)
chop up onions, peppers and garlic.
shred cabbage
put a tablespoon of sunflower oil in a wok and heat till ripping hot
drop in onions peppers and garlic and fry until onions and peppers are softened moving constantly
remove vegtables and put aside for now
drop more oil into the wok
place meat into wok and cook for about 4 minutes (chicken for 5)
drop in cabbage and wilt and bit until it is soft
add soy sauce and then vegtables.
cook for a minute and then eat that shit like its pussy my nigga

Buy a short grained rice buy some chicken stock in a box...(its honestly an alright substitute for those who don't know how to make stocks) buy some onions and garlic/ take the stock (4cups)heat it up till it just simmers/ take another large pan a get it nice and hot add some butter and cook down your garlic and onion (that you have chopped finely) in the butter, but watch your heat you don't want to burn the butter/ next add your rice (.5 cup)and lightly cook it with your onions and garlic till it starts to turn slightly translucent... then slowly add your stock adding more as it dries up while constantly stirring/ keep doing this till it becomes creamy/ add a Tbs of butter once finished/ and you have a rissotto

stew and soup is very easy to make, about 20 bucks of spices and 50 bucks of vegetables, beef bones, and stew meat and you're set for about 2 weeks, even cheaper with chicken.

the best thing to fry potatoes with is duck fat,
expensive as hell though so its really more of a weekend thing I do.

Start baking.
Bread is incredibly easy to make, but nobody realizes this so it's a great way to impress girls when they come over. In fact it's so easy to make, cavemen invented it by accident.
Scones are easy too. Some flour + some baking soda + some oil +some salt + some sugar. Use your instincts for the amounts, and add water to get a firm dough.

Also if you want one ingredient that can transform everything you cook, get some sesame oil. It's expensive, but you only add 3-5 drops to everything you cook so a bottle might last you six months.

Do what i did.
Buy a relatively comprehensive cookbook, page through and pick out shit you'd like to eat and mark them, now go back through and mark a second time the ones you think you'd be able to cook with your current skill, make mental and/or physical notes on common ingredients like pork or beef or paprika etc. basically anything that really pops out as being used a lot, next time you go to the grocery store just walk through super slow and look at things and when you find the ingredients you recall/wrote down make a sort of note on what's expensive or not for you. Lets say beef is super cheap and damn near every recipe you double marked had it as an ingredient. This is good now you know what recipes are relatively in your price range, don't buy that beef yet, go grab your pizza rolls and mt.dew you came for and get out, go find the simplest recipe/cheapest recipe you picked out that uses beef, make a list of ingredients, next time you go grocery shopping buy that shit and make it.

Repeat this as necessary. Eventually you'll have a good collection of easy to make recipes that are cheap AND you'll know them off the top of your head so next time you go shopping you can just go "i want chili con carne this time. Lemme grab some stew meat and tomatoes."

It'll be a bastard at first but stick with it cause once you get a useful collection of spices you'll literally just be grabbing 1-3 bits of produce, a piece of meat, and maybe some pasta or bread and you'll have food for the next for days for under $15 if not less.

Protip: slow cookers are king. If you can, save up and buy a medium to large sized one. If you're in uni and can lock your dorm door you literally put all the shit into the pot, set it to medium, go to class, come back 5 hours later to food for the next 3-5 days and EVERYONE will want some so shit like favors will come easy. Slow cooker meals are also usually very economical.
-T. A Now Proffesional Chef

ive made some attempts at bread but they always end up thick, i dont know how to get the bread super fluffy.

roast chicken - very minimal preparation - get a white onion, potatoes, carrots, chicken, through in a dish, season, and bake on 400 for 40 minutes. comes out awesome. very little clean up. black bean tacos are good too.

bbcgoodfood.co.uk

>find a meal
>read the recipe and ingredients
>buy ingredients
>read the instructions
>cook

This. Slow cookers are bomb, and you can't fuck up.

Buy a croc pot and make stews or pulled pork. Easy to make recipes.

user above you: most breads require a warmish place to rise.

Almost all breads have chemically reactive ingredients to some degree to make those air bubbles inside them which makes them light and fluffy.

Find a place like a stove or a radiator or even a sunny window thats preferably a little humid, pop a cookie rack on it/turn a pan upside down on it, coat with oil or use wax paper, and plop your dough on it for an hour or so(differs between baked goods but double to double and a half the original size is good), then cook it.

NEVER jossle it or the area around it. This ruins the bread.
This goes for when you're transfering it from its "proofing" area to the oven unless the recipe calls for further kneading.

Just buy 5lbs of stew meat for $8ish, some water, some salt, and some rice/beans.

Plop everything but the meat on the lowest setting, do literally anything for 4+ hours, come home, plop your beans/rice into the mix and add more water if needed, wait 30-45 minutes.

Congrats you're eating all your 20-something body needs to function at a high energy level for the next 8-10 days and it tastes damn good.
Side bonus: it smells fucking amazing and I've literally had dormmates break my door down for it while i was gone so make some friends using your newfound power.

>your 20-something body
im not 20 something...

Oh. Well buy some greens to go with it for the complete diet then. Unless you're younger.
That recipe is literally Go-Food you can survive on for life. If you ever start an exercise routine thats ALL your protein, carbs, and calories right there.
Just remember to eat some lettuce or an apple every so often to keep your teeth and hair.

not him bt I think im just going to keep eating nothing but bread until i get health problems enough to see a docotor, then he will tell me what to eat.,

Thats a good way to lose your teeth and your gut flora. Theres a reason the bread and water diet is a punishment in certain prisons and banned via the geneva convention for POWs.

Chicken Katsu.
>1 box panko
>a bunch of boneless chicken breasts
>mayo
>salt

Dip the chicken breasts in mayo, then roll them fucks in panko and sprinkle salt on them before you put them in to cook. Fry them shits in an inch of oil on medium heat. When they are golden brown with some dark spots they are done. Let sit for 10 min before eating.

For the sauce
>ketchup
>soy sauce
>black pepper
>Worcestershire sauce
>sugar
>water

Do 1tbsp of sugar, water, and worcestershire sauce, mix in enough ketchup for consistancy, then add some black pepper to taste. Cook in a small sauce pan over medium heat for about 2 minutes or until thick.

Cook up some rice, put the chicken on it and drizzle the sauce over the top. One of the first real "meals" I ever learned to cook. It's stupid cheap and you could make enough to feed you for a week. It also impresses girls that you know how to cook Japanese food,

also 1tbsp soy sauce with the sugar and water.

Just remember 1tbsp of each(except for the ketchup and pepper)

>Theres a reason the bread and water diet is a punishment
I thought it was just being cheap

not OP, college fag here thank you user you're a lifesaver

Get a slow cooker. Get a slow cooker cook book. Slow cook food.

Nah. Cause unstoppable diarrhea and stomach cramps that are so powerful they can permanently damage the smooth muscle of the intestines and colon. This is ontop of killing the vast majority of your gut flora, that surprising need only meat to live, so when you come out the other end your lactose intolerant, can't properly digest greens or meats, and have issues with proper nuritionment. Its just best to maintain some bare minimum of greens and fruit and carbo/protein load for cheap living.

Steer clear of all veggies, we're not built to exist on vegetables alone, include a moderate amount of meat, fish and poultry

Chuck steak is pretty cheap, easy to cook and very nutrioius, Walmart do some huge slabs at very good prices. Have with fries, rice or salad (not too much raw salad, it's hard to digest)

Cereal.
Saying you can't cook is literally saying you can't read and follow instructions.

thats some good stuff

Chicken stock and vegetables. Make vegetable soup. Lasts all week long and it's cheap as hell.

>Steer clear of all veggies

wtf im not saying be vegan im saying cooking meat properly requires more skill

I first learned to cook from this YouTube channel called Brothers Green Eats. Some of their videos use ingredients most people don't have, but a lot are simple recipies using cheap ingredients.

Fucking this, dude.

Cooking really is not that hard at all. You are going to make mistakes, but if you're just taking care of yourself that shouldn't be too much of a problem.