Feels thread? My best friend since 4th grade od'd on heroin a week ago and I'm just numb and drunk right now

Feels thread? My best friend since 4th grade od'd on heroin a week ago and I'm just numb and drunk right now.

Why don't you just go dig him up and suck his dick already?

Go to sleep.

I CAN HELP

Pretty much sums up my life

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3 friends dead within a year
2 od's
i plan on coming in next dead
whats on your mind man

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>my friend abused substances and died
>so i'll abuse substances to honor him
great trend

> be 8 years old regularly abused because i dont do well enough in school; sleep on apartment balcony often. Teachers know, but have no ability to do anything. Too many kids worse than me.
> Begin to make a bucket list of what i want to understand and do before i kill myself.
> Understand what a family is
> Feel Love and pure bliss
> Watch as much anime and go to Japan
> Learn over the next couple of years how to survive the harsh winters' believing that i have to live for my bucket list. Begin to learn how to appease parents to the point where im allowed to sleep inside the house.
> Age 12: Join cadets and begin to go to Church, anything that i can add to my resume and getting away from family.
> Meet Captain takes me in as his own family, wife died years before. Treats me as his own son. Become healthy and able to do well in school; Live and able to understand what it means to not live without fear for 2 years
> Captain dies; Cry for the first time for someone else in life. Man who saved me who took care of me, and gave me purpose dies.
>Forced back into family, abuse is less noticeable now.
Cont.?

Go for it.

Fuck bro, im sorry.

Yes please

Faggot

I admit it got better but still a lot of work left.
> Apply for Top tier highschool scholarship.
> Break down during the test; Cant handle the stress of everything.
>Enter regular highschool
> Begin questioning faith and why God does things. Why he took away the man i admired
> Meet amazing girl, puts my questioning to rest, i begin to understand God more than before, from what the Captain taught me.
> Spend time with her, decide if i wanted things to change then the only person that can do it is myself.
> Find new pride in self; decide to leave for training camp for cadets, get paid to do so
> Told me that she'll be there when i come back
> Gives me Bible filled with handwritten sticknotes; mustve took hours or days to do.
> Go through training, losing reasoning, look though the work she did and the words she gave me, get through it
> Come back; shes gone. Understand its a part of life. Visit grave of Captain that ill get through the bucket list and live.
> Age 15: Leave church and cadets in order to work.
> Find work minimum wage but, moneys money for a highschooler
> Work building up capital for 2 years, begin to try harder in school.
> Not able to really fall for anyone or feel that feel that way for the next 2 years.
> Routine: Go to school, Go to Work, Sleep, Repeat for next 2 years.
> Parents find out im working, and begin to steal cash from bank account( my account was under their accounts) (lost 3k)
> Create new account independently, managed to get up to 12k within 2 years of working part time (8-16hrs a week)
> Beginning of Senior Year; begin to lose reasoning for doing so.
> Worked so long but its still not enough, Capital.
> Begin to work close to 20-24hrs a week
> Grades begin to slip but i cant do anything about it.
>Forced to take nightschool in order to graduate on time and get away from family.
> Go to school 16hrs a day and work 24hrs a week on top of that.
Cont.

Ye

> begin to lose hope.
> Try to take less time at work
> Parents notice, force me to go to work. Look at the bridge i cross on the way home everyday , wondering if i should just jump
> Girl from 3 years ago reenters life
> Girl is a utter train wreck; Tried to help her Ex-Bf become a better person but basically became a train wreck in process
> Put her back together just like she had done before for me.
> Begin to spend time with her, like before.
> Share our life for the last 2 years.
> Tells me thats shes proud and that im different from then, a lot stronger.
> Manage to enter University for Chem need to keep a 70 average in Chem Thought it be Ez.
> Had a 89
> Girl was failing and needed major help.
> On top of week already, add on tutoring her.
> I have no idea how i functioned as a human being, did i eat or sleep ,fuck all if i know
> Spend time with her more and more.
> Fall deeply in love with her.
> Go to Prom together, unsure about feelings, never talked about it.
> Begin to understand true happiness and what it meant
> Her Dad nearly runs me over seeing me with her.
> Not good enough for her.(I wasn't exactly Christian enough in his terms)
> Grades start to slip again. Not able to see her, Final exam, she passes the course gets into her program
> The night before the exam i wrote my confession letter( Cant talk IRL, a letter isnt IRL); decide to go to Pandora before closing and buy her a bracelet she really wanted. Spent my entire weeks salary on it.( Worked extra night shifts in order to make it up).
> I dropped 20% in the ended and ended up with a final of 69% in the course.
> Told i was no longer wanted at that University
> Past deadline of accepting other offers.
> Decide to spend my money on going to Japan.
> Before i leave i ask her for her answer.
> She tells me once i come back
Cont.

And a repeat of Cadet training.

> Spend the next 2 months Backpacking through Japan.
> Sent her cool shit.
> Near the end run out of cash
> no money, no food
> Well back to the old days
> mailed her everything i had on me
>Spend last night sitting on beach deciding on ending it or not?
> Her text pops up.
> She told me, that she loved me back.
> Decide to get on my flight back home.
> No one at the airport for me. etc.
> Arrive at her home, its empty, and a note is left there.
> "user, Im sorry i have to go away for a while, you cant contact me, but youll always be in my heart, I cherish the memories we had, and the stuff you gave me i always will; but i dont expect you to wait; but someday we'll be together."
> Break the fuck down. Cry my heart out.
> Go to University. They take me for another program
> Still waiting on her.
> Its been 8 months now.

So ya imma go through Uni, join the army and well maybe she'll come around again 3 years from now

My fuck dude. I can't even imagine. I hope you find her and get the break you fucking deserve.

I'm joining the Marines because there's nothing and nobody for me at "home." I have no other desire at this moment other than this. If it weren't for the Marine Corps, I'd probably be a useless fucking NEET again. I dropped out of college because I just hate school and didn't want to put up with another 4 years of that shit.

I feel mate, if she doesnt come around, maybe a war will come up and ill get killed who knows. Doesnt matter to me particularly

So you're going in for 11B?

Not exactly sure how the Canadian system works compared to the American one, ill figure it out once we get to that point

Oh, shit. Didn't know you were Canadian. Well, yeah. I have no clue how it works either, but I hope you figure it out and make it in of that's what you really want. As I said, nothing is more important to me than becoming a United States Marine.