IS IT really possible to sneak crabs legs in a movie theater...

IS IT really possible to sneak crabs legs in a movie theater? Not even memeing I just want to know if it really is possible

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you can literally sneak a full auto rifle into them.

i've heard of it happening.

You can sneak anything in. It's not like they search you. Just take your theater shower afterwords instead of before.

I just wear knee high socks with a few legs tucked into each sock.

Try watching an action flick and crack the shell during explosions/gunfire.

>trying to eat crab legs while watching Lincoln

You can sneak anything in if you try hard enough.

are americans really that nazi about this stuff?

Anything is possible. I've smuggled in a fifth of vodka in my pant leg before. Just don't go to a busy theater

Just don't hide them in your pants. They'll catch it at penis inspection for sure.

It's only because our theaters want you to buy the crab from them at an inflated price. It's all capitalism my boy.

No you stupid bitch.

I regularly smoke a joints in metropolitan theaters, if they didn't notice that they won't notice crab legs.

I bring a small bag like pic related (containing, among other things, a 1.75 litre bottle of bourbon) into the movies with me every time. Nobody has ever said a word.

>sneaking
Fuck me, do you live in North Korea?

movie crab doesnt even come with butter, thatss why i ask.

Just shove them into your urethra/vagina and hope they don't make you do the squat test

As a single mom with 2 young kids fuck you fuck you fuck you, I hate you people.

It's possible.

Only one way to find out, OP. Just make sure there's no saltwater left on them so you can get past the oceanic substance detectors (those things are sensitive as fuck).

I guess you've never been to theater jail? I pray to god every day he'll let me forget that year of my life.

>theater jail
Actually no, no I haven't.
Do elaborate.

I'm not memeing here, I got caught trying to sneak in a bag of Takis into Star Trek a a few days ago. They fell out of my shirt and the manager refused to let me in as long as I still had them

I just went home

i cant speak for him, but here in australia theatre jail basically just imprisons you for the length of the movie for a first offence

MomAnon here.

>inb4 tits or gtfo

Been on near-obsessively since the Boston Bombings. Yes, I'm an INTJ. I get some good, honest laughs from Sup Forums, love the white knight raids (Jerkin' Joes and the kid who didntknooooo) and think that what was done for Dusty the Cat was an extremely proud moment in the history of Sup Forums.

Only rarely do I identify myself. It's simply not necessary most of the time. Also don't want to be called attention whore, be flooded with tits or gtfo, or other summer-level bullshit.

I also lurk in Sup Forums and Sup Forums. Might have to head over to /fit/ one day, stretch my cables and I think you shouldn't smoke in theaters.

seems legit

Shit, I've been in and out of theater jail since I was ablut 15. The worst part is when your cellmate is in there for fucking up and not hitting enough people as the designated theater shooter, those assholes are just eternally angry and they always act like they have something to prove. I even grew to anticipate the random searches and questioning sessions because the interrogator was nicer and easier to talk to then the dickhead they locked me away with.

I really wish they'd let us bring our anvils in there. Poor little guy must have been scared.

please let me raise your kids with you and marry you and stay in the shed while you bang tyrone

the key is to bring some LIVE crabs as well op. just let four or five loose in the lobby, the employees will be too busy dealing with the blood and you can slip right through

>here in australia

I like to literally slip in. Just slip on the crab blood until I'm at my seat.

Open your asshole and your mind will follow.

Anything is possible with an open mind, son.

Well first off it's common for the theater police to just shoot your falcon when they arrest you. So there's that (RIP Vesuvius).

You're stripped naked and put in what amounts to a metal box with a few other inmates. You're hosed down with popcorn butter just to humiliate you.

Once you're processed you go to gen pop and most people are simply meatholes for the theater staff to abuse during breaks. The """good""" jobs others get are janitorial duty after the theater closes (don't ask about what kind of shit they watch in the secret theaters in the basement [shudders]). There is all manner of human filth and resultant gore you get to mop up in there.

Christ, tell me about it. I got a particularly awful celly that fucked up as DTS (designated theater shooter) so many times they demoted him to meathole. He didn't last long after that. Serves him right.

Me, I was lucky. After losing a few fingers in a maintenance mishap, I got to clean out the falcon coops. Guess I blew the right guard.

Reported for shit posting

any tips for how to make my Mouth Slurps less noticeable? this happens with most food not just crab legs

Checked and keked at those tabs.

epic

snitch

I can't afford crab legs so I have to settle for pic related.

this / thread

you must not be white or else you would have been confronted for bringing a bag that can conceal a tactical assault gun

The popcorn butter wasn't to humiliate us, dude, it's lubrication so the prisoners slide down the poles into the gen pop pits faster and more efficiently. If it starts to chafe on your hands and slows you down, another person might hit you and make you fall down (pretty much guaranteeing certain death). Can you imagine the riots that would ensue if all that meat was just left out on the floor for the prisoners to pick at? The salt mines would be shut down for weeks.

Fuck

great thread :D

Just put them in your girlfriend's purse.

You do girl to movies with a girl don't you? Don't tell me you go alone.

...

...

What gets me is this happened once and nobody thought to take the body to the rat farm and feed them. We could have eaten like kings for a month. BUT NOOOOO, the fucking savages just quartered it right there on the card table and whoever was brave enough to take the beating to get a piece ate well that night and that was it.

Where'd everybody do time?

Cinemark Tinseltown 9 in Fort Worth reporting

I saw that happen a few different times over the years and it bothered me just as much. I saw it happen to a black woman once and they only ate half the body, though, so the rat farm did get a little boost. Did anyone have contraband corn microfields in Fort Worth? I did all my stints at the Landmark Oriental in Milwaukee and some of us who'd been there before smuggled in popcorn seeds to plant and as many crab shells we could get from the floor of the lobby to mix in with our shit as fertilizer. We had a nice little operation going, and some of us got pretty good at rolling the corn husks into (admittedly pale imitations of) cigarettes. The nicotine wasn't there, of course, but it was the ritual and the familiar movements that helped keep us going in there and remind us of life on the outside.

damn

The best part of theater jail and the microfields was the corn wine we used to make, though. We inspected every female upon completion of her descent into the gen pop pits for signs of yeast infection, and if they had one then they were confined to a fenced-in corner of the pit we jury-rigged out of broken pickaxe handles and bones from the KOs (knock offs, i.e. people who fell off the pole during their descent) and kept them as well-fed and hydrated as humanly possible. We'd mash up the corn using the caps from leftover skulls and the ends of femurs as a makeshift mortar and pestle, then we'd harvest the yeast from the vaginal walls of the confined women and put them together in someone's designated shitting barrels (this was a rotating position, as the shitting barrels were one of the few things you could truly call your own in the pit so we all valued the use of them immensely) and covered with a flayed skin of a KO that wasn't yet turned into clothing. Then we'd leave it be for six months (it seems like a long time, but once you start the process and keep a cycle going with multiple batches it's fine).

I still think about the corn wine and cigarettes. Once we purged everyone who was in for talking in the theater, little comforts like that almost made you start to feel at home in theater prison. It's fucked up to think about, but I kind of miss it.

fuck you

wp

pls

> not bringing your cargo shorts to sneak in snacks

just lol @ your poverty movie going life

do not open this image lads

reported for filing a false report (no i didnt)

You cunt

I once saw a couple come into the theater with their toddler (I think I was seeing Avengers) and they brought in this huge ass diaper bag and sat in the front area. About halfway into the previews the guy opens the bag and pulls out a pizza box and hands a slice to his wife.

I've never wanted a pizza so badly in my life. Even the party sized bag of Reese's Pieces I snuck in couldn't compare to that.

I'm too embarrassed to use the cinema showers, so I usually sneak in a packet of baby wipes.

If you're in the back row it's quite easy to strip down and wipe away without anyone noticing.

It's where they keep the no singles policy violators who think they slick and buy two tickets and say their gf is using the restroom.

I'm sure your brats are more annoying than a little reefer smoke. Also, I sit behind you and your kids and masturbate onto the back of your heads quietly.
Check the oldest girl's ponytail after the movie for a salty surprise.

oh fuck you

How many fathers?

That'll be $518.61 for one ticket to Jason Bourne, and $123.21 for a small water, sir.

"At least I don't have to pay reparations or leave a tip at this establishment!"

Fuck you

My local Movie Tavern actually sells them, along with wine and beer and various dishes.
They even sell lobster.

Everything is overpriced but well worth it desu.
They have seats with tables so you can eat while watching kino.

It's basically the worst fanciest bar.

I might go tomorrow and I'll take pictures for you guys.

are you actually not allowed to bring your own snacks into theaters? i can go to a grocery store and buy whatever i want (anything reasonably like snacks and soft drinks at least) then just walk into the theater. i don't have to sneak anything in.

Pic related

I've been there. The live starfish on the walls are a nice touch.

I didn't partake in them myself however. Crabs legs and the occasional oyster are enough for my movie snacking needs.

You idiot, the oysters are for hawks only

we are allowed to bring in snacks where i go, but we have to buy soap and shampoo if we want to use the showers.

I prefer this set-up to theaters where you're sitting at a counter to eat.

The Avalon in Milwaukee, btw.

ok

Fpbp

Why are movie theaters so fucking awful everywhere else in the world?
Like look at this shit , serious to fucking god Mexico has the best movie theaters ever, the worst one i have attended is one in Paris. Thank Quetzalcoatl for Cinepolis

Also here the advertisments last max 15min, in Europe i had to wait like an hour or more. Another thing, to buy tickets it is a fucking mess and to enter its again another mess

Careful OP or you could get sent to the underground and have to shovel coal in the cinema furnaces to keep the showers hot

Which one/where in Paris ?

Don't remember, i went to 2, part of the bad experience was the fact that i saw Age of Ultron and i got so dissapointed tho

>full auto rifle
Where would you even get this?

From an FFL with a class 3 SOT.

That would explain the mid-movie diarrhoea.

If you're in the Movie Tavern I would avoid the ballpit for a while, just to be safe.

They're pretty cramped I agree but everything else is in Paris.
Also 30min of advertisments and trailers is a maximum, more than often it's only 15-20.

The one you linked is a near-century old theater that was just renovated to be fair, it's not like they built it from the ground up recently.

We have these all over the states. Meheeco isnt the only one.

youtube.com/watch?v=p6ff-ShY5Bw

>you will never catch fresh king crabs and sneak their legs into a movie theater with gordon ramsay

I'd say between Mexico and USA the quality of the theatres is around the same but the system, the client attention, how easy it is to buy tickets and overall experience is better in Mexico honestly, Europe hasn't convinced me. Not Paris, not madrid

Also Cinepolis just started their own streaming service like netflix which consists of just new movies and its ok, just watched BvS

Just have your girlfriend stash them in her purse.

Holy shit do cinema jails actually exist?
>'murrica

>falls for stupid shit
>lives in some 3rd world shithole
>has the balls to talk shit about americans

Never been there so I cant speak for them but in the states its not hard either if you have a brain. Simply buy the tickets online and pick em up at the kiosk next to the line of dipshits. I dont remember the last time Ive stood in line desu.

>streaming service like netflix which consists of just new movies and its ok
Why not use Kodi no one should have to pay for streaming shit.

We're willing to suffer for our art in America. Europeans will never be able to understand this sort of passion.

>pick em up at the kiosk
Ew no, instead of showing your tickets just show them the purchase confirmation

>not collecting stubs
ABSOLUTELYHARAM.jpg

I just collect them for movies i genuinely care about a looot

The Kino Kommisar will force you to work in the popcorn mines if you sneak food in.

Your theater was built over a popcorn deposit? Neat.

You're going to have to go to the shittier cinema deep in the indian quarter with chairs from 1970 that have never been cleaned which used to show pornos in the early 90s but has since been taken over by bollywoodshit and is packed every night and reeks of sweat, feces and spices you can't even fathom, because it's the only theatre showing that one indonesian flick you wanted to see. THEN you can tell us yuroplebs don't suffer for their passion.

Don't turn around


uh oh


the Kino Kommisar's in town