Half in the Bag Episode 113: Star Trek Beyond

Mike loved it
youtube.com/watch?v=D_7Pz85XJ7Q

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en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shohreh_Aghdashloo
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Yes dude, you made the first thread about this.

cuck letter media

Jay says normie

>even a normie like me

what did he mean by this

Is Jay our guy?

Let me guess: you faggots also think that Sup Forums invented the words cuck and autism.

Jay confirmed normie

apparently not playing video games makes you a normie

watching kino for 8 hours per day and editing for another 3 hours at your computer before jerking off is fine though

Imagine for a minute that you're Rich Evans.

You have sworn off alcohol and other substances. You were raised by your grandmother as a result of absent parents who had substance abuse problems. After watching their fractured lives you made the decision never to go down that road.

Sometime around HS you made a friend. He was interested in filmmaking and started to include you in his projects.

Then, as adults, he completed one project that sent his work into internet popularity. Pretty soon he became one of the most popular internet critics online. He decided to take you along for the ride.

You're living the good life, getting paid to talk about movies and vidya. Occasionally you contribute to their projects, doing odd-jobs that you learned to do before your new vocation as an internet critic.

And on the back of that popularity, your friend begins to crack under the pressure. He slowly succumbs to his alcoholism. At first it's cute. It gets laughs in the videos. But now he can't manage to film a segment without a drink.

You've seen this before. You've seen lives destroyed by alcohol. You're Rich Evans and you have to sit there, having lived this nightmare your whole life, as the dreams your friend worked so hard for, brought you along for, drain away with the bottle.

Once upon a time you were vibrant together. You had fun making videos. You were young and in love with life. Now you're fat and cynical, sliding into the grave on a path lubricated with vices.

You don't know whether to project your practically trademarked laugh, or whether to cry as it all falls apart. You don't know how to tell him that he's killing you both.

normie is very much a /r9k/ invention

...

>51 minutes

Jesus fuck.

It's almost like Mike really likes talking about Star Trek or something.

>Jay is a normie
RRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Seeing Mike genuinely enjoy a star trek movie is heartwarming.

There's a third modern Star Trek movie? Really? I had absolutely no fucking idea.

spoiler:

the last twenty minutes is them just sitting around doing nothing

>as you know Jay, I love schlock
>and Star Trek Beyond is schlock
>you gonna hate me for this, but I loved it


Every Mike review for the past 2 years.

>10 minutes of them just sitting there doing fuck all
>phone finally rings
>wrong number
BOY DIDN'T SEE THAT ONE COMING

Except that he didn't call it schlock at all, and he loved the movie unironically

Every review Mike has done for the past two years has called Star Trek Beyond schlock?

I think he said more than that this episode

>bore trek
not even going to watch

do a plinkett review of the matrix sequels faggots

The wrong number bit isn't even the joke, dumbass. The joke is that they sit there doing literally nothing for 15 minutes and you actually sat through it.

>it's a Mike spergs about Star Trek episode

>Every Mike review for the past 2 years.
Except for, you know, almost all of them.

>responding to an RLM shitposter, the most pernicious of all shitposters

It appears that you have fallen for an epic ruse my man!

Mike looks old in this episode

>those 20 minutes of awkward silence
Why do they do this to us?

>watching a fucking a hour long video
whats the TL;DW

haha, that 15 mins of silence at the end was so funny

i can't wait to see all the gifs from it XD

>being this much of an ADHD faggot

>Mike eating the board game parts

>not wanting RLM videos to be as long as possible

You just don't "get" it.

>being a NEETshit

What sequels? [spoilers];^)[/spoilers]

tick tock faggot, you need a good nights sleep! big day tomorrow!

Mike said normie in a really early HitB, before it got big on /r9k/

Typically I'd agree with you, at least when it comes to HitB.

Sometimes, I think BotW runs longer than it should and it's because they manage their time poorly. It takes far too long for them to introduce every video, especially when it's a Wheel episode and they're trying to introduce every single tape that's on the wheel even though they'll only end up watching three of them.

I hate watching a BotW, feeling like I've been watching for 40 minutes, and realizing that they haven't even finished discussing the first video on their list,

amazing. half way through now.

Really, Mike loved it? Beyond was fucking awful. Terrible CG, really bad sets, basically no banter between characters, felt like a cheap Chinese knockoff, boring camerawork

WHY DON'T THEY TALK???

no because he uses it in reference to himself

>basically no banter between characters
That's completely false though. Spock and Bones did nothing but banter with each other.

>I hate watching a BotW, feeling like I've been watching for 40 minutes, and realizing that they haven't even finished discussing the first video on their list,
I love botw and it feel the opposite for me, it just ends too soon
>like sex for my gf
>and gf means hand

>do a plinkett review of the matrix sequels faggots

That's actually a great suggestion.

>Halfway through it turns into a Plinkett review

Holy shit

maybe you're completely wrong.

Yeah, like I said, BASICALLY no banter between characters. All the characters were toned down from the previous two films.

>It's a Mike regains his passion episode
Nice

He's already hinted at doing them. He never will though, the next one will be TFA then they'll go back to never ever releasing another Plinkett review

yeah like i said, you either get it or you don't

they're a friend simulator

>All the characters were toned down from the previous two films.
Yes, because the characters were amped up and fucking retarded in the previous two. Beyond brought them back to what the characters were like before Orci, Kurtzman, and JJ fucked them up.

Maybe you should form your own opinions instead of letting others decide them for you

And without the whiz bang boom veneer that JJ Abrams brought to the table, it exposes these movies for the vapid, boring, generic flicks they are

That was literally the only good aspect of the first two films. They were also retarded and generic, but the JJ HIGH OCTANE FILMMAKING at least made them exciting on a spectacle level

Is this youtube kino?

So what does "BASICALLY" mean to you? Spock and Bones are two of the main characters and they do nothing but banter. Scotty and Jayla spend most of their time bantering also.

That's a lot of banter for a movie that has BASICALLY no banter in it.

My biggest problem with this flick is how underutilized the great soundtrack was. You could barely hear any of the major movements or motifs in this one. Really took me out of the experience desu

Yes I believe exactly that

I like how every time Mike yawns Jay look away to not mimic it.

I don't know, the characters just didn't really feel like themselves in this one. There wasn't that *spark* to it. It just felt very by the numbers and plodding

no i did

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shohreh_Aghdashloo

>"we need a Middle Eastern/Indian looking woman in her 50's or 60's with a raspy smoker's voice"
>"I know just the one"

This bitch is in fucking everything lately

>maybe if I speak vague enough and don't give any examples of what I'm trying to say, it'll conceal the fact that I'm a fucking idiot that can't form coherent opinions

Only thing I didn't like about Beyond was there was the first half hour seemed badly paced. Waaaay too much action, and it's not good action either it's just explosions and people running. When they finally settle down it gets fun.

I think it's just because you're more familiar with Nu-Trek than genuine Star Trek. They acted much closer to their TOS counterparts in Beyond than they did in 2009 or Into Darkness.

RLM newfag here, what is Mike/Rich/Jay's favorite movie?

>5 minutes into the silence segment
>mike starts eating the start trek pieces from the board game

Ishtar

>Mike
Goodfellas, Ghostbusters
>Jay
Eraserhead, Escape from NY
>Rich
The Road Warrior

>THREE fucking RLM threads going simultaneously.
Fuck, doesn't anyone check the fucking catalog?

The first 20 minutes had almost no action and was filled with calmer moments like the Captain's Log intro, Bones stealing a bottle of bourbon from Chekov's quarters, and Bones prying Spock about relationship issues.

The first 10 minutes or so of them being on the planet is non-stop action though with no solid character motivations to hang on to.

I'm actually a huge Trek fan and have seen every episode of every show multiple times. I realize that them being more subdued is closer to the TV show, but you want to know a secret?

When I pay to see a summer blockbuster movie, I don't want a fucking mediocre TV show episode. This movie is basically the same as insurrection, just with a fancy coat of vfx paint on top.

2009 trek showed how to do it right. Make it fun, make it exciting, make it memorable and quotable.

Fuck this bullshit. This was one of the worst movies I have ever seen and Mike is clearly letting his love of Star Trek blind him to this movie's flaws.

what's so bad about it?

people think if they spot a new RLM video in the last 20 minutes that SURELY they will be the first to make a thread.

That's not what most Star Trek movies are like though. That's not what Star Trek is like.

If that's what you're into, then fair enough, but the reason so many people like Beyond is because they've been waiting for one of the Nu-Trek films to actually feel like genuine Star Trek.

>one of the worst movies I have ever seen
So how many movies have you seen? Four? Five? Even if you didn't like it much, anyone that claims this one is "one of the worst movies" ever is not to be taken seriously.

The plot is nonsense for starters and is filled with half explained crap like how the captain became an alien or how he didn't notice that the ship HE FUCKING CRASHED just disappeared from where it crashed one day.

>"I WILL USE MY FRIENDSHIP DEVICE TO TURN YOUR PLANET INTO A PARADISE"

Cheesy but I loved it.

why is mike so mean to rich?

I own that VHS star trek board game. That shi was fun as hell. If i remember right the bridge crew is off shit doing some shit, and you're some no name ensign that stayed behind. And Gowron takes over the ship and its up to you to save it. your TV and the Tape is supposed to represent a view screen with Gowron actively working to stop you from saving the ship. It was fun and kinda hard

Fuck, not Gowron, it was some no name kinglon asshole who hated the federation

it's his best friend and he knows Rich doesn't give a shit

>half explained crap like how the captain became an alien
It does though. He sucks out the lifeforce of other beings, taking on physical characteristics of whatever alien being he sucks the lifeforce from

>or how he didn't notice that the ship HE FUCKING CRASHED just disappeared from where it crashed one day.
Just because the movie didn't directly mention it doesn't make it some sort of awful plot hole. It wasn't relevant to the story taking place. I can't imagine having a movie being ruined for me by something so inconsequential.

Rich confirmed for turbopleb

fuck that shit why doesn't rich get him back then

What's quotable from that movie?

he can't be bothered, it's done for something bigger than them. I know what you mean though, i have had friends who were great 1 on 1 but as soon as anyone else shows up they try to humiliate me. Left them long ago. They lost a good m8.

I remember seeing Uhura's right nipple poking through the shirt in the movie, during a scene with Idris Elba.

I was confused because I didn't expect this in Star Trek.

Spin off show where
Mike just talks about TNG episodes when?

>That's not what Star Trek movies are like though

Uh...... Wrath of Khan? Undiscovered Country? First Contact? Insurrection? Nemesis?

i just think it's kinda sad. like fair enough if he doesn't feel confident with banter but mike has others to pick on

It's... actually kind of nice to see Mike get all emotional and enthusiastic about a movie franchise. I don't even care if the movie itself is crap.

How did the pre recorded old man and old man makeup know where to look at the scientists at?

I think Mike really is going down the path of alcoholism. In a few years we'll look back at these videos and wonder why we didn't notice it sooner. Jay is the only one who's stayed consistent in his reviews, Mike just does not give a fuck anymore about anything.

>I think Mike really is going down the path of alcoholism.
Do you also think reality television is actually real?

>noticing it