There are few things in life that bring me more joy than throwing my fucking trash all over the floor of the movie theater and watching while some little faggot in a uniform sweeps it up. I think the only thing that could top it is when, on my way out of the theater, I head into the bathroom and take a massive shit (caused in part by all the greasy food I snuck in, fuck paying $13 for a drink and a popcorn, fucking scam artists) right on top of the toilet seat, put on my disposable rain poncho, then lift the lid and kick it as hard as I can against the tank so it gets fucking everywhere in the stall. I shove the poncho up the hose of the hand-wash machine on my way out, and laugh like a madman all the way to my car. Fucking movie theater scum. These fucking faggots deserve all the abuse they get, and more. How dare they charge ME $26 for a matinee ticket and something to nosh on while I watch the film? Fucking retards. How do you take your revenge against these bloodthirsty fucking kikes?
There are few things in life that bring me more joy than throwing my fucking trash all over the floor of the movie...
I stuff myself with Taco Bell and soda beforehand and buy a ticket. Then, I walk into all the movies I don't like that aren't playing yet, drop my pants, and walk around the empty theater haphazardly pissing and shitting everywhere.
My girlfriend and I throw all our trash and unload the trash in her purse then douse it in her pepper spray so the wageslaves that have to pick it up (we put it in crevices that brooms can't sweep so they have to use their hands) getting their hands coated in burning capsaicin and later burn their eyes and mucus membranes.
I like to buy a drink and finish it real quick. Then, I surreptitiously take one of the piss bottles I sneaked in and pour it in the cup. Whenever someone leaves the theater to go to the bathroom or something and leaves their popcorn, I go down and sit next to their spot and "accidentally" spill some of my "drink" into their popcorn. When they come back, I stare blankly and unflinchingly at them while they gag on the piss-flavored popcorn.
I know this is a meme but I'm seriously considering doing this. Just sitting in a part of the theater where I'm alone and dropping my pants to shit, then getting up to use the bathroom and walking out.
i thought it was normal to do this everywhere
you've paid a ridiculous amount for a shitload of popcorn, why not have a little fun with it if you dont finish? they're going to sweep up anyway lol its their job
pour it all on some employee's head and run away
or strip butt naked and roll one of the big trash cans down the hallway
yeah if you don't have a problem getting banned from that theater sure go ahead
>banned from the theater
if you think they're not gonna call the cops on you after you take a shit there then you're retarded as fuck
also:
>look at the camera feed for the shitter
>take a pic
>hang it up at the cash register
>you're now known as the theater shitter
literally pull a movie poster down from the wall and start eating it
Yeah lol those pussy faggots can call the cops while I just fucking run out laughing
ITT: things that never happened
Someone's new.
We actually do the pepper spray thing quite often
>joining the wall of shitters is a bad thing
lel those guys are heroes at my local cinema, everyone cheers when they come to your screen and they get free popcorn with the purchase of any XL or bigger soda
You don't know how tasty those movie posters are until you've tried 'em.
In my local theater there's a display case that holds the current biggest dump anyone's ever taken on the theater floor.
>Go to harbor theater
>Order a bucket of crab legs in advance
>When I arrive, it's only Stone crab instead of the typical Alaska King crab
>Decide to sneak into the back room and smash open the octopus tanks
>Watch as the octopodes sneak into the squid-only theater
>Be in high school. Friend and I decide to prank the theater.
>We buy mice at a local pet shop and sneak them in tupperware container.
>At the end of the movie we let em loose in the theater.
Any one else got pranks?
Do it pussy. If you dont make a mess, these poor saps don't have a job.
i did this but i crushed the mice into the carpet
I once snuck a 14 foot long snake into the theater with me and left it in a toilet in the bathroom before the movie
One time I brought in a yellowjacket nest in a ziploc bag. It generated a lot of buzz for the movie.
I actually want to leave a chicken ribcage in the theater. The thought of those fucks having to clean it up is hilarious.
Dump out a box of these puppies and kick them underneath the seats
>not pelting the mice at the screen during parts you didn't like.
At the end of the movie I go up to the screen and count how many splattered mice are on it, subtract that from 10, and that's how I score the movie.
why do you amerifats always have to throw things at things you don't like to express your displeasure? is that why you always bring food to the theater, to throw it at the screen? why are all americans such children?
Yes.
Do rectums normally have bones?
Your mom's has my bone in it most nights, so I guess.
we do this in the UK as well
Ever since clapping was banned because our giant hands made it sound like gunshots and would start firefights in the the theater, we had to find other ways of expressing ourselves.
Currently, I like to bring a boombox to the theater and play old Burmese psychedelic songs during parts where the music annoys me. It's a big hit. Sometimes I like to go to shitty movies intentionally and play entire albums.
savage
Well after brexit you're not a part of Europe anymore are you? You're honorary amerifats.
I had a friend who claimed he masturbates in movie theaters. He would laugh so hard, like it was hilarious. I always wondered if it would feel good.
It's not that Americans are children, but rather that they're free to express themselves just as our ancestors did. The Greeks would approve of our theatrical traditions as would Shakespeare. He would be downright confused if you just sat through a play without clapping immediately after a particularly good performance or by not throwing things to express your displeasure with a bad one. While sales can help express an audience's enjoyment, there's nothing like getting the audience involved. What is art without the reactions of an audience--a store of value, a jewel to be paraded about, an investment, a form of money laundering? It seems that your people have forgotten the true meaning of the theatre experience while Americans proudly celebrate this ancient art in it's most vibrant and original form. It's as if you been deluded to think that quietly sitting through a theatrical performance is somehow authentic, when it's actually the plebeian reformers who've put this yoke on your people just as they've done to classical music performances. As a fellow theatrical enthusiast, I hope that some day you get to experience theatre as it's meant to be played.
Poetry.
My favorite prank is to make frozen shitballs that I bring to the theater. Basically, every time I take a dump, I stick my hand in the toilet, and form the log into a ball or two. Then I clean my self up, scoop the ball out with a one of those slotted kitty litter scoopers, and place it on some paper towels to dry off. Then I put the ball on some wax paper, wrap it, put it in a ziploc bag or three, and place it in the freezer with the others. Come movie night, I take the balls out of each ziploc, and put them into one bag which goes into a cooler with ice in my car. Anyway, I like to roll them down the theater at the beginning of the movie before they thaw. I really enjoy this prank and so do the ushers.
Anyone else like to buy multiple drinks pretending they're for friends who haven't arrived yet, and then dump them all over the ramp leading up to the seats so everyone who wants to sit in the back 3/4ths of the theater has to step through a Coke waterfall just to get to their seat?
It's always fun to sneak up behind families and give the kids a little surreptitious shove so they spill all their shit and the parent thinks they did it on purpose.
I do that but hide them around the theater like chocolate easter eggs. There are some the employees haven't found yet in years and that's why the local theater stinks to high heaven.
You guys are job creators. You should be getting a tax break.
Sometimes, I pretend that I'm bowling with them if enough people put their drinks and popcorn buckets on the floor.
>Shit in popcorn bucket
>Cover it with thick layer of popcorn
>leave in theater for some cuck to find
I love carrying in my own microwave and making my popcorn.
>cut holes in the sides so when they try to pick it up their hands touch the poopy.
Fucking pleb. I wheel in a gas stove and a tank full of crabs. I kill the crabs and cook them during the movie, and then eat them. I especially liked going up to the kids during Finding dory and killing the crabs right in front of them.
kys
fuckin lol
Anyone else enjoy that feel of using stolen film spools as toilet paper?
Poopcorn bag
Bonus: eat regular corn the day before so it appears in your shit.
You're doing God's work, user. Never stop fighting.
A friend of mines father was a fat bastard we called "biggie" growing up, and when he took us to the movies, he would revel in buying candy and junkfood at the concession stand and insist we disposed of all that shit on the floor of the cinema. Beverages, popcorn, candy, all that shit would just get tossed on the floor.
Dude probably had a bad experience working at theater in his youth....
This thread makes me want to trash the theater next time I am there. It is a crime with 0 victims. Whats not to love?