Ask a former autopsy technician anything

Ask a former autopsy technician anything.

Pic will probably be related

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who was your first love?

My wife.

Because I didn't love them hoes.

can you post some pics of your wife?

Does the category of all categories exist? If so, why, and if not, why not?

ever been turned on by a corpse?

No.
I would say so. And that category would be called the universe.

I would get this question a lot. No , not at all.

But I could tell if they were pretty hot while they were alive. I autopsied a couple of strippers.

Every time I see this girl I like I seem to clam up and pretty much can't breath properly when I attempt to get my words out to her, I'm a perfectly normal social guy 99% of the time but every time I even see her I seem to get struck dumb and calcified. What do I do?

Before you talk to her. Make sure you have a topic to talk about. And make sure you have at least 3 more topics to talk about as back ups.

Don't be scared. It's like dropping in on a halfpipe.

You just let go. If you crash. You get up and try again.

You will get it.

How do I explain to my dad about all the pubes and shit blocking his en-suite shower drain?

I'm not likely to get more than one go with her though?

>at taco bell
Chicken? Beef? or Steak?

What was the most disgusting autopsy you ever perfomed?

How many dead bodies have you fucked.

Don't let it get clogged like that in the first place.

Even if you fail. She might think of it as cute. I would stutter really bad around girls. More like tongue tied. I would laugh and say sorry, and that I was nervous. Being honest goes far.

Beef.

There are so many. I can't really decide. But one was so large , she had to be done on a necropsy table.

None

Favorite case and type of death?

What's a necropsy table?

Just an autopsy table

in your experience, is it true that some people die while on the toilet.

I read that due to stress of a new day, getting to work, etc...that's sometimes enough to put a person into arrest.

I liked homicides. I liked everything that came with it. I liked knowing what the news didn't know.

percent wise - approx. how many are closed vs open casket?

It's a autopsy table built for cows and horses.

Yes, all the time. They come in with a ring around their butt. Like a toilet mark.

You ever super disrespectful to a corpse of a person you know was an asshole? Like a killer or wife beater

>But one was so large , she had to be done on a necropsy table.

By large, how many pounds would you say?

For the ones around 400, what's the muscle mass like in their legs, and how much pressure does the fat really put on their heart / lungs?

Do you ever fondle the bodies for sexual pleasure?

Not sure. It's up to the family to have it open. I wasn't in the funeral business.

I'm a fatass. I've been teased and harassed all my life, When I die and am on the table, would you treat me with dignity or would you fuck around and make jokes and shit about me?
I know it's wierd, but I'd like to think that when I die I'd at least have some peace finally.

I knew a funeral director that would slap the shit out of some.

I never did anything on purpose. I did accidentally cut a penis off.

About 900 pounds

Never did.

Like all the way off? How the fuck did that happen?

Ever autopsy anyone famous?

That sounds like a lot of fun. So what were the worse heavy predation, floaters or other?

Wait there's a story there it sounds like how did you manage to accidentally cut a dick off?

Honestly. Yes. Only because if you took every case seriously, it will drive you crazy.

You gotta laugh man.

All the way off. Lol. I was trying to remove one of his testicules and instead of grabbing a nut, I grabbed his penis, pulled and cut.

Yes. But if I told you, you would easily find out where I worked.

I even performed one on a suspected serial killer.

Yes, all the time. It's not always that bad. Sure, they bloat and peel, but they mostly are raisin type. But it's not as bad as decomps.

Yeah I can only imagine formaldehyde might burn but I'd take that to rot. How long did you go to school for this?

what height will kill adultfrom bridge?

Fuck off Rasputin

Believe it or not, I really didn't go to school to learn to perform autopsies. There really isn't a school to "learn" that. It's all on the job training.

I have my degree in advertising.

Really? Would a medical Illustration degree translate well to that sort of work?

Yes. Also you could probably transfer over to investigations as a sketch artist.

Keks I'm watching start trek TOS right now

I like that show.

Fk u snoop dogg

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