Let all of Sup Forums know the wierdest things you've stuck your dick inside of! I did my couch once

Let all of Sup Forums know the wierdest things you've stuck your dick inside of! I did my couch once.

In a tomato.

my hand

A vaccum I thought it was gonna feel good

Microwave heated orange tbh, made that fucker too hot tho.

A cat when I was like 10 or 9. I was a weird/horny fucking kid.

I wouldn't mind hearing that story.

Well, the whole story is pretty much this: I fucked a tomato. I am not even sure how to elaborate on that. I was just really super horny and at the same time I grew bored of my both my hand and a fleshlight. No gf at the time (obviously).

So I tried to fuck a tomato. I was thinking that if I be kinda gentle, it wouldn't break; i would just keep the tip of my dick in tomato and continue to fuck with just a tip.

But tomato got destroyed eventually. It is pretty fragile sex toy, I wouldn't recommend.

I also tried to fuck grapefruit and a watermelon. Same results.

Fucked my couch once too.
Put lotion in a gallon ziplock and tucked it between the cushions, pressed down and pounded away

My friends asshole. He caught me fapping in his closet. At first he stroked it a little and played with my balls, then he started using his tongue. He licked every inch of my cock and balls. I pushed him onto the bed and spit on his asshole, then I slowly put my cock inside. So incredibly tight, precum dripping from his little cock as I fill his ass with my girth. I make him cum, his spasms causing his asshole to clamp down on my throbbing shlong. I explode balls deep inside of him, I slowly pull my shit covered dick from his gaped asshole. I'm not gay, I was just horny and young.

Did you eat the result?

A banana peel. Felt quite nice tbh.

nice bait

ur mom, much regret

You the guy from the couch greentext?

>Spits on guy's asshole
>Fucks guy
>Cums inside of guy

No Homo

>Fucks mans asshole and cums

"Not gay"

Nah, I was super horny, not super hungry. Also didnt cum in this poor tomato, i think i eventually solved my problem with a fleshlight

I wish I was the guy that made that. I want to read that now. If you want I can make my own greentext story.

Yes please

what is so amazing fucking a couch, I was sure everyone did it (i am the dude that fucked tomato)

>Be me
>15
>Virgin as fuck
>Thirsty.jpg
>Go on a date with girl 6.5/10
>It starts to get serious
>She comes over one night
>Asks if she wants to sex
>"user, first, I want to make sure you love me correctly. Do your couch like you would me"
>Grabs couch's cushions like tits
>Sticks Tounge in couch
>Fucks couch
>Cums
>Girl is recording all of it

She fucking blackmailed me for the next year.

This story simply can't get any more fake, it is literally at its highest point.

I wish this was fake. The power of the vagina is like magic. Mind control, really.
Turned out her friends had her do it. The couch also stank for a week.

Sorry man, it is super fake and you know it

and if it somehow really happened (it didnt) then it is not "power of the vagina is like magic", it is simply that you are the dumbest fuckin idiot ever born on this planet
>wants to fuck a girl
>fucks a coach instead

i guess you should be glad that you didnt got this couch pregnant

I also fucked Snacks in the ass.

Your right. Then I would have to take care of a chair. I should have used protection.

hot pocket

or my ex

A hot pocket? Wouldn't that burn? I can't do with my dick on fire.

you let it cool down a bit

but yea i did burn myself a couple times

id believe it teenage girls are evil and teenage boys are idiots

I can't imagine how much of a fucking idiot he would have to be