Sup niggers. let me tell you about some autists I went to school with. this is all true

sup niggers. let me tell you about some autists I went to school with. this is all true.
>be me, 12
>autismo
>obsessed with dinosaurs so kids call me "dinosaur"
>still hear random scumbags yell "dinosaur" at me in my hood to this day
>get bullied a lot at a rough school
>parents decide to transfer me to a posh school
>this place was basically fucking hogwarts with autism instead of magic
>not bullied as badly
>fall in with the autist crew
>people called us the "lanky retards" because we were all freakishly tall as well as autistic
>there were 4 of us:
>me, adam, mike and john

>adam was the ringleader
>mike was his little bitch (more on this later)
>me and john just followed him cos we didn't have any other friends
>always wore a three piece suit
>carried around a pocket watch with a gold chain and a letter opener
>he threatened people with the latter regularly, but the teacher never took it cos it was too blunt to hurt anyone
>used to sit in the corner with his hand in his jacket pocket like Napoleon, glaring at the cool kids and plotting his next move
>always brought in his own fancy silverware to eat lunch with
>his favourite snack was fucking lemon curds, which he brought in every day and ate out of a little glass jar
>called everyone except us "peasants", but the way he said it you'd swear he was calling them something far worse
>generally fancied himself as some kind of old-fashioned english lord
>I always assumed he was rich but I went to his place once and he lived in a shitty little apartment with his mom

Continue

>mike was definitely the most autistic one, and that was saying something
>deathly afraid of heights
>our school was a rather tall building, so he'd throw a shitfit if the teacher tried to make him sit near a window
>mike was very attached to his "hairy molly"
>this was a rough old leather football, all tattered and hairy
>adam used to whip him with it
>I could never tell if mike enjoyed this, but he screeched autisticly whenever it happened
>he'd go fucking nuts if anyone else touched it
>teacher used to confiscate it regularly but he'd always get it back somehow
>he and adam had a secret autistic code language with words like "iggis piggis" and oogis moogis"
>adam used to sic mike on normies like you'd sic a dog on a burglar
>mike would go fucking medieval on them like a velociraptor on meth, screeching as he did so

this now has my attention

nice dubs. I shall
>then there was john
>john was actually a really nice guy, don't have much funny/cringy to say about him
>honestly I felt sorry for him, he wasn't a proper autist like the rest of us
>he had some steven hawking type disease except he could still walk, albeit poorly
>he didn't have a computer to talk through either, but his actual voice literally sounded like microsoft sam
>he never used bad language. I have known him for years and I have never once heard him swear
>was quite fond of me and mike but merely tolerated adam
>his dad was the chief of police and he lived in a really nice house so I reckon adam was jelly of him
>had some ancestor at the battle of little bighorn and was obsessed with it
>had this crazy elaborate diorama of the battle in his room, which was honestly kinda cool

This shit's gud

mike adriano

>carried around a pocket watch with a gold chain and a letter opener

Autismo confirmed

Bumping with some autism/tard stories I can think of off the top of my head
So close...

...

so now that the stage is set, I will tell you about our final school trip together and the reasons we all stopped being friends (apart from me and john)
>go to an "adventure centre" for the end of 6th class (idk what that is in dollars. we were 12 like I said)
>basically kinda like a shitty irish version of summer camp
>all kinds of fun mud and water-related activities
>two main things happened to destroy our friendship
>the first was as follows
>we're all canoeing
>we do this game where you turn the canoe upside down and fight on top of it with the oars like on "american gladiator"
>we and the other autists were hilariously uncoordinated so everyone got a kick out of watching us fight (especially john, god bless him)
>me and mike are having a fight like this
>generally flailing around like the retards we are
>all of a sudden he cracks me in the side of the head with oar really hard
>I fall into the water and manage to climb back onto the boat
>I shout "what the fuck man?"
>he starts crying
>teacher takes me out and reprimands me for cursing
>mike gets off scot free
>to make matters worse, he tells everyone that I called him "a fucking asshole" and this was why he hit me so hard
>everyone believes him (including teachers) except john
>trip ruined
>or so I thought. the worst was yet to come

continue

Continue please :]

Seriously, keep it coming! Sitting here with a gf who's probably fucking her own brother and I need this story to be completed!

Sounds like a story while we wait

I get the feeling this is going to go into some Clockwork Orange shit soon

but now i want to hear your story

Well I don't trust this bitch for shit, she's probably not even doing anything, but I don't care. I'm meant to be alone, user...

Dinosaur in first post. Fags can't tell what's coming.

...

...

I just want to be alone, but this chick keeps coming back and I just can't stop seeing in my head this chick hurting me. But she won't stop coming back. We've broken up like five times, and each time she keeps dragging herself back.

and now for the grand finale
>one day me and john are sitting in a field eating lunch, minding our own business
>the dust still hasn't fully settled from the "asshole" thing
>people are still treating me like shit because I supposedly called the retarded kid an asshole
>there was a dog at this summer camp that everyone liked
>a fat old labrador called toby that followed us around everywhere
>for some reason he comes over to me and john
>we start petting him, he's a good boy
>adam comes over with his fucking lemon curds
>I figure he's trying to start shit, but since he doesn't have the hairy molly and mike isn't nearby maybe I'm wrong
>he says he just wants to pet toby
>fair enough
>we start making idle chit chat, perhaps some rapprochement is immininet
>he asks "hey, you guys ever see the south park episode with 'red rocket' in it?"
>nope
>"never mind"
>he keeps petting toby, getting a little too into it
>you can guess where this is going
>more people come over to pet the dog, so lots of witnesses
>he starts rubbing toby's belly and massaging his temples
>toby gets an erection from the temple-rubbing somehow (this makes me thing adam had done this before)
>HE JACKED OFF THE FUCKING DOG
he got kicked out of our school for that.
I have more stories but they involve different autists at the same school

More pls

FINALLY THE FINAL PART

Kill her user

Man, what a terrible way for a friendship of four to end... I'm sorry OP that you lost your fellowship.

What, I couldn't do that shit, man! I'm more of a, "Lets never speak again" guy.

you guys want more stories? like i said they involve different ppl but this school was a fucking goldmine of autism

shoot

Bump

YOU HAVE TO KILL HER

made me fucking kek, i guess you were sort of right
nope, like i said its all true including that part. main story is already over but imma type a new one for you boys

>meet kyle
>lanky, ginger, scruffiest motherfucker you've ever seen
>like shaggy from scooby doo if he smoked meth instead of pot
>only ever "talked" to him twice
>first time he growled at me like a dog in the hallway
>second time he was sitting next to me talking to himself in the library
>he was in my music class
>one day. kyle is late for class
>teacher is annoyed but goes ahead without him
>he shows up 20 minutes late, COVERED in blood
>teacher asks him wtf happened
>"I was taking a shit and I remembered something embarrassing I did so I hit myself in the head, knocked myself out and woke up with a nosebleed"
>I break my shit laughing
>run out to see if the toilet is covered in blood
>it is; looks like a fucking murder scene

more kyle:
>kyle's mom was best friends with my sister's bf's mom so they had to be nice to him
>they had to invite him over for "playdates" even into his 20's
>one one such playdate, they're sitting around watching teen titans
>kyle asks "how old do you reckon raven is?"
>bf says "idk man it's just a cartoon"
>kyle slams his fist on the coffee table and yells "ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION"
>"uhhh idk man, maybe like 14?"
>kyle says "oh shit" under his breath, goes deathly quiet and starts sweating profusely

anyone still reading these?

hell yes

op keep em coming

Holy Shit you've made my day

go on

>red rocket

YESSSS

>another playdate with kyle
>this time it's him, my sister, her bf and her female friend
>as I'm sure you've guessed, kyle doesn't get out much
>worth mentioning my sister's friend is pretty hot, and she has a bf
>she just came back from a long trip so they're catching up in the kitchen
>bf is playing dota in another room
>kyle comes in
>"I wanna talk to the girls"
>"no, kyle, leave em alone. why don't you just watch tv or something"
>kyle just stands there for ages
>"i gotta go get a glass of water"
>"don't do it man"
>kyle goes into the kitchen anyway
>just stands there staring at the girls. breathing heavily
>they just ignore him
>this goes on for a while
>he sprints out and comes back to the bf fucking covered in sweat
>"hey man can i borrow your laptop? i wanna go on Sup Forums" (this 100% happened)
>"fuck off i'm playing dota"
>"FUCKING GIVE IT TO ME"
>fine
>kyle goes off and has a wank
not really full stories but good old kyle has been scammed by people here on Sup Forums twice. one got his cc info and another put a trojan on his laptop.

>kyle's mom was best friends with my sister's bf's mom so they had to be nice to him
>Kyle's mom was friends with sister's boyfriend's mom
Jesus christ was a fucking loose connection.

yeah I know it reads awkwardly, but as ive said this is all true. I hope you can still understand it at least

Pls sir can I have some more

Now I just feel bad...

you know how when something is really funny you fucking curl up and start sounding like your going to fucking die from the noises your making because your trying to laugh breathe and cry at the same time?

this is one of those stories.

Hot any others OP?

Law and order: kekial victims unit

ill keep posting till people stop asking
eh, i still think its hilarious and i know the guy irl.
i'm so glad you're enjoying these user, really :)
ye man

>enter joe (if you hadn't guessed, everyone gets a fake name itt)
>another retard from my sister's class
>joe was inbred
>his parents were cousins
>they had to go get married in another country cos its illegal here lol
>he was blind in one eye and his brother was crippled due to the inbreeding
>joe fancied my sister and joe's sister fancied me (the latter is another story)
>this guy was the edgiest, cringiest fucker ever
>one day he comes to my sis and says he got in a fight
>"omg are you okay"
>"yeah i'm fine, some guy attacked me with a knife. wanna see the scar?"
>he unbuttons his shirt and she sees he has literally carved a giant "X" into his own chest
>another time he said he was gay cos my sister was going through a lesbian phase (he thought this was how reverse psychology worked)

That is hands down the funniest thing I've read

With all the eagerness in the world good sir

whoops, forgot to post a grill
brb guys gotta piss. just remembered a really good one so sit tight

Fucking agreed. I imagine him wiping his face like greenshirtedfaggot.jpg

What a fag. He probably wanted her to be his age so he could relate to her. Very sad.

God damn read my mind

oh man I winced just reading that

He probably jerks off to her, dumbass

What you have just said has reminded me that Sup Forums is full of newfag 9 year olds. Thanks.

You don't understand cause you are a dumbass.

He rubs his dick til he ejaculations to a cartoon character thats underage

Yes, I know.

Stop typing, you cretin.

>>"another time he said he was gay cos my sister was going through a lesbian phase (he thought this was how reverse psychology worked)"
LMFAOO

>be me, regular guy
>love hanging out with my bros and their hoes
>They are constantly flirting with me
>i dont pay them anymind, cause i got a smoking hot gf
>one day i ask my bro how old he thinks my gf is
>"idk man, like 14"
>Start sweating, getting worried
>i really hope i dont remember this when im taking a shit

Jon "Gas the Kikes' Tron

No, you fucking dumbass, let me try and explain

He likes raven from teen titans. He wishes to get that dopamine high from spilling semen from simulated coitus. This is a problem cause shes underage

This.

>another time he said he was gay cos my sister was going through a lesbian phase (he thought this was how reverse psychology worked)
That's fucking awesome.

What a fucking character.

I get your point. I'm saying he also probably has Peter Pan Syndrome or something like that.

okay so idk how i forgot about this motherfucker.
>fucking bill
>you thought mike was bad. bill is THE single most autismal person i have EVER met
>used to wear a cowboy hat into school every day (note: this was not in texas or even america, which makes this even more retarded)
>would wear the same one every day for the year, then get a new one next year
>literally never put his arms into the sleeves of his jacket, always had it draped over his shoulders like a cloak
>carried around a bongo drum at all times and called himself "the rhythm walker"
>spoke with a really deep baritone voice, like tom waits style
>he also fancied my sister (perhaps now you understand why she was "lesbian" until she met her bf)
>asked her out a million times and she always said no
>one time they were on a school trip similar to the one where adam jacked off the dog
>bill used to wake up before everyone else to jack off, then sing "swing low, sweet chariot" while hitting his bongo
>people joked that he fucked the air hole in the bongo and called him "bongo bill"
>this particular trip happened to run through valentines day
>he announced his intention to rape my sister on valentines day
>i wasn't there, or else i would've kicked his ass (i did after they got back)
>joe challenges bill to a "duel" for my sister's "honour"
>they take off their shirts and beat the crap out of each other with sticks
>both end up with minor cuts and bruises
>joe's sister would later bring this up while trying to flirt with me, going on about how "brave" her brother was and greatly exaggerating his war wounds

FUCKIGN KEK

...

How have you met these many weirdos?

aupposites attract

...

Top kek

my school was a dumping ground for kids like me. rich parents always transferred their autistic kids to this school to get them away from bullies in their old school.

apart from the autists it was mostly really posh kids and stoners

you guys want any more? i'm kinda racking my brain here trying to remember more

Keep them coming, we are counting on you, OP

yes.

Autisno.

>be me, fashion conscience individual
>Everyone recognizes me by my signature cowboy© hat
>My cloak is perpetually in the cleaners cause women keep touching it, so i must improve with my overcoat
>my other signature is to be rhythmically gifted
>the ladies love musicians they say
>Everyone is jealous of my libido, i can simulate sex with starfire every morning.
>practice serenaded her The song "sweet chariot" after
>Ahhh, to have the respect of my peers

>There is a fine lady whom i wish to make love to
>the fair maiden shall be mine
>out of nowhere, that charlatan joe challenged me to the fair maidens hand
>alas! My sword cane is in the shop with my cloak
>this stick shall do
>everyone always begs to see my war wounds that i obtained in the battle with villianous joe

I'm sitting alone in my room on Sup Forums on a Saturday night. You think I have anything better to do?

Could jerk off to raven from teen titans

This.

...

The retards are kept in the same pen

Now we have autist fanfiction. This thread's quality increases every post

Arent we all just retards in the same pen known as Sup Forums

Bumping for more sperg lords

>With autism instead of magic
Kek

Bumpini

Ill keep making more as long as i get more autism stories

gotcha
i don't think i'll ever get tired of these hahaha

>"tom"
>tom was fat and greasy, and generally just a fucking creep
>no one liked him
>tom's dad was white and his mom was indian
>his dad literally looked like ben franklin
>if you thought bill was a predator, tom was worse
>had the hots for everything with a vagina
>used to bring in brownies for all the girls regularly
>we all joked that he came in them. no proof of course, but personally i reckon he did
>often got in trouble for following girls home
>one time we were on a class trip with his class
>we were all sitting on top of this bigass hill
>tom starts talking to one the girls
>she's had enough of his shit and tells him to fuck off
>he literally rugby tackles her off the hill starts wailing on her til we pull him off
>the way the school system in our country works, he had the option to skip a year and be in our class
>he wanted to do this to get closer to the older, hotter girls
>we begged the principal not to let him; he didnt thank god
>THE TWIST
>he got /fit/ and became a chad after high school
fuck off nigger youre not me

oh shit sorry man i totally misread that. apologies. as you were.

>>always wore a three piece suit
>>carried around a pocket watch with a gold chain and a letter opener
knew it was fake after reading this

the three piece suit part was an exagguration, i'll admit that. it was easier than explaining that we wore and old fashioned posh british uniform with a blazer he made every effort to look like a suit. everything else in this thread is 100% true including the watch, letter opener and dog incident.

Thanks for keeping my depression away this night, Sup Forumsrother

Gonna bump again with more autism

...

Gotta buy time to find another