Savage AF Jokes

Savage AF Jokes

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a man walks into a bar
he's an alcohol and it's killing his family

that's not funny
my brother died that way

An alcohol

that's the joke.

These 2 gay guys were having sex.
So the first guy was like "hold on. i will be right back. whatever you do, do not jack off."
second guy said "ok."
so the first guy leaves then comes back and when he gets back, there is cum all over the walls and everything so he says to the second guy, "wtf? i told you not to jack off!"
and the second guy is like "i didn't! I farted."

lmfao

sorry maam your son was hit by a drunk driver. the driver was an alcohol

Weakness is always funny.

newfag

What does a baby in a microwave on full power look like?

No idea, I close my eyes when I masturbate

> doesn't know a 2008 meme
> Hasn't Really Been Far Even as Decided to Use Even Go Want to do Look More Like

Wow ive never seen that dead baby joke

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

>look up "Original Poster"
>"Synonym for Homosexual"

so a plane full of people was about to crash and this woman on the plane was like fuck it and wanted to live out her sexual fantasy and be submissive since she is about to die anyway. So she stands up and says "I need a man to make me feel like a real woman. Who here can make me feel like a real woman?"
So this man stands up, takes his shirt off and is like "Here. Iron this!"

Good luck, I'm behind 7 proxies, bitch

OH YOU TWO! LUL!

The worst part is that this is one of the best threads I've seen in weeks. Fuck me....

Why do blacks only have nightmares?

-We killed the only one with a dream!

That joke was so dark I'm suprised it hasn't been shot by the police

ugh....wow - still funny tho

What's most difficult about slitting a newborn's throat???

>To hold the camera and fap simoltaneously while doing that.

A mosquito net costs just 50 pence to make so for £2.00 a month we can stop millions and millions of mosquitoes in Africa needlessly dying of AIDS

>Savage AF

8/10 savagery

I have a blonde ladyfriend who likes black racist jokes but she is too stereotypically blonde/stupid to understand this joke.

I dont think thats irony but i dont know what to call it

whats black and blue and hates sex?

I know it must be boring running a crematorium, but people have asked that you stop going "NOM NOM NOM" when the coffin slides in.

the 10 year old boy in my trunk...

How do you know when your sisters on her period?


Because your dads cock tastes funny.

Anyway, time for my joke

Did you know the term "black paint" is now considered racist?

Now the politically correct term is "can you please paint this for me jerome?"

Underrated post.

What's the toughest part of being a pedophile?

Just trying to fit in.

Thats aweful in so many ways

That's a classic.

(Verbal joke) whats the best thing about sex with twentythree year olds?

theres twenty of them

that's brutal

Niggers

What's red and drips down your leg?

A miscarriage

A pakis on his deathbed and he asks his wife "Fatima are you there?" she replies "Yes dear I'm here" he asks "My children are you there?" "Yes Father" they reply "My brothers are you here with me?" they reply "Yes Achmed we are here with you"

he jumps up and shouts "Well who the bloody hell is in the shop?!"

Why did the Romans build straight roads? So the pakis couldnt build their shops

What do you call a second grader with no friends?


A sandy Hook survivor

capitalism

How do you titty fuck a 7 year old?

Break her shoulderblades.

I was eating out my grandmother the other day and tasted horse semen, and I thought to myself, "So that's how you died!"

What did the deaf, blind, mute, quadriplegic boy with autism get for christmas?

Cancer.

What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?

The weelchair

What's the difference between Jews and pizzas?

Jews don't have pepperoni on them.

How far can your average nigger run?

Till the chain tightens

The only way to truly possess a person is to watch them die

How do you save a nigger from drowning?

Take your foot off his head.

*years

How do you get a nigger off a tree?
You cut the rope

What's 20 black guys under the ocean?
A good start

How do you starve a nigger to death
You hide his welfair check under his soap

There was a really good joke that involved a jew and a priest but i forgot. If someone knows the joke please tell it to me

look user no stranger knows that you went through something, stop being a bitch

Hey user, you're hilarious kid.

How do you get a nigger to stop smoking?

Pull him out of the fire

>How do you starve a nigger to death
>You hide his welfair check under his soap

Holy shit that's not even a joke... not being racist but that would legitimately work

Im happy that this motherfucker die, i think a lot of maggots eat his shitty body faster than i eat my girlfriend, Fuck you and your family! Fuck your brother and fuck his death!

Something like this?
>A priest and a rabbi are sitting next to each other on a plane. The priest nudges the rabbi, points to a little boy, and says, "wanna fuck him?" To which the rabbi responds, "out of what?"

lmfao to true

the premise of the joke was different but yes it's that . thank you

Whats the name of a jewish pokemon trainer?

Ash.

What has the 3. Reich and GTA in common?

As soon as you have a star you get hunted.

How do you make a woman scream twice?

Fuck her in the ass, then wipe your dick on the drapes!

The one I learned.
>Priest and a rabbi are walking down the street when the priest notices some little boys playing. He says "I wanna fuck those little boys." to which the rabbi retorts "outta what?"

What do brussel sprouts and anal sex have in common?

If you didn't like it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.

The one I learned.
>A Priest and a rabbi are sitting in a coffe shop when the priest notices a small boy playing on the street. He says "I want to fuck those littl boy." to which the rabbi retorts "out of what?"

Why aren't there any Indians on Star Trek (feather kind, not the red dot kind).

They don't work in the future either.

You will die too

You newfag cancers are killing everything.
> really, have you tried reddit?
> You might like it there, give it a try son
> protip: I know you will because your a faggot.

newfag spotted

Why do Mexicans disdain miscegenation with negroes?
They're afraid the kids will be too lazy to steal.

>being this new

Old one but wtfe
> How long does it take for a newborn to die in a microwave?
I don't know I was too busy masturbating.

I heard this joke on the playground in 3rd grade and didn't get it. Now I'm 31 and i get it. I really do.

...

fucking idiot

This cheap bastard wanted a $5 whore and kept pestering the madame about it. So for a couple of weeks he gave him the "special room" deal.

One night he finished up and complained that his hooker had a runny nose.

The madame yelled to a couple of the whores, "Take Betty and dump her out in the woods. She's full."

a man is down on his luck, hasnt gotten laid in a long time and finally decides to get a whore. being new to the game hes driving around a shady neighborhood for a while before he finds a beautiful woman standing on the corner. He slows the car down and she hops in. He keeps driving a bit following her directions until they arrive in a parking lot. he turns off the ignition and says to her. "Hey I've never done this before. I was wondering how much it would cost me for a handjob?"
she looks to him and says "a handjob costs 250."
"250?" he says, "how do I know its worth it?"
she points to a Rolls Royce parked on the curb and says "thats what I bought with the money I got for giving handjobs."
He checks out the car and excitedly says "wow you bought that car? it must be a great handjob, sure I'll take one" and sure enough the best hand job hes ever had.

a few weeks goes by and he decides he has to see her again so he drives back picks her up and they return to the parking lot. he looks over and says "All right thats the best handjob ive ever had, now I have to try a blow job, how much will that cost me?
"750" she proclaims.
"750? how do I know its worth it.
she points to a fancy restaurant, "thats what I bought with the money for giving blowjobs.
"wow thats an impressive restaurant, it must be amazing." so he hands her 750 and gets the best blowjob of his life.

He waits out quite a few more weeks expecting his next venture to be quite costly, but after saving a hefty bit of money he returns to the parking lot with her. He looks at her with lust in his eyes and says "ive had the most amazing handjob and the best head, but now I need some of that pussy, how much will it cost.
she looks at him and begins to point to a skyscraper. he immediately cuts her off and yells, 'is that what you bought with the money for your pussy?"
she looks at him and says "no, but its what I would by if I had a pussy.


Thought you trap loving faggots would enjoy it.

tyrone*

What should you do after raping a deaf, dumb and blind girl?

Break her fingers so she can't tell anyone.

The most un-funny thing I've read

A pedo and a little girl are walking in a forest
Girls says that shes scared
And the pedo says "you think you're scared I have to walk back alone

Why?

The one I heard was

A priest, a rabbi, and a lawyer are on a sinking ship, The rabbi says "we must save the children"
the lawyer says "fuck the children"
the priest perks up and says "do you think we have time?"

My girlfriend once accused me of being a paedophile.

I was amazed a three year old knew what that meant.

How do you stop a nigger from going out?
Pour another gallon of gasoline on the necklacing tire.

Did you hear about the nigger with insomnia?
He kept waking up twice a week.

Look, the first faggot of summer got here early...

Why do mexicans steal Cabbage Patch dolls?
Because they come with birth certificates.

What's black and blue and hates sex? The toddler locked in my trunk.

Or... Donald trump is the president of the united state.

Funny, but it was so fucking butchered, I'm sure it would have been better with accurate construction.

Voor de kaaskoppen en moffen...
Was ist das unterschied zwischen ein homo und eind deutscher????

Ein deutscher puot im ruhrgebiet und ein homo ruhrt im pupgebiet.....

Wat is t verschil tussen een homo n een kankervluchtelingenbinnhaler?
Een vluchtleingenbinnenhaler roert met grote kankerstokken in zijn eigen poepgebied het liefst met minaretten en een homo is gewoon een nirmaal mens en is wel n beetje gay.

Noice.

Idiot. Punchline is, "If you were forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult."

What's the difference between a nigger and a letter?
You can send a letter back to where it came from.

hey, I'm behind 7 prozzies, bitch

check out this crazy video
drunk guy gets hit
youtu.be/aMgNPiTcm58

Q: How many sq. meters can you paint with 1L of blood?
A: Depends how hard you throw the babies

What do you call a tree that fell on a school and killed 13 people

A columpine

kek

How many negro college scholarship students does it take to screw in a
lightbulb?
Only one, but they get 6 credit hours for it.

How do you crucify a spastic? On a swastika.