The fuck was the last time we actually had a good tendies greentext thread?
>Be fucking me >Hour 9 of Battlefield 4 marathon >Radio to the sow downstairs to bring me another 2 liter of Mountain Dew and a whole 34-pack of my favorite Great Value tendies >Tell her if she forgets the tangy BBQ sauce that I'm going to break her other knee while she sleeps >"o-okay user" >Hear loud sobbing and wailing for the next five minutes, probably on the rag again >6 minutes have passed since I've given my clear instructions >Grab the radio and scream at the top of my lungs "IT'S BEEN 30 MINUTES SINCE I'VE LAST EATEN YOU FAT LARDASS, I'M UP HERE SUFFERING THE LIKES OF AN ETHIOPIAN CHILD ABOUT TO DROP DEAD, MOVE YOUR CUNT AND GET UP HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!" "O-okay user, the tendies are almost ready for my sweetie" >Tell the slut to give me another package of sauce and to make a trip to McDonald's for when I get hungry later or she'll wake up to a log of my shit in her mouth >Hear more wailing and sobbing, muffled shouting about why she didn't get the abortion her father recommended 20 years ago >Door creaks open, she minds the jugs of refuse and piss everywhere, the light in the hallway burns my skin when it hits my arm >She sets the food on my desk and takes my other 3 plates from a few hours ago >Hop back into the server >Another few hours pass >Hear a gunshot >Match has another half-hour to go, fuck it, she can wait >Almost shatter my kneecap standing up >Chair cries out in relief and begs for God to smite it >Pack a few tendies and pour a cup of soda for the journey downstairs >Waddle my perfectly healthy 400lb body out of my door, have to sit and scoot down the stairs >10 minutes pass >Stop, drink Mountain Dew and catch my breath half way down >Stretch a little bit for the last half >Continue onward >On my last tendie >Push open her bedroom door >Her brains are plastered all over the walls >Suicide note reads: Reply to this thread or your mother will die in her sleep tonight.
>be me >year 3017 >tendies have gone extinct >crawl down street >no tendies in sight >my stomach rumbles with the might of the dragonborn >needtendies.ogg >cry out in a need of desperation "LORD KEK, GRANT ME THE TENDIES SO I MAY YET LIVE" >nothing >mfw >Lord kek appears >holydicks.webm >he is glorious >bask in his kekworthy aura >he grants me a single tendie >eat it >spit out out >this isn't my crispy crispy chicken tendies >its a vegetable >spit it out >screech at the top of my lungs at the Kek lord REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE >wake up >see plate of tendies by my bed >it was all a dream
Robert Hill
...
Matthew Sullivan
Well played, grape shade.
Samuel Morales
>Anonymous 03/29/17(Wed)22:06:24 No.727355469
Zachary Thompson
>be white >college freshman >need tendies but no mom at school >go to grocery store >no money >steal tendies >sneak and theft attributes level up >am skyrim >eat tendies >expand dong
To Late She died...Bitch went to bed early...Mission Failed...
Alexander Price
Shit
Adam Sanders
Well, I guess I'll leave. See you later phags
Carson Mitchell
n
Levi Cruz
Dont die pls mum pls
Cooper Bell
Fuck
Brody Sanders
OP you are a cunt
Dominic Lopez
damn daniel
Dominic Barnes
Well! Can't argue with that!
Aaron Long
Fine.
Thomas Reed
>at school >signed up to watch tards during lunch >freshnet lunch slaves are serving tendies >mfw >twist head 180 degrees behind me >the tards were gone >sighs >cracks neck back into place and starts the search for the tards >doesn't take long until i here its call >REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.mp3 >all 11 tards were Naruto sprinting towards the freshnet lunch slaves >grimaced at the sight >THOSE WERE MY TENDIES >took off after the tards >Naruto sprinting wasn't enough, they had reached the first lunch slave >admired its work in the kitchen, where a woman belonged >gave it a thumbs up before 3 of the tards overtook it >8 tards left >jumped over serving station skills passed down from generations of my Mexican border-hopper brethren >lunch slave #2 didn't see my glistening, oil slathered body coming
Heil Hitler, I'm fuckin lazy
Jason White
whale shit
Anthony Murphy
>be me >jacking it to csgo gameplay >nut during a deagle ace >took all my stamina >decide to eat a banana to gain more energy >go downstairs >man named John is in my kitchen >looks me in the eye >"save it it's all yours my friend" >mfw
Oliver Peterson
All hail meme king John Callaghan
Jaxon Morris
...
William Jenkins
Fucker. With your shit greentext. C-C-C-COUNTER
Isaiah Brooks
Well played
Kayden Ramirez
Sad times these are.
Leo Lee
toxic
Jeremiah Evans
didn't even chuckle
Brandon Bennett
Who fucking cares?
Nathaniel Green
...
Lucas Morgan
kys
Benjamin Garcia
Welp
Justin Watson
HA!
Brody Fisher
rad, my dude
Eli Russell
Faggot
Cameron Sanchez
Thanks for the laugh user
Aiden Lee
Test
Isaiah Ward
No
Nathaniel Clark
I'm seeing her in two days so better safe than sorry
Angel Price
The original is this for the original originality
Lincoln Cook
...
David Wilson
Fuck you
Charles Ward
...
Connor Ward
...
Carter Perez
>charge your phone >stop taking shit pics >post from a pc god fuck you're wrong