You have 10 seconds to prove you're not Amy Schumer

>you have 10 seconds to prove you're not Amy Schumer

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My vagina smells like vagisil.

I can make people laugh

i have humor

i don't steal jokes

my pussy smells like fart

I'm not a fat tranny

I don't look like a potato

I actually have a dick

>prove you're NOT Amy Schumer

I don't have a sex life.

I have clean protected sex with nice respectable men

What do you call a hidden black guy?
Incognegro

i have recently had consensual sex where no one was being paid and we both had satisfying orgasms

i have humour

I dont have aids

I am Amy Schumer

I do not live in the ocean

The first part of my name isn't Beluga

My hair doesn't like a trailer park whore's

What salad should I eat today Caesar or green .

I am the guy with the baseball bat that gonna smack that dumb cunt in the face

I'm not a fat nasty whore.

im not fat and ugly

I don't steal my jokes

I'm not a pudgy faced, unfunny whore who is being shilled hard by the media. I also don't steal jokes.

I don't have humor, I'm fat, I have a dick, how can I prove you i'm not her?

Trump is my god

OP is Amy.
You're writing all this down for your next set, you sly chubby vixen.
P.S... I'd love to eat you out. XOXO.

I consume the correct amount of calories.

I don't blame my failure as a "comedian" on the alt-right.

i'm funny

Tits or gtfo?

Definitely does

Two stars

Got any nudes?

My content is shit, but not that shit.
youtu.be/lcoolbf4Izw

knock knock

My pussy stinks like a barnyard animal. Guess I am her.

I weigh under 175lbs

I can see my feet when I look down

Rip Ryan Dunn

My sense of humor isn't entirely vagina related.

What do you call a shady nigger who's up to something but you can't figure out what he's about to steal?

>An "Eniggerma".

nigger loving faggot. done.

But I AM Amy Schumer,
and I'll fuck your brains out

OOPS! TOO LATE!

If Amy Schumer really had a dick, I'd stalk her and rape her

What did the priest say to the rapist at the confessional booth?

"I can relate, but the 2-year-old I'm seeing bleeds from the ass. Not big into vaginas"

That's because boy-pussy is really just an asshole.

I practice personal hygiene.

So... you're a skinny sissy cd?

I beg to differ, because there are eyes all over you. You MUST, therefore, be a potato.

Vagina . . . aw shit

So does Amy Schumer

You fap, don't you?

Oh, a high-class faggit, then....

PERVERT!!!

I have vitreous humor

Neither does Amy Schumer.

can you prove this?

When someone says that another person is "salty", or "an old salt", it doesn't mean that they live in the ocean or elsewhere where there is salt.
It means that the person is brutally honest and doesn't mince words.

i'm not an ugly, loud, fat, unfunny, unoriginal, unamerican, feminist whore

then again, i'd fuck her if given the chance and so would all of you faggots

Is it "Humpback", or "Orca", perhaps?

I'm not fat

Oh yes it does.

I'm human

i can tell a funny joke

My ass.

Jealous of her looks, or pissed that she's a real girl, and you are not?

Pics to prove it, or GTFO.

What do you call a fish with two knees?
A two-knee fish.

See, an actual joke.
And it doesn't even have to do with pussy or sex.

Sounds like Amy Schumer to me...

I don't fuck niggers.

Then you belong in a nut-house, NOT on Sup Forums, and not on this thread.

Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? Neither has he.

Lol it looks worse get a haircut

That's an anti-joke ya fuckin schmuck.

...to be Santa Claus next holiday season?

I'm not an absolute fucking failure and have pride in my body and not being a fucking trash whore

Muh vag

It's like tuna fish
The joke is that it's like tuna fish

Well... she IS on TV, she IS working, and she IS bringing home a fat paycheck; so "absolute failure" is exactly opposite of what she actually is.

As for the other things you mentioned, whatever it takes to bring home the bacon.

whats brown and sticky
A stick

see look, an actually funny one

i'm a complete financial failure. i have little to no talent and i haven't been able to become wealthy despite my meager abilities. i'm envious of successful people, especially women, who i think are given preferential treatment due being female. i think that if i had a vagina, i would be living life on easy mode despite still being a fat ugly stupid piece of shit.

Im not fucking retarded

Fuck i gotta watch that netflix special. I will report back with any requests timestamps and what not. I'm hairy and ugly but I'll deliver if user demands it.

I am self aware of my shortcomings and don't blame people for thinking my jokes aren't funny.

If people don't laugh, it isn't funny. It isn't a complex sociology problem.

I'm hot 115lbs with a tight pussy