Be me

>Be me
>At church
>Not really a believer or anything
>Only go because my family goes
>They don't know that I'm nonreligious
>In my usual 'dress up' clothes sitting near the front pew
>2 hours pass
>Fuckingfinally.jpg
>Get up and start walking towards the exit when its over
>Pastor pulls me aside before I can leave
>He looks at me with concern
>"user, god sent me a vision last night about you. I know you're a nonbeliever struggling with faith right now."
>My jaw drops a bit
>"U-umm, well..."
>Don't even know what to say to that
>Awkward silence
>I look back up at him
>"It's okay, I'm not here to shame or judge you. If you have questions, just come to me any time and ask. I pray that god leads you back on the right track again."
>He pats me on the back and walks away
>Still dumbfounded, trying to process what the hell just happened


Wtf should I do? How did he even know that??? I'm so fucking confused...

He might have noticed your disinterest and did the math. That's way more likely than a divine vision.

>Dude with clothes, that probably are unusual in a church sits there super bored

of course he noticed you are an unbeliever and anyone struggles with faith, that's the standard thing fortune-tellers and other people tell you if they try to impress.

That could be, but how the fuck do you just make up an entire thing like that based off of someone zoning out every once in awhile?

My clothes were normal like everyone else's, so I don't think that could be it.

I don't know man, but this shit's really creeping me out.

obviously this proves 100% that god exists and he's sending divine visions to your priest telling him that you, user, aren't devout enough

continuing to turn your back on god at this point will surely lead to eternal damnation

Your family could've told him you're not a believer and he was taking advantage of that. Seriously, religion isn't real.

Its a sign.

>the fuck do you just make up an entire thing like that based off of someone zoning out every once in awhile?
Yeah... it's not like it's part of his job to spot potential problems or anything.

This. 2 hours of boring agony will show. He just needs to pay a little attention, and has probably seen your agony many times. He simply saw an opportunity to trick you into religion.

God is real and loves everyone on this board.Youll realize it sooner or later.

BEING THIS FUCKING NEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If God loves me, why won't it let me know it exists?

It's a sign. God has grown fond of your boypucci and want it for eternity in heaven.
Only through rigorous mind training and unwavering faith will you find out how deep the rabbit hole goes!

God, I hope you're real so I could spit on fags like this forever! Also pls don't watch me when I fap, okay?

>not wanting to get cum in God's eye
What are you, a cuck?

Does God love fags?

He was testing you, you failed. Now he knows who to kill next.

God is kinda prude but I heard Jesus is really into that stuff!

...

user last night I too had vision that the pastor would have a vision about little shitty kid and attempt to save his soul.

Are you insane? God doesn't hate fags, he loves them! After all SOMEONE has to know how to do a good blowjob in heaven!

I had a vision that a faggot would have a vision that the pastor would have a vision about trying to dupe a sucker.

With a little practice it should be fairly easy to spot the ones that are not into it in a crowd. Like, looking bored or staring elsewhere. And after all it is his job, so it's not very surprising that he's good at it.

He just went a little overboard with the vision thingie, but you have to admit that it DID impress you.

It's nothing really. Maybe it's just simple observation and mind-trick

God doesn't have to be an religious entity. Everything in the universe could be a piece of God. Religion is mostly bad news, but being a good person who doesn't break condmandments is obviously a good thing though

well, ther's two possibilities here.

Either a magical being with absolutely no physical evidence for its existance sent a psychic message to your pastor, who in the light of divine influence, will aid you....


or you've been bored to fuck by this nonsense for so long that a pastor standing up at the front can read your body language and absolute disinterest in this bunk.

I know which is more likely.

My advice, OP, would be to tell him that you have little interest in the entire issue of faith, your life is virtually secular beyond your desire to avoid hurting your family. Ask him in what ways you can help this church assist others who are homeless, in poverty, or in other difficulty, without any activities involving worship.
See what his reaction is.

If there's something you can do instead of taking part in a soul-destroyingly dull sermon every fucking week, perhaps it will serve to keep your family happy. More importantly, it'll show you if his church is self-serving, or actually does some good in the community, regardless of gods or not.

>God doesn't have to be an religious entity. Everything in the universe could be a piece of God.
Then why call it God?
>being a good person who doesn't break condmandments
Depends on the commandment.

go to church user, god is reaching out to you through the shitty dark abyss that is your life before becoming his disciple, there is no greater and more rewarding pursuit than finding jesus

dont listen to the athiests, they hate themselves and want to drag you down

Hey, it`s me, God

Hey, it's me, Dog.

*knocks on door* it's me goku

you sound like you have it all figured out but i bet you have never even been to a sermon in your life, or at least not since you were a child and didnt understand any of it
i believe god does send messages and i sincerely challenge you to go to a church this sunday and not experience this

didnt realise b had gotten this bad
wow

Have you actually read the bible, faggot? What do I bother you're an obvious troll.

>Poe's law

I`m right here

>" uh father may I have a word? "

>Pastor: " sure how can I help you "

>" my kid gives me trouble about coming to church could you talk with him "

>Pastor: " sure thats my specialty "

>: Thank you father, also he's not too bright so it should be easy "

>Pastor: " those are the best ones "

* both rub hands together and snicker evilly *

Hello newfriend

Remove the last part and it's probably what happened.

>That could be, but how the fuck do you just make up an entire thing like that based off of someone zoning out every once in awhile?
"Psychics" do it all the time.