>Stepdad Chad took me out for "bro's night" cause i overheard mommy telling him to
>Mommy said I needed male bonding and that she wanted Chad to take more of a father figure role
>It wasn't until we were in the car that Chad dropped the bomb that we weren't going to Wendies but to a new restaurant, Chad's favorite restaurant
>I reeee'd and stamped my feet and punched the dash. Chad told me to shut the fuck up or he would kick me out of his car and leave me in the snow
>I didn't bring any shoes, and I was really hungry from all my reee, so I decided to humor Chad until tendies were delivered
>I slide the back of my sweatpants down and made a little poo smear on Chad's cloth seat
>It was dark, so Chad had no idea my 300lbs+ was permanently grinding the runny poo deep into his car upholstery
>Chad rolled down the window and told me to stop farting in his car
>As we pulled into the restaurant parking lot i saw it was called Hooters
>Not a good sign. Tendies come from chickens, not owls
>"Order me my tendies", I told Chad
>Chad said he would also order me a beer too since I was over 30 but I said "no, choccy milk".
>He told me the don't have choccy milk so i reee'd a weak little reeee cause I was extremely famished and anyway they had Mountain Dew. Maybe this place wasn't too bad.
>WRONG.
>The tendies promised weren't tendies at all. THEY HAD BONES!
>I flung the nasty bonies and began to reeee and reeee harder than I had ever ree'd that night
>"I WANT TENDIES! I WANT TENDIES! I WANT TENDIES!"
>"TAKE ME TO WENDY'S NOW OR I'LL TELL MOMMY YOU TOOK ME TO A STRIP CLUB!"
>Someone said "Get him out of here. He stinks like shit and he's not wearing any shoes"
>They were talking about Chad, but Chad was wearing shoes. Even the people at this restaurant were stupid
>Chad put me in the back seat and took me home, but not after going through the Wendy's drive through
>Checkmate. eating my tendies right now as I type this and I can hear mommy and Chad yelling at each other upstairs
Stepdad Chad took me out for "bro's night" cause i overheard mommy telling him to
Did chad violate you my boy?
On one hand it would be cool to be outside of normal society lacking any remorse or responsibility.
But on the other hand you are a failed human destined to only ruin life for the people around you.
The life of an autist.... Something to ponder
Chad deserves ZERO good boy points from your mummy, I hope he never gets tendies again for what he did to you!
>being this retarded
lol
Looks like someone got out of the wrong side of his racecar bed this afternoon!
Sort of related, but I always thought it'd be kinda cool to go out and buy a full burqa and just walk around wearing that shit whenever I just wasn't feeling the human interaction thing.
Like, no one would know who you are, you'd never have to interact with anyone at the store, just hand them money and leave. I think it might be kinda cool to have as an option. I think it would be very appealing to be able to just nope the fuck out of society for a bit whenever you want. I imagine that must be much like what it's like to be a NEET.
>I think the best way to avoid human interaction is to wear something that will bring a lot of attention to myself
Fucking normie idiot
I had tendies today too. Mommy made them for me because I was a good boy and didn't talk to the police.
See, ever since daddy left, mommy's been making money by giving men massages in her bedroom. She told me that the police might come because she doesn't have a license to give massages and that I shouldn't talk to them.
The police came yesterday and they wanted to talk to me, but I said no. They tried to trick me, but I was too smart and just kept screaming and screaming until they went away. Mommy said I was a very good boy.
It'd bring attention to you, yeah, but A. probably no one would say shit because PC culture, and B. no one knows who you are, so you can just not talk to anyone.
You know what's a much better option for not dealing with human interaction? Staying in your room, then you don't have to be surrounded by people or be in a public setting.
Guaranteed to be attacked by racists though, that's the downside.
Yeah, that's what I was saying, but like, if you're not a NEET and have to go out for shit.
You sound like a very special boy for helping your mummy, rubby rubs are totally normal and the police are bad men.
>wear a burqa to the store
>get cornered by rednecks in the parking lot
>part covering your head gets ripped off
>they see you're some white guy
>call you a faggot and then beat the shit out of you before raping you because they say they're gonna treat you like a woman
Doesn't sound like an ideal time to me, I'd rather go to the store in pajamas
You just described my fetish.
Time to add this to my rape fantasies
>The life of an autist.... Something to ponder
If you're an autist, you don't have to ponder shit.
>be me
>mummy's bouncing 52 year old baby boy
>wake up at 3pm in the morning
>playfully skip downstairs
>my brekkie brek of tendies and mashy tatie-toes isn't there
>fly into mummy's bedroom
>she's still asleep, so lazy
>I get angry because she won't wake up
>heave my 450lb chubby tum tum on top of her and start shaking her
>she's still asleep
>give up and go back downstairs
>mummy says I will lose all my good boy points if I open the fridge all by myself but mummy won't ever know
>eat all the mayo and it is yummy
>still no tendies
I'm worried, will lazy mummy let me starve? Should I call the police to report child neglect? She is really smelly too and I didn't even smear my poo poo on her this time.
Oh uh.
This is unironically the fate of half of /r9k/.
>ITT newfags try hard
> Tendies come from chickens, not owls
Got me OP. Autismo/10
>be me
>600lb tendie slayer
>being pushed around by mommy in my steel reinforced baby buggy
>suddenly get a craving for my favourite snack
>start rocking the buggy back and forth chanting
"CHICKY CHICK ! CHICKY CHICK! CHICKY CHICK!"
>hear mommy let out a resigned sigh
>she pushes me into the road into on coming traffic
>a puny car is no match for the weight of my 600lb frame
>it smashes into me, causing the car to become a mangled mess, leaving me unscathed
>mommy gets arrested for attempted murder
>they give me tendies at the police station
>NO HONEY MUSTY
"REEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
>i grab a police office and force feed him dry tendies
"NO DIPPY SAUCE! I WON'T OBEY THE LAWS!"
>he chokes to death
>i get arrested too
>tfw me and mommy share a cell
Bitch should've known she'll never get rid of me.
What about buffalo tendies? Those are from buffalos.
Chad's isn't going to be happy when he sees the stain on the passenger seat.
Don't listen to this guy OP. Chad will love it! Chad wants smelly stains on all his seats!
Chad will give you more GBPs and trendies with each stain you leave on a seat!
>in my room playing minecraft furry school shooting buttsex orgy roleplay
>its been 35 WHOLE MINUTES
>start collecting shit and piss jugs, i connect several tubes from the jugs to a massive air tank
>want to put it in a boy scout camp, so i have to join scouts
"oh silly billy boy, your 28 years old"
>start punching myself in the head
>mommy takes me to the next meeting
>they're organizing a "summer camp"
>like my loli hentai animes, Bakemonogatari in particular
>2 days pass, i eat mass amounts of tendies to prepare
>pack shit bomb in bag, along with 78 literes of Mtn dew and 12 lbs of tendies, I have to pack light
>get on bus with other scouts
>get nervous and make a huge poopy
>entire bus stinks
>nobody will sit near me,and the bus smells like post-digest tendies
>some kids look sick
>we arrive at camp 10 hours late due to my heft
>place my bomb in a tent
>start tenting with some normie with glasses
>place my light provisions on bed
>start eating
>2 mins in and i'm out of food
>tummie rumbles
>bed over and unload my tendie bowel suprise all across the tent, it blows a small hole in the tent.
>he starts screaming, but my flatulence is louder
>scouts start rushing towards tent
>set off bomb
> tent is ripped to shreds and kid is filled with plastic shards
>removed from camp
I can't believe they discriminated against me.
> 78 literes of Mtn dew and 12 lbs of tendies, I have to pack light
> start tenting with some normie with glasses
> 2 mins in and i'm out of food
Too funny not to be true!
god i hate moms.
> playing the fuck Katia managan simulator 1964 Rhodesian bush war edition
>pic related, its katia
> meganut.txt
>crave tendie treats and a big boy sized mountain-shake (5.9 liters of mountain dew mixed in with 10 pints of ice cream, served in a jerrycan)
> "MUMMIE TENDIES AND SPECAIL DRINKY NOW" i scream down the stairs
>" No user. you're severely overweight and your fried chicken isn't helping" the bitch yells as she enters my room AND DOESN'T EVEN BOW like they do in the animu
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>start screaming and punching my head, all while flinging my poopie/tinkie jugs and farting.
> take out my katana and unleash my big boy poo-poo on it
>slash mom with it
>"user WHY"
> "GIVE ME TENDIES YOU STUPID FUCKING BITCH NIGGER"
>tie my XXXXXXXXXLL soiled undies around her head
> jump out window with backpack full of poopie/tinkie jugs
>Have type superior 14 nambu pistol in trencoat pocket
>IJA field cap on head
>lumber down road to Boston market
>enter the building and scream "TEEEENDIESS AND A BIG BOY MOUNTAIN-SHAKE NOW!!!"
> "sir, you need to leave" says some stupid normie
> "NOT UNTIL I GET MY TENDIES"
> start throwing tinkie jugs
> they explode in mid air over the dining area, showering everyone in fermented piss and plastic shards
>normie from before pulls out taser
>shoot him 47 times in the chest
> start screaming and shitting myself
>people are running in fear
>Police arrive
> "DROP THE GUN AND GET ON THE GROUND"
> Start throwing poopie jugs at the police cars
>passing police traffic helicopter stops and uses spotlight to illuminate me, flying low.
> "DIE STUPID NORMIES REEEEEE"
>Fire my nambu at the pilot
>He's killed and crashes his heli, causing a 14-car pileup that kills 20 drivers and pedestrians
> "TENDIES TENDIES TENDIES TENDIES" i chant as i throw poopie and tinkie bottles at police
> Suddenly I'm tazed
>start crying and farting
>get put in paddy wagon
cont.
>in paddy wagon
> start shaking the van and screaming "GIMME GIMME GIMME CHICKIE CHICKIE CHICKIE"
>We pass over a bridge and the driver looses control
>go careening off the side
>blackout
>wake up to MY VERY OWN WAIFU KATIA
> she reaches into her pants pocket, probably for a condom
>fuckyes.tga
> it's actually an M1911
> "we don't allow jap scum in here"
>shoots me in head and sends me to a place with a lot of fire and veggies
fuck you mom, its all your fault