Be me 30m

>be me 30m
>appartment, 6 story building
>when i close the door
>i start screaming
>imitating retard screams
>"myaaah myaahargh!"
>yoddling
>singing "crazy frog"

what is your retardation?

sometimes when I have seizures I let out a real loud shriek that almost sounds like something a retard would do. but I can't control that so not sure if it counts.

oh, it counts. can you record that?

I like to coil my left hand up and hit my chest with it like a tard. I don't know why I like to do that. I might turn into a vegetable over time.

>can you record that?

no. i have no warnings before my seizures so I couldn't hit record just before, and during them I'm a spastic out of control flailing retard, so I can't hit record during.
i've never actually heard it. the doctors at the hospital told me about it.

regular epilepsy?
prolly cant drive a car and all that. sorry user

no they're actually non-epileptic seizures and the doctors haven't found a reason for them yet.
yeah, can't drive so that sucks.
life goes.

I always yell "nigger, I'll lynch you, this time you won't escape", when some awkward sequences of my past comes into my mind. Happens at least thrice a day.

Did lots of awkward stuff, when I was still a boy with a small peepee

sounds like chemical imbalance, brain pressure, anything really.
did you get MRT?

do you flat out fall over and spazz out with foaming mouth?

>quads
tell us some stories, user

i talk to myself a lot
have to really think about not doing it when around other people

QUOTS!!!!

i've had just about every test that can be done, including MRI and they've found no reasons for my seizures.
and yeah I full on convulse. my muscles lock up first, like I got an electric shock, then I fall down if I'm standing/sitting and in a few seconds have severe convulsions for anywhere from one to thirty minutes.

Why, thinking out loud isn't too bad.
At least you don't tell yourself stories out loud like I do, with different voices for all of the characters and sound effects when action happens.

Got any history of stress or anxiety?

one morning after brushing my teeth I just kept saying this with a Steve Urcle voice:

"Really painful maaaan, really painful existence! Myeah really painful maaaan! Really painful maaaan, really painful existence!"

I don't know why.

do you know when it comes like when you feel a sneeze coming?
got scars from it? show us your war scars. show us dem fine spazz scars, mate!

>imitating retard screams
>imitating

i like to fart in my hands and the immediately smells it.

no. i'm very laid back and before the seizures started I had absolutely nothing to worry about. my last one happened while I was sitting at the table eating breakfast. just sitting there having a nice meal and next thing I know I wake up on the floor in a puddle of coffee with my favorite cup shattered next to me. i'm lucky I didn't cut myself to shreds on the shards of ceramic but I guess I got lucky. i think I was out for about 2 hours.

no, never. no warning at all. no scars either.

That sucks user, I hope they figure out what you've got and find a way to treat it.
Oh another thing occurred to me, ever work anywhere where you could have gotten in contact with heavy metals?

fuck man, that's a bummer
I'm glad I only got my moments of involuntary loud clapping until my palms hurt.

>ever work anywhere where you could have gotten in contact with heavy metals?
no. just IT type work.

OCD?

>what is your retardation?
i'm socially retarded
i have no idea how to hold a conversation with basically anyone
almost two years since i last talked more than few words with a girl

yep, I probably got a tendency.
but I only do it when i'm alone

Huh.
I'm drawing a blank then, not that I have that much medical knowledge to begin with.

Also I thought more people would be giving me shit for my retardation here

>yesterday
>Really stoned
>Put Pizza in oven
>Play Rocket league until the smoke alarm goes off.
>Open the windows
>Smoke clears
>Pizza is burned to shit
>Decide to run it under the cold tap to "unburn it"
>Cute neighbor walks past my window and sees me running my pizza under the tap.
>Wave at her with a big smile likenormalpeople.do

Realised what I'd done about 2 secs after. Been hiding out ever since.

your storytelling defect is totally normal. just sayin

I browse Sup Forums for fun

It is?
Damn, I feel kind of let down now.
I always get really embarrassed when people overhear me and chuckle at me.

touché

I like to make farting sounds and stupid whistling , alternating between the two as I walk down roads.

That is a really enthusiastic guy, you'd almost think that was his first time fingering a hot chick.

>just washing my black pizza, no worries!
lel

well, don't hit on her saying "want to get a pizza?"

yeah it's me

I knew you'd look at my reply because of my pic related ;)

I know at least one girl that does that and wasn't ashamed to say it.
you gotta crank up your weird.

But I've been cranking down my weird ever since I decided to learn how people work and perhaps try to hang out with them.

the weird shit is a vent. you don't function properly unless you have a retarded method to vent your insanity.

>30, m
>I can't remember the order of months in a year, I literally always have to look it up
>can't tell time very well, often show up an hour early for things because I misread the time
>I don't wanna walk on 'lines', meaning the space in between floor tiles, or imaginary lines that originate at the corner of a wall, like a full autismo
>have a PhD in neuroscience

Well I usually don't admit this, but I have power fantasies where I'm a draconian savior type, traveling the multiverse.
I tend to get I my weird out with my tabletop roleplaying group.

get my*

oh yeah, and I forgot to mention that I can't fall asleep without playing out a particular fantasy in my head, which is global domination through my empire of autonomous killing machines wile flying in my invisible fortress / space ship

>months
fuck, thats retarded as fuck. congrats!

>telling time
same. I confuse the time constantly. I really have to check between five to ten times to really be sure and I'll still be late.

>walk on gaps
pretty common. had that as a kid, can't bother anymore

>PhD neuroscience
that explains a LOT. well, at least you know what you're dealing with.

I can relate, but mine's worse. I was about 7 when I started to think I'm one of a kind, somehow very special, like the most special in my whole country. up to this day, a part of me still thinks that. I'm casual and average as fuck, it still persists though.
full-on delusion of grandeur...

Yeah part of me actually believe it, I keep trying to tap into my latent magic powers....
My outward personality is based in logic and science though, it feels rather contradictory.

I'd occasionally read the table of ingredients of some shit in supermarket,
lose sense of time,
forget who I am,
can't see things around me

takes me ten minutes to snap back. I blame it on the aluminum in the water and in cosmetics.

Have you gotten that checked out user?

no, it's part of me. It has a good side. I can focus on things and just cancel out everything around me. I can work extremely concentrated if needed. It just a little out of control sometimes.

why? do you know what that is?

Would that be classified as:
home invasion or breaking and entering

I was reacting to the can't see things around you thing, thought you went temporarily blind or something.
If it is just hyper focus, I'd call it a c list superpower.

my nigga

oh, no I don't lose my vision. but people might walk past me and I won't even realize. happens randomly, everytime i'm sort of drawn into something

i always yell out " fuck off nigger ! " when i see a pavement ape come on the television commercial or show

I used to something similar while reading books.
I'd get focused to the point that I didn't even see words anymore, it just played as pictures in my mind, with sound and movement too.
People would have to physically shake me out of it.

kek

kek

I like to add "asshole" to things.
when i'm out grocery shopping, i'll think
>i need some asshole-jam and some fucking asshole-juice ...

i guess i'm tipping towards a life with OCD

man I really wish I could this, just get literally submersed in a book

that's a good way to escape reality user

best thread in a while

haven't kek'd this much in a while

yeah that's when you read for over an hour straight and undisturbed.

It stopped years ago, I guess my life isn't shitty enough to want to escape like that.
But then again, I'm not in school getting beaten up and bullied every day anymore.

>>i need some asshole-jam and some fucking asshole-juice
that's pretty good, I think I'll start doing that

I tend to read for several hours straight if I have the time.

I like your style.

As I fall asleep I speak absolute gibberish in my mind, like sentences that don't make sense

I do this until my brain shuts off and I fall asleep

I occasionally record myself saying weird shit into my phone

examples?

>well, don't hit on her saying "want to get a pizza?"
NO. that's exactly what he should do.
Tackle this shit head on. Just say it with a not so creepy smile.

well at least you know you have this ability, so if things do get shitty you can escape into another realm

would probably work yeah
>hey wanna burn a pizza at my place?

the ravens screw three fingers, dust fell over the mountains, a blue constraint over the violin

True, I hope I never feel that bad again though.

you have a super power

poetic af
you have pautism

kek

that's one way of looking at it, try it sometime when you're laying in bed.

you'll be surprised at the things your mind comes up with.

you could do it now, just type, don't think about what you're saying. After a while it becomes almost hypnotic

Maximum escapism Engage!
>weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee............
>"How long has the patient been like this?"
>"Several years now, we've had to put him on a nutrient drip, there is no getting into contact with him."
>"I'd like to put him through an MRI, let's have a looks at what is happening under the bonnet."

Kek'd hard.

i'm retarded as fuck somtimes

>two weeks ago, my gf was crying on the phone
>i was a drunk asshole the night before
>texted her "it's over" for no good reason
>she called, totally shaking and whining
>I slowly remembered being shitfaced
>breaking up for fun and shit
>I didn't mean it, but I listened to all her whining
>and I started pulling faces like pic related

I was grinning like an idiot, not making any noises, just going "mhm!" occasionally. I said, it's all good, we're still together, don't worry.
can't believe I was being that retarded, pulling faces while she was crying her stupid heart out, that lil cunt. lol, she's ok though.

hahahahahahahahahahahaahah

>"patient has been catatonic for years now"
>pump you with anti psychotics
>still catatonic but dribbling

yeah well, I get high and I start writing, like that "automatic writing" stuff. would have to translate that shit (German). I can translate some of it, if you want. I got some ten .txt files titled "Laying bombs in summer" and shit like that.

>"This is really odd, we've tried all of the antipsychotics we know, nothing seems to help."
>"Do you think this might not be psychosis?"
>".......Nah, up his dosage, see what happens"

holy fuck that's retarded, funny as fuck though user.

do you think you might be a closet sociopath? maybe your subconscious derives pleasure from others in distress

no, none of that. I was just drunk as fuck. I could hardly remember the phone call hours after. I was lying in bed and still thought I was going fall out or something.
could hardly walk to the toilet after an hour of whining and my pulling faces.

do it man, I think that shit can actually tell you a lot about your subconscious

>literally a vegetable now
>in your mind you're a wise wizard riding dragons in this completely different universe

kek, how much did you drink??

Being a bit more serious though, sometimes I wish I could invite people into my fantasy world, I've done some amazing building on a jungle temple that I thought up while lucid dreaming.

I'll give it a try. But it'll be even worse than the original, because it contains made up words.

I've had a few lucid dreams, but all I do is fly around

I always get sleep paralysis afterwards.

tell me more about your lucid dreams

Some eight to ten beers, can't say. I tend to lose memory really fast.

the thing is, I even played along like "yeah, we're breaking up, totally! fuck this!" – just because I didn't want to admit being shitfaced out of my wits, lol.

post the original too

even better, embrace the weirdness, the abstract side of the brain can be interesting as fuck

does she not like it when you're drunk?

here goes nothing:


/ / / / / / / / / /

In red peppers in the starting bid price
Susanne wanted to take me
take me to poke fun at
Luckily is Abou the continuous pig.

Once is once too much
considered to boast great with grass on the hand
And sweat it is easier to bundle of joy draws the construction Hat

Where is it leading you out of the Sun?
I then Cook behind the bucket.
Body parts floating in the Gangseng. And the Malu eats further.
Must be Yes! It is time of hunger.

The animal has scared and looking skeptical.
Sun, sheesh! What had been here going on.

The baby is nice to. It tried to better the smell.
If amphibians get along with people.
There are quiet hours and hard times.

How much to test himself as really on?

There are famous pictures and there are abstract, funny pictures?
Where can you get his head beaten?
He brings to mind. Show you times in the mirror you mother madness.

Let it all be over before it eats them up. Are you threatening me?
Unprecedented doubt act carried out on the holiday.

/ / / / / / /

i fap to hentai

she hates it, but I told her to get along with it or scram.

please send laying bombs in summer in german

>HANS!

Roter Preispaprika im Startgebot
Susanne wollte mich nehmen
mich nehmen auf die Schippe
zum Glück ist Atze da die stete Sau.

Eimal ist einmal zuviel
besonnen sich groß rühmen mit Gras an der Hand
Und schwitzt es sich leichter der Bauhut schöpft sich wonneproppen

Wohin führt es dich hinaus aus der Sonne?
Ich koche dahin hinter dem Eimer.
Leichenteile schwimmen im Gangseng. Und das Malu frisst weiter.
Muss ja! Es ist Hunger Zeit.

Das Tier hat Angst und schaut skeptisch.
Sonne, schisch! Was war da denn los gewesen.

Das Baby ist nice zu dem. Es erprobt sich besser beim riechen.
Wenn sich Amphibien mit Menschen vertragen.
Es gibt ruhige Stunden und schwere Zeiten.

Wie sehr testet man sich als Schwertschlucker so auf?

Gibt es berühmte Bilder und gibt es abstrakte, komische Bilder?
Wo bekommt man seinen Kopf geschlagen?
Er bringt sich um den Verstand. Schau dich mal im Spiegel an, du Mutterswahnsinn.

Lass das alles vorbei sein, bevor es sich auffrisst. Drohst du mir?
Beispiellose Zweifelstaat vollzogen am Feiertag.

/ / / / / / / / / /

I have to say, that one is way more coherent than usual.

I've made an entire continent, with different environments, each with a sort of fortress or castle.
The jungle temple I've made is part obsidian and green limestone, with jade statues of different animals I've made up based on real jungle animals.
It's hard to explain how it looks though, it's got a lot of carvings and crenelations.
I actually let the various monsters and junk that haunted my nightmares loose in that jungle, to give them a place to live, so they don't want to bother me while I sleep.

My "retardation" seems pretty normal compared to some of the shit on this thread.

Like i'll just be out with friends and doing nothing then i'll just break out in laughter.
I don't even need to think about anything i'll just laugh incontrollably, it's usually described as psychotic or insane but i don't care all that much.

I don't kill enough niggers