Old feels thread died, i need to cry for a bit
>my story
I lost the love of my life
Not very recent, and not to death, but to life
Her being the one i really loved is the only thing im sure of in my life
I missed my oppurtunity to be with her, and it tears me apart inside to know ill never get another chance
She was one of the closest people to have ever been in my life, my rock, my love, my best friend
And while this isnt recent, its recently that i understand why i am how i am now. I havnt been in a relationship in over 3 years, and the thought of one with anyone as a reality makes me sick, angry, and frustrated. And i know why now. Its because im afraid. There are things about me i keep locked away, things i tell no one, things ive only ever told one other person. Her. I opened my soul to her, i gave and showed her every part of me. And she accepted me, every crack, every defect, every piece of fucking shit degenerate aspect of the late suicide that is my existence, she wlecomed it all and she held me together. And now i never see her, never talk to her, i dont even know if shes alive and i have no way of finding out. And im afraid, im so afraid of talking, im so afraid of giving every part of me to someone else. If my soulmate is gone, shes left with the part of me that could be normal again. How could anyone else hold this together. And im so afriad to fall apart
>tldr; i miss her and ill never find anyone who was amazing as her ever again
Old feels thread died, i need to cry for a bit
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really worth the read.
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Hey Sup Forumsro -- I don't know if this is a troll or some weird pasta, but if you're telling the truth I wanna say that I'm sorry for your troubles and I hope you get through this soon.
Can I share something with you? I just had to end an eight year relationship. Her absence burned deep for a long long time. It still does, to be honest.
But, and I'm sure you've already read this/heard this/been told his, life goes on. There will eventually come a day when she won't be the first thing you think about when you wake up in the mornings and the last thing you think about as you fall asleep.
And then everything will be fine. Not *great*, but fine.
Hang tight, man. You'll make it out.
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what an asshole
Ive tried to tell my story before but im a terrible writer and even worse with conveying how i feel, but i finally decided this would work.
Thanks user, life is hard for me right now, and as pathetic as it is, youre all like my family that are the only ones i can open up to, thank you.
Youre all my Sup Forumsrothers
There's a whole beautiful world out there, Sup Forumsro -- make it through this and go live your life. :]
I was here last night. How do some people move on so fast? Like, not that I want them to stay hung up forever. But a time that it makes me think it took effort, and that I wasnt just a momentary blip on their radar. I was with this girl for over a year and a half. Before her, my longest relationship was 6 months. How do I open up to someone again? I look at the girls at my university and not one of them catches my eye like she first did. All my shit probably seems like the problems of an ant to some of you guys. I know it could be worse. But It really feels like ive forgotten how to love someone other than her. I thought about just whoring myself around to bitches on tindr but I wouldnt enjoy the sex because my favorite part was her. I just dont know what to fucking do.
Im hoping i can one day move past this...
Im hoping i can find peace
Idk if love is what im looking for anymore, im just hoping to find a different reason to get up each morning
Well op, just sniff her panties and cum a lot in anothers
Wishful thinking user
We made love before but it never felt like sex, it just felt right
Ive had sex with other people since her, but it all felt empty and fake. Hollow
I dont want to love anyone else, i want to love her
I appreciate the support user
Considered buying an eighth ball of blow and going to club with a pocket full of cash and party until I overdosed about a week & a half ago.
Just out of high school & I feel like I have no real direction in life. Fucked around during school & never got my diploma, been betrayed by people I have literally almost killed for, and had my life long dream of joining the military taken from me.
Now I'm just grinding and preparing for a Europe trip next month with someone I've known since I was about 8. Gonna hike in Norway for 10 days to just decompress and forget about society, crack open a bottle of liquor one night and drink until I black out and let go of all my stress.
After that I'm travelling through 4 other countries (Germany UK Spain & France) to just party for another week and a half.
So, I'm pretty happy
fuck man...
:,(
OP here
Im happy for you user
Lets call my love J
J and i always talked and had dreams of traveling, there where many trips we wanted to talk, many places we wanted to see and make love at, we were young haha
Tho neither of us ever had much money, but we always found ways to make the pennies last
I miss her
Be careful not to let those memories poison you, man. You gotta be careful about how you process these things. If you let it, this can eat you alive.
How is it going my fellow anons? Currently drinking so, sorry if my writing is complete shit.
Its been eating me alive for years now
Im not sure how to move on from a part of my life that is no longer mine, that part of me has been hers for a long long time
And while it may poison me, perhaps to death, theyre so sweet, i dont want to let them go
Many things are wrong user, many things
Though, things are as they should be. Im just missing her more and more everyday, but i only really hope that shes safe, okay, and above all happy. I only ever wanted her to be happy, i just wish i could be happy with her
youtube.com
I know its hard don't get me wrong I know... But in time it will be healed. Scar's will heal and wounds will be healed its only a matter of time.
Damn it...
I should be dead guys
I shouldn't have survived that fall. Why the fuck did i put my hand out and break the fall? Why didn't i let my fucking had be busted open?
The worst thing about almost dying isn't not surviving, but living and not have anything to survive for.
Well, to help bump this thread I shall post music...
soundcloud.com
I know youre right, though i hope i can still keep my memories, i dont want to loose her entirely.
I have a thing for songs and music, and i i may, id like to share a song with you all. Its the song that reminds me of her. It has no lyrics mind you, but its a song that somehow was able to capture the feelings of those times i was with her, it captures just how much she torn me to pieces
youtu.be
Youre in my thoughts friend
If you wanted to die truly you wouldn't of stopped yourself just as I shouldn't be here. The pills didn't work, the cuts didn't work it is a sign that I should be here. You have something to live for and if you are afraid of being forgotten, you wont be. I might forget about you, but a screenshot of your user number will forever be online in a archive.
Euro trip guy here.
My advice to you is to accept that she's happy. Accept that she couldn't find true happiness with you. Sure it might suck, sure you don't get to be happy "with her" but you know you did what you could.
She taught you how to love user. It's been so long since you've been with her that you're no longer in love with her, but rather the idea of her. The nostalgia of your first love will always bring happy feelings. Always, it's the first time you experienced the chemicals being released into your brain. But something happened to tarnish that love.
You need to realize that that sort of love may never happen again. It's true, it won't. That puppy dog love will not happen again. But isn't it a bit over dramatic to throw away your whole life of being happy because of one woman who managed to tug your heart strings?
You will find love again, either with a woman, a friend you meet, or even a pet you adopt.
She taught you what love is, why not teach it to someone who really needs it?
any of you take anti-depressants?
i'm soon going to enter an intensive depression treatment program and worried about taking them.
i'll leave this here:
A compact room was lit by candlelight
Music oozed through the walls
Many people chatted merrily inside
It was warm and cozy
The talking stopped and people left
Music pushed through the walls
The compact room was softly lit
It was warm and cozy
Music reached through the walls
Voices were heard but not seen
Candlelight covered the vacuum
It was warm and cozy
The candles die out
The music is paused
Voices smile crookedly and argue
I sit on a stone floor
Clutching my knees in a dark cavern
With a cold blank stare into oblivion
I smile and laugh
It is warm and cozy
It is warm and cozy
It is warm and cozy
A lovely song, there is nothing wrong with holding onto memories trust me, I still live with memories from my best friend who killed herself. I held her as she died, still think about her daily but I know, in the end I have all the memories in the world and I only allow the positive to boost my world.
youtube.com
I am currently on them, been on them for a couple months. They take a while to kick in and work their magic. You will/can get alot of energy from them, sadly I used this badly and harmed myself in the process. Whats your questions my fellow user?
I sure hope shes happy
Maybe you didnt read it, it was pretty long, but i have no way of knowing if shes happy, or if shes even still alive. But wherever she is, i do hope shes happy. And youre right, i am still in love with the idea of her, but man what a wonderful idea it was. What an amazing idea. But ill try user... ill try
Wisdom.
I did
I dont like to be numb
Seriously, she sounds like a real sisterfu to me
feeling shitty and depressed tonight too.. just wanted to be gay and say love you Sup Forumsros
It's not that I'm infatuated with death, i just have nothing to live for. Almost everyone i see everyday wouldn't care if i died. I've failed at everything I've tried to be. I couldn't even do the simplest thing of dying. Something that would have taken no effort.
I don't think i belong here. I should be dead, but somehow i survived. A cruel fucking joke.
All my happiness will only be a dream, and i just gotta realize that dreams don't fucking come true like a goddamn fairytale.
Love you too user
i feel op. My ex too was depressed, she was sexually abused by her cousins, 3 of them, twice her age.
shits fucked but i was there for her. she was embarrassed but eventually told her parents and they dealt with the situation. Shes alive and well, we split just because we felt our relationship wasn't going anywhere.
Listening to someone else tell their story made me open up i guess with this shity peice of text but whatever.
thx op
Dreams you have to work for, happiness takes time my man. I have failed twice failed a simply task of slitting my wrist open and holding the pills in. You belong here, I know as someone who was in your position it is the last thing you want to hear but it does honestly get better.
-Someone who knows your place all to well.
I understand the grief user
The hopelessness
But the more you go on, you may find that life surprises you. Maybe
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Euro trip guy again.
OP & others stressing over their loves being taken away. Remember this one simple line.
It's better to have loved & lost than to have never loved at all.
You got to experience what most people go their whole lives without so much as a taste of experiencing.
Rejoice in knowing that love has touched your life
Im happy yours ended on what seemed good terms, an understanding at least
It seemed that mine just... ended
It didnt feel like there was a reason beyond it just... stopped. Like life had a different plan or something
I dont know much, but i know that i love her, and i painfully always will. I needed this cry, i hold in too much and i know it, though i know no other way to be.
Thanks for sharing this moment with me, at least in some small way
I'm not OP but I too am about a year out of an 8 year relationship. Thanks man. I appreciate it. I've been lost for a long time. Some days I don't think about her. Some days I do. I am not the same happy person I was when we were together but I am managing.
Thanks to you bros for being here.
This one always gets me
There's something about these threads
Let's argue against sometime
I will
Thank you
I want to thank you guys. You helped get something of my chest, but i don't think i have much time left here. I'm not supposed to be here, i know it. Their is nothing for me.
Thanks guys, we might not speak again, but im glad you've acknowledged my existence.
Ill never forget you user
I may not know anything about you beyond the knowledge that you were on this board today, but like many faggots i have a diary, and youre going to be there. So that when you leave youll know you had a purpose in this life. You became a part of mine.
God speed user, be safe
I went through the same thing when I was younger. Took me years to meet someone else and when I did, I realized the new girl meant nothing to me and continued feeling like shit. Then I met another girl, same thing. I couldn't bring myself to give a fuck. But after that I met someone who made me realize that all that was just preparation for the girl I met after her. I look back on the others as lessons, and I'm glad I learned them.
Don't give up user.
Ill try user
Christ that hurts
sry took so long hope you are still here
do you feel like your personality has changed? what do you mean you used them badly and hurt yourself? were you taking them along with some kind of program/therapy or just the script? do your emotions feel dampened/different?
do you mean the drugs made you numb, or you were numb before you took them?
whoops meant to link here
Drubs made me numb
Made me feel doped up and hollow, i dint like that
hi Sup Forums
here im just feeling sad and I feel the need to talk about it with someone
I want to stay at home all day, I dont want to do anything else but to watch shitty anime, play overwatch, smoke pot and eat
I need to get my shit together, this is the second (and last) time im going through the first year of med school and if this doesnt work out ill literally have no idea what ill do, ill just keep being a parasite leeching off my parents
I have adhd (the lazy kind, predominantly inattentive) and my fucking psychiatrist made me waste a fucking lot of time because none of them would prescribe me adhd meds
I cant fucking do this shit, I made an effort and I barely got through a course that helps you with med school (a very expensive course) and I have never fucking studied once
I dont fucking want to study
I want to stay at home and play overwatch all day and get high, I tried studying and its so fucking boring
im a piece of shit
I fantasize about living another life, like being a famous musician or any other job that would allow me to sit on my ass all day and get high
I wont end my life right now but if things keep going this way in a decade I see myself living in a shitty smelly apartment with a shitty job to maintain my drug addiction and I know then I will end my life
I want to be filled with energy to do everything that I want to do but I really dont, because whenever I feel optimistic it goes away after attempting to do what I must do like study or clean my room
like studying is literally the most disheartening thing ever, I cant do this shit every day for 9 years of my life. I refuse to
I need someone to tell me that they went through this and are succesfull
I see my uncle who is a waste of space, the best person ive ever met but he is practically poor and he came from a "wealthy" family
he has no ambitions and seems like he just let go of everything and I feel like im on that path
tl;dr
>tfw no bf
What were you taking?
An old favorite, thank you
they literally dont work
try microdosing
100% succes rate
I understand what it's like to be in your situation. I'm in my first year at an Ivy league school and all of the weight and expectation my whole life has been pretty crushing. I'm doing average to below average in all of my classes that I barely go to. I just eat, watch stuff online, smoke, and play Overwatch. Seriously. I feel like I've lost a lot of my passion and purpose since starting college. I just feel like a lazy stoner now.
Prozac, topamax, and something else i dont remember
its something that you cant just get over with, it takes so much effort
hey lets make a band
we have a fairly average backstory, average for most famous and succesful people
they are all drop outs
I just want to be normal, my dudes. Why'd it have to start while I'm at pinnacle of my life?
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what exactly do you mean? microdosing anti depressants or something else?
>Tips 10 bucks on 140
>Triggered
what city?
shrooms or lsd
look it up
one tab cured my years long depression
it came back tho but it was like a slap in the face, not feeling depressed for the first time in years felt so good
Looks like possibly Chicago
i mean, i've taken acid before and i felt great while i was high but woke up the same the next day...
you trying to say i should be licking a bit of a tab every day? lol
no dude
drop an 8th of a tab and go on about your day
you wont get high and you will feel great
its like coffee for when you're sad
the best thing is shrooms tho
tabs usually have nasty chemicals in them like 25i_nbome that get you high but dont give you that auspicious (I recently learnt that word) feel that LSD does
LSD is good too but shrooms is better for microdosing ive heard
hmm make sense
i might be willing to try with lsd, but i'm scared to take shrooms. most of the people i've seen take it freak out but acid always seems chill
shit that's what i thought
the whole point is that you dont do enough to get high, thats why its called microdosing
shrooms wont make you freak out on microdoses
look it up, the only things I can tell you is that 1/8 of a tab is great and that you should wait 2/3 days in between every dose otherwise it wont have an effect because you will develop some tolerance
alright thanks
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no prob
get better user
ass holes :'(
. I was in a long distance relationship in hs with a 22 year old and our thing was weird but it was my favorite thing ive ever experienced. i shared so much with her.
>she was weird, didnt have a phone. communicated only through ps3 messages and on game we played
>having the connection with her took me out of my "fuck everything" phase, thanks to drug addicted brother ruining my life. also, him getting kicked out after a year of smoking crack in my room
>start to do better in school and going to gym, less time spent with her on ps3
>im off for months at a time
>i come back a bit into college and shes having another long distance with some other guy
>I dont even know how to react
>continue playing game with her as friend and him just there
>she plays alone with him like we used to
>goes on for like a year i dont say anything
>talk even less cuz college
>she got a phone at some point so we start talking again
>not much flirting anymore because she told me long time ago how much she values loyalty in a relationship (please hang my beta ass already)
>i finally finally finally fucking do it because shes got a lot of health problems and it was probably her 6th ER visit that month with a low mortality % infection
>shes just crying and admits she has all the same feelings and says she didnt really know i felt that way and she didnt know we were in a relationship thingy
>i ignore all of it, one step back to her for me
>talking a bit more like we used to on kik, she likes my flirting but she says she doesnt like the feeling she gets when shes into it, feeling of being a cheater (oh my fuck kill me)
>im content, she once said during a fight with him that the romance in the relationship is dead so i was gonna try to wait it out
>she randomly stops replying to my texts
>i had already sent like 7 so i just stopped sending em
>its been 7 months
>im so depressed my grades are going to absolute shit and i have no drive to do anything
>still havent messaged her
>the pinnacle of my life was a 6 hour phone call
>she showed me a band and we both love the fuck out of them and sang to eachother all night on a school night
>ive posted in feels thread and told multiple anons that id message her but the time just keeps growing and i have no idea what shes doing or what to say
debating dropping out of college and just living the minimal effort life i was destined to be content with. i have no hope that i will find anyone to fill the perfect that she was. i havent even cried about it once so i come to feels threads to make sure i can still feel. also if anyone would try to help me figure out how to see if i can get a therapist without my mom knowing even tho she pays the insurance. i can cover copay
Y'all mind if I vent real quick
>be me
>18 just starting college
>Also got a fucked up bone condition where my bones pretty easily, despite looking like an average person in build, size and facail structure
>Through out elementary, middle and high school everyone called me cripple even tho I could walk
>I needed a wheelchair because my parents were afraid of people knocking me over in the hallways
>this with low self esteem is not a good combo
>cut back to college
>try to abandon that persona, I can walk with a very small limp
>having a pretty rough time finding my way around I don't exactly have a niche yet
>I go out on weekends despite not really enjoying drinking, just trying to get laid or something idk
>most people don't know I have the condition
>never felt so good to be normal
>homecoming weekend comes up
>everyone has been drinking all day, I've been avoiding it. til late so I don't get super wasted
>eventually go out socialize for little bit
>acquaintance I know wave me down
>picks me up in bear hug
>slams me back on my feet
>CRACK
>uhoh.jpg
Cont?
You sound exactly like me. Heh.. you couldn't have said it better, really.. I miss her too, and I'll never see her again either...
yes