I doubt anyone will care

I doubt anyone will care
but I decided to write down my story since i have no one in real life to talk to

>be me 14
>my mum and dad split up because my dad was an abusive cunt and my mum wasn't much better
>try to kill myself for the first time when I was midway through high school
>end up in a psych ward where I met who I thought would be the love of my life
>her name was Kayla
>we connected on a level that no one since her has been able to match
>we date for 9 months but her parents begin moving away & she needs somewhere to stay
>Im still in high school couldn't offer her somewhere to stay
>she cheats and moves in with someone else before she breaks up with me over text
>fast forward a year I'm in between houses my mother lives alone but my dad decides to remarry
>enter my step-mum who is just as crazy and abusive as him.
>she has 4 kids none of which enjoy being in the home
>mum kicks me out in the last year of high school
>no choice but to move in with my dad if I wanted an education
>fast forward 3 months
>I get a knock at the door probably 3 or 4 in the morning
>its Kayla she tells me her boyfriend kicked her out and she needs somewhere to stay
>I refuse I couldn't just let her walk back into my life
>she kills herself that night. no note no warning
>im devastated I couldn't believe what had happened and what I had done
>I go to her funeral and say my goodbyes and finish my last year in high school

>cont
>try to tell myself life goes on and everything will get better but I know deep down it won't
>the abuse at home continues getting worse and worse as each day goes by
>I begin to become close with my step siblings knowing we need to stick together
>I become especially close with one of my step-sisters because she had grown up with mental health problems and I could relate
>weeks go past and the abuse escalates verbally and physically and I end up calling the police
>I get child services involved to try and help the kids get away from the abuse
>one night when I was at work my dad beat my sister to a pulp and she ran away
>I came home and my siblings told me what happened
>I searched for her for hours and desperately trying to call her
>but it was too late
>she had jumped off a small bridge and died on impact
>my dad and step mum are now in jail 25-life on a manslaughter charge
>im living with my mum who doesn't want me
>I see them in my dreams and in the faces of the people around me
>I still visit their graves and leave flowers hoping in some way that makes up for not being good enough
>for not being there when they needed me and letting two people who I loved die
>ill probably an hero one day and when I do I hope I'm reunited with them
>even if I'm not anything is better then this suffering

jesus..

kys nigger

surprised anyone cares
one day i probably will

FUCK YOUR SISTER"S DEAD BODY!!!

man ur edgy

do you have anyone you can talk to about life and stuff like this?

not anymore...

roll

damn, how old and where are you at?

Okay this sounds crazy but stick with me. This Is a really intense story. Record a mix tape and launch a rap career using the trauma. Or write a book or sell story to Bollywood life might havebeen garbage water but it is time to prosper user

have a bump, I'll be back

19 turning 20 in AUS
I'm some skinny white kid who cant rap or sing. I don't have much of a reason to staying and when I feel like the time is right I'm probably just going to opt out

Stop blaming yourself for their deaths, user. You did everything you could to save your stepsister, but the events directly leading her to commit suicide were out of your control.

Kayla didn't come back to you because she loved you, she came back because all her bad decisions caught up with her and she saw you as temporary shelter. Her suicide is not on your shoulders either.

Get some professional help. You need counseling to help you get over this.

tl;dr go be a fucking hero op nobody cares

Hey bro, I'm from AUS as well, where about are you? Sounds like you really need some help.

shit dude, basically same boat. You in Sydney?

>I still visit their graves and leave flowers hoping in some way that makes up for not being good enough
>for not being there when they needed me and letting two people who I loved die

It's not your fault. This Kayla chick abandoned you and she didn't care about you. She would have done the same thing if you needed a place to stay. And it's your dads fault your sister killed herself, there's nothing you could have done about it. If anything, you did the right thing by calling the police.

I know but I can't help but feel like I could have done more for them...I know she didn't come back because she loved me but it was my direct actions then lead her to kill herself and that's going to still with me till I die. even to this day, i struggle to say no to anyone no matter what it is.
I've been in a psych ward more than once and I've been con counseling nothing helps

Look you need to find a reason to stay. I've seen a bunch of people in similar situations to you over the years. You need to find a reason to stay. Look at what happened to Kayla

one day man honestly I'd put money on it.
Brisbane and i don't think much will help me anymore but I'm glad that there are people on here who give a shit that more than I can say about 99% of the people in my life

I thought I was doing the right thing and the kids should have been taken away but in the end, it put my step-mum and dad over the edge and caused the escalation
i don't know what would give me that reason anymore and I've accepted that i might not ever but I'm sticking around for the moment to see where things go

youre not responsible for anyones life or death but for your own. of course their deaths fucked you up but it wasnt your fault, like another user already stated. try to make money for your own living and leave your place, restart your life

but I feel responsible especially for Kayla's...and I know there's nothing I can do now, I am making money I work 5 days a week and it keeps me distracted but when I'm not working my mind is always thinking about them

You know? This really does sound like sufficient reason to kill yourself. I'm rooting for you to stay (I'm a nice user), but - I Get this.

>You tried to do the alpha thing. You wouldn't let the woman you loved walk right back into your life after she got humped and dumped by the nigger that she cheated on you with.
+Self Respect, +Alpha, but in the end, she dies.

>Then - bonded with new family. Kept the herd together and tried to keep them from straying. You were actually successful for a really long time. You actually didn't kill yourself and thus, create the vacuum that leads other family members to kill themselves.
+Karma, +Family members, favorite sister kills herself and created the void anyway.

There's a saying that goes,
>'You'll regret the things that you didn't do, ten times more than the things that you did.'
You couldn't have saved your sister. The girlfriend, you did the right thing (I would've buckled) but *DAMN* would that be a burden to live with! Even if this story was fake shit, it made me think and get away from my own depression.

Most suicides end up giving away their personal belongings when they're about to check out, and do so when things are looking up, rather than down. That's when you'll know.

Who were your parents anyway? Not like it matters anyway, you're gonna die. I just wanted to read about them getting what they deserve.

Stick around dog, you never know what's around the corner. Might be a serial killer and your death leads to his capture. Your taxes might pay for some little girls surgery. Or you might find something or someone who might make you feel extremely fortunate to wake up everyday

thanks, user I appreciate the kind words.
i would link you the news article but I'd rather keep my first and last name a secret, at least for the moment.

i am sticking around for awhile and yeah you never know but I've also accepted the fact that it's very probable that i wont be around forever

OP :( You're only 20, if you hang in there you'll find happiness. Try not to torture yourself over these ghosts. Is there someone you can talk to? Do you have a job?

no not really and yeah I do I work 40 hours a week

user, speaking from personal experience (ok - not the same situations as you, but equally as fucked up in different regards. Mother tried to kill me when I was much younger, and almost succeeded, killed herself a couple years ago, she had multiple mental health issues, father simply abandoned me for the first 15 years of my life, later I found out because she threatened to call the police and say he 'touched' me if he had any contact, etc etc). You need to have your own life. Get a job if you don't already have one, one that pays moderately well, even if it's shit work. Move out, if you can't afford to do it on your own then move into shared accommodation with uni students (I'm from Aus too, and it's surprisingly affordable). Start your OWN life away from everyone else, everything else and your past.
I'm very withdrawn and keep to myself, but still manage to have a small circle of friends (much easier to do when you are working etc). Have been through multiple girlfriends since and always ended up just breaking it off myself because I thought I wasn't good enough for anybody, or I would just end up hurting them eventually, but have now found somebody who is really special to me.
Just do your best user. Don't go an hero, life CAN get better, you just have to put a little bit of effort into it. As fucked up as everything is, it also gets better with time and maybe a little bit of effort. Just don't give up, that is the most profound advice I can give you without knowing you personally. It sounds cliche but, eventually, it will be alright.

As long as I can leave this thread with the knowledge that there is a chance that you'll live on and maybe turn things around. I know you're pretty set on suicide at some point. But as long as there's a chance(no matter how small). Sometimes a tiny possibility is all we have

What kind of work? Is there a bulk billing clinic you can go to for a referral for some counselling?

Fuck off OP, this is really cringe worthy. Grow the fuck up, nobody gives a shit. Everybody are depressed in their own way, and trust me, some other people got it way worse than you. You're living in a first world country ffs, shut the fuck up. Accept the fact that life is going to be shit, and learn to cope with it and make the best out of it.

You're sounding like one of those emotionally unstable highschool girls "omg!! I'm so depressed, my life is bad!!!"

Hmm just make sure you scream Allah akbar when you butcher your family in public so your motives are unknown good luck

yeah I already work 40 hours a week and I've been trying to start my own life but nothing I seem to do fills the void...I've been in lots of different groups of friends and recently got out of a long relationship that I thought was going to change my outlook on everything but nothing does. and I'm proud of you user i really really hope you have a great life and everything works out for you I'm sorry to hear about your mum but I'm glad to hear your happy now...I've put a lot of effort into my life and tried to move past it but i cant i really have tried.

OP just end yourself and stop being a whiney little pussy. Or you know, don't, you'd probably just fuck it up anyway

attention seeking cuck

i know user thank you i appreciate it
I'm an appreciate electrician
fair enough man and as I stated a lot of people won't really care and i get that but all I'm here to do is actually speak to someone about shit cause i have no one in my actual life

she cheated on you
>forget that bitch and move on

Samefagging THIS hard

>pic related

Enjoy your life.

you sure showed me man
but i bet you have something better to do with your time

tried to until she showed up at my door!

Just keep on keepin' on bro. You have probably picked the worst place to come talk about this, since majority of these edgy 14 year olds jack off to gore and rekt threads, and will naturally tell you to kill yourself. But in a way it's good you did. Everyone is different, and its likely nothing will ever fill that void you feel, but that shouldn't stop you from trying, and living your life. Just do your best bro.

sparky! mate me bloody ceiling fan has been leaking through the storms. reckon you could come disconnect it for me? full of water :(

hahaha if you live in Brisbane sure can!

What city/town & state?

I'm Cairns, QLD

Victoria :'(

Brisbane QLD

kill yourself

none of that

didn't see this post sorry and yeah probably not the best place but I don't really have anywhere I've also been on this board for a few years now and i can slowly see it turning to shit...feels bad man

well man, if you needed to get away I know some people up here, who are willing to take you in and I know a place here where, If I ask, you are guaranteed permanent, part-time work.

thank you, it's nice to know there are people out there who care and I hope I have the pleasure to meet some of your nice anons one day

Don't kill yourself in an useless way
Die in a terrorist attack in some mecca o kill some zionist jews
Do something usefull before you go.

Just fucking let it be, you had abusive parents and you didnt do shit about it? Fucking idiot. Also why are you crying about a cheating bitch killing herself after she got the same treatment as you did? wtf.

Sad story OP.

My story is similar except I didn't lose an ex gf and it was my older brother who hung himself.

My only advice is to hang on in there mate. I guarantee things will get better. When you are your own ruler and control your own destiny you'll actually learn to enjoy life again. I know this from experience. Things will change for you if you allow it.

I'll take out as many radical Muslims as physically possible user
I called the police and got the government involved and it killed my sister so I didn't necessary do nothing and well because she meant a lot to me we spent a long time in a mental health ward together and connected she helped me through a lot

I'm trying my best user and I will continue to try my best until I feel the time is right

Hope bro. Never lose hope and always remember what a good person you are no matter how down you are feeling. Go look at yourself in the mirror and remind yourself of who you really are and don't let these things feline your life.

>define*

This user is right.
Maybe right now what you need is to move on with life, get a house/job , bring your sisters/bros to your house and try to make the best of it, after a while it will all be in the past.
I'm not saying time will make you forget everything, but it will make the pain more bearable.
If you are inevitability going to die, might as well enjoy life while it lasts

I don't doubt that I'm a good person, I've tried really hard to move on and better myself and I've had friends and relationships but I have serious mental issues things going on inside my head that I can't help or stop, I've seen professionals been to therapy talked to friends talked to girlfriends tried to move on and I can't
I work and my brothers and sisters are in a really loving home now and they love it where they are...I still visit but it's hard with the absence of my sister...I am trying to make the most out of my life I can promise you that

Ay where about a in Brisbane? I'm in Coomera

4074 Sup Forumsro

Ya got any passions or hobbies? Maybe if you channel your energy into something you love or you're passionate about that could help? That is if you have the time, taking into consideration the hours you work per week.

i have a project car and going out to the valley on the weekends to try keep occupied

Don't do what I have OP and spend years smoking weed to avoid it all. Into my late 30's and I'm totally fucked up. Face your fears and demons now. You have everything to live for. Think of all the sweet pussy you can slam.

Don't be an hero, you're a good guy user, the world needs more people like you. You've had shitty luck, and circumstances that were outside of your control.

i smoke on occasion but don't plan on making it a habit
I guess but now I'm here in the middle of the aftermath and no one gives a shit about me

>no one gives a shit about me

People do care OP. We care! You sound like a proper good bro to this britfag.

Those are both great avenues. Good on you my dude. What kind of project car you got?

Or do what this user says, what ever floats your boat
Excites your fife
Tickles your pickle
And so on and so forth

>my direct actions then lead her to kill herself
wrong. The direct action that led to her death was her suicide. You showing some self respect was the only right solution. Plus she might have killed herself anyway. You wouldn't have made her less suicidal. You must be really fucked to kill yourself

this dude

write it down

even if you cant sell it i bet it helps you

Hope isn't gonna get his dick sucked. Platitudes are well-meaning on Facebook, but Sup Forums is far closer to real life than 'Look@MuhKidz-book'.

Hope only has meaning when there's something to hope For. Being the Good Guy doesn't get you the pussy. You can *be a Good Guy; you just have to do Bad things to steal the girl.

and I appreacite that alot thats why i came here because i thought there would be some nice people who actually care unlike the people in my actual life and it sucks...
im working on a mazda rx7 3 rotor
and yeah weed is great but its a bad habit
yeah that's very true...and yeah I wasn't ever going to let her back into my life its just hard when the last time I saw her she was asking for my help and then she ended up killing herself

I've been through very similar to OPs story. If I didn't have hope (remembering how good the good times were) and a sense of humour I'd be long dead.

Just saying.

Car user here, I know jack about cars but I had a look at the rx7, looks pretty sweet, good luck with it! I read that they've discontinued the 3 rotor models? Is that correct?

yeah user I understand and ill try my best to stick around
thanks man and yeah they don't rotary engines anymore, piston engines are just better overall

No worries brother
What're you thinking of doing with the car once you fix her up?

OP just keep on going. Don't kill yourself.

Track car maybe a daily driver
I'm trying hard to find a reason not to user

Hi OP

Well fuck, some people really fucked you over, im genuinely sorry for that, though you cant take the blame for other peoples actions. You tried and as i read i dont think there were very few things you could have done better. I know from personal experience the mind tricks you constantly to still think you could have done things better, but in the end unfortunately you can not control the actions of other people. The best thing you can always do is to learn from your experiences and not be like the fucking cunts that treated you and your siblings violently and emotionally bad. In that sense i thiñk you are already half way there, you seem to be a cool guy and have your heart in the right place. Keep your head up and try to enjoy life. Youre not in a destitude situation anymore, youve got possibilities ahead of you and seems to me youve earned it to live a happy life. Godspeed!

And what the fuck is wrong with Sup Forums, nowadays? This used to be a board where attention whores were told to kill themselves, while genuinely fucked up people where told to do a flip, so if it truly wasnt preventable, at least we could cheer that someone went out in style and we could all rejoice that at least in the final moments there was a smile on their face

Car user again
Cool idea to use as a track car
Well i'm going to head off OP as I have work later today
I'm glad I got the opportunity to speak to you. I really, really hope that the circumstances of your past do not hinder the potential of your future. You gotta live OP. In the best way that you can. I believe in you. I believe you'll find happiness and love. You deserve it more than anything. If you continue to feel the way you currently do, just remember that you got Sup Forumsro's on here that give a damn and want you to succeed and live a fulfilling life.
Catch you later bud.

It's not your fault, loser. It was their choice, not yours. Granted you had a shitty upbringing like me but you're a new person if you just choose to be. Your life is all about what you do tomorrow, not what happened yesterday.

In a positive way you'll learn from all this and it'll force you to mature very quickly unlike all these kiddy cunts with their new fagphone 7s and shit that have no idea how to appreciate life.

Don't dwell on the past or it'll fucking kill you.