So the last two partners I've had have cheated on me...

So the last two partners I've had have cheated on me. I'm twenty-one and although I've had several sexual partners over the last four years I've failed to get over my sexual anxiety. Sometimes sex has been amazing, but most of the time I panic and blow my load way too quickly, then because of my anxiety I generally can't get it up again.

My ex sleeping with someone else was absolutely crushing as I had opened up to her about this and we were trying to make it work. I'm a very good looking guy and I'm not a pushover so with that one fuck up she was out, but it's happened again with my latest girlfriend and I'm honestly at an all time low. I use alcohol to prevent myself from cumming and this is typically successful but I struggle to maintain an erection unless I find the perfect alcohol-to-cock ratio.

Does anyone have any experience with this? This whole experience is completely demoralising and I don't want to become a spiteful, mysogynistic cunt who takes his anger out on women because of my own shortcomings. I just want to fix my sex life and improve upon my sexual performance but I don't know what to do.

Any discussion/tips/support/insults are welcome, I just want a dialogue on this, I've moved from one side of the country to the other (Australia) and I'm just full of self pity and loathing. Why can't I just be better in bed :(

Try fucking men.

well try a therapist. there is no shame in that

either masturbate before sex and take arginine to restore your erection or try drugs, opiates in particular prevent climax

eventually you may learn to stop being such a pussy and have sex normally, this problem is 100% in your head and you have to get over it

if you're super excitable during sex then you also need to learn to calm down, if you get super turned on really fast you're going to finish fast, too

nigga you gay

No clue what arginine is, any long-term negative effects? I don't want to be 25 and have to rely on drugs to maintain an erection.

I'm definitely super excitable as well, it's difficult to control that

Not even sure a therapist would be remotely beneficial. Mum's got her phd in psychology and she's a complete nutcase, I hate the idea of investing shit loads of cash in someone who very likely will not be able to do anything for me

Sounds like anxiety issues.
Find a therapist that practices cognitive behavioral therapy and look up mindfulness meditation classes in your area.
The former helps you understand why you brain is doing what it is doing and the latter will train you in observing your emotions and thoughts without being dragged along by them.
I haven't had your exact problem, but I have had other(in my opinion severe) anxiety issues that were mostly remedied through these two things.

There's a couple of things I'll do to help with this.

One is to go ahead and fuck my girlfriend almost immediately (need lube). Once I cum, we start more foreplay and I concentrate on her giving her a couple of orgasms using my hands and mouth. After more foreplay I fuck her again and can usually last longer and give her a PiV orgasm.

The other way is to skip the first fuck and just get her off multiple times until she's satisfied and doesn't mind if I cum quickly.

one other thing is I use a cock ring since I'm older so have a harder time staying hard. This way I can continue fucking once I cum.

I doubt I'll be able to find the mindfulness classes but maybe therapy is an appropriate option. Glad to hear you've powered through your anxiety issues mate, and I appreciate the advice

You're pretty much describing my sex life, for the most part. Unfortunate thing is my previous girlfriend didn't like me fingering her after I'd cum inside / wasn't a fan of receiving oral sex at all, so I'd have to finish her off with my hands before we committed to anything and it made the whole experience feel repetitive and predictable.

Not even remotely familiar with cock rings so I have no clue what they do

Cheers for the help mate

no, its an essential amino acid which the body can break down to nitrous oxide, which promotes longer-lasting erections

it's a non-prescription alternative to viagra and the reason i started taking it is because i'm young and have problems with maintaining erections and my doctor recommended it to me, those problems disappeared the very day i started taking it. just call a pharmacist or general phys, they can give you good info.

as far as excitability goes, you should practice controlled breathing, or think about things other than sex during sex to decrease arousal, it will help you last longer

more foreplay can also increase how long you last, do you and your gf do a lot before sex?

They're not completely over, but I have seen a definite improvement.
I used to have to use about 8 hours psyching myself up to go grocery shopping. Now I can just go if need be.
If you can't find any mindfulness classes, there are plenty of youtube resources to use on your own.
The classes are just preferable, because you get to meet a bunch of people with anxiety problems similar to yours, which helps you feel less alone with your issues.
Finding out that this stuff is exceedingly normal, usually helps taking the brunt of the self blame off of you.

Cock rings help you stay hard. Like I said, I'l older so need a little help.

You can also use toys on your girlfriend, not just mouth/fingers, but my gf finds them too impersonal and likes to grind my face into her pussy.

Do you take it as a daily supplement or only prior to sex? I will 100% be looking into this, thank you

I've tried controlling my breathing and reciting shitty, distracting mantras to delay the inevitable, and this has worked to varying degrees. Problem is when I hit this point I can't stop myself from cumming, and the orgasms aren't even that great because this wave of anxiety generally hits me before I let it out

I used to finger her a lot before we went at it, and I could finish her like that. It was just shite because she couldn't really jerk me off simultaneously or I'd just cum in a heartbeat and I wouldn't be able to get it up again for bloody hours :/

Why was the bitch looked so displeased in the photo? Stupid bitch, having a guy that good-looking and still want to be a bitchy bitch.

That's honestly an incredible improvement and it makes my problems seem relatively trivial. I'll try to scout out some YouTube videos.

It's just so hard to believe it's normal when every relationship/partnership I've been in has failed because of my lack of sexual vitality. Maybe it hasn't and the anxiety has been the primary factor in everything falling apart but I just don't know.

I've used a cock ring before lol i got a vibrating one for clit stimulation and withing three minutes I literally couldn't feel my dick anymore. It was just numb and got pretty soft. Maybe it would've worked without vibration.

Yeah I really enjoy performing oral sex, big bummer when I didn't have that opportunity here. Dating for around a year and not once did I go down on her.

Toys are a great idea but I'd just feel like I'm escaping the problem as opposed to finding a long term solution

Comparing anxiety issues is pretty silly though user. It isn't the issues themselves, but how we feel about them, that makes the anxiety apply.
You have your issues that creates anxiety, which detrimentally influence your quality of life, I have mine.
In that we have kinship, because we know what anxiety feels like, you get me?
Also look at your former relationships like this.
You've been going at the same problem, with the same methods and been expecting different outcomes.
Now this isn't to say that all of this is your fault, just that you have been using the wrong tools for the job.
If you deal with your problems in a way that focuses on bettering symptoms, instead of dealing with the root cause, the problems will persist.
So a change in tools is needed.

Wow I hate it when you guys cum too fast. You are what we call a one pump chump. Don't feel to bad about your gf cheating on you it wasn't entirely your fault even though we need to be satisfied she should have told you she was going to fuck a real man. We talk about this all the time. My previous boyfriend had a hard time staying erect he would always pass it off as being drunk then try to get me off going down on me. It's not the same. My beautiful man now always has a hard dick and fucks me as long as he wants. I am often sore because he is so hard. He tells me what to do and I have no problem going down on him for an hour because I know he can last. Real men fuck their women and they fuck their women hard. Get a therapist.

Hi "femanon".
Have a bucket of commas, I'm not using all of them and you seem to have misplaced yours.

Thank you for taking the time to yarn, do appreciate it immensely.

I have no clue what the root cause might even be though. I know my anxiety has been perpetuated through these constant shitty sexual experiences but it's so difficult for me to ascertain where it began and why it's persisting.

Maybe therapy is the right course of action here. I've had a "suck it up and resolve it yourself" attitude for most of my life and you are correct, it's getting me nowhere. The idea of seeking out a therapist and finding his or her help to be completely useless is terrifying to me, because at that point I have to accept my situation which I simply do not want to do.

They have numbing gel or cream for the dick. Makes you not feel as much which in turn will make you last longer. Quick question m8, are you cut or uncut?

I wouldn't even want my girlfriend to go down on me for an hour, that's just bloody boring.

Cheers mate

Wouldn't that affect my erection though? I'm not circumcised

Also do kegels nigga. When you are about to come you tighten those muscles and that buys you more time. Practice by edging and when you are about to come, contract those muscles and hold your Cum in. Then once that feeling is gone, continue jerking. Do this frequently so you can practice your stamina. Cum ain't like piss, it doesn't need to come out.

Getting the right therapist is key though.
They do consults where you figure out if you fit personality wise and there is no shame or resentment involved, if you decide to look up another therapist after the consultation.
Your personal doctor can help you with referrals, just be sure to ask for cognitive behavioral therapy and let them know you'd like consults to find the right fit.
Usually the root cause comes to you, as you start being more honest to yourself about what it is that makes you anxious.
It seems like you're having a lot of "disaster" thoughts, where you stay very focused on the worst case scenario. Just from that alone, I would have recommended CBT and mindfulness.

Have heard of kegels but not really investigated further. I'll give this a go, thanks for the advice man.

It shouldn't. I mean, you got a naked bitch on you so it really shouldn't, if it does at that point it is mental. Also, pull your skin back and go on about your business. For uncut fellas, the head is really fucking sensitive when exposed so that should help with the sensitivity on the dick. Well at least for me it did.

I'll probably just hit up my GP and see if they can refer me to anybody. Again I've moved interstate so I'm a little bit isolated here, I don't know anyone/I'm not familiar with my surroundings.

I definitely experience an overwhelming sense of dread before I even start foreplay with my partner; at that point it feels like I'm creeping towards the inevitability that I'll blow my load prematurely.

Again thank you for the discussion, I'm determined to resolve these problems and this very well might be booting me in the right direction.

As in pull my foreskin back and then penetrate? You're saying do this after I apply some gel? Head is definitely sensitive as fuck

You're welcome, a similar discussion gave me the boot in the right direction, back when I was in your place.
So I consider it repayment for that, whenever I get to do it for someone else, in this case you.
Also that's the spirit, taking responsibility and doing something about it, is the first step out of anxiety.
Good luck user.

Take care of yourself. 3am here lads/ladies, been drinking too much I need to hit the sack.

Thank you all for your support and advice, the fact that a collection of strangers over the internet are even remotely willing to offer any help is an absolute godsend, you're all angels.

Sleep tight Sup Forums

Sleep well user and take care of yourself as well.