The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood

>The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Let's prove them wrong.
Tell Sup Forums your true stories, Sup Forums!

>You
>Must
>Greentext.

>be me
>be 17

>be banned

>be me
>be justin bieber

>be you
>you will never actually know if I'm lying

>exist as myself for 33 years
>am smoker
>have no lighter

I shot a man in Reno

>be me
>4th grade
>discover fapping
>would go to the bathroom and jerk my cock
>think about teacher with big boobs
>stair at her tits all the time
>thinking back, she must have known
>so embarrassed

I set a mouse on fire and watched it burn

>Be me, stupid 14 year old
>had just discovered porn, but considered myself a specialist
>talking with my mum, at one point bring up bukakke
>she asks 'What's that?', I tell her to google it
>she does
...

>be me
>went outside today

OP Here
That's the spirit!

...

>be 5
>get molested by older boy
>feel like shit for years
>so many emotions going through puberty
>now 21
>got a good life I guess
>plenty of friends and a gf
>I turned out okay
>feelsgoodman

How do I green text?

F u k

>

How do I green text my dudes?

Another tale from when I was a stupid 14 year old (not involving me):
>we had a German teacher who told us to raise our hand whenever we got noisy
You can see where this is going, right?
>some boys are being noisy, she tells them to raise their hand
>they do the Nazi Salute
We expected her to get triggered, but she gave us a short speech about how this salute had an infamous place in history and stuff. In hindsight, it was totally worth it.

>be me
>be a faggot
>tell your friends
>lose your friends
>be lonely

>shits pant
>embarass

Not greentext but i post this long time ago in a thread about interesting things about you.
Everything here is actually true:

My uncle put a gun in my ribs when he was drunk, the same day he shot one of my friends because he was in a motorcycle and he think he was a criminal

I date 2 lesbians, one in school one in college

I had a friend who is in jail because he carry a gun when he was with my at my college

I'm friend with a beautiful profesional model

I kill my dog

I spit on a kid face

I was in 12 fights with different people

I had 12 girlfriends through my life

I ain't beautiful, i ain't tall, but i had countless lovers, a lot of girls, A LOT

When i was a kid i wacth two people having sex near to my house because their window was open, i realize it years later

I used to work as a dj

I'm a professional pool player

I go to partys and clubs a lot

I go the gym 4 times a week

I used to dance for a academy but i left it because i get bored

I used to go mixed martial arts

I go to 7 islands in one trip with my family and friends

I'm training to be a bartender

I do scuba driving, sky diving and rafting

I'm studying to be a lawyer

I'm 18 years old

>inb4 'REEEEEEE NORMIE'
That's great, man. Congratulations. Also, refer to .

He said it was a game and would take me into the crawlspaces under these town homes. Told me not to tell anyone. Even at a young age knew it was wrong, wanted it to end. Dude was a few grades ahead ad tried to get me while at school but never did.
Sup Forums is the only one who knows

>I was only 9 years old
>I loved Shrek so much, I had all the merchandise and movies
>I pray to Shrek every night before bed, thanking him for the life I’ve been given
>"Shrek is love" I say; “Shrek is life”
>My dad hears me and calls me a faggot
>I know he was just jealous of my devotion for Shrek
>I called him a cunt
>He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep
>I’m crying now, and my face hurts
>I lay in bed and it’s really cold
>Suddenly, a warmth is moving towards me
>It’s Shrek
>I am so happy
>He whispers into my ear “This is my swamp.”
>He grabs me with his powerful ogre hands and puts me down onto my hands and knees
>I’m ready
>I spread my ass-cheeks for Shrek
>He penetrates my butt-hole
>It hurts so much but I do it for Shrek
>I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water
>I push against his force
>I want to please Shrek
>He roars in a mighty roar as he fills my butt with his love
>My dad walks in
>Shrek looks him straight in the eyes and says “It’s all ogre now.”
>Shrek leaves through my window
>Shrek is love. Shrek is life.

One of these is not like the others.

>trips doesn't know how to greentext

I don't think this is real.

You should try to tell someone. You might feel better

which one?

My great-grandfather was a (rather obscure) 19th century poet and he was good friends with my country's national poet. Not bragging, just think it's interesting so I thought I'd share.

*great-great-grandfather

Naw, wanted to years ago but not really anymore. Don't want anyone to think I'm gay, can't tell gf, don't want to be weak.

It's a story
It plays in the past

The dog killing one

It's realer than real

>I don't play video games
>I don't watch movies (I think I've only watched like 6 movies in my life)
>I haven't read any of those really popular books (like The Hobbit, Game of Thrones, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy or other stuff) except The Hunger Games
>I don't watch movie series
>I don't have a Facebook, Instagram,Twitter, Snapchat, Netflix or Tumblr account

He was in pain, sick with worms, we need to sacrifice him

Prof pool player, partys alot, gym 4 times a week, training to be bartender, studying to be lawyer

Nigger how many hours do you have a day

Be me dont know how to green text

So what do you do in your free time

Aha

He jacks off to his mother

I have little of it, but I browse Sup Forums, Reddit, Imgur, and I also go outside.

thats the shittiest life i can imagine, you must not understand culture at all

...

That's entirely true, I do feel like I'm missing out on a lot.

>be me

I wonder how the people who have written these threads feel about having screenshots of their comments and posts circulating over the Internet.

HILARIOUS AND ORIGINAL

originlel

>in New York outside a bar chilling
> nig nog on corner yelling at his baby momma over the phone. Got caught cheating.
> few minutes later car pulls up black woman gets out.
>runs up to the nig who standing with his arms crossed. When she gets up to him she pulls a revolver and sticks it inthr band of his shorts and fires twice.
> bitch runs off laughing while nig is screaming blood curdling screams.
>watch in horror as he picks up the tip of his penis off the ground and cups it in his hands like he's protecting it.
>cops/ambulance show up take him away. Entire vacation ruined by that event.

REEEEEEEEE
>outside

>be 20
>have to do important stuff for uni tomorrow
>fail at greentext on Sup Forums instead

>fail at greentext
What?

Also, get to work.

I would think that your entire vacation would be made even better by seeing that happen.

>The pic looks bad on purpose

>gym 4 times a week
i go from 2:00pm to 3:30pm

>training to be bartender
it's in a academy to be a bartender in a 5 star hotel, i go only on saturdays at 7:00 pm to 8:30pm

>studying to be lawyer
from 7:00am to 11:30am from mondays to fridays

>partys a lot
i had pics

I don't like niggers but no man deserves to get his dick shot off by an upset woman.

I fail to imagine what would I even do if my penis got destroyed.

>I was Drew Barrymore's non celebrity fuck buddy for about 3 years.

Who is that

So you ever see him around anymore?

If so.... any plans for revenge?

I'm sorry to hear that, bro.
I used to be a homophobe but I outgrew and unlearned that bullshit.

Once you get out in the world, meet more ppl, etc you'll find not everyone is so closed-minded.
Hang in there.

Yea I don't think he was ever the same the medics didn't even put it in a cooler once they convinced him to give it to them they out it in a biohazard waste bag and gave it to the police.

Do this: >Just place the arrow

bump

>that jaw
holy fuck