You wake up in your cunt in 1600

You wake up in your cunt in 1600...

I eat ñandú for breakfast with fellow native Tehuelches

I am not of a noble family, so my life is fucked. Y'know: four monts of bread, four monts of veggies, four months of grass. Peasant idyll and harmony with nature.

And ffs, potatoes are inedible. I mean, the leaves; nobles tell us this is what they eat in Americas. Poor people, those Americas.

I will write a book about the history of the next 300 years concerning the Ottoman Empire and present it to the Sultan. To convince him I will include intricate details of his reign that only he or his inner circle will know.

The whole of Europe will be dominated by the Ottoman Empire inshallah

The tree spirit. It tells me of a world beyond. A world of war. War between white people. White people soon discover. They bring war to our lands. We must stop them.

>get conscripted into a war
>Tatars raid your village and rape your daughter
>get bubonic plague
>die

NOOOOOOOOOOO

I do native american stuff.
Deep in the woods.
I know of the white man.

Either get worshipped as a god or get brutally killed and cannabalised

The country my ancestors came from or the country I'm in now? My response would be very different.

Ah, my daughter will survive because of her beliefs. When the people tell Tatars are coming, she will believe and run away.

In my home country? Turks. Turks everywhere.

In the states? Bears and injuns. Bears and injuns everywhere.

I shoot these tree huggers in the face and rape their women.

You do know that the first move to go opposite of what happened in history will change history right?

cockroaches man.

If we're doing ancestral country stuff, then:
>be Polish peasant
>work fields all day
>die

And change it for the better :^)

>dies of smallpox

>wake up in scottish highlands
>gonna be a good day
>walk outside as a proud member of clan gunn
>get killed by clan mackay

not good

...

>be town burgher in Brno
>Jewish merchants come into town to do business (they're not allowed to actually live within the city walls at this time)
>some hooknose sells me a vial of medicine designed to cure this annoying fungal growth on my toe
>it ends up rotting the skin off my foot, which has to be amputated
>start thinking that those pogrom things they do in Germany are a good idea...

Considering my ancestry, I'd probably either be some random enslaved nigger or some portuguese pleb trying to earn money by growing sugar canes

Get killed by abbos

Get killed by eskimos

my "country" wasn't a thing back then, we were just a 13 year old boy when we went to war
father England taught us the way of being stupid cunts

Are you drunk or just an enormous faggot?

The perfect Europe

Only a few decades left until the grand depopulation begins. Ill have to become the most hardiest of badasses to german medieval standarts to make it through and will end half starved with a pike rammed in my intestines of course.

You gonna be sacrifieced to the managods or have to invent paper first.

I gotta to stay alive for a long time to make sure the Édit de Nantes doesnt get revocted.

>be a slave of the turks

paying taxes to the eternal turk and eternal n*ble

any cuntry accepting peasants? great plains arent really great if you know what i mean

Prepare myself for war. I'm about to crush some disgusting foreigners. My country is about to become a superpower.

*invades your countries*

Shut the fuck up you delusional dumbasses, we're so fucking dead, we never should've left Denmark, every nation wants our fucking hide, our armies are byzantine-tier and not even a miracle can save us now

Time to fight for Sweden I guess

>Countries that are about to be raped by Sven's pink cock:
Denmark-Norway
France
Great Britain
Hanover
Poland-Lithuania
Prussia
Russia
Saxony

We're gonna slaughter your people with much much smaller armies and convert them to our religion.

That's the spirit!
HELL SEGER!

...

Europeans aren't Ottomans and you will never be! Just because your lands in our empire doesn't mean you're part of it. You have different culture and your religion is the source of terrorism. Fuck your fundamentalism.

>Protestant in the Papal states
Not a fan

Ottomans are strong man of Europe

grab flintlock, go inna woods

>Literally my city is the capital of the Spanish Empire now
Noice

V O C
O
C

get out reeeeee you stupid camelfuckers invaded
>sets mosque on fire

...

>spain is the most powerful country

Mmmh, I sail to Japan in order to learn how to draw hentai so I can go back and become millionaire seilling my chinese cartoons to protestants.

its time to pray to god and speak spanish

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA NOOOOOOOOOOOO *runs to the mountains*

This map should have a bit of red in Virginia. What is that blue country north of the Caspian Sea?

My father's side would be in England and Scotland. My Scottish ancestors would be raiding English towns across the border and the English side would be various members of the Protestant gentry, even some Earls.

My mother's side would mostly be Catholic tenant-farmers in the Holy Roman Empire and Ireland.

t. Yank

nogai

Thanks, Europa Universalis

stupid spaniards have no idea what's comming for

they'll learn why you do not to use foreign shipyeards for your major fleet

I'll learn horse riding and join the swedish army and start exterminating poles and germans.

Do the fighting for the Swedes, as always.

oh boy i can't wait to die in a pointless war somewhere in poland or baltics for some swedish king.

cuck
>inb4 hakkapeliitat
a bunch of fucking pillaging cucks

Wait till 1723, when Ekaterinburg will be founded.

Live as illiterate peasant expecting Turks to come every moment my entire life

Welp, best make my way to that Cloquallum village and see if i can integrate myself with these upper Chehalis tribes

Kill some abos
Head north
Try to find an english speaking trader in asia
Avoid cannibals
Head to the UK
Tell them about australia, modern firearms, all the natural resources and defenseless abos there
Wait for colonialism

Hopefully this is early enough that they actually get rid of all the abos this time around

>1600
>Turks

ALLA AKBÖRG :DDD

>I'm now danish

>France

That's where you're wrong, nigger

great! i love black death! and i love spanish people! truly a great time

>sc*nians

die

i can get used to it

Ready for war

*Te disparan*

I would be a Spanish landowner with a sugar cane farm in the island of Hispaniola.

>be englishman with scottish mum and irish wife
>not to fond of this civil war currently commencing
>hear of new land across the atlantic
>surly the grass must be greener

*escapa a Cuba*
NO VAIS A AGARRARME

>Work the fields my entire life
>Get conscripted
>Die somewhere in Germany