/swg/

All you procrastinators and Quazi Tarantino's get in here and discuss what you're working on, what you promised yourself you'd be working on, and the dramaturgical issues you're currently confounded by on draft no. 4

As for me, I need to re-write the last 20 minutes or so on an in-production feature.

What statement am I trying to make about the world? Do I want the character to have a happy ending, if I go the anti-climax route how do I make the audience not feel short changed?

I'm considering modelling it on the Return of Chorb, a short story by Nabokov where the ending is the parents of a dead girl knocking on her widow's hotel room, assuming she's in there, when at that very moment a street walker runs out of the hotel room screaming.

But it's too much like a Farce I think...

Maybe Antonioni's nihilistic, non-verbal endings offer some better directions... I don't know.

I have a new story idea I am pretty excited to write about. I'm gonna go to the beach tomorrow and I'll bring my notebook to write down the main structure of the film.

by the way thanks OP and all the others who keep making these threads, they're very helpful motivation-wise.

I'm gonna do it guys. I'm gonna move to LA to break into TV writing. I'll have to start off as an Office PA and work my way up. I hope to be staffed within 7 years.

Any tips?

Congrats! Do it, man.

Didn't see one, so I just made one.

Go to John August's website, look through the archives, lots of advice on the practicalities of working in those office jobs, what happens when you do get a meeting.

The most important advice I can give you is what I give every creative, be they an actor, a painter, a bass player
>keep practicing your form.

Other than that, like learn whose working on your favourite shows. Not just the showrunners, find out the names of other people on the production. The Script Editors, the Producer's assistants etc. etc.

Bumping with Script snippets to get y'all motivated.

I love look at the crossed out notes of great writers and musicians... see what they decided against.

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Gonna watch Fassbinder's KQK now

Wait, I meant Despair... He directed Despair yes?

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These are cool, thanks for posting

Thanks. More incoming

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i'm currently working on a pair of spec pilot screenplays. i'm trying to use the 30-minute drama format instead of the one-hour one. it's tricky keeping the story so concise and dialogue to a minimum as in one of them nearly the entire pilot takes place in a foreign country and in a foreign language. i think i've found a way to pepper in a sequence in English, more like broken English, midway in the pilot. if i find the 30-minute format too sparse for the story, i'll decompress the narrative somewhat and change it to the usual 60-minute drama.

btw, both of the screenplays are 30-minute, as i've been inspired by The Girlfriend Experience and Transparent.

Finished up an hour long pilot recently. Now I'm just having some peers of mine proofread it and give input.

I'm halfway through a feature script for a film that I can realistically shoot in my city, but I don't know shit about directing yet.

Op here, if you're dealing with a foreign language and trying to keep it compressed have you considered using a non-linear, wraparound? Maybe a character telling another character the story. Asking questions that the audience would ask to quickly zip over the details.

That way you can compress exposition scenes through realistic dialogue.

I like the "it's a cousin to Chinese" line.

Congratulations, great news. I hope it goes somewhere.

Thanks. One thing I'm really working on is subtext.

Forgot pic.

Nice dialogue desu

Not a whole lot going on in terms of subtext here. Dwight isn't buying for a cousin but himself yeah? And I realize the whole forest line is Dwight trying to imply that his cousin is a casual shooter, doesn't do it often. Am I right? Maybe I've just missed it.

A minor suggestion, have the salesman just say "686". I always find salespeople who are really specialized like to avoid mentioning the brand because it makes them seem more intimate and acquainted with the stock.

as of now I am writing the story in a linear fashion, as a theme in the narrative is how these characters grow and assimilate into a new culture. however, when i'm done with the first draft, i may consider revising it as such. it shouldn't take more than another few days to finish it. however, i'm not overtly fond of framing devices/sequences and would rather keep the narrative linear, but i'll tinker around with it once i'm done and have something to tinker with and see how it goes.

thanks for the advice!

The subtext is that he wants to shoot his cousin.

Good looking out about the 686. That's the kind of feedback I'm looking for with all my peer reviews.

Yeah fair enough. I suppose if you're writing it as a pilot then you want it to have the same style as all the other episodes will.

Which actually is an interesting way of looking at the arc of your script, like that sets a kind of template for each episode.

Ahhh okay. That makes sense.
I did get the sense that he was going to murder someone, so you communicated that... just didn't realize that it was "for his cousin". Cool.

Is anyone else working on cia-script?
Is it a stupid idea or do you guys think an agent/producer realizes the potential it has (paroding sperheroes)?
Do you think a film based on cia would be profitable?

Do it as a spec. I mean if that piece of shit Shades of Grey could start out as a fanfiction from that other piece of shit twilight, then why the fuck couldn't something like a CIA script, something with a fanatical albeit kinda-small fanbase not get traction.

I say go for it, like I told another user in this thread. ALWAYS BE PRACTICING YOUR FORM!!!

absolutely. i roughly outlined the entire season - 12 episodes - in a linear way just for that reason. each episode, besides the first two, takes place during one day of every month. part of the story is how these people grow and assimilate, learn the language, participate in cultural and employment endeavors, as well as conflicts, they had previously little to no experience with.

btw, the pic isn't from my spec. it's from David Simon's new series, The Deuce, that will air on HBO in the fall or winter.

>takes place during one day of every month
I like conceptual frameworks like that. The jumping forward also means that there's a off-screen progression in the characters every episode, I like that.

what the fuck are you doing? format it the traditional way, this doesn't make it look more legitimate because it's written in a fancy /lit/ manner. it makes it look like you've never read a script before.

>what the fuck are you doing?
That's Nabokov's original screenplay for Lolita.
I am posting it as I found it.

But as you can see here Nabokov did write it originally in the traditional format. But it must have been re-formated for publication.

>Qulity and Lolita mentioned on first page. Do you even film!?!?

um, i believe that's Vladimir Nabokov's screenplay from his novel "Lolita" which was filmed by Stanley Kubrick. while I would not suggest anyone write a screenplay in this manner, I would never presume to tell a long dead writer how to go about his craft. his ghost might haunt me.

however, the fact that you did not pick up on this highlights your lack of education pertaining to literature and possibly even films. do read more, mate. it'll do ya good.

>he didn't instantly recognize what movie that was a screenplay for
>he thought it was the poster's own screenplay

wow, fucking kill yourself bud

yes, the story's format is somewhat an extension of what Milch did on Deadwood and Luck to different effect. in Deadwood, each episode took place during one day - each season, 12 days. the gaps in time of my spec will highlight how these characters change over time during that one year, some for the better, others not so much.