How about an escalating boasts thread?

How about an escalating boasts thread?
works like this;
-
Anon1: My reflexes are quick enough to catch a gnat in mid-air.

Anon2: My reflexes are quick enough to catch a FLEA in midair.
-
when the boast has reached its logical extreme, start a new one. Let's go?

I farted so loud i woke my sleeping roomate.

I farted so loud I woke my sleeping roommate...FROM ACROSS THE HALL!

I farted so loud it shook a cup of coffee right out of my roomate's hand

I farted so loud, I shook my roommate off his chair

I farted so loud, i gave my roomate a concussion

I farted so loud, I gave my roommate tinnitus.

I farted so loud it cracked the foundation of the building my roomate and i live in

I farted so loud, my roommate's eardrums burst. Now he's permanently deaf.

Everything dies

I farted so loud, the shockwave circled the Earth three times and moved it on its axis about ten centimeters.

i farted so loud it tore the fabric of spacetime

i farted so loud my roommate became ginger and lost his soul

well shit

I can land a basketball in a hoop from six metres away!

i can land a basketball from two courts away

I can sink a hoop from a suburb away

i can sink a battleship in two turns from three counties away

i can'T BREATH I CAN'T BREATH

I farted so loud I woke MYSELF up

i can sink six aircraft carriers from the other side of the world

i can make a fucking crater in china from the dark side of the moon

I can moon an entire batallion in north korea from the deck of an aircraft carrier stationed on neptune

i can supernova the sun from a galaxy away with a teaspoon and a quail egg

I can fart a big bang that'll start a whole new universe while riding a horse in kentucky on a sunday afternoon

i can cause a black hole to occur from the furthest edge of the observable universe

holy fucking shit boi

>why sunday

i can eat a whole wedding cake in a minute on my own

I can spark a whole new infinity of realities separate and different from our infinite number of realities from my room with a rubber band and a white T-shirt with tomato stains.

i can eat all of the guests at a wedding on my own in a matter of seconds

I can eat an entire wedding in about 30 seconds!

I can eat myself, shit myself out, and then fuck all the guests at three weddings in one second

i can eat myself in multiple different realities at once while simultaneously fucking the unborn offspring of the offspring of wedding guests

i can go to the store and get 8/10 of the things i planed on getting

I can play the guitar so well it makes people cry.

i can play the guitar so well it would make the guitar cry

i can go to the store and get 13/10 of the things i planned on getting!

I can go to the store and get 8/10 of the things I planned on getting AND a half gallon of ice cream.

I can go to the store and get 8/10 things I planned on getting and end up buying something I don't want or need

i can go to the store and get all of the things i planned on ever getting

My shits are so clean I don't need to wipe my ass.

My shits are so clean that other people don't need to wipe their asses.

My shits are so clean that the world becomes a better place whenever I pinch a loaf.

my shits are so clean that they are very clean and yours cannot be cleaner than mine since mine are the cleanest.

I shit food, and every time I cross something off the shopping list.

My shits are so clean I shit in someone's mouth and improve their breath

My body is so efficient I don't even shit

My shIts are so clean human beings flock to my house after i take a shit, they stand outside in awe and beg me to show them my shit
I show it to them an usually they eat it, it's so clean it makes you wanna eat it

I can bring liberation to you and the working class

is this the new 'Has Anyone Really Been Far Even as Decided to Use Even Go Want to do Look More Like?'

I had an anal orgasm so good it made my roommate start anal masturbation, it was that good. So good it motivates others

i can bring liberation, freedom and communism to you and the lower class for a low low price of 60 million corpses

i can't even right now someone screencap

Shame on your horse shit

my body is so efficient that i dont need to eat

You got me there

i can liberate your dead ancestors and bring communism to the afterlife

my body is so efficient i don't need to breathe

trips speak the truth

fuck forgot my picture

i can liberate the americans

WHAT DID YOU SAY

ill bring 10/10 chix to the party. bro

I suck mike pence cock

I have many, many special abilities

i can do this cool trick and bend my thumb back really far

my body is so efficient that its much more efficient than yours will ever be in any conceivable way

They're great special abilities.

i have many many special abilities, one of which is the ability to be producing cotton balls out of my dickhole every six days

i dont even need a body

i don't even need a soul

i have far more special abilites. much more than anyone could possibly ever have.

>but i have them

/thread

I can build a wall to keep out the mexicans, and get them to pay for it!

you win this round

I'm about to kill myself /thread

you loose this round. and the war

my body gets hot babe$

i can suck my own dick

My body gets hot dick

This thread is pure fucking gold


>I've done almost every drug there is

I invented Chuck Norris.

i've done every drug there is!

I raped old charles

> and i, every drug there will be

i havent done any drug ever.

>L

my body gets anime babes to come out and be real life babes.
>suck it faggets i win

I've never done drugs that don't even exist!

Drugs do me to get high

i can suck BOTH of my dicks!

I've done every food, drink, and drug there is

i dont even know what drugs are!!!

Who is Old Charles??

who is drugs?

My bitch chuck norris and I came in his mouth

No. WHY is Old Charles?

I don't even know what isn't drugs.

ive done all those but in every conceivable dimension,space and time possible.

Chuck Norris never "comes".

He has already been.

what isnt what is ?!

ive already done.

Fuck. Alright...

I wrote all of Shakespeare's plays.