Heroin

Heroin.
DIscuss.

no thanks

The 2 lives you're forced to live, but only able to choose one. Which one brings the true happiness?
Ta da.

6 months and the rollercoaster ride still climbin the hill boy.

love it every once in a while

Oh, you learned your lesson? Heres a heaping scoop of increased social anxiety and the inability to stop analyzing how you feel, every second of your now life. People can bring relief? Like relationships? Friends? Good luck not looking like either a burnout druggie or an awkward mess not one person will touch with a 10 foot pole. Is how it feels.

All that, while trying not to lose complete grip of everything you grabbed onto that'll seem to better yourself. Lose your mind and everything you put genuine hard work for because you're that kind of person deep down. Too bad this thing called reality has a constant tenancy to slap you so hard in the face in the slightest sign of moving on.

So is there an answer that'll let you move on?
Or do you just have to let it continue to damage you until something feels like you HAVE learned your lesson.

On the same page, but the other side of it, is it actually KARMA to what you still don't realize what you've done to this earth? Can you connect all those things together and maybe feel like its all over, that you can move on from only 1 chapter in a epic called life?

No. You can't. Reality is life's shitty cousin, and reflects on life as a whole. What you done will always more or less stick to you like some fuckin gorilla glue on wood.

What do now? In the future? Go with the flow? Or realize you have some options with some sub options?

Dont do it. The monkey on your back is not worth it.

Go with the flow through this shitty filter that shows the shade on both ends of first and second person, start over completely in a new environment? You can also go back to the null lifestyle once sought after, or an hero for no one.

That's as far as I have gotten in 6 months. The coaster is still climbing the hill and can't shake the constant urge to jump out.
What do now?

The rare type of genuine person deep down, that is clawing to come to surface, CAN it come to surface? Reality/life is what shines light on the null. The induced null sought after.

its great!

zero bad side effects

totally uplifting and motivational.

healthy too.

I'm rambling now. At a roadblock in my life.

I like to sneak some into the food when we have after church picnics. Makes for a good time with friends

Why does something so simple as life and death, that has been the cycle since the beginning of time, turned into an actual THING society that we have built views it as? Why is it anymore important to live than it is to die when you are just one out of trillions of 'life' on this planet that actually has 0 importance to the universe. How does thinking about death bring anxiety because you automatically think about who itll affect? WHY did we (society) let it get that deep when we are just an atom to the universe we will never fathom.
Is the question.

what do now

One of life's biggest hiatories

COLORS ARE NOT SEEN AS COLORS ON BLACK AND WHITE. THE MIND IS NOT SEEN IN THE WORLD WHERE LABELS EXIST, WHERE GREED AND SELFISHNESS IS WHAT BUILT THIS FUCKING WORLD INNOCENT MINDS HAVE TO COPE AROUND REGARDLESS OF THE DAMAGE A GREAT MIND COULD HAVE DONE? WHAT THE FUCKK LIKE IS THERE JUST A FUCKING PLAN FOR EVERY FUCKING HUMAN BEING THAT JUST SIMPLY FEEDS THE GREED AND SELFISHNESS OF SOMEONE? THEN WHO? BECAUSE COLORS THAT HAVE NOT YET BEEN SEEN WILL NEVER SHINE IN THIS KIND OF CYCLE/SOCIETY/WORLD

AND YOU CANNOT SHAKE THAT SHITTY REALIZATION ONCE IT HITS YOU.
The reality of reality. Its now called LIFE. Sorry life, that you have to be tainted by a artificially built 'reality'

CAN I EVEN FUNCTION NORMALLY WHEN EVERYTHING SAID IN THIS THREAD IS MY CONSTANT MINDSET?
WHAT THE FUCK DO NOW HUH?

Fuck heroin and all the losers who use it.

Oh its funny too. because 'mindset' is step 1. Now take step one and try and go to step 2 and 3 etc. AKA having a life, working, friends, car. So much shit in between too, that my mind acknowledges on a constant basis. THAT is what I call just another casualty to society. And it isn't even worth a penny. Monetary and cognitively what have you...

why do people willingly do this dumb shit?

So, for once and for all, I ask:
What
Do
Now

do what now?

So all in a nutshell:
Is it that i look too deep into EVERY ASPECT of life to function like everyone who contributes does?
Or do I think too hard on the wrong factors of life to function normally like everyone who contributes does?
Fuck the drugs man, this is my entire lifes mindset. The heroin just made it more 'to the core' 'raw' like.

It scares me to think that I see life like this
Im only 20
What about in 1 year? 5? 10?
Can I make it that far? Or should I make it that far? And lastly would I make it that far, even by purpose or accident?
Are the questions.

Reality is too, what I can't shake now, will just exponentially grow, like a mile is to a square mile. in other words thinking about the future like THIS vs. living to LIVE the future like THAT

I wonder if anyone on here listened cus irl there is 0, so even if 1 person can feel me from this thread.
Its at rock bottom so up is the only way to go and I am okay with that.
Thanks

Sounds like we have one dude who really wants to get clean posting a lot of nothing. Find NA, man. Saved my life. 6 years clean next Tuesday.

Am clean, 6 months was on monday
Its the life after

Fucking druggies, smoke cigarettes like normal people

Regardless if NA or whatever can save people lives.
My problem is that i can't shake the constant acknowledgement of reality as a whole, even if I DO try these sub-realities like NA and that type of bullshit, it doesn't alleviate any of what has been said in this thread. This is just an ampty vent, like an attempt to understand my mind a lil better. That is all I want man if you can dig that shit..

I mean is there a single fucking soul that is on the type of wavelength shit I talk about in this thread? Not for the seek of advice. But I am as normal as you at the bat of an eye. I think and feel crazy when I think I am the only one like this. Its being scared that I am.

I'm here too man, shit sucks, plus I had a overdose so I got some brain damage to go with it

We are here man... Sucks

Almost a year clean, now I'm thinking that maybe getting on methadone will make me "normal" again.. Haven't tried yet

The soul is the basis of beauty on this tainted fucking planet we're on. If you can see any smidgen of beauty in your soul, you are doing something right.
And thank you so much it means more than it should.