I fucked up Sup Forums

I fucked up Sup Forums

>be me 22 year-old lactose intolerant college student
>recently started dating this girl, 7/10 and I really like her
>tonight we went out to the movies. we arrived half an hour early, bought our tickets and she suggested to go get something to eat
>"user, lets get some milkshakes"
>I usually have a couple Lactaid pills in my wallet, so I just went along. (note: she doesn't know I am lactose intollerant)
>order two large strawberry milkshakes, they serve them fast
>once they are on the table I pull my wallet to get a pill, but there where none.
>not wanting to return the milkshake and look bad, I figured that I would just roll with it.
>bigmistake.png
>we finish, I pay for both and head for the movie.
>halfway through the movie, sudden urge to fart. Since I could feel it was a small one, I just though I would just hold it and it would eventually disappear.
>but it was slowly getting bigger and harder to contain. We were cuddling, so there was no way I was going to stand up and release in the bathrom.
>try to distract with the movie, but the outcasts is a really shitty film, ended spending around half an hour fighting against my rectum.
>Eventually urge disappears
>victory.jpg
>the movie finishes and we get to my car.
>as I pull out of the parking lot, my rectum reignites, but this time with the intensity of 10000 sandniggers
>feels like a balloon being filled up inside my colon
>it is a 15 minutes ride from the theater to her house, so just had to hold on for about 15 minutes more
>take the highway since it is mostly empty on wednesday nights
>find it hard to drive, talk to her and contain the kraken at the same time

cont.

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=QHb8tBh_VnU
m.imgur.com/gallery/E4nAL
twitter.com/NSFWRedditVideo

cont.

>i can vividly feel every cubic centimetre of methane depositing in my rectum each second, waiting for the gates to open
>anal control has gone from semi-automatic to full manual
>girl notices me moving my hips as a result of the fight
>"user, are you felling alright?"
>likeacharm.rar
>right then my brain was 10% driving and 90% anus control
>suddenly cop lights can be seen through the mirror
>oh fuck
>I was so concentrated in keeping the gas inside that I had not realised I was going 15 kmh above speed limit
>pulled over
>I begin sweating and shivering, knowing I will not be able to hold it with this time restrain
>fucking cop takes forever to get to the car
>the pain is now unbeareable
>girl tells me to try to maintain calm
>can't even speak by now, feeling that if I open my mouth my anus would simultaneously open aswell
>cop finally gets to the windon, I lower it
>"do you know why did I stopped you?"
>hitlermodeengaged
>as I take a breath, my anal muscles give up, releasing the mustard gas like a fucking smoke machine for 10 straight seconds, accompanied with the loudest clangour which ecoed inside the car
>the girl is gagging
>the cop is fucking mad
>i want to cry
'
mfw I got a speeding ticket and she has been ignoring my texts for 2 hours. What should I do Sup Forums?

>Move
>Find new girl
>Find new life
>Keep 3 lactaid pills in wallet from now on.

kek

Alternatively, call her and be like, "Sorry about that rectal holocaust back there. No more milkshakes for me, eh?"

this should work

Rollin

duuuüuuuuude at least u didnt shit ye olde self

>be a cop
>pull over some dude speeding
>ask him if he knows why I pulled him over
>he tries to seppuku himself by converting his car into a gas chamber
>mfw

OP here, just a small stain, but at this point I dont care. I am still trying to get her to answer my texts

OP

this ones for you


Good God, dip, do a little slide
Bend down, touch your toes and just glide
Up the center of the dance floor
Like TP for my bunghole
And it's cool if you let one go
Nobody's gonna know, who'd hear it?
Give a little "poot poot", it's OK! [Fart Sound]
Oops my CD just skipped
And everyone just heard you let one rip


yeah im lactose intolerant too shit sucks dude better luck next time.

what the fuck

youtube.com/watch?v=QHb8tBh_VnU


what is this turn into night calls all of a suuuuuuuaaadaaaaaaannn

*ccr starts playing*

just lose it lyrics

by slim shady lol

inb4 brrrraaaaapppppp meme

...

...

Something like this happened to me weeks ago.
I was with my girlfriend, and I actually went a visited her to her house being sick of diarrhea. So when you have diarrhea, you're not supposed to drink milk or you're gonna trigger a fucking holocaust in your anus like OP, so we went to buy some groceries and she bought 2 chocolate milks, one for her, and one for me, and I told her "I can't drink this because I'm sick" but I never specified why or what do I have. So we stood on her garage sitting on the floor and talking like behind her aunt's car, we started drinking those milks, and I knew I was going to fuck up, but I didn't care. 10 or 15 minutes after I finished that chocolate milk, it started like a little fart, but I was with her and couldn't fart because I have never farted in front of her (we've been 14 months together) but I will do it some day. And the fart started gaining power, being more powerful, and powerful each time I could feel it coming. I knew if I farted I would shit myself, so I started grabbing my fucking penis thighter and thighter so I wouldnt shit myself. I told her to go get me some water cuz I was feeling bad because of the chips that we ate. So when she went upstairs to get the water, I was already thinking what to fucking do, I wanted to escape and shit in the middle of the street, for real, but I held it the harder I could. When she brought me the glass of water she asked me if I was ok, I wasn't looking good, and I told her "actually not, (I was thinking for an excuse to make her take me to the bathroom) I am peeing myself" (which was the worst lie ever). And I begged her to take me to the bathroom, it was like 11 30 pm and already had to go because her parents told her that It was already time to get upstairs. So, she did take me to her aunt's bathroom (which was next to the garage thank God ffs). I would have shitted myself if I had to go to the bathroom upstairs. I couldn't hold it as soon as I closed the door..
Cont

Write it on Sup Forums user
LOL alone by your misery
Good material for a sketch.

If she can't forgive a fart she's not for you obviously

Just tell her that you can't drink milk cuz your intolerance to lactose and apologize for the trouble you made with the gas

>Just tell her that you can't drink milk cuz your intolerance to lactose and apologize for the trouble you made with the gas

Yeah the truth maybe

We know you're a nigger. Only the master race can break down lactose.

cont
i ran to the toilet and pulled my pants down and had the greatest and the worst shit of all time. I farted worst than a fart of Godzilla, I shat like a fucking dinosaur. I was so nervous and started coughing so I could sneak the sounds of my anus. (remember that it was night and everyone was sleeping already so it was quieter than a desert) I went out of the bathroom and told her that I puked and she told me that it was ok. Ok, so I thought godzilla was gone and it wasn't going to bother me again. So I was saying goodbye to her and after she closed the door my keys fell off my pants and got to pick them back up and when I got back on a normal standing, I felt it coming again, and I didn't know what to do, but I knew the place and I knew where the homeless people piss and shit, so I went there and had no other option than shitting there and speak nothing about it, I freely shat there and nobody looked cuz it was 12 am. After that I was dirty and didn't clean myself, but it still wasn't gone yet. When I was waiting for a cab again I shat my pants but like a little, not at all. I took the cab and went straight to my house, went to the bathroom and pooped peacefully. End of my story. I will never forget that day.

still has to pay for the ticket

Don't pay it...this is god telling him to start a life of crime

Op here, I give up, I'll just go to sleep.

Bye Sup Forums

Farting with Godzilla voice
I gonna use it on a story for my kids

Good luck for the next time.

...

Kek
one time I also thought of shit in the middle on the street... the feeling of shit on yourself is awful.

here is my story

>be me, half american half asian 13 year old
>during one of my final exams i get the urge to fart
>hope its a small one
>its not
>lasted for 3 seconds, everyone in the hall heard it
>they called me Shitzu since then

this thread just keeps getting better

kek

someone screencap this shit

10/10 op

is this archive worthy? someone should screen cap this.

>pic related
>it's OPs face

capping now

...

Lazyfag

m.imgur.com/gallery/E4nAL
Cap^